After Link's story, they didn't speak for a while. They were both trying to enjoy the water.

It was obviously difficult for Yu because he started thinking about things again. If he could, he would take his brain out immediately. Maybe sleep would help him, but he still wasn't sleepy even though he had been in the hot water for a long time.

“I want you to join me when Sivina trains me,” Yu said.

“Yes.”

When Link agreed without pressing, there was an awkward silence again. Yu wanted to break the silence because the silence made his brain work.

“I can't believe I'm saying something so cliché, but... I want to be strong.”

“You realize it's difficult in your case, right?” Link opened his eyes and looked at Yu. “It also matters what kind of power you're after.”

“Isn't it obvious?” Yu found the question unnecessary. “I just need to be stronger than Yu Zao.”

Link grinned. His lips were almost to his ears. “I assume you are aware that the one you mentioned is one of the best in Mora, and since you fought him, you must know how serious the difference between you is.”

Closing his eyes again, Link could not see, but Yu nodded. He knew the extent of his power, and if Yu Valarfin had been Yu Valarfin the day before, he would have said that he could never surpass it.

But the current Yu Valarfin wanted to kill Yu Zao Long. He wanted to kill Elaine Jie Long. He wanted to kill the wizard. He wanted to kill Cecilus dri Vermilia. He wanted to kill Keichi Tempo.

And he wanted to do it all by his own hand, but what he wanted most of all was to kill Yu Valarfin.

“You probably died in that battle,” Yu said to Link. “Maybe by the wizard's lightning bolts.”

When Link didn't answer, Yu kept talking.

“You're not stronger than them, are you?”

The training he received from Sivina and Link was not enough to face them. Yu had to find someone stronger, someone even stronger than Yu Zao. Even if he couldn't kill him in this world, he would get his revenge in the next.

He remembered very well how his hand and legs had been cut off. The heat of the sword that boiled his veins was still fresh in his mind. The more he thought of this humiliation, the faster he breathed and his hands trembled with rage.

“Maybe,” Link said. “I'm alive now and I intend to be alive for a while. I don't know when I will have a chance to measure whether I am stronger than them.”

For some reason he didn't understand Link's answer.

“I'm sorry,” Yu said. “I'm sorry for being an asshole to you and I'm sorry for lying to you.”

“What lie?” Link seemed to accept that Yu was being an asshole.

“Not only to you, but to everyone, and I will continue to lie.” He could never say his true purpose. “I am the true bearer of the Blessings.”

Link took this with equanimity. “Hmm-hmm,” he grunted and fell silent, waiting for Yu to speak.

“We played this game because I thought Yurine would be accepted more quickly as a cardinal.”

“I already knew there was something there.”

Yu was amazed that Link was still calm after all he had said.

“That's it? You have nothing more to say?” Link grunted no. “I was expecting a punch in the face.”

“I wouldn't do that, I love you,” Link said with a smile. His smile was light but sincere.

If Yu Valarfin had been here the day before, he would have told him he was a gay, but he didn't want to tease him anymore. He was also tired of being grumpy.

“Me too,” he said. “I might like you a little, as a friend.”

Even though Link would forget him when he rewound time, he wanted to say it because it was something he was admitting to himself, not to Link. Yu Valarfin was tired and Yu Valarfin wanted to admit that he loved someone.

“I died on my first day in Rolderhelm and was revived by Rie,” he began to explain. “We went with her to a place called the Sigma Tower, where Rie was assassinated and died, and Yurine and I survived. I think her Blessings passed to me when Rie died because she revived me.”

The reason he told him was because he wanted to be fair. He was complaining about Link's sudden appearance in his life, but in Link's eyes, Yu was also a sudden appearance.

“Then we had some adventures and we came here.”

“Your real goal is not to fulfill Rie's dream.”

“Yes.”

Link took a handful of water and brought it to his face, wet his hair and washed his face. Then he reached into the basket Uhrimi had left behind Yu and picked up a jar of shampoo.

When he started to put the shampoo in his hair, he spoke. “What is your real purpose?”

“I can't. So I'm going to keep lying about realizing Rie's dream.”

He couldn't say they were going to rewind time. He especially couldn't say that to Link because he seemed to believe him.

“I believed you would save the people.” For the first time, Link sounded disappointed. “That's why I was here.”

