Chapter Fifteen

Raimie

“—about?” I sleepily asked.

I blinked at the vague outline of Oswin, hovering over me, until he retreated.

“I’m sorry to wake you, sir,” he said, “but I’ve stumbled into one of those times of dire consequence that you mentioned.”

Removing his hand from my shoulder, the spy gave me space, and after swinging my legs over the bedside, I stretched.

“What’s the problem?” I said. “And how long have I slept?”

“It’s morning, sir. You got a full night’s rest for once, which is the good news I suppose.”

Falling silent, Oswin grimaced with one eye closing, which was not… good.

“What’s the bad news?” I asked.

“An unknown army gathered on the ridge overnight,” Oswin said, “and my scouts aren’t sure if it’s friendly.”

Any sleep that had been clinging to me vanished, and I was on my feet before I’d registered it.

“You’re only waking me up now?” I said, reaching for Silverblade.

“Marcuset didn’t think it was wise to wake you up until we were sure we needed you. As a commander, he can handle a hostile army by himself,” Oswin said. “When said army sends an envoy to initiate negotiations, though, is when he wakes up his king.”

Pausing in my rush out the door, I said, “Negotiations?”

Holding my arms out to either side, I looked down at my uniform’s stiff, blood-soaked state. Given that, I could only imagine how the rest of me looked.

“Gods damnit. I’m a mess,” I whispered. “I can’t meet an envoy like this.”

“It’s a good thing I brought you a change of clothes, then,” Oswin said.

He gestured to a uniform, lying on my cot.

“You can sponge off the dirt and grime at a wash basin, but I agree that we can’t do much about your face. Those elephant ears!”

Glaring at Oswin, I growled, “Get out of here so I can change.”

With an elaborate bow and a teasing grin, Oswin backed into the hallway.

No matter how much my mind was urging me to rush into my next task, I made myself take a moment to absorb everything that had happened in the last ten minutes. Learning of yet another threat on my life and to my people wasn’t as much of a stressor as it should be. It seemed I’d gotten used to that, which was… a little sad, honestly.

But fighting with Nylion? That had never happened before, not that I could remember at least. I wasn’t even sure if we were fighting, but that conversation we’d had in our shared dream space… gods. I didn’t know how to feel about it.

I hadn’t thought I’d been avoiding my other half. In fact, I was sure I hadn’t been, but… he was right that I’d been ignoring his feelings about certain things. Over the winter, I’d change the subject every time he’d reminded me about our memories or the fact that I needed to learn a new skill. I hadn’t been doing it intentionally! But still, it had happened.

Why had I been avoiding these things?

In the end, I guess the ‘why’ didn’t matter. That problem had an easy fix, something I could handle the next time I slept.

So, I focused on the threat that had once more cropped up in the real world for now.

Taking off my ruined uniform brought me more relief than I’d expected. Too busy and exhausted to change since the battle, I’d almost forgotten whose blood had been stiffening this fabric. At that reminder, the dried, brown remnants leaving a crust on my skin left me trembling, and ignoring the host of scars across my chest and stomach, revealed by my lack of clothing, I hurried to swipe water over my body, even if its icy chill drew a hiss from me. With my teeth chattering, I donned yet another emblem-less uniform, reveling in its warmth, before retrieving Silverblade.

“How do I look?” I asked after calling Oswin inside.

He squinted at me for a moment.

“Decent,” he eventually pronounced. “May I?”

When he vaguely waved at my face, I nodded, and he used a knife to scrape stubble off of my face. He also trimmed my hair, although he left the strands hanging around my temple alone. Maybe he was hoping they’d disguise my ears or something.

Once he was done, Oswin stepped back, making an appreciative sound.

“That good, huh?” I said.

“You actually look… reputable, sir,” Oswin said.

I might have taken that as a compliment if he hadn’t sounded so surprised while saying it.

“Thanks…” I said, rolling my eyes. “Let’s see what this envoy wants, yes?”

We headed out.

Oswin must have chosen the cave I’d slept in because of how close it was to the stairs I’d created yesterday. If, by some harrowing happenstance, we needed to flee the Birthing Grounds, there would be an escape route easily within reach. I could appreciate his logic, no matter how typical it might be for a bodyguard like him.

When we reached them, I stopped at the base of the floating stairs.

