With the rustling of paper, Lorelei rummaged through her notes while flipping the old yellow pages of a thick book. She wrinkled her nose in annoyance, her finger trailing the crooked hand-written lines.
It was so frustrating! She had been digging through the tomes in Ildemar’s library since early morning but the results were unsatisfactory no matter how one looked at them. The official reason for her reclusion amongst the towering bookshelves was that she wanted to learn more about the binshi, their magic, and the history of Norden. Yet, deep down, Lorelei knew what the truth was. She was hiding! Trying to escape her thoughts and the unwanted memories of that warm and sturdy body that had embraced her only a couple of hours prior. And she was failing miserably.
The young woman sighed and propped her forehead on the table. Despite the chill air in the library, her cheeks flared up again and her heart was thumping in her chest like a little drum. All these feelings she was having at the moment were so infuriating, so confusing, so… wrong. She was supposed to hate Noah. Be angry at him for using her. Be content with leading a simple existence as a nameless tool for the Duke. And yet, she dared to want more! She was having thoughts and desires that were unbecoming of someone of her low standing. These thoughts occupied the whole of her being, pushing back the anger, the betrayal, and the bitterness, leaving only a painful yearning.
'Stop overdramatizing!' Lorelei chastised herself internally and grabbed another book from the pile. 'He said it was William's plan not his, right?' Still, no matter what the truth was or what she was feeling, it was useless. Or... maybe... Was she really the one in the wrong? The past couple of days her head had been so muddled. Was she really overdramatizing and missing the point? Could she trust his word? No, she didn't want to harbor any false hopes. Besides, he had been so appalled by the mere thought of being intimate with her. She remembered clearly his face as he screamed at William "You wanted me to bed her!". There had been clear disgust and anger written all over it. No, Noah had shown clearly how he saw her.
‘But then, why did he save you?’ the little voice kept nagging in her head as she absentmindedly flipped through the pages.
Why? She didn’t need to know why? What was the reason a master would kick his favorite dog and a few moments later would pat it on the head and praise it? It was just a whim. One that only those in power were allowed to act upon.
‘But he almost died while trying to save you!’
This... this was just a coincidence. Had he known of the Red Hands’ shaman, he wouldn’t have wasted his time in the first place. He was not the type of person to risk his life to a dhrowghost only to save a used pawn. But maybe a friend? Who was she kidding?! Gregor was his friend. William and the twins were his friends. She was just an imposter.
“Dear Gods, I just want... a hug!” she muttered aloud but promptly jumped up and looked around in fear that someone might have heard her.
To her relief, the library was empty. Lorelei played with the quill in her hand, trying to ignore the mixed feelings clogging her chest and instead concentrate on the text she was reading. The steady hand of the second duke’s confessor had left fine line after fine line, recounting the conquest of Norden. However, the content of the book soon turned her already sour mood into pure vinegar.
“…as for that unholy magic the snow demons possess, may the saints drag them back to the deepest pits of hell from which they crawled out, that magic robs them bit by bit of the twisted thing they wrongly call soul. And so, I shall henceforth name it soul-magic.
To cast soul-magic, called hex in their primitive tongue, the white demons use barbaric rituals and sacrifices,... As this humble servant of the Gods has been able to learn, the stronger and more complicated the hex, the more soul needs to be poured in. From the teachings of our two Holy Fathers, a soul, even one as twisted as a snow demon’s, equals life. And so, to measure the amount of soul put in a hex, one can use a lifetime. Some hexes require the sacrifice of only a couple of minutes from one’s life. Other demand days or even years...
Blessed be the Fathers of Light and Darkness. In their all-knowing wisdom, they have put such heavy shackles on these demonic powers. If not, not even the saints and the fairest of knights would be able to stand against such abominations. May the day soon come when the holy swords would cleanse the pitiful land of Norden from the snow demons once and for all…”
Lorelei slammed the book shut and threw it to the side. Gregor’s mischievous smile popped in her head, followed by Rish’s blushing face and bubbly laughter. When they were wounded, they bled, and their blood was just as red as the one of a limerian. When they were happy, they laughed; when they were angry, they shouted. They told funny stories, liked warm meals, loved their dear-ones. What exactly was demonic and evil about them? Lorelei knew from experience that one needed no white hair or magic to be the devil incarnate. A noble title was enough.