Yu said nothing. He just stared at the water, unable to find the right to answer.

“Maybe I can still believe.”

“After what I said about people?”

“Yes.”

Yu did not know what to say. He didn't intend to do anything for the people of this country, and even if he did, it wouldn't matter once he reached Nekoverine.

“So,” Link started to explain. “Your face, the way you talk, the way you move, all tell me I can trust you. This is the air you give off.”

“I see.”

He didn't know who the real Yu Valarfin was either. He was just mesmerized by Yu's packaging. If that's what he thought even when he told him that he was a loser, Yu couldn't say anything else.

Yu couldn't think like Link. He couldn't devote himself to people he didn't know the way Link did.

Even his decision to save Rie was a difficult one. Yu didn't believe he could walk the path Link had walked.

“Saving Rie is much harder than Link's dream.” It was also interesting that he believed in a dream that was more extreme than Link’s. “For Rie, for Rie, for Rie... What I've done, the pain... No, there's Yurine too, but ultimately to save Rie...”

The melody of the lullaby began to play in his head again. It was as if his heart was bleeding and his soul wanted to leave his body.

“My soul...”

Rie said it was white. He wondered what she would say if she saw him now. Maybe she would choose to stay away from Yu if he met Rie for real.

“Link.”

This time it wasn't Yu calling out. It was the girl behind them, standing at the entrance.

“Get out.”

Sivina was wearing a towel and it was covering her body. She walked a little further and turned around, across from where Yu was. She was waiting for Link to left room.

“If you want to talk, I'll listen to you,” Link said before leaving. Then he patted Yu on the shoulder and got out of the water and left the room.

Now Yu was alone in the room with Sivina. After Link left, Sivina turned around and looked at Yu. Sivina's skin was smooth and breathtaking, her sea-green eyes even more beautiful when they were sad. Her lips were pink as he remembered them and there was a blush on her forehead. Her silver hair was a little wet, even though she hadn't been in the water yet.

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“Close your eyes,” she said before lowering his towel.

Yu did not close his eyes but lowered his head and looked at the water. With a sigh Sivina dropped her towel on the floor and slowly put her long white legs into the water. When Yu raised his head again, she was in the water up to her chest.

Sivina had a beautiful face and Yu didn't mind looking at her, but he couldn't look at her face right now. So he lowered his head again and kept looking at the water.

Even though he was aware of her feelings, he didn't know what to say because he didn't think they would be in the same bathroom. Of course he had imagined this scene before. After all, Yu was a man and he had certain needs. And since he had time for himself in Mora, he had done it a few times by imagining such scenes.

But he didn't think this scene would actually happen, that Sivina would actually come to him. Earlier she had entered his tent while he was naked and bathed him, but now Sivina was naked too.

“Does she remember the past?”

He wanted to know, but he didn't have the courage to ask. He had no words to say to Sivina. He was ashamed to look her in the face because he had killed her too.

He had made the wrong choice, he had not been strong enough, and he had dragged Sivina to her death.

At the beginning of this journey he had seen her as a pawn who would die for him, but after everything that had happened it was impossible not to feel emotionally close to her. He could do nothing but blame herself for his death.

He raised his eyes when he realized Sivina was looking at him. When their eyes met, he immediately lowered them back down.

Realizing that Yu was not going to say anything, Sivina decided to be the one to start the conversation.

“What happened?” Sivina asked.

Yu was even more hesitant to speak because her voice sounded a little harsh, but he couldn't stay silent forever. Without looking up, he answered a question with a question. “Do you remember?”

“Yes.” Like the other words she had said so far, it was short and simple.

As if to prove how ugly he was, Yu raised his left hand and brought it to his chest. He held his breath as his hard, pointed fingers brushed his skin.

He could feel the Blessings breathing in his chest. He wondered what role the Blessings played in the fact that Sivina remembered.

Yu still didn't know what to say. So he decided to keep quiet until Sivina spoke, but it wasn't long before Sivina spoke again.

She said, “I...” It was clear she was straining to speak. “After I died, what happened?”

“After you died...” Yu repeated the words. He bit his trembling lips, trying to control them. “Then you were definitely dead...”

He killed her. Not only his daughter, but also a friend. Yu Valarfin was a killer who couldn't stop killing.

