Yu gave a long sigh. The constant rocking of the carriage combined with his sick constitution made him feel like vomiting. He opened all the windows and breathed in the outside air.

When she sat down again, Sivina took his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. She was beautifully dressed for the day, wearing the most beautiful blue dress she owned and a magnolia perfume on her hair and neck. Although Yu liked the fresh aroma of the perfume, he did not approve of being so close.

“I feel like you did it for yourself and not for me to feel better...” Yu sighed again.

“You can't deny that the lake air is good for you,” Sivina giggled. “And you can't deny that I worked hard, I deserved a date.”

Sivina lifted her head from Yu's shoulder and placed an unexpected kiss on his cheek. When her lips touched his cheek, her nose touched, inhaling deeply Yu's scent.

“I'm taking this as a reward.”

He didn't want to admit it, but saying he didn't like a kiss from a beautiful girl would just be another lie he was telling himself.

Still he didn’t want to give her hope.

“I thought you got paid for what you did.”

“You can deduct it from my salary.” Sivina was smiling. “In fact, if there is an option to deduct it from my salary in exchange for a kiss, I am ready to use it until the last copper of the salary you pay me.”

Sivina planted another kiss on Yu's cheek. This time Yu didn't stop her, even though he knew the kiss was coming. Sivina put her lips on his cheek again and gave him a long kiss.

“Why didn't I stop it?” Yu asked himself. Then he gave the answer. “Because I am weak, my emotions rule me, I like it.

He didn't want to accept it, but even acceptance was an emotional battle and Yu was on the losing side.

“I think you stay away from things that make you happy. Maybe you don't want to accept your reality.” Sivina rested her head against Yu's. This was no longer flirting. “Let me make you feel better.”

Yu was letting Sivina play with his body. Sivina took Yu's right hand and put it over her own heart.

“By trying to keep yourself away, you're just sinking into quicksand, and then you come and cry about how you feel bad. You're not trying to feel good at all.”

“Yurine was restless in the morning,” Yu said to escape. “I don't want to be away from her, let's go back now.”

Sivina carried her to Yu so that she wouldn't wake up in the morning to find herself with Cornelia, and Link gave Yu his own bed.

“When Cornelia wakes up and finds herself alone, her heart is broken.”

If Yu were in the same situation, he could not help feeling heartbroken. He felt sorry for Cornelia, but he doubted that it was the right thing to feel sorry for her while his mental health was on the brink.

After breakfast, Sivina explained the situation and Yurine forced Yu to leave, even though he slightly resisted. Really, she pushed Yu out, even though it was obvious that she didn't want to do that.

“We're already on our way back now,” Sivina said. She was inhaling Yu's scent. “But the road doesn't end so quickly and we have some time.”

“Sivina, you're going down a path with no end.” He still wasn't pushing or pulling away from her. “You know I don't have time for such things.”

“What do you have time for now?” Sivina asked.

They were riding in the carriage and there was nothing for Yu to waste his time on. Sivina took a few more kisses on Yu's cheek and neck. Each time the passion of the kisses increased.

“For you to feel good, if you run away, you won't feel good.”

“I have a headache, I'm sick...” Yu felt he had reached his limit, so he put his hand on Sivina's face and pushed her away. “Why did I come here? You only wanted this for yourself.”

Sivina didn't answer.

Yu had walked with her for a while on the shore of Jade Lake and tried to ignore Sivina's flirtatious actions, but now Sivina had moved beyond flirting and was trying to create an environment conducive to sexual intercourse.

Yu wasn't lying about feeling bad, it was true that he felt better than he had last night, but he still couldn't say he is fine.

“You and Cornelia are both crazy,” he said. As soon as he said it, he regretted it, thinking he had broken Sivina's heart, but the words had already come out of his mouth once.

“I love Cornelia,” Sivina said as she continued to smile. “But yes, I'm crazy, but that's not the point. You're still trying to escape.”

“You're still coming at me,” Yu added.

Sivina simply accepted it. “Yes.”

“I can't fight her. Unless I directly break her heart and make her cry, she will keep coming at me and I don't want to do anything like make her cry. Not again. I can't make someone cry again.”

So he accepted his defeat and surrendered himself to Sivina.

But after this surrender, something unexpected happened. Sivina moved away from Yu. She went to the other end of the couch and laughed, amused by Yu's puzzled look.

“Was it a test? A test to see if I'd let myself go? I...” He heard the sound of his broken heart. “Did she make fun of me?”

Before Yu's shocked expression turned to anger, Sivina slapped her own knee with her hand, as she had done before.

“What did you think?” Sivina asked as Yu's confusion continued. “You were scared because I walked away from you, haha...”