With my hands on my hips and my head tilted back, I said, “I can’t believe this is still here.”

Hovering on the edge of my vision, Dim rolled their eyes.

“Did you think I was lying to you last week?” they said. “This will stick around, so long as you want it to. My whole wouldn’t give up a means of access to the physical plane so easily.”

Of course it wouldn’t.

I know that, I said, but it’s one thing to hear how long Daevetch can last here and another to see it in action.

Clicking their tongue, Dim said, “I’m getting real sick of people assuming I’m lying to them, just because my whole is associated with Deception.”

Snorting, I started up the stairs.

I’d have had the same doubts, even if Bright had been the one to tell me about this, I said.

“What?” Bright snapped, which only makes Dim snicker. “What possible reason could you have to trust them as much as you do me?”

Well… I said, while I’m grateful for everything you two have done for me, including all the times you’ve saved my life, and I actually LIKE you, which is strange to think about, that doesn’t change the fact that you both still want something from me. Something I don’t know about. I know that’s not your fault, and I don’t blame you for it, but sometimes, this unknown makes it hard to trust you.

I shrugged, even as I winced inside. Telling other people, especially the ones I liked, about difficult things always felt horrible, like I’d somehow violated all that was good in our relationship. Still, this was how I felt when around Bright and Dim, and keeping that to myself wouldn’t help things between us. I didn’t think it would, at least.

While the two of them considered what I’d said, I forced myself to find another distraction from the growing distance between me and the ground. Normally, heights thrilled me, making me feel free in a way nothing else could, but right now, I was trusting my control of Daevetch to keep from plummeting to a bone-shattering death. I’d much rather have something sturdy, like tree branches or a roof, under my feet.

So, when Dim started up with a horrid mixture of coughing and gagging to my left, I stopped short, certain that my Daevetch source was about to disappear on me. Behind me, Oswin tripped over his feet, which had me wincing, but I forgot about that on catching sight of my splinters.

Both Bright and Dim were floating in the air beside the stairs, but Dim had hunched over on themselves with their hands on their knees. With an almost fond expression on their face, Bright was patting their back.

“I could have told you that would happen,” they said.

And what, exactly, happened? I said.

Had Dim somehow been hurt? If they had, how did I keep them away from whatever had hurt them in the future?

Waving at me, the Daevetch splinter hoarsely said, “Please, stop worrying. I was only trying to tell you about… that thing you mentioned before, but once again, I failed. Can’t believe I’m about to say this, but fuck my whole for restraining me like this. Damn, that was idiotic. I don’t know why I thought this time trying would be any different.”

Oh.

Sighing, I shook my head before continuing up the stairs.

I’ve told you before. I don’t want you to hurt yourselves when trying to share this, I said. I never said that I don’t trust you AT ALL, only that I don’t FULLY trust you, and that’s not a bad place to be with me. I only trust one person fully, and that trust only exists because I consciously chose to trust him in that way.

“Rhylix,” Dim darkly muttered.

Yes, Rhylix, I said, rolling my eyes. Dim, you should get used to him being around. I’ll be working with him for A WHILE, and I’m hoping he’ll stick around after Doldimar’s defeated this time.

Making a face, Dim mouthed several curses while Bright somehow managed to laugh and sob at the same time.

“It would be nice if the backlash didn’t take him this time,” they said.

Backlash? What’s-?

“Sir, I’d suggest finishing your conversation with your invisible splinters at another time,” Oswin said. “I doubt your soldiers would take kindly to their king, absently waving at thin air.”

Oh gods, he was right. Much as I refused to be ashamed for my primeancy, it was still best to limit any displays of what other people might consider unstable behavior.

“Thanks for the warning,” I said.

With a half-smile, Oswin said, “It was no problem. Maybe focus on our surroundings, though?”

Right. I should do that.

As I climbed off the last step and onto the cliff’s edge, I bit back a gasp at the sheer volume of people spread before me. The unknown army had set up their camp a good distance away from my soldiers, but still, their number was vast, enough to swallow everyone who was under my command.

Numbers by themselves wouldn’t have concerned me too much—skill counted in a fight, after all—but the orderly manner that the other army had arrayed their camp in spoke to deeply ingrained discipline, something that only some of my soldiers could claim. Granted, that was still a significant portion of them, but nothing compared to what I was seeing here.