Neither Sivina nor Yu spoke. Sivina continued to watch Yu while Yu was still looking at the water, trying to work up the courage to speak.

“I fought Yu Zao.” Yu had told Link that he had lost, but telling Sivina was more embarrassing than he thought. He felt himself getting angry again, and without taking a breath, he just rattled off one word after another. “And I lost. I was crushed. I was cut. I wasn't even an opponent, and probably not even a fight in Yu Zao's eyes. He just gave a lesson to a fool who thought he was something.”

Sivina never took her face away from Yu, but Yu still couldn't look at her.

“Yurine died because I wasn't good enough. You died because I'm nothing. We lost, I lost...”

His mood was changing very fast and he was aware of it. Tears started coming out of his eyes again.

“Yu Zao, Elaine Jie, the wizard... They didn't actually kill anyone. I am solely responsible for all the deaths.”

Sivina was silent and Yu was talking and he didn't even realize how much he was talking. He was just pouring his heart out.

“I'm not who you think I am. The Yu Valarfin you know is not a real person. I am nothing more than a monster, a murderer. Yet it is selfish of me!” He was rising again. His voice rose and echoed off the walls of the room where the hot spring was located. “I still want to win, I have no right to revenge, but I still dream of revenge, of killing them, of venting my anger, because IT'S ALL FOR MY OWN SATISFACTION!”

His lips pursed and took a strange shape. He realized that he was losing his nerve and trying to laugh, but he couldn't manage it.

“What have I ever done for anyone else? I tried a little for Yurine, that's all. Everything else has been to satisfy myself.” He had admitted this to himself many times before. “But you know what's the worst thing? Even though I know I'm a failure, I can't stop myself from thinking that Yu Valarfin is a great being.”

This time it was not a product of his ego. He was aware that he was smarter than most people; he was aware that he was at a point that most people couldn't even dream of reaching; he was aware that he was more beautiful, more impressive than most people.

And even though he knew it was all true, he failed. It had done nothing to help him on his path to success.

“I'm full of hate. I believe that all human beings live for self-gratification and so I can't even think that what I'm doing is wrong... But you know what? I tell myself that what I'm doing is wrong and I know I am right.”

Even Yu couldn't understand himself.

“I... I don't know. I don't know what to do.” He closed his eyes. “I was never supposed to be in this world. That's the part I left out when I told you about my past. I'm a being that shouldn't be in this world. I'm a stranger. I'm a liar.”

Yu was a liar who could not stop lying, just as he was a murderer who could not stop killing.

“I wish it was someone different instead of me. I wish a hero was sitting here.”

When he realized that Sivina was still silent and he is the only one speaking, he raised his head and looked at her face. He hadn't actually said these things to her, he was confessing them to himself.

Sivina was still looking at Yu, but there was something different. Sivina's sea-green eyes were wet and tears were running down her cheeks and dripping down her chin.

“Why aren't you angry with me?” Yu asked. “I say I killed you, I say it's all my fault? What are you waiting for? Yell, hit, break, insult, take it out on me! Vent your anger!”

He shouted and made Sivina cry even more. He thought what he had done was terrible. He had made her cry. Sivina was crying because of Yu.

He was aware that he had made Luna cry in the past and he would have to make her cry again in the future, but it didn't have the same effect as Sivina had. He wanted to stand up and hug her and apologize, but he remembered that he was naked so he sat right back down.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Yu repeated three times.

But he could do nothing but apologize. He just sat down and continued to bow his head in shame.

“Don't shoulder this burden alone,” Sivina said. Yu raised his eyes and looked at her. Sivina continued to cry. “Don't put all the blame on yourself.”

Sivina's face wrinkled in pain and she swallowed. She sniffled, her lips trembling as she tried to speak.

“You're hurting me.” Yu didn't know how to answer. Sivina kept talking. “It hurts me that you are in pain, it hurts me that you don't know what to do, and it hurts me that you are sad.”

“I... I must take over Vermia.”

He had not given up. On the contrary, after his defeat, his determination was stronger than ever. What he didn't know what to do about was how to prevail against this cruel world.

“And will taking Vermia put an end to your pain? Will you laugh then?”

Taking Vermia would not end Yu's suffering. It would continue until Yu Valarfin died and a new Yu Valarfin was born from the ashes of the old one.

