Chapter Fourteen

Kylorian

My brother is dead.

For perhaps the millionth time, I cast that thought out into the chaotic swirl of my mind, and once again, it got rejected, tossed out before it had had the chance to settle. As it slipped away from me, I took another pull from the mug of brandy in front of me, gazing into the nothing of the tavern on all sides.

Really, I shouldn’t have stopped for a drink on reaching Sanc. I should be returning to Tiro with all haste, given the cargo in my gifted wagon, but I just… couldn’t keep going. I’d needed to stop, if only for a single drink, before forcing myself onward once more.

I hadn’t shared the news of the Birthing Ground’s capture with these people, no matter that they were the ones who most deserved to know. How could I do that when I couldn’t fully accept the fact for myself? Every time I thought about it, I was transported back to that room, and I watched Hadrion drop to the ground and…

How I wished that anyone besides Raimie had been there with my brother. How I wished it had been Ryvolim, the one who’d let Hadrion’s murderer get away in the first place. How I wished it had been Oswin or the other soldiers outside the house, the ones who’d let her inside.

Instead, it had been Raimie, the one I’d wanted to be a friend. The one I’d wanted to be my friend, someone I’d chosen instead of someone who’d been forced upon me. Someone I actually liked.

Hell, how I’d yearned for him to banish all the tumultuous feelings roiling through me in those first awful moments in that hellish room. How I’d longed for a comforting word or an explanation that could excuse the scene spread between him and me.

Instead, he’d gone cold, straightening into the most indignant, wrothful posture I’d ever seen. He’d poured righteous fury on me as he’d said.

“I am only responsible for protecting one person in this world, and it was not your brother.”

And for the briefest of moments, I’d seen myself in him. The person I’d always longed to be, the one who spoke up when things went wrong and had the courage to defend his unworthy self, and seeing that, I, of course, had attacked him.

Now, I wasn’t sure if we could ever be friends again because now, my brain and heart had irrevocably tied him to the self-hatred that I’d always been full to the brim with. If I was ever to reconcile with him, I’d have to either untangle those two ideas from one another or somehow reduce the poison that ate away at everything I did. Both tasks seemed impossible to me, and that hurt, although it didn’t come close to the pain of my brother is dead.

As if to frustrate me, that thought again broke apart when it hit the bedlam in my mind, and wincing, I finished off the last of my drink. I’d already paid the two silver chit price for what I’d imbibed, which let me rise from my seat and depart without having to address the barkeep again. Thank Alouin.

After climbing into the wagon I’d left outside, I flicked the reins, guiding its horses onto a well-worn road. I hadn’t gone far, still able to see Sanc on the horizon, before the past and present resumed their play alongside one another.

I knew I was keeping the horses on their guided trail, but I was also watching Ren shuffle Hadrion along in front of her with her hands over his eyes. When they reach me, she lifts those hands, and after blinking several times, Hadrion’s eyes go wide.

“Is that… a sword?” he says, pointing at the bundle in my arms.

“Yup,” I say. “All for you.”

Leaning down to his ear, Ren murmurs, “Happy birthday, Had-had.”

He gulps, clasping his hands in front of his mouth with his eyes going glassy, but I can’t blame him for that. Tanwadur and Eliade have been ADAMENT that their youngest child never learn how to fight. Ren and I have always found that contradictory. Tiro is still in Auden, much as we like to pretend it isn’t, and everyone in Auden should know how to use a weapon like this.

I watch my brother as he softly giggles. His eyes are still watery as he drops his hands to reveal a beaming smile.

“It’s about damn time!” he says.

The sun hugged the tops of the trees ahead with the mountain pass into what had once been Teron’s domain coming into view. I was drowsy-

“Sometimes, I wish I was a girl so I didn’t have to listen to Dury’s lectures.”

Pausing in writing out my next persuasive ‘speech’ in a notebook, I glance up at where Hadrion has slumped against the door he just came through. He looks… tired, in a distinctly unique kind of way, and I feel hairs raising all over my arms.

“What do you mean?” I carefully say.

Shaking his head, Hadrion says, “I mean… Ren never has to listen to how MEAN our dad can get sometimes, you know? I know it’s just his temper popping up but still. I wish… I wish…”

As I watch, he passes a hand over his face, allowing me the briefest of glimpses at the devasted look that he was trying to hide, and I’m on my feet. Quietly approaching him, I take hold of his shoulders, leaning down to his eye level.

