"A sword unsheathed too often brings only blisters. Better to let others carry the weight."— The Tao of Idleness, Book 2, Verse 19

I trailed a few steps behind Lia, trying not to stare too obviously at her arse. There’s no way she actually was interested in me, was there? The woman radiated competence, and I was… well, I was certainly radiating something. Probably a heady blend of social anxiety, flop sweat and a certain boyish charm. Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

The previous serene calm of the woods had transformed into something far more eerie now. There were no wolves that I could see, but no birds anymore either. Instead, there was just the sound of us squelching through the wet undergrowth. And not in a good way . . .

Seriously, what’s wrong with me? A terminal van accident, nearly eaten by wolves, and suddenly, I’m back to being fourteen years old and fumbling in the bathroom with my dad’s hidden copy of top-shelf filth? Down boy. Read the room. And the room read like we were walking straight into the heart of a medieval, European horror film.

My mind kept replaying the fight with the wolf. The way Lia had dispatched it with zero stress while I’d been floundering in the mud, trying to regain control of my stick. And then, of course, there was all that bollocks with the messages in the air. Those damn things had locked me into this Freeloader class without so much as a by your leave. I mean, sure, they weren’t wrong—I had been coasting through life since... well, forever—but did it have to rub it in the face of my afterlife like this?

And it wasn’t letting up. Every few minutes, I was being sent notifications about new passive abilities that seemed deliberately designed to mock me.

Freeloader Ability Unlocked: Opportunistic Luck. You are more likely to stumble into beneficial situations by accident. Duration: Permanent.

Great. So my Class abilities made me lucky by accident. Peachy.

I stumbled slightly as I thought back to the morning of my demise. Thinking back, I could have been wiped out any number of times on that walk to the Job Centre. I’d just kept getting ‘lucky’. Until, of course, that run of fortune ran out . . . Hmmm. That needed pondering. I hadn’t had this Class in my ‘real’ life, had I?

I wasn’t in any hurry to share any info about my Class with Lia. So far, she seemed to think I was just completely incompetent, and I was fine with letting her believe that. ‘Letting her’. Yeah, because I was having to work so hard to keep up that illusion. Mind you, telling her my Class was literally built around doing as little as possible and gaining from it might not go over so well. It struck me that ineffectual passivity might be a touch against her life philosophy.

“You gonna keep up, or do I have to drag you the whole way?” Lia called back, not breaking her stride.

“I’m keeping up,” I said, quickening my pace. The last thing I needed was her thinking I couldn’t even walk through a forest without needing her assistance. There was being ‘adorably helpless’ and then just plain ‘being a bit shit’. It was a fine balancing act.

Not that keeping up with her was easy. Lia moved through the trees like she was on fast-forward, stepping lightly over roots and ducking under branches with the grace of a big cat. Meanwhile, I was busy getting tangled in every bramble and tripping over every rock. It didn’t help that the forest appeared to be doing its best to show me up.

We walked on in silence for a while longer, but I could feel the tension between us growing. Lia glanced back at me occasionally, probably trying to figure out if I was worth the hassle of keeping alive. To be fair, I was wondering the same thing about myself. Results were undetermined as of yet.

“So,” Lia finally said, stopping dead in the middle of the track and turning around. “I’ve been thinking. You say this world’s new to you? How’s that possible?”

I hesitated, not sure how much of what I thought was going on I wanted to share. If you told a possible figment of your imagination what they were, did they stop existing? Or was it Cognito ergo sum, and all that? That was too deep for me right now. “Yeah. Just... dropped in, I guess. Haven’t really figured out all the details about how this all works yet.”

“Does that mean that there is peace where you are from? You do not seem like you have experienced much fighting, sir.”

“Fighting? No, not really. Unless you count keyboard warrioring.”

“Are these keyboards mighty weapons?

“Erm, not really. I mean, there’s an argument that the pen is mightier than the sword, so I guess, in a metaphorical sense, yes. But in a very real, wolf-killing, literal way? No. Not at all.”

Lia stared back at me like I was a dog that had just shown her its newly designed nuclear reactor. “I don’t know what most of that meant, sir, but you’re going to need more than fine words if you want to survive here. Especially with a Class like yours.”