Gods. How had I not heard about an army like this approaching Auden yet? I’d thought that was what my Hand was for. Given, their spymaster and I had been in unusual circumstances for the last week… but still.

Spotting Marcuset, I trotted to join him and the stranger at his side.

“Please, forgive my delay,” I said as I approached. “I came as soon as I could.”

Facing me, the stranger in our midst smiled.

“You must be King Raimie. Please. There’s no need for any apologies, Your Majesty,” he said. “From what your commander has told me, I gather that your recent days have been extraordinarily busy. I can understand why you might need time to present yourself. If we can get started now, however, I’d introduce myself. Merlaro, at your service.”

As the man bowed, I couldn’t stop one corner of my mouth from rising in an awkward smile.

“Raimie, like you guessed, and I’m grateful for your patience,” I said. “How can I help you, Merlaro?”

“I’m not worthy to speak of my monarch’s desires,” Merlaro said, “save that my liege would like to speak with you. Privately.”

Shifting beside me, Marcuset said under his breath, “That’s a bad idea, Your Majesty. If I were to guess, this leader of theirs most likely wants you out of the picture so that the unease of your loss can wreak havoc in our ranks.”

That seemed like an obvious possibility. Still.

“I’d love to meet your leader,” I said, ignoring when Marcuset groaned. “I fear, however, that you’ll have a hard time separating me from Oswin. He’s tasked with keeping me safe.”

Inclining his head, Merlaro said, “I doubt my liege would mind one bodyguard’s presence.”

How… reasonable of them.

“Then, where am I to meet… him?” I asked.

It was a bit presumptuous to assume this envoy’s leader was a man, I knew, but if I had to take a stab at their gender, our world’s polite mode of address insisted on me choosing male pronouns.

…Maybe that was something I could change someday, assuming I ever got a chance at doing something like that, of course.

With a crooked smile, Merlaro said, “My liege requests that the two of you first meet in our camp, but you wouldn’t stay there for long. It’s simply a precaution. We’ve heard a few worrying stories about you, Your Majesty.”

They had? What sort of stories about me could worry someone else? Had I done something worthy of a reaction like that?

This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.

“What about the danger to our king?” Marcuset snapped.

Merlaro turned his smile, now bland, on the commander.

“I assure you that King Raimie has nothing to fear from my liege,” he said.

Ugh. I still hated those two words combined but… whatever. Focusing now.

Given the conversation we were having, I knew Merlaro had basically had to say what he’d spoken, and it wasn’t like I had a choice about how I could respond. Gods, Marcuset was not helping me make this go smoothly.

Glaring at him, I said, “I’m more than happy to accommodate your leader. Please, take me to him.”

“As you say.”

Merlaro turned to make the return hike into a conglomeration of foreign tents, but before I could follow him, Marcuset caught my arm.

“This is a bad idea,” he whispered. “We don’t know who these people are or what they want. For all we know, this army could be associated with Doldimar.”

Had- had Marcuset seriously grabbed me, like I was some sort of child?

With a tight grin, I said, “Let me go.”

The commander must have heard something in my tone because he near instantly snatched his hand to his chest.

Once he had, I continued, “I’m well aware that this may be a trap, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to antagonize anyone in this army, especially when they have the numbers to crush us. I’ll do what their leader wants until they show signs of hostility, if they show such signs at all, and on the off chance that happens, I’m pretty sure I can get out. Maybe. In the meantime, get our people ready for an attack, just in case.”

Marcuset bit his lip, but after a pause, he reluctantly saluted.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.

I barely restrained an eye roll before jogging to catch up with Merlaro.

As soon as Oswin and I broke through the first line of the foreign army’s tents, my sense of unease ballooned, which had me resting one hand on my weapon’s hilt. The hostility directed our way seemed as strong as a tidal wave, and against it, I had a hard time striding behind Merlaro with what I could only hope was a monarch’s proper carriage.

I only noticed these people’s uniforms once we were past the point of no return. Sprinkled among those wearing armor, several of these soldiers sported clothing quite similar to what I was wearing, but rather than short-sleeve tunics, these people had jackets with waistlines that fell below their hips. Still. In style, detail, and essence, their attire looked the same.

