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The Beast and The Swallow
III-69. A door beyond (1)

III-69. A door beyond (1)

The bells of the sole remaining tower of the cathedral tolled noon. In the temple’s kitchens, an army of novices and priests were busy cooking mountains of food for their unwilling guests. Together with the infirmarian and his apprentices, Lorelei was distributing gruel, soup, or light stew, depending on the condition of the patients, but her mind was only partially into the task.

She gave a noggin of chicken broth to an elderly lady, while her thoughts followed their own paths. Seeing Castor again in the morning had brought additional turmoil to her already strained heart. The youth had looked haggard and his eyes had been the ones of a hunted animal. And then there was also the matter with the blood. Although she hadn’t seen any injuries, her nose had caught again the whiff of blood that surrounded him like an invisible cloak. But compared to their encounter in the library, the smell had been many times stronger. Like Castor had come back from a bloody battlefield or an encounter with a monster.

For a moment, several images of Noah’s bloodied body flashed before her eyes. Last night he had shed his blood for her. Again. That precious fool! All she did was cause harm to him and to all those around her. And yet, no matter how vicious and heartless it was, she knew very well that no one’s injuries pained her like his did. But even more painful was to see him dispirited and in doubt, to find anguish in his gaze instead of steely determination, and to know that she was the root of his misery.

Biting her lips, Lorelei hurriedly shook her head, trying to drive the untimely thoughts away. If she dwelled any more on Noah, she’d never have a free thought to do what was important at the moment. It was better to wait for a more opportune time to resolve that impossible knot of feelings, lies, unspoken truths, and fears that bound and separated them. It was the proper thing to do…

‘Oh, merhek! May Father Norn take propriety and waiting and shove them into the Netherrealm!’

Like a Binshi spell, her inner voice made her limbs move on their own. Armed with a wooden bowl of stew and a large piece of soft bread, she marched determinedly toward Noah’s cell.

At the infirmary’s door, she almost crashed into Neli, whose towering figure barred her way like a column of fire.

“Oh, my! I didn’t see you!” The Marzbanati steadied her, careful not to bathe them both in hot stew. “Where are you flying to, little bird?”

Lorelei hurriedly stepped back and crossed eyes with this rather unwelcome guest. With nothing more than a slight nod, she acknowledged the other woman and made sure to keep her voice leveled and polite as she replied.

“Do I need to report to you my intentions and whereabouts, Lady Abrahmandar?”

“No. But if this,” she pointed at the bowl, “is intended for Noah, you should know that he already ate.”

For a split-second, Lorelei lowered her eyes and her cheeks began to warm up, but she managed to regain her bearing.

“I am aware. This is for Brother Ignatus. He can’t go to the Mess Hall since he is on duty to guard Rasha.”

Neli’s eyes squinted, but she didn’t question her further.

“Then I’ll accompany you.”

“There is no need.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to my presence. Noah ordered me to be your guard during our stay.”

Lorelei gaped at the old woman. In the spur of the moment, she almost blurted out that she already had Lucas, but then her reason reigned in her tongue. It was futile to argue, especially if it was Noah’s order. He already had enough on his mind and she didn’t want to bother him even more with complaints about her guard detail, especially when it concerned his most-beloved mother.

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“Then I’ll be in your care,” she said and hurried to reach her new destination.

Neli chuckled and silently followed her.

While they were crossing the temple’s gardens, Lorelei had to strain her ears to catch the Marzbanati’s steps. Despite her height, Neli was like a cat.

Throwing a side glance, Lorelei realized that the old woman was staring at her intently. Filling her lungs with the fresh aroma of wet earth and greenery, she steeled herself.

“Is there anything?”

“You have matured quite a bit in such a short time.” The unexpected reply almost made Lorelei trip. “But there is still much to learn if you want to mingle with the wolves of Norden.”

“I know.”

“So, have you made a decision?” Neli’s voice sounded cheerful, but Lorelei could still sense the ripples beneath.

“Not yet.”

“Take your time, but don’t delay too much. A delegation from Pandad will be coming together with the Crown Prince.”

“I know.”

“You don’t seem very talkative today, little bird. If you'd listen to my advice-”

“I don’t think this is the time and place to discuss this matter.” Lorelei stopped abruptly and turned around. “And whatever decision I take, I’ll take alone.”

“Have I offended you somehow?” Neli lifted an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “If you still hold any grudges for my words during the peers meeting-”

“Lady Abrahmandar.” Lorelei measured her up. “I am grateful for your advice and for your willingness to be my guard. But to be my confidante, you need to have my trust, and you currently don’t.”

“So you are willing to entrust your body to me, but not your heart?” Neli’s lips curved up.

“Why should I open my heart to someone who hates me?”

“Dear Gods! I don't hate you.” Neli shook her head and laughed. “I actually rather like you.”

“You are showing it in strange ways.”

“A mother wants only the best for her child.” Neli’s smile dimmed. “Believe me, if you had more assets to offer than the Marzbane of Pandad, I would have supported your relationship with Noah from the start.”

Lorelei gritted her teeth, but couldn’t hold back.

“So material gain is all that’s important?”

“You win a war with funds and allies, not with sweet words and love.” Neli sighed. “You are too young to understand the intricacies of politics, child. That’s why it would be best to go away before you get harmed. Don’t throw away your future for something fleeting. Love comes and goes. You are just a small bird caught in the fight between eagles and vultures.”

“But sometimes even the smallest pebble can cause an avalanche.”

“But not every pebble is destined to do so.” The tone of Neli’s voice became colder. “Of course, it also depends on the pebble’s intentions. I heard that Noah was injured because of you this time too.”

“What are you implying?” hissed Lorelei.

“You know no combat arts.” The Marzbanati made a step forward, forcing Lorelei to back away. With each following sentence, the old woman pushed her further and further away. “You don’t possess magic. You have no political connections or experience in managing a fief. All you possess are meager healing skills and the knack to attract trouble wherever you are. You, Duchess Norden, are a walking liability, especially since that enamored fool is willing to risk his life for you. So tell me, should I welcome with open arms someone who might bring harm to my child?”

Being pushed backward, Lorelei’s foot got caught on the step of the small chapel that currently served as Rasha’s prison. Quick like a snake, Neli motioned to grab her arm, but Lorelei managed to take another two strides and keep her balance by pressing her back against the chapel’s door.

In the shadow of the entrance, dressed in a black-and-white priestess’ gown she had borrowed in exchange for her ruined dress, and with a face devoid of any blood, she looked like a guardian statue. Looking at Neli from her high vantage point, she straightened her back and lifted her chin.

“What I lack in skill and knowledge, I can learn. What I lack in experience I can gain. I don’t deny my shortcomings and I know of my wrongdoings. But Lady Abrahmandar, it isn’t you who are supposed to judge me and my flaws. The only person who has the right to demand anything from me, to prosecute me, and to drive me away isn’t you but my husband.”