I tensed at that. How much did she know? Were there floating words above my head that announced my Freeloader status to all and sundry? “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you don’t seem like a Warrior or a Paladin,” she replied, casually scanning the trees ahead. “So whatever Class you possess, it’s probably not one that’s going to help you much in the melee. Am I right?.”

I swallowed, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, something like that.”

She didn’t push for more, which was a relief. I didn’t need her knowing that my Class was basically an in-joke between my psyche and me. Instead, she just shrugged and continued walking, her eyes always scanning the forest, her hand never far from the hilt of her sword.

Part of me wanted to ask her more—how long she’d been in this world, what her Class was—you know, like a proper conversationalist. However, I didn’t know anything about Lia beyond the fact that she could kill wolves with terrifying efficiency. And let’s be honest, that’s not usually the kind of person who wants to share their life story with complete strangers.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

So, we kept walking, the silence stretching out between us again, broken only by the occasional snap of a twig underfoot as I failed to competently navigate the ever so difficult task of walking in a straight line. As we went, I felt the possibilities of this new world pressing down on me for the first time. For example, how long was I likely to be stuck here for? I had experienced dreams that had seemingly gone on forever. The Pevensie kids had time to grow up in Narnia and still tumble back through that wardrobe in the same second they entered. Was that my future? To hang out here for a lifetime and then wake back up flatlining in Heartland’s Hospital, with a complete absence of grieving mourners at my bedside?

Fuck. That was a bleak thought.

But, hey, good news! A bunch more growling has started! Distraction time!

The sound came from somewhere off to our left, menacing and visceral. Lia was already in a defensive stance, her hand on her sword, eyes on the treeline. Another rumble, this one closer.

“Stay behind me,” Lia ordered.

I didn’t need to be told twice. I backed up – in full ‘damsel in distress’ mode, looking at the trees for any sign of movement. Then, they emerged. Not one, but three wolves, all far bigger than the one Lia had dealt so effectively with earlier. Saliva dripped from their jaws at the sight of the tasty snacks they had happened upon.

Impotently, I gripped my stick, my knuckles white and unsure what I was supposed to be doing. But Lia didn’t hesitate. With a fluid motion, she drew her sword, a blue light igniting down its length as she swung it up. The wolves snarled in response, fanning out to flank her.

“Stay back,” Lia said with no little sangfroid. “I’ve got this.”

I wanted to believe her. I really did. But three wolves? And of this size? That seemed... unlikely.

Then, as the wolves crept closer, Lia let out a sharp whistle. The sound seemed to disorientate the creatures, and for a moment, the wolves hesitated. It wasn’t much, but it was more than enough for this little warrior who could. With a shout, Lia lunged forward.

The first wolf didn’t stand a chance, poor bugger. One cut, and it was headless. Blood fountained across the grass, and the other two wolves snarled in fury, snapping at her in unison. In response, Lia was all motion, dodging and weaving between their bites and snaps with a precision I only showed when avoiding paying the bill. She struck out again, her sword slicing deep into the side of the second wolf. It howled in pain, stumbling back, but didn’t go down. And then the third wolf was behind her, teeth snapping at her wrist. She blocked it with the pommel of her sword, but the force of the impact sent her stumbling back.

This was bad. Really bad.

I glanced down at the stick in my hand, trying to summon the courage to do something. But, no. I was useless, wasn’t I?. Completely useless. If a certifiable ass-kicker like Lia couldn’t fight these things, what fucking chance did I have? Maybe it was time to run . . .

I tightened my grip on my stick, feeling sick. One wolf down, two to go and Lia was moments from being lunch. To be fair, she was doing her best to rally, her defence tight and impressive—but this was still two wolves, and they weren’t just standing there waiting to die.

Freeloader Ability Unlocked: Lucky Bystander. When in the presence of an ally their combat effectiveness increases by 5%. Duration: Permanent.

Well, that was… helpful. I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be doing other than surviving, but apparently, being in the right place while someone else did all the hard work was already working in my favour.

