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The Beast and The Swallow
IV-2. Midnight escapades

IV-2. Midnight escapades

As night swooped down, cloistering the world under its dark shroud, Noah awoke from his sleep. At first, he remained still, peering at the dark shadows that hid between the ceiling’s beams. His whole body felt heavy and weak, a wretched corpse after a fierce battle, despite him sleeping senseless and without a hint of a dream through the whole day. There was a nasty taste in his mouth like some vermin had crawled in and died there during his slumber.

Noah threw away his covers and sat in the narrow bed, his hands motioning to rub the drowsiness away. But the moment his fingers touched the twisted, leathery skin on his cheek, he stiffened. Like an explosion, Pricilla’s words echoed between his temples in a painful reverb: “It’s your fault… You ugly, disfigured monster!”

Bitter bile rose up his throat together with crushing guilt and shame. Yet a heartbeat later, an all-consuming anger kindled in his chest. He knew his sin all too well. But wouldn’t that woman and her venomous whisper leave him at peace at least for a bit!? Was she going to poison every waking and sleeping hour, every tender moment he wanted to share with Lorelei? The mere thought robbed the air from his lungs, making him gag. He jumped up and, ignoring the jolt of pain in his leg, ripped the window open. The fresh night air brought him some relief. His fingers dug in the sill and his whole body trembled.

‘Pathetic wretch!’ he berated himself, taking in one hissing breath after the other. ‘You’ve slaughtered people. Taken lives by the dozen. Guilt is a dear friend of years past. Why flounder now?’

His inability to find an answer only fanned his fury. The Duke of Norden was supposed to be indomitable. A rock, a blade, not a howling weakling plagued by unnecessary emotions. Not a slave but a master to his feelings. One born of sin and thus impervious to it.

His fist landed hard on the stone alcove - again and again until his fingers numbed. Through the bloody mist engulfing his senses, a whisper reached his tormented mind. A melodious voice, both dreaded and desired, shaped by his love and madness, was calling his name. His lips twisted in a wry grin as he allowed himself to indulge in this hallucination.

It was the slight rustle of the evergreen vine crawling past his window that sobered him up. Alarm bells rang in his mind, his lethargic body tensing up in preparation for the assassin’s attack. Noah drew his fist, ready to crush the head of his unwelcome guest the moment he reached the window, sending him back two stories down. The leaves of the vine shook one last time. A flushed, delicate face popped above the sill, contoured by silver moonlight.

“L-Lorelei!” Noah blinked, his mind momentarily blacking out.

“I called you several times but you didn’t answer.” His wife smiled brightly, a mischievous spark shining in her eyes. “Would you mind helping me in? Or do you prefer me dangling like a monkey while talking?”

Unable to find his words, Noah pulled her up, and only when her feet touched the coarse floorboards did his stupor subside.

“Are you insane!? You could have fallen and broken your neck! What are you even doing here? How?”

“There is a pretty convenient tree branch before my window. And the ivy here is old and large enough, so-”

“No! Goodness, Lorelei! I didn’t mean…” Noah was again left speechless, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. He began pulling leaves and even a small twig from Lorelei’s messy hair, regaining his composure with some difficulty. “Lady Norden, are you perchance a trained spy or assassin and haven’t mentioned it until now?”

“No, but I am Master Levi’s best mistletoe harvester with some eight years of experience.” She proudly lifted her chin, ignoring his accusatory glare.

With a sigh, Noah pinched her cheek.

“I sure should call you Lady Squirrel instead of Swallow. So then, my dear, what prompted you to do such dangerous acts?”

Lorelei didn’t answer. Instead, her playful expression turned somber and she grabbed the hand that was still caressing her cheek.

“This bruise is fresh! What happened?”

“Nothing. In this bad light, you can’t-”

“Noah!”

“Alright. I had a little philosophical discussion with a wall.” He pulled her palm to his lips and gave it a peck. “But you are avoiding my question, my dear.”

“I came because of this.” Her finger pointed at his bruised knuckles.

“Don’t tell me that you’ve developed clairvoyance abilities!” said Noah jokingly but part of his mind weighed on the plausibility of his statement. She was, after all, a saint’s vessel.

“Thankfully not.” Her beautiful face briefly twisted in comically exaggerated aversion before the sternness returned to her features. “I don't need to see in the future to know that something is eating you up. Especially after your attack today. And I bet that your hand injury is also connected to it.”

Noah stiffened, his mouth completely dry, but still managed to force a smile. He cupped Lorelei’s face and willed his voice to remain calm.

“Let bygones be bygones. Why not just enjoy our stolen moment under the moonlight, my love?“

“Noah, your hands are shaking.”

“Only because of you, my lady. It isn’t every night that a beauty climbs up my window.”

He leaned in to kiss her but she put a finger on his lips. Under his questioning gaze, she gently grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the bed, giving him a sign to sit down.

“Forgive me,” she whispered sitting next to him, “but we really need to talk. I know what’s tormenting you.”

“Lorelei, please, don’t…”

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“I know you are mulling over what happened with Pricilla.”

“I… don’t want to talk about this,” retorted Noah, a low growl creeping into his voice against his will.

“But we have to!” Lorelei’s fingers lightly squeezed his, her warmth akin to a lifeline. “If you let your feelings fester, it will only get worse. I know very well how you-”

“You know how I feel?” He laughed mockingly and pulled away from her grip. His hand dug through his hair. “You have no idea how I feel.”

“Out of all people, I know best.”

Her words were like a slap. A well-deserved one. Of course, she knew. And he had just mocked the horrors she’d been through. He glanced at her, expecting to see her disappointment, her just anger. Instead, a sad smile twisted her lips.

