I didn't respond to the stabbing right away. In my defense, I was pretty focused on my thoughts about how badly I had fucked myself by telling my guildmates about the the storm I'd made.
I'd read enough about what spells could be made to do with tier one mana to know that it would have taken at least ten mages working in concert to accomplish what I'd done by simply inviting the environmental mana to join me. That wasn't even considering the added complexity of working with multiple elements.
What I'd done was scary. I didn't want people to think I was scary, I was terrified by the prospect. I was going around in mental circles both berating myself, and trying to figure out how I'd tame such a Concept if it happened.
So when Zeke stabbed me in the back causing a sensation that felt a whole lot like being poked hard with a rigid finger, my still inebriated mind didn't view it as an attack. To be fair, the System didn't even see fit to trigger auto inspection until the third, slightly more painful hit to the base of my skull.
Level 40 Pathfinder
At that point, I still hadn't really registered that the man was really trying to hurt me, but I'd had enough of being poked. I spun around and grabbed the half elf scout by his wrist, cringing when I felt it crunch under my grasp.
I almost apologized and let go, but when I saw the short sword falling from the suddenly limp fingers of his right hand, I froze for a moment. I felt a flash of rage as my instincts flared, telling me to rip the man apart for daring to try to hurt me. The rage quickly sputtered out. The instincts that the System installed in me could not stand up to three Concepts, bolstered by my own will working together to suppress them.
There was a manic look in the man's bloodshot eyes. My Concepts reacted to different things. Survivor illuminated the hatred and rage that were clearly aimed at me, if it was still my only Concept, I may have ended up following the will of my instincts.
Kind and protective showed me what the ruthless survivor would have missed. Behind the hatred was pain. There were tears running down his face as he started punching me with his uninjured hand, he didn't even seem to register the badly broken wrist that I still held tightly in my grasp.
“Why!?” He screamed.
“Why why why why why?” He said the word with every fruitless punch, it felt like being hit by a toddler.
Something came over me, and I followed an instinct that had nothing to do with the System. I reached into myself and pulled on kind , protective, sturdy, and enduring, sending them into my aura using a technique that I copied from how the System had me use mana.
The Concepts weren't as empowered as the ones found in elemental mana, not by a long shot, but the fact that they were a part of my own soul made a huge difference in how much of their power I could use, and how complete their reaction to my will was. I wrapped Zeke in my aura, pushing it into him.
The man's rage crumbled, leaving him only with his sorrow. I pulled him into a careful hug as he sobbed. Tears sprang freely from my own eyes as I felt the pain in him with my aura.
My Concepts sank into his mind, sturdy and enduring both helped him push past the anguish that had driven him to fury. They allowed him to think coherently. Kind and protective let him know, down to his soul, that he was not alone.
I crushed all ten life crystals I had in my body, and pushed the mana into him, asking it to heal the man. I winced as the light connection I retained with the mana let me know that I had thoroughly shattered the man's wrist. I made a note to find some eggs and fruit to practice restraint with. The mana also detected several toxins in the man's body that were impairing his mind. All his ailments were healed in moments as the higher level mana I dealt with had little difficulty doing whatever I desired to such a low level target.
The sobbing slowed to a stop as all the tension left Zeke's body. I stayed still, continuing to send him comfort in the form of the Concepts I shared through my aura.
“Is this why she loves you?” The words were quiet and the question confused me.
I was trying to figure out how to respond when he continued, louder this time.
“Is this why she rejected me, and showers you with blessings? I would have killed you if our places were reversed. Instead... this… this comfort… This isn't from her, I've felt her gaze upon me, but it reminds me of her. Was I too angry? I tried not to be, I tried to follow her teachings.”
Things were starting to make a little more sense. But I remembered Belua mentioning Zeke once in conversation, it hadn't sounded like she was disappointed with him.
“Why do you say she rejected you?” I asked softly as I wracked my brain for a half remembered conversation from weeks ago.
“I was raised by the temple, they selected me to be a keeper. I trained my entire childhood for it. I tried so hard, passed every test the brothers gave me. When I turned fifteen, I should have been made a junior keeper, everyone said so. When her System determined it was my place to be an Adventurer Pathfinder, it was obvious to all that she had seen the unworthiness inside me. I lost everything that day.”