She sighed and slumped on the table once more. Her hand absentmindedly scribbled on the paper before her – “Live and let live”. She let her gaze linger on the words.
Was it really so hard? Even the Two Fathers had said: ‘Thou shall respect all living beings. A life might be taken only for a life to be kept.’ It was as clear as day that even the Gods wanted peace. Lorelei doubted that the simple limerian and binshi burned with the desire to slit each other’s throats. They had more important things to do like feeding their families, warding off beasts, raising their children. Only those with power and too much free time on their hands would try to sow discord or write something so vile…
Lorelei sucked in a deep breath, struck by the realization of what she had just thought. She was doubting the teachings of the Church! She was criticizing the decisions of Limeria’s Emperor! This was blasphemy and treason all in one. If somehow this was to leak into the open, she would burn at the stake.
The young woman let out a groan and squeezed her eyes shut as her body shivered. Why did everything had to be so complicated? Her biggest dream just a few months ago had been to run away from the Ortens, travel with master Levi, and sell medicine. Now she was treading on thin ice with every thought she had. There were schemes, conspiracies, and dark secrets surrounding her from all directions. She was too naïve and stupid for all this! Politics and religious disputes weren’t for her, otherwise, she wouldn’t have fallen so easily for William and Noah’s machinations…
‘Oh, not again!’ Lorelei wanted to scream. Why was every thought she had leading back to Noah? Was her mind broken? It was constantly running in circles. Couldn’t the image of that man leave her in peace just for a moment?!
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Deep in the tumultuous world of her thoughts, the young woman didn’t notice the person approaching her until her nose caught the sweet and calming aroma of linden. Someone carefully wrapped her shoulders in a thick blanket and put the cup of tea on the table.
“Oh, thank you, Saya,” mumbled Lorelei, her eyes still shut.
“Um… no… no need, my lady. But… um… it’s me, Milly, your highness.”
Lorelei jumped up, straightening her body, and blinked surprised at the flustered maid. How could she make such a foolish mistake? Saya was confined to her chambers for the past week and Lorelei hadn’t gotten the chance to see or talk to her since that time in Noah’s study. Or rather, she had been doing her utmost to avoid even mentioning Saya because every time she thought about her, there was a sharp pain slicing through Lorelei’s heart. It hurt almost as much as when she thought about Noah and that wound was already plenty enough to handle.
Why was everything so… complicated?!
Lorelei exhaled slowly and forced a smile on her lips.
“Sorry, Milly. I was a bit drowsy just now.”
“Don’t even mention it, my lady,” chirped the little servant but then her face turned somber. “Your highness, you have been sitting here the whole day. You might catch a cold since we can’t even bring a brazier because of the books.”
“It’s not a big deal. I am much sturdier than I look,” replied Lorelei before adding to herself: ‘Besides, I have other things on my mind to even notice the cold.’
Without arguing any further, the maid just nodded and sat a bit to the side of the book-piled table. She then continued the embroidery she had been working on ever since early morning. Lorelei looked at the neat stitches with some envy. She knew how to suture a wound and saw up a patch on a skirt but that was all the needle-work she was capable of. Master Levi, despite all of his talents, had been lacking in the sewing department, and the members and servants of the Orten household had considered teaching her a waste of time. The same went for music, flower-arrangement, poetry, and any other lady-like activities. With a wry smile, Lorelei thought that she was probably the most unbefitting person to take the position of Lady Norden. Well, her marriage was a soon-to-end farce anyway so the damage to the ducal household should be minimal.
Lorelei returned to her books but after scribbling a couple of lines, she lost concentration yet again. From the corner of her eye, she could see the nimble fingers of Milly pulling the needle in and out of the thin cloth and leaving behind a neat flower-pattern. She could also see that those same fingers were completely white and trembling slightly.
Furrowing her brow, Lorelei stood up and dragged her chair closer to the maid who froze and watched her mistress with bewilderment. Without saying a word, the young woman sat back down and spread the thick blanket over both their knees.
“My-my lady!” The maid tried to move away but Lorelei held her sleeve.
“It’s warmer this way, Milly. Besides, I would like to have a better look at your work. It is gorgeous.”
“I-I… thank you, your highness. It is for my trousseau.”