Sivina chuckled mockingly. The grace that flowed from that mocking laugh prevented Yu from getting angry with her.

“Don't worry, you don't have to be afraid. I won't leave you unless you want me to.”

Accepting Sivina's proposal was a mistake from the start. He had trusted that Sivina was compassionate, that she had really planned this day to make him feel good.

But Sivina wanted everything for herself, Yu was right that she was crazy. The Blessings Yu carried were hurting him and those around him.

Yu bit his lip. Sivina would probably take it as a sexual connotation, but it wasn't; Yu was thinking about how to tell her that he had put his life on the line for another woman.

“I want to save Rie... If I lie in Sivina's lap one more time, it will be hypocritical of me, I will use her to satisfy myself, I will have insulted both girls.”

His desire was beyond saving Rie. His soul burned with this other desire.

“But I'm suffering. The indecision is driving me crazy too.”

While Yu was thinking, Sivina sighed and reached for Yu's arm. Yu surrendered again as she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her.

“I'm an asshole, I'm not surrendering, that's my choice and I'm making Sivina do it so I don't get angry with myself for that choice... Yu Valarfin, why do you keep being evil?”

Although Sivina acted as if she had forced him to do so, he willingly lay down on her knees. The seat inside the carriage was narrow so he could not stretch his legs out smoothly, so he pulled his knees slightly and closed his eyes on Sivina's soft legs.

“No more running away, no more provoking or thinking about problems,” Sivina said gently. “I still think you're tired, not sick, so don't move.”

He was lying on his back. After Sivina finished her sentence, Yu felt her lips on his forehead. The kiss now was tender, not passionate.

“Why do I have such a weak character? I just use her to comfort myself. I still have Rie on my mind, why can't I get a dead woman out of my mind? I can't enjoy life.”

His face contorted with pain.

“Sivina is right, I don't try, and when I try to do it, I use a despicable method like this one. I use her, I tell myself I don't want to give hope, and I use her again. I don't deserve to live.”

It had been less than a few day since he had given himself a motivational speech in one of the minarets of the Aquarian Cathedral, but he had forgotten everything he had said to himself that day.

“I'm being poisoned.”

The blessings, the star in his chest, whatever it was, were pulling his soul to its center. He felt his body warming up again, he could feel the blood boiling, especially in his left hand, but it did him no harm.

At least it wasn't doing any physical harm; otherwise it was draining his energy and clouding his thoughts. Even though his body performed its basic functions, the main source of fatigue was this arm and the battle between the poison in that arm and the star in his chest.

“What's that look of pain on your face? Yu, whatever you're thinking, stop thinking.”

Yu's heart trembled once more when Sivina placed her delicate, soft, warm hand on his cheek.

Sivina stroked his cheek a little and then her fingers slowly moved up to his hair. She ran her fingers slowly through the hair that had grown down to the bones at the junction of his chin and neck.

Yu's hair was soft and Sivina's fingers were gentle. Her fingers moved as if gliding through his hair, caressing not only his hair but also his soul.

“I wanted to say thank you,” Yu said. “It felt good when you did it the first time.”

Until then, his hair had not been stroked for almost a year. After their older sister died, Yu had no one to hug, no one to stroke his hair.

“Thank you,” he said. “And I apologize for being a bad person.”

He couldn't see Sivina's reaction because he didn't open her eyes, but he was sure that if he had, he would have seen a smiling face.

“You're welcome,” Sivina replied.

The carriage kept rocking. Outside their carriage there were two roarons guarding them on the rinos and the carriage was being pulled by one of the Vermilian servants.

“Are my knees comfortable?”

“Yes.”

Yu was trying hard not to think about anything, but it was impossible. He was still thinking about what he would do when he got back to the castle.

Sivina and Link had asked him to rest all day and postpone the work until tomorrow morning, but Yu did not have the patience to wait that long.

He had to figure out how to kill the wizard, wizard was even a bigger problem than Yu Zao. He had to put obstacles outside the walls to make the enemy army even more difficult, and the unity of his armies had to be maintained.

“The walls are strong, but the bastard who threw that lightning-”

“Yu, you're lost in thought again.” Sivina surprised Yu and realized it immediately. “I can tell by the look on your face.”

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“Are you looking that hard?”

“Of course,” Sivina replied. “After all, you are the man I am in love with. I pay attention to everything about you.”

She expressed her love once more. Yu didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell her that he had become a monster for a dead woman.

“Do you want to get married?”