“Oswin…” I said under my breath, “are those what I think they are?”

“Quite possibly, sir.”

A loud pop followed the spy’s grudging admission, and on hearing it, the world snapped into crisp clarity for me with my grip on my sword’s hilt tightening. With those bursts of noise growing louder as we came closer, Merlaro brought us to the edge of the forest, and when we rounded a last tent, I was hit with a wave of déjà vu.

A chestnut-haired woman was aiming her pistol at a tree, squeezing the trigger as we came into view. Sprays of wood showered off of that tree’s helpless trunk, making the woman smirk, and on seeing us, she handed off the weapon, gliding our way.

“Your Majesty,” she said, nodding to me.

“Queen Kaedesa,” I said with a short bow.

“Looks like you were right, sir,” Oswin said under his breath. “She did come across the sea for us.”

Oh, thanks ever so much for that. I was trying very hard not to think about that fact right now, barely able to remember that this would be a meeting between highly ranked people instead.

Or it was supposed to be, at least. We’d see if Kaedesa conformed to that expectation.

Turning on Oswin, the queen grinned at him with an almost feral edge to it.

“And Middle! How good to see you!” she said. “You had me worried when you disappeared from my court without warning.”

Bowing, Oswin said, “Your Majesty.”

And nothing more.

“Still reticent as ever, I see,” Kaedesa said with a chuckle before turning to me, “but from what I understand, Raimie, the tale you told me so many months ago wasn’t merely a delusion.”

“Or at least, enough people believe his story to form an army around him.”

A pinch-lipped man joined the group, never ceasing in his glare at me, and while I could tell she tried to restrain it, Kaedesa still grimaced at his words.

“Ah, yes. This is Pierdriel, my… advisor,” she said. “He’s here as an observer for Ada’ir’s nobility.”

Oh, shit. They’d forced a watcher on her? When I’d fled from Daira last year, how much trouble had I left Kaedesa in?

“…It’s nice to meet you,” I stiffly said.

That was all I could allow myself when it came to Pierdriel. As soon as I could, I focused my attention back on Kaedesa.

“If I may, why are you here?” I asked. “You’re a long way from home, Queen of Ada’ir.”

Before Kaedesa could answer me, Pierdriel snapped, “Do you mean to ask why, besides the fact that you stole so many resources from us?”

Ah, yes. I’d hoped we could go for a little longer before getting into that subject, but I supposed that had been a pipe dream.

“Forgive me, Pier, but have I suddenly lost the ability to speak for myself?” Kaedesa said in an acid tone. “Because otherwise, I believe an advisor’s role is to keep quiet until I ask for advice.”

“Your Majesty, I wasn’t trying to-” Pierdriel started.

“But you did, didn’t you?” Kaedesa snapped. “As I’ve said, you can kindly keep your mouth shut, or do you know what might be better? If these two monarchs could have a nice, private chat together.”

Folding her hands in front of her, she smiled at me.

“What do you think, Raimie?” she said. “Will you join me on a stroll through the woods?”

I forced myself not to smile back. Gods, I’d forgotten how absolutely fiery and assured of herself this woman could be. My stomach might be churning when considering why Kaedesa was probably here, but I had to admit that it was nice to see her again. I opened my mouth to reply, but again, the advisor interrupted us.

“Your Majesty, please! You can’t! Think of the scandal that might come from you spending time alone with... him," he said. "And what if the rumors are true? What if he is a primeancer?”

Ok. That was enough.

“Oh, the rumors are true,” I mildly said, “but I have no intention of hurting your queen, whether with primeancy or anything else. Besides, if I’m remembering correctly, I had several private meetings with Her Majesty while I was a guest in your fine capital, and from what I saw during them, she is more than capable of defending herself.”

That left Pierdriel sputtering, which gave me no small amount of pleasure.

“You see, Pier? Nothing to fear,” Kaedesa said. “Shall we?”

She held out her elbow for me, but I paused before taking it.

“Oswin, can you please stay here with the honored advisor?” I said. “You know I can take care of myself for the time it will take to finish one, short conversation.”

Stiff as a statue, Oswin said, “That’s true, sir, but to ease a dutiful bodyguard’s mind, would the two of you please stay mostly within eyesight? I know you may need complete privacy at times, but please, let me keep my eyes on you for the most part. I hope that’s not too much to ask.”