“Oh, you are engaged! Congratulations! Who is the lucky lad?”
“T-thank you, my lady,” mumbled Milly and her ears turned bright red. “He… his name is Tomash. He is in Yalda’s city-guard.”
“A binshi?” Lorelei’s eyebrows twitched in surprise.
“Yes,” Milly lifted her head and there were stubbornness and determination in her eyes. “We love each other. It is no longer against the law. I say, to hell with those fools and their old superstitions!”
The moment she said that the little maid clasped her hands over her mouth.
“I a-am so sorry, my lady! I said too much.”
“Don’t worry, Milly,” Lorelei chuckled and patted her hand. “Sometimes the tongue slips, especially when one is in love. But would you mind telling me what is weighing on your heart? Those superstitions you mentioned...”
“Oh, my lady,” the maid puffed her cheeks, forgetting all her previous hesitation, “it is so infuriating. Tomash’s family still believes that mixed-blood children are cursed! How could they say that? Just because they can’t perform hexes or travel on the Spirit Plane. And what difference would it even make? I mean, to do hexes you need very strong powers anyway, otherwise, you can die. Only one of Tomash’s brothers can hex and the rest of them are almost no different than us limerians. But they dare to say that our children would be lesser beings just because they won’t be able to see some ghosts and kill themselves with magic!”
“Calm down, Milly.” Lorelei gently squeezed her fingers. “I am sure that everything will work out.”
“Yes… but…” all the fire in the maid’s eyes disappeared and she hung down her head, “at least I can understand their reasoning. But my parents… my father said that he would never acknowledge a vile, magic-using demon-spawn. What demon?! If my children are powerless anyway, how could they be demons? Besides, Lady Saya and Sir Gregor’s child is just like a little angel and he is a mixed-blood! And the two little-ones that came to the castle recently are the sweetest things in the world!”
Listening to the heated reasoning of her maid, Lorelei couldn’t help but smile. Maybe there was hope for Norden after all. Then, Milly’s words jugged her memory. Two little-ones? Dear saints! Whit all her wallowing in misery, she had forgotten about Anuk and Kai!
Her chest felt heavy with guilt.
“Milly, the two other children you mentioned…” Lorelei paused for a second, “do you know how they are doing?”
“Kai and his sister? They are doing fine, your highness. The Wolf Mountain clan has accepted them and their father as their own. I’ve heard from the guards that the boy will soon be officially appointed as sir Gregor’s page, and the father would work with the castle’s game-master after he regains his strength.”
“And the girl?”
“She is recuperating well and was personally taken in by Lady Karusa, Sir Gregor’s mother. Although… it would be such a pity if a sweet little girl like her becomes a warrior. Not that I have something against Lady Karusa, but little Anuk would be so much better as Lady Shana or even your highness’ court-lady…”
Lorelei ignored the rest of Milly’s rambling. Right now, there was a thick knot clogging her throat and her eyes were stinging. The children were fine! Anuk was fine! Thank the Gods and the Mother Above, thank all saints and guardian spirits, they were fine!
One after another, the tears started silently rolling down Lorelei’s cheeks to the maid’s utter shock.
“My lady! Wha-what’s going on? Did I offend you? Are you hurting somewhere?”
“No, Milly,” Lorelei shook her head, “everything is fine.”
“Who cries when they are fine?” The maid jumped up and ran towards the exit. “Just wait a second, my lady. I will call the physician.”
“No, there is no need, really!”
Lorelei’s attempt to stop her fell on deaf ears. However, the moment Milly’s hand was about to touch the handle, the library door flung open and a familiar figure appeared in its frame. Lorelei stood frozen but her heart was beating faster and faster, her eyes measuring up every inch of the newcomer’s body.
“Oh, good day, ladies! Am I disturbing you?”
His greeting was like a wake-up call. Lorelei sprang on her feet and stormed for the door. Before anyone had the time to react, she pulled the newcomer in her embrace. Her sobs became louder and louder as she no longer attempted to suppress them.
“Y-you are f-fine! Oh, thank you! Thank you! I am sorry! I am so, so sorry!”
“M-my l-lady!” Jessup stood there petrified, frantically moving his gaze between Milly and his crying mistress. “What is wrong? Please, let go of me, my lady! Please, calm down!”