“W-Oh! Ouch! What?” Yu suddenly opened his eyes and tried to get up, but Sivina grabbed his forehead and pressed him to her knees. “What marriage? Sivina I said you-”

“I was just asking,” she said, laughing. She covered her mouth with one hand as she laughed. “I'm not asking you to marry me, that's something men are supposed to do.”

“This logic doesn't really fit with equality between men and women. It's something I don't like.”

“Equality between men and women?” Yu's eyes were open now and he could see Sivina blinking. “I mean... Equal... Equal?”

“Really?”

He hadn't mingled much with the people, but in Rolderhelm he saw no difference between men and women. Perhaps it was because he had lived in an inn run by a woman like Lucia and the majority of her groups were girls, but he still couldn't say he had experienced male dominance.

“Both sides have their own tasks, they complement each other.”

He knew that Sivina was a strong woman, but Yu was surprised that she was far from that concept.

“A modern concept? I guess I would say that. It advocates the social and legal equality of men and women.”

“What inequality is there now?” Sivina asked.

“Like giving all property to the man in inheritance...” He knew in Sivina’s kingdom, all family property was given to the eldest son. “Or that women can't speak before men-“

“Yo, they're talking. And women uses her husband’s inheritance, they don’t need their father’s.”

Yu had not done research on gender inequality, and even he was interested in history and sociological phenomena, he did not even know how to apply patriarchy in practice.

So he decided to drop the subject. “Never mind, I'm not equipped to talk about it.”

When he went to bed at night, he would have thoughts to tell here, but since the conversation had already ended, he could do nothing but wish.

“Okay, answer my question.” Sivina pinched Yu's cheek as if he were a child. “Do you ever fantasize like that?”

When he thought of his sisters as the last ones to pinch his cheek, it made him sad and happy at the same time. He liked this kind of attention if it came from pretty girls.

“No,” Yu lied.

“Liar, everyone does.”

It was the first time a lie he had told had been so easily exposed. He couldn't even remember how many lies he had told before had been exposed.

“When I achieve my goal, if I continue to live, I imagine a rich and quiet life in this world,” he answered her question. He hoped this would satisfy Sivina and she would not ask any more questions.

“What kind of life, can you elaborate a bit more?” Sivina asked.

“Uh...” Yu had thought about it many times, but now he found it hard to explain. “I am getting rid of this disease forever,” he began.

As he spoke, he raised his left hand and showed it to Sivina. What he meant by disease was the fatal illness he had learned about at the Wizarding Academy, but he didn't want to talk about it.

“Then, with the money I have earned, this time in more 'legal' ways, I will live comfortably in a mansion full of servants who will do everything for me until the end of my days on this earth, during which time I will seek immortality.”

Having said this, he looked directly into Sivina's eyes to see what she was thinking. Sivina first averted her eyes and looked at the ceiling as if she was thinking, then she sighed “oh,” and smiled.

“Maybe there's a spell about it,” Sivina said. “But don't read too much into it... As dreams grow, so do the disappointments that come with failure.”

“It's just a dream anyway, but isn't this world a fantastic place? I'll just look for it, like a hobby. It would be nice if I find it.”

If he had a way of doing it, he would have given it some serious thought, but now it was just a ‘why shouldn't I do’ kind of request.

“I've taken the subject away from fantasies like marriage, good.”

He felt like he had won a victory and needed to stall Sivina to finalize it.

“Do you know legends about people seeking immortality? I'm sure you do.”

“There are several stories involving immortality,” she said. “But only one of them contains the ‘seeking’ part.”

“I'm listening.”

Sivina stroked Yu's hair a little more and then took his right hand, her left hand was still on his head but no longer stroking. She was just using her finger to play with Yu's hair.

“One of the stories my grandmother told me is about a fallen angel.” Yu's ears perked up as Sivina began to tell. “When one of the angels fell from heaven, he was filled with such anger that he wanted to destroy all of heaven.”

“Why did he fall?”

“My grandmother said it was because of lust,” Sivina said. “She fell in love with a goddess, but it was forbidden in heaven.”

“I thought Galahad and Rhea were in love. Aren't they in heaven?”

“It's just a story. You wanted to hear it, so I'm telling it.”

“Okay, okay. I apologize.”

Once Sivina had the story in her mind, she began to tell it again.

“But creatures that are immortal in heaven are mortal outside heaven. Fallen angels are immortal in heaven, but mortal when they descend to earth. A mortal life was not enough for the fallen angel to seek revenge. So he sought it.”

Yu liked the way she played with his hair as she told the story, and the way she ran her thumb slowly over his hand was ticklish.

“He found the solution in becoming a demon,” Sivina said. “He landed in the land of demons and offered his glorious wings to one of the demon kings for immortality. So he became a demon and gained the long life he needed for his revenge.”