It really wasn’t.

As Kaedesa dipped her head in acceptance before once more retrieving her pistol, I squeezed Oswin’s arm.

“Everything will be fine,” I whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Oswin nodded.

“Be careful, sir.”

Smirking, I said, “I always am.”

“Well, that’s a blatant lie,” Oswin said.

But he laughed.

“Coming?” Kaedesa called from the edge of the forest.

“Of course, Your Majesty!” I said.

And we headed into the foliage around us. As I trailed behind Kaedesa, I ran through a host of reasons for what I’d done in Daira. I could only imagine the position I’d put this woman in when I’d fled from her. She’d encouraged that flight, of course, but on top of escaping something that others might have considered an iron-clad imprisonment, I’d taken what had amounted to one-fifth of her armed forces with me as well. What had that theft done to her standing with both rival kingdoms and the constantly rebellious nobles in her own realm?

When her army’s camp disappeared behind a mass of twigs and leaves, Kaedesa rounded on me, and I braced for whatever punishment she was sure to rain down on me, the one I so thoroughly deserved. So, when she wrapped me in a hug, surprise froze me solid, almost concealing a surge of bubbling panic and nausea. The same thing that plagued me whenever Ren and I touched.

“Thank Alouin you’re all right,” Kaedesa said.

But then, she withdrew, and while she kept her hands on my arms, her retreat took my panic with it.

“I heard you began the ocean crossing with a bearing that would take you right beside the Accession Tear,” Kaedesa said. “I was afraid its storms might have ripped my ships to flotsam.”

I was… so confused.

Cocking my head, I said, “You’re not… angry with me? I thought for sure that after what I did-”

“Oh, I assumed that taking so many of my soldiers with you was Commander Marcuset’s idea, not yours. He’s always been a conniving bastard,” Kaedesa said while wrinkling her nose. “You should make sure he’s nowhere near me for a while, by the way. If I see him, I might tear him limb from limb.”

What a terrifying image.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.

What was happening? Kaedesa should be attacking me or screaming or throwing punches or… I didn’t know, pouring some form of caustic acid, whether in the form of words or not, on me. She shouldn’t be… this. Whatever this was.

“Why aren’t you angry?” I said. “After what my people did to weaken Ada’ir, you should have ordered your army to attack mine the moment we stumbled across one another.”

Laughing, Kaedesa said, “I’m sure my court would love it if I decided to fight you, but just this once, I’m not going to sate their lust for battle. Bloodthirsty bastards, all of them.”

Shaking her head, she pursed her lips.

“Honestly, you did me a favor. Without any recent rebellions to trim the fat, Ada’ir’s standing army had been getting bloated and unwieldy. The mass defection of the Audish loyalists within it both lowered its size to a more reasonable one and showed me exactly which of my soldiers serve only me.”

Ok. That explained why she seemed almost happy to see me, which was…strange. I could let myself believe I was safe. Even as I started to relax, though, I felt compelled to voice my other worries, no matter that doing so wouldn’t help me or my people.

“That may be the case, but Ada’ir surely invested time and coin into the soldiers and ships I took with me,” I said. “How can I repay that debt?”

With an indulgent smile, Kaedesa said, “I’ll get to that soon. First, though, I have two items for you. One: a letter from a friend."

After reaching into a pocket, she handed me a folded sheet of paper, and when I hesitated before opening it, she chuckled.

"You can read it later," she said. "It's from one of your friends. Dath?"

Well now, I wanted to rip the letter open so I could read its contents, but I resisted, if only because it wouldn't be polite. As I stored the letter on my person, Kaedesa continued.

"'I've hired him to serve as one of my bodyguards. He came with glowing recommendations from several people in Sev and Allanovian, but unfortunately, he hadn't finished the last of his bodyguard training before I decided to take this trip. Hopefully, he'll be finished the next time around."

The next time?

Shaking my head, I said, "Thank you, Your Majesty. Truly. I've been wondering how Dath has gotten on since we had to part ways."

"It was no trouble at all," Kaedesa said. "Now, before we get distracted even further, I should return something that I stole from you.”

Unhooking something hidden within her voluminous skirt’s folds, she offered a sword to me, and taking one look at it, I started backing away with all thoughts of friends and letters knocked from my mind.