“What did he do?” I say.

I refuse to break eye contact with my brother, even as he darts his gaze from side to side, trying to look away from me.

“He… gave one of those lectures he likes to spout off,” he says. “You get them often enough, don’t you?”

For a moment, I simply examine him, trying to determine if he’s hiding anything, but I genuinely cannot tell at the moment. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s gotten good enough at keeping secrets, like me, or if my own emotions are clouding any signs I might be seeing from him.

“So, he didn’t do anything else to you?” I cautiously ask.

When Hadrion frowns with nothing else in the expression, I internally sigh with relief, even as I relax and drop my hands.

“What are you talking about?” he says. “What else would he have done besides yell his head off, as usual?”

Forcing myself to make a face, I say, “I guess that’s bad enough, huh?”

“You’re telling me,” Hadrion says with a snort before pushing off the door. “So, what have you been up to in…?”

Drifting-

Today marks the beginning of my first journey into greater Auden, and I am petrified beyond measure about stepping through the stone doors in front of me. Tanwadur says I’m old enough to start showing my face to the people I’ll someday rule, if all goes according to plan. While I know he’s right, I can’t help my reluctance. I'm hesitant about picking up the pack at my feet, much less taking any steps to go… well. Anywhere, really.

Maybe I should stay here. Considering everything waiting for me, every atrocious story I’ve heard from survivors of Harvests or- or OTHER THINGS, maybe I should dare to stoke his wrath. Maybe I should dare to chance the unspoken punishments that have set me on this hated path.

“Ky!”

Jumping in place, I spin toward that voice, unable to stop myself from cracking a smile on seeing Hadrion running toward me. When he reaches me, he doesn’t hold back. He shoves my shoulder before grabbing me in the most engulfing hug I’ve had in a while.

“Were you planning on leaving without saying goodbye, asshole?” he says into my chest.

I don’t know how to respond to that. Fortunately, I don’t have to speak a single word because almost as soon as Hadrion’s done with his rebuke, he springs his head upright, fixing me with a determined look in his green eyes.

“You go be good, Ky,” he says. “Show Auden how good you are.”

And I suck in a gasp. There’s so much meaning behind that little phrase, more than anyone could ever know, and I struggle to keep back a sniffle while covering up the tears in my eye.

“I will, Had-had.”

And I had been. I… had been…

Asleep-

I become aware of my surroundings halfway through a dream

it had to be a dream, couldn’t be anything else, but my mind wasn’t giving me more than a second to

see myself surrounded by enemies

No, that wasn’t right. Go back. Try again

and see myself surrounded by friends. I love these people, even if I don’t know-did know-don’t know who they are.

One by one, they fall away. One to fever. One to a wound that should have been mine. One to the black vines under his skin and my blade when I learn about how he’s hidden them from me.

The last of them stands with me and promises everything will be ok, but he takes my brother-my brother-MY BROTHER and when he returns, that brother isn’t with him

I knew how this dream was going to end, but I couldn’t reach it yet. Must go through the middle, must start from the beginni-

I’m surrounded by friends who fall to the ground, dead, and I watch them die-again-for the first time with said time slowing down around us, letting me see them breathe their last in agonizingly dripping-by seconds. My brother has gone with the last one left alive, but when that friend returns, my brother is nowhere to be seen.

An Enforcer leerily smiles at me, making my heart jump in my chest, and I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe

Woke for a moment to find myself slumped in the cart’s seat with sweat slicked over my

She lifts my brother’s body up by the head so I can see the slit carved in a gaping smile under his chin, the force of her grip tearing it open wider, and I charge her, meaning to take her head, but she’s meaty mash beneath my feet, and Tanwadur-my father-the bastard who raised me is standing nearby with his arms crossed and a smug smile on his lips.

“That was well done, Ky,” he says before those lips twist into something that punches terror through my limbs. “Let me reward you for your good work.”

And I run for once, not frozen solid, not closing my eyes and waiting for it to be later in the day. I run and run and

I was still running, pushing the horses faster, hearing the cart jangling behind me. Alouin, I needed to slow it down before an axle broke or something worse happened. What if the package I was delivering fell out of the back…?

With a manic laugh, I didn’t stop. I kept going until I reached a dense line of familiar trees. This was what finally stopped me, slowly. Reluctantly.

Climbing to the ground, I unhitched both horses from the cart, slapping one on the rump to get her galloping through the grass. May she find a freedom that we Audish would never have.

