Something strange happened again today, and once more, I find myself in a place where I don’t know who I can turn to. Who am I supposed to talk to about these things when I don’t even understand what said ‘things’ are?

Last time, I told you about how Nebailie and I pulled a prank on our tutor and how I was sent to my room as punishment. Well. I… may have… snuck out after writing that entry.

Yeah, I know I did something wrong, and sure, I absolutely deserved the punishment my father gave me, but I was bored. Sitting around, doing nothing, has never been my style.

So, I left, and wandering around the palace, avoiding people, was… interesting. I’ve never seen how the nobles and servants act when I’m not around. From what I saw, they seem more carefree. Less stressed. I don’t know how to put it or why that is.

I mean… sure, I’m a prince, and that may come with certain privileges. But I’ve never used those privileges, not for anything underserved at least. So, why are people afraid of me?

Or am I wrong about what I saw that day?

Whatever. That part doesn’t matter.

The thing that confused me came after I’d bumbled about the palace for a bit, already getting bored again. I couldn’t engage in my typical hobbies, as those are a bit… well. High-profile. I guess.

But anyway, I rounded a corner onto the hallway that leads to my father’s study, and as I did, I heard something. Raised voices and… sounds. Not one-hundred-percent sure what those sounds were, but they didn’t sound good.

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I thought maybe my dad was in trouble? I don’t know why I thought that. Unlike me, he has Ele to help him if he ever gets into a fight, but still, I was worried.

I was about to grab a guard, but before I could, my mom came around a corner. You know. The one who gave me you. My diary.

Anyway, she stopped outside of the door to my father’s study, and the look on her face! I… I never thought I’d see something like that from her.

She was staring at that door like it was the most disgusting, reprehensible thing she’d ever seen, but then, one of the voices behind that door raised itself into a pained shout, and my mother… she- she smiled.

Why would she do that? I don’t know who was behind that door, but still, I’ve never seen my mom take pleasure from another person’s pain. She’s always been so compassionate, toward nobles and peasants alike. For Alouin’s sake, she goes out into the pauper’s districts so she can ‘minister’ to them every month or so!

So, what was this?

I don’t know. It scared me. It was another one of those pieces in my life that don’t fit, you know? The ones that scream, “Hey, something’s wrong with this picture! There’s something going on behind the scenes. Something you don’t know about.”

Which bothers me. I’m the fucking godsdamned prince of Auden! I should know what’s going on in my own bloody palace!

But I don’t. And this concerns me.

It’s why I’m writing in you, though. Who else am I supposed to share these things with? No one else can know how afraid I’m starting to become of my own damned home.

I have to get it together. Nebailie needs me to be a good brother. My father needs me to be the perfect prince. And my mother… well, she’s never needed anything from me, but I still want to make her happy.

I can’t let these fears stop me from being who they need me to be. I’ve got to keep going.

So, yeah, I may write about these things here, but hell, if I’ll let them out anywhere else.