“Oh, no,” I said, lifting a hand. “You can keep that thing.”

Which had Bright and Dim popping into the center of my view.

“Are you mad?” Bright shouted.

At the same time, Dim growled, “You idiot!”

And all the while, Kaedesa asked, “Why would I do that?”

Pressing a hand to my temple, I squeezed my eyes closed.

“Give… me a moment, please,” I managed to get out.

Turning on the splinters, I said, Why do you two start talking at the most inconvenient times?

“Because sometimes, you do incredibly stupid things,” Dim snapped, “and we have to stop that.”

You think it’s stupid for me to refuse Shadowsteal? I said. It’s caused so much trouble in my life, and if that’s not enough, I can never predict what will happen when I touch the damn thing. Besides, I already have a perfectly good sword.

I patted Silverblade, hanging at my side.

“That may be so,” Bright said, “but is that sword tied to your foretelling? Can it eliminate a-?”

“What are you doing?” Kaedesa asked.

On turning to her, I winced to see her still offering me Shadowsteal.

“I’m having a silent conversation. Please, don’t worry about it,” I said before sighing. “Thank you for returning my family’s property, truly, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to touch that sword. Do you remember what happened the last time I did that?”

“You handily defeated my palace guard in a few heartbeats, moving faster than I’d have thought a human could go,” Kaedesa said.

Pausing, she looked down at the sword in her hands.

“Perhaps you’re right,” she said.

When she hid the sword in her skirt again, Bright and Dim groaned, and despite how annoying I might find it now, it would be best to make sure those two were at least a little appeased.

“Maybe another member of my family could take it for now. Someone it won’t react to,” I said. “You should give it to my grandfather. I’m sure its return would overjoy him.”

Shrugging, Kaedesa said, “It’s your sword. I’ll do whatever you want with it.”

“Then, that’s settled,” I said before turning my focus to Bright and Dim.

Happy?

“No,” Bright grumbled.

“But giving it to Eledis is better than leaving it with the forgetful one,” Dim added.

They faded into the background, and I mentally rolled my eyes at them. So dramatic at times.

“With that bit of business concluded, shall we discuss how you’ll pay back your debt to me?” Kaedesa asked.

Right. That.

Dreading what might be coming, I said, “If that’s what you want, Your Majesty.”

Which had Kaedesa making a face.

“Stop that!” she said. “From what I hear, you’re a king in your own right, and so, there’s no need for deference between us. Call me by my name.”

Damnit, how had I forgotten about that part of my etiquette lessons? Not that I particularly wanted to follow this social rule.

“As you like… Kaedesa,” I made myself say. “What can I, with my meager resources, give you in exchange for the crimes I’ve committed against Ada’ir?”

With a wicked smile, Kaedesa said, “Hmm. What should I ask for? What could possibly make up for my loss? After all, according to you, all that’s yours is mine for the taking.”

Oh, hell. Why had I reminded this woman of everything I’d done to her again?

Given that, I was more than a little relieved when Kaedesa’s evil grin softened.

“Fortunately for you, I’ve already settled on a relatively insignificant price,” she said.

Oh, thank Alouin.

“What is it?” I asked.

Kaedesa took a deep breath before meeting my eyes.

“I want a position at your side, King of Auden, making an alliance between our nations. To that end, I propose that you make me your queen,” Kaedesa said. “It’s simple, Raimie. If you want to repay Ada’ir, you’ll marry me.”

Rapidly blinking, I choked on a laugh with the noise of it so loud that an animal, hidden in the brush, scampered away from us. She wanted what from me?

“I’m sorry. I- I must have misheard you,” I coughed. “Are you asking to be my wife?”

Cocking her head, Kaedesa said, “Is that such an unusual request between monarchs? Marriage alliances are commonplace among the world’s kingdoms, are they not?”

Backing away, I lifted my hands in protest.

“I wouldn’t know!” I squeaked. “I wasn’t exactly trained for this job. It fell into my lap. You don’t remember how amusing you found my lack of court etiquette while I was your prisoner?”

Kaedesa hummed with a fond smile.

“I’d forgotten about that, but it certainly sounds like something I’d enjoy,” she said. “I assure you, however, that such arrangements are mundane in the world of kings and queens.