For the second horse, I secured her before trudging to the back of the cart. I carefully pulled my burden into my arms, never looking at it, and returned to the horse so I could secure this bundle across her back, behind the saddle. When I climbed in front of it, the creak of the saddle’s leather was loud in the unnatural silence, found even on the edge of the-

Cerrin Forest is always beautiful at this time of day. The midafternoon sun trickles through the leaves of its wide canopy, turning the air beneath it golden, and everything here smells so CLEAN. No smoke from a neighbor’s fire. No stale ale drifting off of someone I pass on the street. Just air and damp wood all around me and the faint tinge of some flower that I can’t see.

How I wish I could stay here forever, living in this quiet corner of the world.

Today, I’m out here for a reason. Hadrion ran off again last night, sneaking away in the dark, and I have to find him before Tanwadur or Eliade find out. Ren’s helping me, starting her search on the other side of Tiro, so hopefully, we can get this done on time.

I understand why the kid keeps doing this. In some ways, I’m even envious of him for having the courage to try it, but for him specifically, running away isn’t helpful or healthy. Hadrion has nothing to fear from us, the people who want to give him a home, but considering how much his previous home threatened his life on a daily basis, it makes sense that he’d want to get away from it as often as possible.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I find him quickly, thank Alouin, but who I find him with? That has me unsheathing my sword, already working through ways to get the kid away from the Kiraak at his side. I have to do that before said monster can hurt my little brother worse than he’s already been harmed.

It comes as a great surprise, then, when Hadrion jumps in front of the Kiraak with his arms spread wide.

“Don’t, Ky!” he says. “They weren’t hurting me, just asking for help. I want to give it to them.”

Help… a Kiraak?

“Hadrion, get out of the way,” I say, barely keeping annoyance out of my voice. “With everything you’ve experienced, you have to know that Kiraak are an abomination-”

“But they’re not!” Hadrion says.

When I narrow my eyes at him, he lowers his arms with his hands curling into fists and- and STOMPS THE GROUND, like a little kid. He IS a little kid, but… still.

“They’re not monsters!” he says. “They are as human as you or me, but unlike us, they must fight against something evil for their whole lives, something they never asked to bear. Plus, this one’s newly turned, Ky! They still have a LOT of time before Corruption makes them mean. Trust me. Like you said, I have experience with this.”

Damn, he’s not going to let this go. There’s too much passion in him, and I… I have to return him to Tiro as quickly as possible.

Lowering my sword, I spread my other arm toward my brother.

“Fine. I’ll leave them alone,” I say, “but you have to come home with me. Right now.”

Hadrion crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at me.

“You have to promise,” he says. “Promise that you won’t hurt this Kiraak and that I can come back to help them if I want to.”

Seriously? He wants to help one of the enemy?

But then, what’s the harm in that? It’s only one Kiraak, and it hasn’t discovered Tiro’s existence. Plus, if I’m lucky, one of my scouts will come across it and kill it for me. That way, I can keep my promise and still do my job.

“I promise,” I say

Before Hadrion can get too excited, I lift a finger.

“But! You have to bring me with you whenever you come out here. Ok? Let me keep an eye on you for my own peace of mind.”

With a beaming grin, Hadrion says, “Ok!”

He turns around to reassure the Kiraak behind him, letting me get my first good look at it. Hadrion was right. The spread of Corruption across this one’s body has barely begun, only peeking out from a couple of infestations across its skin.

And its arm is broken. Presumably, that’s what it needs help with, which is good. It means the Kiraak won’t have a reason to stick around for long.

I keep an eye on it while Hadrion hurries to me, only looking away once we’re far from it, and as soon as I’ve gotten the kid distracted by something else, I go right back to that spot.

When the Kiraak sees me coming, it chuckles under its breath.

“So, you’ll break your promise after all, huh?” it says.

I don’t want to speak to this creature, soon to become an instrument of suffering and death, but unfortunately, Hadrion has made that unenviable task unavoidable for me.

“No, I won’t do that,” I say. “The kid you spoke to? He barely trusts me and my family. I won’t break that trust over something as meaningless as you.”

The Kiraak flinches, looking away, and I take a moment to determine how much of a threat it might be if it attacks. It certainly looks muscular enough, but at the same time, its body is smaller than average. I’m not sure what to do with that information, as it could be either good or bad for me.

“Why are you here?” I eventually ask. “Did Enforcer Teron send you out to find rebels, like he usually does?”