“I'm sorry.” I said, and I meant it. I had a feeling he was wrong about her rejecting him though, so I sent a prayer to Belua.
“Don't be, she was right. I thought I had finally accepted my path, thought I had put my past behind me. Then you came into the guild. I saw you walk in, this half wild beast man, staring at everyone like you were sizing us up, and I judged you. I judged you like the damned humans judge me when they see my ears. When I found out you bore her mark, I hated you for it. She was right, I was never worthy.”
That definitely didn't sound right, not when you considered that damn Domineering Keeper I'd met in the temple. Thankfully, while he spoke, I remembered the time Belua had mentioned him.
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“I think you're wrong. I don't think she rejected you at all. She cares for you enough that she's mentioned you, she calls you little Ezekiel, I remember her noting your tracking skills.”
She had been talking about how Samuel wasn't using his skills to track the wendigo, she agreed with them that it was too dangerous for him. He didn't need to know the details.
Belua chose that moment to answer my prayer, my mark lit up, bathing the area in a soft light. I felt her aura radiating from it.
“Poor child, I knew he was disappointed in his lot, but I failed to see his pain.”
Zeke gasped, I felt my aura get pushed away from the half elf as Belua's took its place.
“Great Mother, I am sorry!” He shouted. “I let my jealousy get the better of me, I have failed to live up to your teachings. I have proven myself unworthy again.” He slipped out of my arms, and landed on his knees at my feet, his forehead practically buried in the ground.
“Forgive me!” He sounded so desperate that it tore at my heart.
“I am going to share a fragment of my authority with you for a moment. You may find this draining, though you should be able to handle it for a short period. Please repeat after me.”
I didn't have time to disagree before a watered down package of Belua's Concepts took residence inside me. The world seemed like an altogether different place when they settled in. I saw the child at my feet, and reached down to lift him up. I loved him so very much, just like everyone else. He had made a mistake, but children often did. Such things didn't require punishment, not when I had the power to make him see the right path.
“You are forgiven.” I said repeating Belua’s words. My voice carried her authority in a way that none could deny. “It is I who should apologize to you. I saw you, born to a mother who fled from the front lines. Who bore the burden of rejection twice over already, neither case being any fault of your own. I saw your dedication to the temple. But I also saw the talent you had for finding and tracking while you played with the others at the temple.”
My hand moved, practically on its own, I placed it on his shoulder.
“I foresaw the draft that would come to Brightwood, and saw how few adventurers would remain. Saw that they would be left without seer or scout if nothing was done. You were here, you had a natural disposition suited for scouting. Your background meant that their biases would allow you to stay where you were needed. So despite your training as a keeper, I put you where you were needed. I did not foresee the pain it would cause, only the lives it would save. Brightwood stands because you are here to guide the Adventurers. Know that you are loved, and I am sorry.”
Belua pulled her authority from me after the last words left my mouth, and I dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I barely had it in me to continue breathing. The last thing I saw before I passed out was the look of bliss on Zeke's transforming to worry.
When I opened my eyes in my room in Belua's realm I felt strangely numb, and it didn’t take long for me to figure out why. All of my Concepts had gone dark like they did when I used them too much. Even the Concepts the System had placed to form my class, and the ones that made up my body were drained of most of their energy.
Even as the image of me that was created in Belua's realm, I could barely move. I felt weak as a kitten, but I took a moment to appreciate the fact that I had never experienced being so purely myself.
Nothing was influencing my mind. I would never have a better chance to answer the questions I'd had about who I was without Angela, without the constant weight of Concepts on my mind. I found myself a little disappointed that I was stuck in the little cabin with little to do.
The door opened.
“It seems today is my day to apologize, both for my recent actions, and for my Voice's behavior.” Belua said, her voice conveying sincerity.
I blinked, it took me a moment to understand my own feelings, they were almost foreign things to me. And complicated, oh so complicated.