He hadn't expected a story to help him completely, but he had hoped it would inspire him a little. Now all he had was a little disappointment.

“I have no wings to give.”

“It's just a story anyway. Who knows what the original was like and how much it changed before my grandmother found out.”

“Yes, stories are constantly changing when they are told ear to ear.”

That is why it was important to write and record every event that happened. So they could enlighten future generations and open the doors of the past for them.

“What about the other stories? I'm talking about immortal stories where immortality is not sought.”

“They are all simple things; in the end, like in Galahad's story, they ascend to heaven and live an immortal life.”

“I see.”

He guessed that hundreds of stories about the quest for immortality existed in this world, but Sivina could not possibly know them all. In the future he would ask others about it and if he solved all the problems, it would become his hobby.

“And what are you planning to do?” Yu asked. “We didn't set a deadline in our business deal with you.”

“Uh-uh,” Sivina shook her head from side to side. “If you think you're avoiding the question, you've failed, Yu Valarfin. Do you have dreams of marriage? Come on, tell me.”

“I don't want to answer,” he said in the most serious tone he could muster.

“You have to answer,” Sivina pressed.

“I'm not.” Yu tried to run away again.

“You have to. Or do you not want to answer because you don't want to break my heart by saying ‘I don't want to marry you’?”

“No, I wouldn't say such a thing.” He avoided saying things that would break her heart.

“You wouldn't,” Sivina emphasized the word. “That's what's on your mind anyway.”

“No, you're just pushing me to give you the answer you want.”

He wasn't going to play this game. Sivina was emotionally manipulating Yu into making a promise he couldn't keep and Yu knew it.

“You still dream of getting married?”

“Maybe... A world where Yurine plays with her brothers and sisters would be nice.”

“Hmm?” Sivina raised an eyebrow? “Are those brothers coming out of Cornelia?”

“I said no such thing.”

“Who are you going to make those brothers with?” Sivina laughed. “I don't suppose you're planning to do it by yourself.”

“I regret giving that answer.”

It was clear from the beginning that the answer would come here, but Yu had tried to buy time by not naming Rie.

“I thought those rings you always wore around your neck were for two different girls. At least since you came to camp with the dragon.”

Since his right hand was being held by Sivina, he raised his left hand and brought it to his chest. The rings had been hanging around his neck since his first day in this world. Often he forgot they were there, but they were always there, with him.

“They belong to my sisters.”

“Are you going to keep them around your neck forever?” Sivina asked. “Honestly, I thought you were going to give one of them to me and the other to Cornelia.”

“You're crazy,” Yu said without waiting. “You're no different from anime girls, why would anyone agree to polygamy?”

As a man, he dreamed of having a harem. Especially during his time at Rolderhelm, he believed that this dream would come true.

But now he could not understand how anyone could accept it. Why would a woman approve of her husband taking someone else as a wife? Yu couldn't make sense of it.

The idea of a woman having a man's harem and being in that harem disgusted Yu; how could a woman agree to be in someone's harem?

“What do you mean, anime girl? I have to say that as an Ecues I am extremely chaste,” said the woman who entered the same bathroom with a strange man.

“I didn't insult your chastity. An anime girl is not a bad thing, it's a good thing.” Yu thought it was good. “It's just... they accept such things.”

“So can I proudly say I'm an anime girl?”

“Yes.”

For Yu, who calls any girl born and raised in this world with colored hair an anime girl, Sivina was an anime girl.

“Do you like anime girls?”

“Yes.”

“Then I'm an anime girl.” Sivina leaned down once more and kissed Yu on the forehead. “And I'm the best.”

“That's a moot point,” Yu said. “You have a lot of competitors in this field.”

“What do I need to do to stand out from my competitors?”

“You can try to be natural. For example, this idea of accepting polygamy is not natural, it's a cliché. It makes you a stereotype, not a character.”

“So you don't like Cornelia?”

“Where did this come from?”

Yu had never said anything like that. He was not in love with Cornelia, but he still didn't want to say that he don't love her.

“You were uncomfortable when I raised the idea of sharing you with Cornelia. Do you want me on my own?” She had a coquettish smile on his face.

“Now I want a harem, if possible.” He wasn't serious when he said this, of course. “If you stand out from the competition as an anime girl, maybe my opinion of you will improve.”

“But the idea of accepting the harem won't make me a natural anime girl. You're stopping me from standing out from my rivals.” Sivina pinched Yu's cheek and pulled. “You're not fair, you're cheating.”

“You're the one who's not playing fair by coming at me all the time.”

“This is not about fairness, don't try to escape again.”