Glancing back toward me, the Kiraak snorts.

“No,” it says. “I hardly expect you to believe me about this, but I’m still unbound. Got away from the transport that was taking me to the Enforcer I was assigned to.”

It’s right. I don’t believe that for a single second, but in the end, I suppose this doesn’t matter. Shrugging, I throw a bundled bag its way.

“Some supplies. They should get you through to tomorrow, at least,” I say. “You can stick around for as long as it takes you to heal up because that’s what I promised my brother, but rest assured. As soon as that period’s over, I expect you to leave this place. Find your refuge somewhere else.”

Nodding, the Kiraak slowly crouches to gather the bag to it.

“I expected as much as soon as you ran across me and Hadrion talking,” it says. “Don’t you worry. I don’t want to be anywhere near people who want me dead.”

Good. That’s settled, then.

I spin on my heel, meaning to head home, before pausing. If I’ll be interacting with this Kiraak while it heals, I should figure out what to call it.

“What’s your name?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder.

The Kiraak stops digging through the bag to look up at me with scrunched eyebrows.

“Ivelais,” it slowly says.

Good enough for me. Without another word, I leave it there.

I wondered what Ivelais would think of what had happened. Would they grieve for a dead friend? Would they even care? The last time I’d seen them, the Corruption under their skin had spread, but it hadn’t gone far. They might have enough of their conscience to remember their emotional connections. Maybe I should find them to see how they’d react to the news, if I had time.

Softly laughing, I shook my head. Like that was ever going to happen.

At my side, a flash of cloth resolved into one of Tiro’s scouts, landing from a drop out of a tree.

“Kylorian?” they said.

I didn’t reply, besides nodding. I didn’t have the energy for social interactions, not with the one I’d have to endure in the next hour hovering over my head.

The scout didn’t seem to need more than an acknowledgment, though. Like the shadow they were supposed to be, they quickly vanished into the underbrush around us, and I was returned to thoughts of a long-absent ally and perhaps informing them that my brother is dead.

Again, the hurricane in my mind, still whirling as strong as ever, hurled that thought out into the void of my subconscious.

It had taken me a while, but I’d figured out why this problem in my head wasn’t concerning me as much as it should. I’d experienced it in the past, shortly before Tanwadur had brought me to Tiro, and I’d seen it in-

The new boy is staying in my room until we figure out what to do with him, and I’d be fine with this—ecstatic for the distraction he brings, actually—if it weren’t for how corpse-like he’s been. For the last half mark, I’ve been stuck in my room, trying to get through the book Tanwadur wants me to read, but I keep getting distracted. Instead of doing what I’ve been told, I’ve mostly ended up watching the new kid as he stares through our room’s window at the sky outside.

I don’t know what to do about it. After Tanwadur and I brought him home, Eliade asked me to look after him, and I don’t want to disappoint her. But how am I supposed to look after someone like him? He hasn’t spoken a word since Tanwadur and I found him, barely eats the food we give him, and won’t focus for long enough to do even the simplest of tasks.

He… he reminds me of me. Me when I first got here. Ren wasn’t as bad as this when she first came home but me? From what others have said, I gather that I was as nonresponsive as this kid for almost two months.

What drew me out of that catatonic state?

Snapping the book closed, I throw my legs over the side of my bed.

“Hey, kid! Get your shoes on for me, yeah?” I say. “We’re going for a walk.”

I make sure to plop said shoes beside the kid, and slowly, he looks at them before doing as I asked as mechanically as possible. Soon enough, though, I’m leading him outside and down Tiro’s streets.

After he falls behind a few times, I gently take his hand, making sure he stays with me, and that contact draws a first spark from him. He sharply glances at me before fixing his eyes on where I’m holding him, and that doesn’t change for the entire walk to where Tiro’s scouts meet every day.

Inside, I catch Ren’s eye, where she’s glancing over the scouts’ stored weapons.

“I need you,” I say. “Got a minute?”

She opens her mouth, probably to complain about how busy she is, before spying the kid behind me. That softens her features almost immediately, and she sighs.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

Together, she and I lead the kid through a busy marketplace, across the fields in the city’s center, and down a few abandoned alleys until we reach the entrance to our hidey-hole. Once inside, I flop to the ground, like always, but Ren spins on the kid, spreading her arms.

“Welcome,” she dramatically whispers, “to the best spot in Tiro.”