He needed a Yu Valarfin who shall be stronger than before, patient, smart, wise. Only such a person could undo the tragedy, only such a Yu Valarfin could deserve happiness.

“Why don't you answer?” Sivina asked. “Why do you keep hurting me?”

“What am I doing?”

“I'm saying you hurt me!” Sivina started to rise slowly. “At the moment of death... All I thought of was you. Only you. The thing I feared the most was that you would suffer the way I did. I am... I am in love with you!”

Sivina suddenly stood up. Her whole body was in front of Yu as yellow water ran down her shoulders.

She was more beautiful than he had imagined. Her legs were long, as he knew, and the organ between them was pink, as he had imagined. She was slim-waisted, flat-bellied and athletic.

Her breasts were bigger than they looked under the dress, the tips were pink and small, and it looked sweeter than Yu had imagined. Her shoulders were narrow and her face was as beautiful as ever.

As a man, Yu could not stop looking at the sight.

“Only the man you see from the outside-”

“No, the man standing in front of me right now!”

“When that boy turned back time, Cornelia's feelings and yours piled up. The reason you both love me-”

“Still it is love!”

Sivina walked slowly towards Yu, interrupting him twice and preventing him from finishing his sentence.

“You don't know me! You don't know who I am!” Sivina continued to walk towards him, Yu’s speech getting faster and faster. “I am a liar! I am a murderer! I lied to you and I lied to Ana! I deceived you all!”

Sivina hadn't stopped walking and Yu was now speaking without breathing between words.

“The reason I wanted you with me was to use you for my own purposes; everything Leoral said was true; in Rolderhelm I swindled; in İlonya I made the biggest score in history; I used Yurine to kill people; I enslaved the roarons; I'm the bearer of the Virgo's Blessing, not even Yurine; I used Luna to foretell Raul's arrival and told Yurine to kill him on sight; when Bart discovered my crimes, I poisoned him with my own blood and fed him to the rinos in pieces so his body wouldn't be found; I poisoned Leoral! I did it all!”

When he finished, Sivina was standing right in front of him. She was angry. She raised her hand and slapped Yu hard across the face.

The sound of the slap echoed around the room and Yu was stunned by the slap. He recovered quickly and spoke again.

“I am a liar, a murderer. Is this the one you love?”

People liked Yu Valarfin's packaging, the personality he showed them. Maybe that's why Yu loved Yurine so much. While everyone else loved his exterior, Yurine loved the real Yu Valarfin, the killer, she saw him as her father.

But Yu's last words earned him a slap on the other cheek. Sivina's hands could be soft when needed, but really heavy when needed.

He couldn't look at her face as his cheek ached, but she wouldn't let him look away.

Sivina cupped Yu's chin in her hand and lifted his head up. When Yu's eyes met her eyes, she brought her face closer, exhaled a warm breath and placed her lips on Yu's.

“Warm. Soft.”

Yu just waited, accepting the kiss. Sivina's leg was touching his penis, but Sivina didn't seem to mind, nor could Yu think of anything else because of the shock.

He didn't know how long it lasted. When Sivina's lips parted from his, he opened his eyes and looked at Sivina's face.

“I'm in love with you,” Sivina said.

“Yes, I can see that.”

“I am in love with you no matter what you say, I am in love with you no matter what you have done. Whatever the reason for this love, it is still love and I am in love with you.” Sivina took Yu's face in both hands. There were still tears in her eyes, but she looked happier now. “I am in love. I am in love with Yu Valarfin. I am in love with whoever Yu Valarfin claims to be. You can deny the existence of this love, you can say it is unnatural, it won't change the truth. I am in love with the man whose eyes I look into. If you say you are a loser, a failure, I am in love with this failure. If one day you say you are a successful man, I will fall in love with him too.”

Yu was not so callous as to deny that these words made his heart tremble. At this point, no one could stop his heart from trembling.

“I'm in love with you, Yu,” Sivina said before pulling Yu to her and resting his head on her chest. “And I can keep saying that.”

Every moment Yu was here gave Sivina more hope. Still, he couldn't leave and closed his eyes. “I'm confused.”

“I know.” Sivina stroked Yu's hair. “Say no more, just listen.”

Sivina's heart was beating fast. Sivina's heart beat as fast as the heart of a person in love beats.