When Sivina let go of his cheek, Yu scratched it with his claw-like fingers.

“I'll still somehow outcompete all my rivals for you, even if you say it jokingly, I take it seriously.” Sivina leaned into Yu's ear. “I will not stop until Sivina has your Valarfin.”

Then she took the auricle between her lips and pulled it up slightly. This movement, her soft lips and warm breath made Yu's heart tremble again.

“You're too close.”

“I know you like it, so stop crying.”

“Why do I feel like you'd force yourself on me if you could?”

Sivina put a big smile on her face. “I can do it.”

Yu didn't know how to respond to that. His eyes couldn't help but drift to Sivina's breasts and when Sivina noticed, she squeezed Yu's cheek a little tighter.

“Is there something you want?”

“There are many things I want, but I won't ask for what's on your mind.”

In fact he did want it, Sivina was obviously attractive in every way, and it was a lie to say he didn't want it. The reason he didn't voice his desire was his conviction that it wasn't the right thing to do.

Even now, lying on her knees, he was using her for his own ends, and taking it further would only make him a bigger asshole. There was no way forward for this relationship, it would be forgotten in a few years. He couldn't bring himself to use her for something she would never remember.

“What are the things you want?” Yu asked. “I'm curious about your dreams, which have nothing to do with me. What do you want to do in the future?”

Faced with the question, Sivina raised her head and looked up at the ceiling and thought for a while.

“I've been dreaming about you so much lately that I have trouble remembering my previous dreams.” She put a finger to her chin and thought. “Let's see... Back when my father forced me to learn how to use a sword, I wanted to be a princess.”

“I don't think I can make that happen.”

“Are you going to fulfill my dreams? Then I want-!”

“Unrelated to me,” Yu corrected. “Say something that has nothing to do with me, I'm tired of hearing my name.”

“I like saying your name,” Sivina said. “So... I would like a life where I don't have to fight, even though I am used to living by the sword and finding my way by the sword.”

This life was something Yu wanted too. He had only ever really fought once and there were only two things he could say about it: it sucked and he hated it.

“Of course I want a little luxury, just like any other person. To wear dresses instead of uniforms for the rest of my life, to wear jewelry like other women. Maybe I'll wear earrings.”

“I don't like earrings, they are ugly jewelry.”

Yu wouldn't let her sisters wear earrings. He was especially disgusted by hoop earrings. Whenever he saw a hoop earring, he fantasized about sticking his finger in and pulling it down, and he couldn't help it. Needless to say, it would be painful and disgusting for the wearer.

“I don't even like anything that leaves marks on the body. Piercings or tattoos are ugly.”

“Pörsin what?”

“Like earrings. They put them on the nose, navel, nipple, etc.”

Sivina's shoulders shook and she put both hands to her own breasts.

“The idea of this is disgusting. What kind of maniac would do something like that? And how do you know they put them on their nipples? When have you seen them?”

“I haven't seen it,” he lied. He had seen it in pornographic content, but he wasn't going to explain it to her. “I know the idea, though.”

Yu spoke as Sivina put her hands back on his head and his right hand. “Is that all you dream of? To live an ordinary life?”

“I used to dream of dedicating my sword to someone who would make the world a better place, but I don't think about that anymore. I want to live a normal life with you.”

“This is a rather sudden vision,” Yu said.

“Yes, it is,” Sivina said. “Still, the idea of opening an inn like Lucia's in Rolderhelm and living a long, peaceful life is quite nice.”

He had once thought of the dream Sivina had told him about. In his early days on earth, he had dreamed of marrying Lucie and running an inn and living like that for the rest of his life.

It sounded good, but the situation and circumstances at the time did not lend themselves to such a dream, and Yu did not want to marry an elf.

“I'm in love with you,” Sivina said.

Meanwhile, Yu had noticed the familiar structures visible through the carriage window and lifted his head from Sivina's knees.

“I like telling that,” she added. “Even if I don't hear an answer, I'll tell you again and again and again, and I plan to get a kiss every day in exchange for you taking it out of my paycheck.”

“I won't take it out of your paycheck-” he said, but he didn't continue.

Taking advantage of Yu's vulnerability, Sivina immediately planted another kiss.

“Then I'll do it over and over and over.” When Yu didn't push her away, Sivina wrapped her arms around his waist. “I wonder how long it will be before you like it-”

“Be quiet,” Yu interrupted. He put his hand over Sivina's mouth.

Sivina fell silent and she and Yu listened to the sounds coming from outside. The metallic sound of the bells echoed throughout the city.

Yu grabbed his sword that was lying inside the carriage and jumped out as soon as he reached the Vermilian castle.