The kid’s frozen, probably because of Ren’s sudden movement, and sighing, I tug on her leggings.

“Sit down,” I scold. “You need to make some room so our little brother can get comfortable.”

While the kid rapidly blinks at me, Ren spins on me with her hands clasped.

“Dury said it was ok?” she asks.

Rolling my eyes, I gesture for her to sit the hell down, only answering her once she has.

“I don’t give a fuck what Dury wants or thinks, not about this,” I say. “The kid needs a family, and I say it should be us. So there.”

Ren looks skeptical, something I can’t consider, so I turn my attention back to the kid.

“You got a name?” I ask.

The kid flicks his eyes between me and Ren, shuffling between his feet. I force myself not to smile at this improvement.

Leaning over to me, Ren whispers, “Ky… I don’t think he does.”

The sorrow in her voice is only echoed in me, but I choose to grin at the kid instead of showing that.

“Oh, that’s all right,” I say. “You and I can give him a name. What do you think?”

The kid doesn’t reply, looking down at his feet instead, and after an awkward moment, Ren hums.

“How about… Hadrion?” she says. “And the two of us can call him Had-had. You know? Like that old song! ‘Oh…. if I only had, had a brother, we could upset our mother, getting in all sorts of trouble, toogeeeeetheeeer!’”

I snort at her, frankly, horrible singing, watching with no small amount of wonder as the kid’s lips curve into the smallest of grins.

“Hadrion it is!” I say. “Well? You coming in or what?”

Cautiously, the kid shuffles to a spot as far away from me and Ren as he can get. Throughout our time there, he watches the two of us talk, never moving besides the occasional twitch, but I expected that. It’ll take time to win his trust and with it, his voice.

And maybe, once we have it, he’ll speak.

Blinking, I found myself standing in the clearing outside of Tiro’s stone doors with the horse’s reins in my hand. I didn’t remember dismounting, too lost in the past and present mixing together, but it was ok. I was here now. I was… home.

Leading the horse closer to the center of the clearing, I dropped her reins and thanked Alouin that she stayed still as I untied the bundle from behind her saddle. Once it was in my arms, I went to where sunlight was caressing the ground nearby and gently lowered… my brother into the grass.

Hesitantly, I pulled at the rope holding a blanket in place around him, flicking its corner to the side once it was free. I wrinkled my nose at the stink that hit me in the face from this, but I didn’t smell it in full, merely reaching for the other corner with a shaking hand. Once I’d pulled it free, I made myself look upon what had once been a dear friend and a loved sibling. In many ways, the hopeful light of mine and Ren’s world.

When something SLAMS into me from the side, I purposefully topple, like I was taught, and pull a knife free on standing. I can’t see much of what or who attacked me. The moonlight’s weak behind the clouds in the sky, but I’ll find the enemy and I’ll stick a knife in its…

For a moment, I can only blink at the scene I left behind. Tanwadur’s running to me with a bow in hand, cursing all the while. Our campfire, several dozen paces away, is still merrily crackling with our dinner simmering over it.

And there’s a small, filthy thing on the ground between us, snarling up at me with THE palest of faces.

Without a thought, I drop my knife, holding a hand up for Tanwadur to stay where he is. Fortunately, he follows my suggestion, for once, leaving me free to gradually approach this… this child.

This child who’s draped in several oversized pieces of the shitty armor that the Conscripted wear. Specifically, the Conscripted stationed in the Birthing Grounds.

It makes sense. Tanwadur and I passed that horrible place earlier today, taking the long way around it to avoid its patrols.

It also doesn’t make sense. Children don’t make it to the Birthing Grounds. They just… don’t, and I’ll leave that there, refusing to think about what happens to them instead. That plus this kid isn’t large or well-fed enough to have attacked, let alone defeated, the Conscripted soldiers needed to put this outfit together. His cheeks are so gaunt that in the low light, I can see shadows where they should be!

This could be an opportunity.

This is a child, one who needs help.

Both thoughts tug at my attention as I lower myself toward the ground, trying to catch the kid’s eyes.

“Hey, are you hungry?” I say. “That’s why you jumped me, right? You wanted our food.”

This changes nothing in the child. He continues to hiss at me, and I flick my eyes to Tanwadur.

When he scowls at me, I whisper, “Please. He’s just a kid. We’re supposed to be helping here, right?”