“Why did you use me for that? Your voice is like a ten minute walk from the guild. Isn't that sort of thing her whole damn job?” Once I started talking they seemed less complicated. “She ought to do her job since I'm pretty sure her little stunt telling people that I was your favorite child is why Zeke lost his damn mind in the first place. What was the thought there by the way? I'm not sure I want to be the person she was making me look like I was.”
“I spoke with her about that, she has a very different view of what it is to be a god than I do. Unfortunately that view has made her difficult to deal with as her authority has begun to form around her personal Concept of godhood. In her mind we are the mortal’s benevolent keepers. We should stand above them in every way. Respect and reverence are expected. Your ability to stand steady in her outer aura as such a young soul impressed her, but it also irritated her Concept. Which is why she pressed her aura into you in private.” Belua sighed.
“As for her words, she was less gentle with the influence she was able to wield on your Legend than she could have been. But she told me that every word she uttered was meant to help you ascend more quickly, as well as aid you in your current contract. I cannot fault her logic, the Concepts she helped to accentuate were likely in your future anyway. I doubt you can honestly deny it. Her words will just make them coalesce faster, and grow more quickly. They were also meant to insulate you from fearful thoughts. The Great Mother would never hold a monster in such high esteem.”
I ran my claws through my mane, as I thought about what she'd said. She likely wasn't wrong. Honestly when I considered it with my newly clear mind, most of what she'd said wasn't even pointing to Concepts that I felt repulsed by. It was interesting how different the idea of being made into a hero felt without survivor shoving my thoughts towards the dangerous bits of what Torill had told me. I actually loved the idea of possibly being drawn to people who needed help. If I could do something to make the world a better place, I wanted to do it, even without Concepts making me feel that way.
There was just one thing she'd said that made me want to strangle her.
“Did she have to say I was proud?”
Belua laughed.
“That's the one you have a problem with? I suppose I see why. But I doubt there's anything to be done about it at this point. I won't tell you that it is an easy Concept to keep under control, and it certainly has its downsides. But you might like the things it can help you with.”
“What's that?”
“It can act to mitigate other influences if you manage it right, and can be used as a hard counter to people attempting to control you.”
That made it sound wonderful.
“I guess having a little pride in myself could be a good thing.”
“Indeed, if it makes you feel any better, most of us end up either proud or humble by the end. Concepts make us too powerful to avoid people seeing us as one or the other.”
I could see how that would be the case, and if I had to choose one or the other, pride sounded like the better of the two to be saddled with full time. As much as I wanted to say I liked the ideal of humility, I certainly respected the hell out of powerful individuals that retained it, the idea of having it constantly pressing on my mind sounded intolerable.
I yawned, in the state I was in, simply existing was beginning to wear on me.
“Rest. I will do what I can to restore you.”
I nodded, I had a lot to think about anyway. I wanted some time alone to consider basically everything in my life for a bit while I was free from influences, but I couldn't do that while Belua was around to distract me.
“Thanks, honestly, I appreciate the apology. I don't think I said that.”
“You're welcome. You may not actually be my favorite son, I don't have one of those, but you certainly are one of the ones I have interacted with the most of late. I am aware enough to know that it hasn't always been pleasant for you.”
I laughed ruefully. “You can say that again, but you showed me what your authority is like today, I think I understand you a bit better. I can see why you once said that I should avoid getting Mother as a Concept. It felt like I simply had to put Zeke back on the right path. I'm not sure what I wouldn't have done to get him there.”
She nodded, with sadness in her eyes. “I know they are wrong when I view some of my actions from a distance. But… I can't help but meddle in any way I can when a person catches the attention of my authority.” She tapped the door. “You have no idea how much willpower I have to expend to stay outside this door. I see you looking so weak and… I am going to go now. Good night Angel.”
The door closed, leaving me to my thoughts. I sat quietly for some time, going over everything I'd experienced in my short life, trying to figure out how I really felt about everything. Before I finally fell asleep.
When I woke up in my room in the real world I no longer felt weak, but I did feel strange. It was like there was a pressure on my soul. It took some time for me to realize that the energy that was spiraling into me was at least one Concept beginning to form.