Lia ducked – was it just me, or was she moving that little bit (call it 5% maybe?) faster - under the drooling jaws of the third wolf, slashing her sword upward into its guts. Blood gushed. She was good, but I could see her starting to tire. A momentary slip of her foot almost let the second wolf pin her. Still, I could see the wolves' health bars hovering above them – when did that become a thing? - ticking down slowly. Lia landed a solid blow on the second wolf’s back. Its health bar dipped further, down to a sliver, and then—as if like clockwork—it staggered, collapsing into the dirt.

I stood there, clutching my stick like it would suddenly turn into something better, while Lia took on the last wolf. It looked suddenly less confident: she was like a machine.

Freeloader Bonus: You have gained XP for witnessing the defeat of an enemy while contributing no direct combat. XP +5. Progress toward next level: 5/100.

At this rate, I’d level up wholly by accident. Meanwhile, Lia was locked in a dance with the last wolf. Her sword work was epic, but this last wolf wasn’t letting up. Its health bar hung around 20%, but it wasn't slowing down.

Another notification popped up, this one a bit more... interesting

Freeloader Skill Activated: Passive Assistance. When within range of a stronger ally their actions may benefit from your presence. [Lia’s] next attack will deal critical damage. Duration: One use.

I blinked. That sounded . . . helpful?

Lia struck at the wolf again, her sword gleaming. Then there was a flash of blue light as her blade connected, cutting deep into its neck. With a gurgling growl, the beast collapsed to the ground, finally dead.

Lia sheathed her sword and turned to me. “You’re welcome, sir,” she said dryly.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I stammered, still trying to process what just happened at the end of the fight. “You were awesome.”

“Indeed. Were you planning on helping out at any stage?”

“I was, uh, strategising,” I said. “Thinking of the right moment to strike.”

Lia snorted in a very unladylike - yet oddly alluring - way, her eyes flicking to the stick still clutched in my hand. “With that?”

I looked down at the stick, then back at her. “It’s… a highly advanced combat technique. You probably wouldn’t get it. High-level stuff. Mich too subtle for a Warrior.”

“Right. Because of your Class. So, what are you then?”

I did what any sane, self-respecting man would do in this situation. I lied.

“Uh, yeah,” I said quickly, “I got assigned a, uh... Rogue. You know, stealthy, evasive, stabby… all that dark jazz.”

Her eyes narrowed, clearly sceptical. “A Rogue? I must confess, I am surprised. I might have expected someone . . . more roguish.”

“Yup,” I said, trying to sound confident. “Not exactly the most combat-ready class for wolves, but, uh… I make up for it with . . . you know, all the strategy.”

She stared at me for a long moment. Then, to my surprise, she laughed. And it was nice sound. “A Rogue? Well, I never. It has been years since I even met anyone with that Class, much less fought alongside them. That explains why you look so utterly pathetic and useless, I presume, sir. This is all cunning guise to mislead opponents?”

I winced at that. I’m not against trying for a pity-lay, but I felt I was setting the bar a touch low here. “Absolutely. The cunningest of all the plans. I lull them into a false sense of security and then pounce.”

Lia tossed back her hair, clearly amused. “Well, good luck with that, sir. Just don’t expect me to do all the heavy lifting anymore. Not now I know I am in the presence of a Rogue.”

“I won’t!” I said quickly, “I’ll… definitely do more next time. It’ll be epic. I promise”

She rolled her eyes and started walking away. “Come on. Let’s get moving before more wolves show up. I’d hate to have to need you to use any of your legendary abilities on mere wildlife.”

I followed her, cursing under my breath. Why did I lie? Now, I had to keep this story going, and that was going to be an effort. I hated effort. Why hadn’t I just said something simple, something believable? But no, now I had to pretend to be a sneaky, stealthy master of deception when, in reality, I was one stern look from dissolving into a puddle.

But as we walked, I noticed something else—my XP bar had ticked up again. It wasn’t much, just a few more points, but it was something. And then there was that weird Freeloader skill that had boosted Lia’s attack. I’d helped there, hadn’t I? It wasn’t just my imagination, was it? In some tiny, tragic way, I’d helped the tide of the battle turn in her favour.

Maybe… just maybe, I could make this work. If I could figure out how to use my Class without anyone realising what it really was, I might actually survive this world. Maybe even thrive in it.

As long as no one found out the truth.