Sighing, Tanwadur throws his head back, shaking it, but he moves toward our fire, soon bringing me a portion of our food. While he stays standing at my back, I extend it to the child, and this makes him go still. Expression drops off of his face until he’s cocking his head to the side, almost as if he doesn’t know what to do with an offer of kindness, but within a few seconds, he crawls forward to snatch the food out of my hand. While he gnaws at it, I nod.

“You’re welcome at our campfire,” I say, “but you don’t have to join us, if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.”

I don’t know if he’s heard me, but still, I stand and slowly make a circle around the kid until I’m beside the fire. Given his state, it’s best to let the kid have a choice, when it comes to this. He should decide whether he wants to accept someone’s help or not, not have it thrust upon him.

I’m not sure what I’ll do if he refuses to join us. Letting a little kid like him wander around alone in these dangerous lands—especially if he’s from the Birthing grounds, as I suspect—is a terrible idea.

Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about that for long. The kid slowly pads into view, stopping at the edge of our fire’s light, before dropping to the ground. He doesn’t move, merely staring into the flames, and I let him be. Tanwadur and I can figure out what to do with him in the morning.

The CRACK of Tiro’s stone doors drew me back to the here and now, to the green tinge on my brother’s-

Lunging to the side, I pressed a hand over my mouth, barely keeping myself from throwing up, and all the while, I heard someone coming closer.

“Ky? You’re back early. What’s going-?”

Oh, no. It was Eliade.

I jerked upright in time to see my mother stop, see her eyes widen, see her fling her hands over her mouth and release a piercing scream into them. Hearing its muffled sound, I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to disappear.

Running feet preceded the thump of a body to the ground, and my mother raggedly breathed for a split second before:

“Hadrion? My baby boy? What-? Hadrion?”

She kept babbling to herself, and I made myself open my eyes and move toward my mother, wrapping my arms above where she was reaching for the body in front of us. After letting her cry for a while, I gently pulled her toward me.

“Where’s Dury?” I asked.

I needed to know this, needed to know why he hadn’t come out here with Eliade. He’d always, ever done that with his wife in the past, so why hadn’t he done it now? Why hadn’t I heard him screaming at me yet?

Shaking in my hold, Eliade said, “He’s… your father… he should be at Da’kul by now. He went there, looking for…”

She trailed off with tears filling her eyes, pulling back toward the body, and I dragged her into an embrace instead, holding her head to my shoulder. As she cried, I thanked my lucky stars that Tanwadur wasn’t here now, much as it would make a reunion with him so much harder in the future. I used consideration of that eventuality to keep myself stuck in my mind’s depths, far enough from the world that I wouldn’t feel my mother’s tears on my skin or hear her hitching sobs.

I wasn’t so deep that I missed Ren calling for us. Within a blink and a thought, I was on my feet, racing to her. I met her halfway to us, grabbing her shoulders to keep her in place.

Scowling at me, she tried to keep going, probably wanting to comfort our mother, but I didn’t let her take a single step more.

“Ky! Let me-” she said before clicking her tongue. “What’s going on?”

Oh, fuck. I hadn’t… What did I…? How did I…?

Tightening my grip on Ren, I sighed, lowering my head so I didn’t have to see her face.

“There was an accident at the Birthing Grounds,” I numbly said. “During the battle, Raimie was watching over Hadrion, but something… he couldn’t…”

I couldn’t make myself tell the whole story. Steeling myself, I glanced up at Ren, holding her gaze.

“Ren. Our brother is dead.”

But this time, those words stuck. Perhaps it was because I’d spoken them out loud. Perhaps it was because I’d seen his empty face. Perhaps it was because of the sobs at my back and the look of shock in front of me, but those words wormed through every defense I’d unconsciously raised over the last week, settling into my heart.

And I wanted to scream. I wanted to KILL SOMETHING. I wanted to do anything but let my tears out because if I started crying, I didn’t know if I’d stop.

“You… you’re lying.”

Blinking, I focused on Ren, and on seeing the look on her face, I released her. How was I supposed to keep touching her when she was looking at me like that?

“I’m… not,” I said. “I wish I was, Ren, but I’m-”

Whirling in place, she flat-out sprinted away from me, passing into Tiro within a minute. I was left staring because… what the hell? What was I supposed to do now?

“Mom…” I breathed.

I had to go after her, but I had to stay, but I had to go after her!

“She- needs- you- Ky,” Eliade gasped between her sobs.

And I was freed. I ran into the city, intent on finding Ren and helping her however I could.