“After what nearly happened with my brother and his friends, I couldn’t talk to anyone,” she said quietly. “Not even to my teacher. I just couldn’t face him. What if… he said it was my fault? Just like my father. Maybe I was really a harlot. Maybe I really did something to incite them. Otherwise, how could a brother plan to do something like that to his sister? Maybe I was a dirty seductress-”

“That isn’t true!” Noah’s heart cried bloody murder. He was going to find and slaughter that wretched bunch. He extended his hand but hesitated inches before her cheek. Lorelei took the initiative and leaned into his caress.

“Now I know this,” she sighed, her soft cheek rubbing against his palm. “But when something like this happens to you, your perception of the truth becomes twisted. For years, I felt guilty, dirty, at fault for what happened. And when Master Argente caught me… his actions only confirmed my fears - it was me. I had provoked both events.”

“This is insane!” Noah pulled her in his embrace and cradled her to his heart. “None of it was your doing! Those men were monsters.”

“Yet because of my insanity, my self-hate, and my hesitation, I pushed you away and hurt you. I lumped you with those beasts only because you wanted to be close to me. Because that’s what I was - a walking sin.”

“Oh, Lorelei!”

“I’m not seeking your pity.” She carefully pushed him away and brushed a strand of hair from his brow, leaving his gaze nowhere to hide. “I’m telling you this so that you know I understand. It took me years to come clear with my demons. And I’m still fighting them. But when you listened to me in the chapel, when you said that it was alright to feel how I feel… You saved me, Noah. You accepted me the way I am. You saw me and didn’t, as I so often feared, drive me away in disgust. You forgave me. And now I’m here for you. You don’t need to suffer through this alone. I’m here.”

“Oh, my heart, my sweet, sweet Lorelei. You are so wrong,” whispered Noah and looked away. “There is no way to know how I feel.”

“Because I am a weak woman and you are a strong, powerful man?”

“Because you were the victim,” he glanced back at her and his eyes stung, “and I am the perpetrator.”

That was it. He said it. He had tried to deny his deeds before but no more. She was his only judge and jury and he confessed. However, the verdict he expected to see in her gaze wasn’t there. There was only sorrow and love in her deep brown eyes.

“You are just as much a victim as I was,” she replied, pushing a small paper satchel in his hands. “Duncan gave me this. It seems that you were drugged. According to Tikotse, these are the remnants of a herb that makes one susceptible to hexes. And after what happened with the vapir,… there is no doubt that there was foul play.”

Noah stared at the satchel blankly. His fingers convulsively wrapped around it, crushing the soft paper and its contents. He swallowed hard, his lips twitching in a self-deprecating scowl.

“This… changes nothing.” His voice trembled. “You were right. I should have been able to fight it. How could the Beast of Norden be forced by a weak girl? I… probably wanted it, right? Otherwise, how could I fall for such an obvious thing? How could I give in so easily to a measly love charm and some herbs? I simply followed my nature…”

“No!” Lorelei pressed her cool forehead against his burning brow. “I’m sorry, Noah! I’m so, so, sorry. I was wrong. I hurt you. Forgive me! I wish I could take back all that I said. I was an idiot. A jealous, despicable, shrew.”

“Jealous!? Jealous of what?”

“B-because…” Noah felt her whole body tremble in his embrace. “Because I thought that you had finally truly fallen for Pricilla. That all your acting and feigning affection had become reality. I was angry, desperate, mad. Seeing you two together… hurt more than any wound. So I said things knowing that I’d hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Why would I ever fall for her!?”

“Because she is rich, beautiful, and powerful. Because she is Pricilla, and whoever man she wants, she gets. And I… compared to her… have nothing to offer.”

“Seriously!?” Noah tightened his embrace. “Do you think that an imperial duke has a need for a count’s money? And do you think that I have a need for such a peacock when I already have the most beautiful woman in the empire right beside me!?”

“You sure do have a bad eyesight, my lord.” She sniffled in his shoulder, her fingers desperately clinging to his shirt.

“No worse than yours, my dear.” He kissed her hair, rocking their bodies slowly. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and gravely. “I… I love you; Lorelei. More than I’ve ever loved someone. And this… scares me. I am my father’s son. The son of the man who destroyed a country and forced its princess into his bed. A man who disregards all feelings and wishes but his own. I was born into a tainted union. How could I ever hope to be different? How can I be sure… that what happened was an act forced upon me and not something I did out of my own volition? How can I be sure that I’m not going to become a villainous monster like him?”

“Do you regret what you did to Pricilla?”

“Of course I do!”

“Because of me?”

“Yes.” He hesitated for a moment. “But also because of her. If she too was the victim of the hex…”

“Then you are not an evil monster.” Lorelei’s gentle kiss landed on his cheek. “A monster feels no remorse.”

Noah opened his mouth to retort. To tell her that it was too simple of a logic. No words escaped his throat. Instead, his lips found hers. It was not the desperate, hungry kiss from this morning. It was not tainted by desire but nevertheless was just as deep and passionate. It carried absolution, pain, guilt, and hope. Lorelei’s breath mixed with his. The drumming of his heart reverberated in her chest. Her fingers were carrying his touch. His tears were the ones she was crying.

“Forgive me,” he whispered as their lips briefly parted.

“That’s my line,” she replied, landing a kiss on his neck.

“I… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget…”

“I know. It’s fine.”

“How… can you be so strong?”

“It’s easy. I have you by my side.”

“A beast?”

“No. A man. My man.”

“Lorelei… May I keep hugging you for a bit longer?”

“As long as you need.”

“And if I never let go?”

“Well, then we’ll have some explaining to do in the morning.” Her lips pressed against his, silencing him for a moment. “But, I'm ready to take the risk.”

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