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The Beast and The Swallow
III-74. Confession

III-74. Confession

Lorelei’s eyelids fluttered and she squinted when the light of the setting sun blinded her. She needed a few seconds to realize where she was. The white walls of the chapel were now dyed a pinkish orange by the last remnants of daylight. The omnipresent scent of incense seeped in even through her veil, its sweet aroma gently trying to lull her back to sleep, were it not for the persistent aching of her body. The warmth penetrating her right stride from the cushion she was leaning on was balanced by the cooling sensation of the stone wall on her back. It would have enticed her to resume her slumber, but the crawly sensation in her legs and lower back kept waking her up.

Lorelei whimpered and stirred, quite reluctant to part with her cozy, firm, and surprisingly comfortable… cushion? As realization slowly dawned on her, she stiffened and tilted her head up. Two clear gray eyes smiled at her from between his improvised head covering.

“Good afternoon, princess.” Noah’s voice was muffled by the cloth but nevertheless jolly. “I hope you had sweet dreams.”

“M-my lord!?” Her cloudy mind cleared instantaneously. “Forgive me, I-”

“There is nothing to forgive,” chuckled Noah and the calm melody of his words lit her heart and cheeks on fire.

“Y-you should have awoken me sooner!” The glance she threw at him was half-apologetic, half-accusatory. “It has been… an hour?”

“A couple of hours would be more exact.”

“I have greatly inconvenienced you!” she said quietly and thought that it would likely be best to demurely lower her gaze. Her eyes remained fixed on his.

“Don’t fret, my weary physician. You sure needed some sleep and I was more than happy to assist in the matter. After all, considering how soundly you slept, I do seem to possess the most comfortable shoulder in the whole of Limeria.”

The wink he gave her wasn’t as much of a surprise as it should have been, coming from the notorious Duke of Norden. His nonchalant manner almost dulled Lorelei’s guilt.

Almost.

Under different circumstances, she would have indulged in the moment a bit longer. Would have enjoyed bantering with him. Maybe she would have even dared to lay her head on his shoulder again if only to see his reaction. But she knew painfully well that right now any unnecessary contact carried too much of a risk. She had endangered him plenty already just by falling asleep on him.

Without saying a thing, she tried to scramble up only to realize that her legs were too numb to carry her. After a little wobble, she plopped back on the floor with a groan, her legs - sprawled and throbbing as if being pierced by hundreds of needles.

“Don’t be too hasty!” Noah knelt before her and, before she could stop him, he began massaging her calves. “Aren’t you a physician? You should know that if you have been in a cramped position, restoring circulation is…”

His words trailed off as his voice died down. His bandaged palms froze mid-motion. He lifted his gaze to meet Lorelei’s rounded eyes.

“Damn!” He sucked a sharp breath through his teeth and immediately released his grip, going as far as to shrink back. Holding his hands in the air, he looked the embodiment of distraught. “I… I didn’t… I didn’t mean to take advantage of you! I’m sorry! It’s nothing... intimate or anything. I just wanted to help. When I was young and had my first horseback expedition, I couldn’t walk for an hour after. And then Neli did this to my calves, and-”

“Your Highness,” Lorelei bit her lips and was grateful for her veil hiding her beet-red face, “you-”

“Please, believe me!” He interrupted her and his voice rang with desperation. “I just… I really hope you don’t misunderstand. I had no ill intentions. I didn’t mean to scare you again. Forgi-”

“Your Highness!” Lorelei was forced to raise her voice to get his attention. “What has gotten into you all of a sudden!? How could I misunderstand you?”

Noah’s shoulders slumped and a listless laughter came from behind his face cloth.

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“Please, my lady,” he mumbled, “there is no need to pretend, at least not in front of me. There is no one else around to deceive.”

“Deceive?” Lorelei felt a pang in her heart. “Elaborate.”

“What is there to elaborate? I know that out of duty and obligation, you have been fulfilling our contract. Playing the role of my wife in front of our people and your family; bearing with my touch even though it repulses you. But you don’t need to suppress your feelings when we are alone.”