“Would marrying me be so distasteful? I’ve already helped you by taking a port city, Nephiron, along this land’s coastline. I could give it to you as part of a wedding dowry, if you require such a thing. I can also finance your war effort, and once you’ve cast off Doldimar’s tyranny, my experience in statecraft could be invaluable while you’re establishing your kingdom. I know I don’t bring much to the table physically, what with being a widow and all, but-”

“What? Why would I care about-? No, that’s not the issue,” I said, still flustered all to hell. “You’re beautiful, Kaedesa. Anyone would be lucky to have you: looks, experience, and all. It’s just that…”

How was I supposed to tell a powerful queen that all I could think about right now was Ren and how this proposition might distress her? Why was that the only thing I could think about right now?

“I understand that you’ll need time to think it over,” Kaedesa said. “I don’t expect an answer right away, and while you make up your mind, my people will stay in Auden to help you.”

Why would she…?

“Won’t your soldiers be upset about working with people they must see as traitors?” I said.

“Yet another reason to accept my offer,” Kaedesa said with a grin. “If we’re to be wed, I can claim that the troops and supplies you ‘stole’ were sent with my blessing, to help my future husband with his endeavor.”

Good gods, why was she doing this? I didn’t need more logical reasons for marrying Kaedesa. If I thought about it, I knew doing that would be beneficial for my big family of soldiers, just as I knew it was probably the right step but… but Ren. Why did I also know that dropping this problem in her lap would be an issue? Gods, especially after her brother had died.

As a conjured image of Hadrion’s slack face came into view, it walloped me, right in the gut, and I couldn’t be here anymore. I needed to get away.

Tightly, I said, “I’ll carefully consider your proposal. For now, though, may we return to your camp? Your people must be getting anxious, and we haven’t exactly kept our promise to Oswin.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Kaedesa said with a laugh. “Even if we’re out of eyesight, he’s more than capable of protecting those he’s sworn to. You should bless Marcuset for making that acquisition for you.”

Even if it hadn’t been Marcuset who…?

No. Gods. I needed to go.

“I’m sure that’s true,” I said. “Still. If there’s nothing else we should address at the moment, may we return?”

With a defeated look in place, Kaedesa said, “Of course.”

I barely noticed our return to her tent. After collecting Oswin, I practically sprinted away from the queen’s camp, neglecting any polite farewells I should have made.

As we approached our camp, Oswin said, “Went that badly, did it?”

Startled, I glanced at him, wondering what he was talking about. I was still seeing Hadrion’s face in my mind’s eye, a distraction I couldn’t afford right now. I thought I’d addressed everything I needed to about him and his… death last night, but it looked like that wasn’t the case. Instead, it had already caused me a potential issue, given how abruptly I’d left a potential enemy’s camp and…

What had Oswin been asking about?

Right. The marriage proposal. Fuck.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

I couldn’t talk about it. If I even thought about doing so, all I saw was an imagined image of Ren’s face after hearing the news about her brother, and… and… gods, I just couldn’t.

Once we were back with my people, I ignored Marcuset’s call for me, nearly tripping in my haste to get into the Birthing Grounds again.

“How soon before I can return to Tiro?” I asked.

With Hadrion and Kaedesa and potential marriage and- and everything, I needed to see Ren. I needed her help if I was to get anywhere near a calm state again, and she wasn’t here.

“Ah… I believe the only task that requires your specialty here is finishing with the Kiraak,” Oswin said. “The others can handle the rest.”

Ignoring his concerned look, I said, “Great. I’ll start where I left off yesterday, then.”

So, once in the Birthing Grounds’ pit, I did just that. I cleansed the Kiraak of Corruption well past when the sun had descended below the horizon. In my haste to be done with this, I abandoned the slow and safe process that I’d preferred to this point, and because of that, screams disturbed the Birthing Grounds’ relative quiet throughout the first half of the night.

When the last of them slumped into unconsciousness, I flung Corruption away from me with disgust, and as it left me, Daevetch burned through my every vein, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Good gods, it hurt!

I wobbled in place for a moment before my stomach lurched, protesting everything I’d done to stress myself over the last day, and when I collapsed, Oswin’s worried face intruded into my rapidly narrowing field of view. His mouth began soundlessly moving before the world went black.