“My lord,” Lorelei chewed on her lip, trying to find the courage to say the words she needed to say. “I believe you have misunderstood.”

“Have I?” Noah shook his head. “Hardly. I’ve seen enough terrified people to recognize fear. Especially when I’m the source of said fear. And that night, the Beast of Norden scared you to tears.”

“Our wedding night?” Lorelei scowled. “I think I was allowed to be afraid after getting married to someone I’d never seen before. I was just a warrior’s trophy-wife and could only expect what I was told would happen to me. I didn’t know you back then.”

“And now you do?” Noah snorted. “Is that why you ran away after the welcoming banquet?”

“That had nothing to do with you,” whispered Lorelei and her fingers dug in the coarse fabric of her habit.

“Nothing to do with me?! With whom then? Under the Beast of Norden’s roof, in the Beast of Norden’s arms, there was another Beast that scared you other than me?”

“Yes, there was!” Lorelei’s words were almost inaudible. “You know about Master Argente.”

Hearing the name, Noah stiffened. But Lorelei wasn’t finished.

“You know what he did to me. But what you don’t know is that he wasn’t the first one.”

“Lor-”

“Please, let me finish. I don’t know how long I’ll have this courage. You can judge me after.” Exhaling a jagged breath, Lorelei continued. “I was fourteen. I was foolish. And I was in love. It happened one spring night. My brother and his other friends were there too, to… watch some ‘fun entertainment’. I… don’t want to delve into the details. Maybe someday, but right now… I can’t.”

She swallowed hard but forced herself to go on.

“I barely escaped and for over a year after, I couldn’t bear a man to touch me. Not even Master Levi. Since then, it has gotten much better. But then… a lot of things happened. And after the Red Hands took me, it has just been too much. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I know my behavior is quite erratic, but I couldn’t control myself.”

“Oh, Lorelei!” Noah sat before her, straight as a candle, but she could see his shoulders shaking. “I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Nothing.” She shrugged, feeling a great load lifting from her chest. What surprised her was that there were no more tears left to shed. She was just feeling empty. “But I still hope you can understand and forgive me for the way I acted. It never was because of you. It was all because of me. I know I’m a dirty harlot, and-”

“Who called you a dirty harlot!” Scorching anger filled Noah’s voice but it wasn’t directed at her. “Wait! Did your father know? Did that pig say it? I should have torched that dumpster household when I had the chance and that misbegotten brother of yours together with it! When we get out of here, I’ll hang them, one after the other!”

“No need.” A sad smile stretched Lorelei’s lips. “You’d only dirty your hands. Besides, killing one of the Emperor’s tax collectors will surely cause trouble.”

“As if I care!”

“As the Duke of Norden you should.”

“Lorelei, they harmed you! Even death would be too lenient!”

“So I’m the one to decide on the punishment. I just… want to forget it all. Bury the past.” Her head hung low and she trembled. “I don’t want new blood to remind me of old grievances. I don’t want those memories to drag me down ever again and make me hurt you.”

“If that is your wish…” His tone didn’t convince her completely, but it was still a start.

“Thank you. And I hope that now, we’ve cleared that misunderstanding. But to make it even clearer - Duke Noah Lux Norden, I do not find you scary, monstrous, or repulsive.”

“That… is quite the relief, my lady.” She could feel his burning gaze on her. “You… were very brave.”

“Thank you, I suppose.”

“But you seem quite shaken.”

“That I am.”

“Do you… need a hug?”

“Your Highness…” She just gawked at him, not knowing how to respond, her chest almost bursting. She desperately wanted to say ‘yes’. Instead, the rational part of her mind made a heroic attempt at taking over the situation. “You do remember that the Blood Plague is contracted by touch?”

“You do remember that I hugged you before and you slept on my shoulder for hours?”

“That… is true.” She swallowed and nodded, cursing herself internally. Why were the tears coming out now?!

Without saying a word, Noah closed the distance between them. Just as his arms wrapped around her shaking body, a loud thud echoed from the chapel’s door.