"A battle fought with skill will end in victory. A battle fought with luck will end... eventually." — The Tao of Idleness, Book 7, Verse 1

The momentary stillness of the clearing caused by Lia being battered back to the floor didn’t last long. In next to no time, the plucky Warrior gave herself a little shake and staggered to her feet to attack again. There was no grand preamble for what looked worrying like a brave, final last stand, no formal introductions—just Lia lunging forward, sword raised, and Balethor meeting her with a sweeping arc of the remaining half of his staff, the clash of metal and energy ringing out like a death knell. What fucking level was this guy? He was smacking her about like Tommy just burst in the door, whoopin' her ass worse than . . . yeah, I'm not sure that's being all that helpful right now, is it? Whatever. Lia was getting beasted.

I hung back – like an absolute hero - watching the fight unfold with a weird sense of detachment. Lia, despite her many and various injuries, was still doing her best to bring the thunder whilst Balethor, his twisted, gleaming grin wonderfully framed by his hairy top lip, remained almost comically elegant in his defence. In fact, if it weren’t for his vials of glowing, toxic liquid writhing waiting for their moment to strike, I’m sure it would all have been quite a hoot to watch. The irresistible force meeting the moving-very-fucking-fast object. Fortunately, with Lia focusing everything she had on disembowelling the alchemist, the pressure he had been causing on the veil between the worlds seemed to relent a touch, as if he could only focus on fighting her or bringing about a breach in the nature of existence. Some people simply can't multitask.

All things being equal, then, the longer she kept him busy, the better . . .

Ding.

Passive Assistance Activated: Critical Hit Buff applied to Lia.

Woo! I'm helping again. Lia’s sword glowed bright blue again just before it sliced into Balethor’s side. For a moment, I hoped that might be all she wrote. She’d chopped up those wolves with one swing, after all. Maybe the fight might end right here and now? But no. Instead of falling into two different pieces, Balethor’s body inconsiderately twisted unnaturally, almost like a marionette jerked to the side by invisible strings. The massive wound, instead of bleeding catastrophically, dribbled out a little bit of the same blackish ooze he’d been throwing around to fuck with Lia’s day. Was it just me or should the 'good guys' very much not bleed black goo?

"You think you can challenge me?!" Balethor’s voice shrieked. "I’ve transcended this pathetic world. The boundaries between reality and chaos bend to my will! And, once the veil is brought down, your Empire will fall!"

Okay. So, I can’t help but think I would have been a little less ‘Team Skywalker’ if Mon Mothma had been quite this creepily enthusiastic about blowing up the Death Star.

“Lia, maybe we should—” I started, but my words were swallowed by a sudden, violent surge of energy as Balethor swung his staff downward. The ground beneath our feet groaned beneath the sudden crack of the impact, great gouts splitting open under Lia’s feet, which she dodged, narrowly avoiding the wave of black energy that burst forth. Lia didn’t let a little thing like an impending world-ending cataclysm distract, though. She was relentless, her continued strikes against his body lightning-quick. However, every time she landed a decent blow, Balethor would counter by throwing out some bizarre chemical concoction. He hurled one of the vials at his waist into the air, and it exploded into a cloud of shimmering dust that settled onto Lia’s armour, making her stumble back, coughing as her movements visibly slowed.

I’m no expert at melee combat warfare, but that didn't seem like a positive development. I tried to think of something—anything—that might help, but every ability I had was passive. Other than standing here and hoping, pretty much everything else was outside of my control!

Ding.

Gravy Train Activated: 10% of damage dealt by allies is added to your XP pool.

Brilliant. More XP. That's really going to help me with the whole ‘end of the world’ thing this guy is obviously trying to bring about. What I really needed, rather than leeching XP from the brave Warrior being ground down to mush, was something useful to stop the nasty madman with the crazy potions from melting me into a puddle of goo.

With a cough, Lia appeared to shake off some of the effects of the dust - although any of it that had handed on her skin was visibly burning its way down to the bone - crashing forward again with a roar that was part belligerent anger, part doomed defiance. She swung low for Balethor’s legs, her sword slicing through the air with plenty of power, but it was obvious that any precision to her swordwork was gone. Fuck, Lia was cratering. Nevertheless, for all the damage, her attack still connected solidly against him, and he stumbled under the strike. Oh, fuck. No, he didn't—he twisted again, his form flickering as if he wasn’t entirely bound to the laws of physics anymore. Were there Laws of Physics here? I mean, just over there are a bunch of monsters from a realm of darkness trying to press through a fucking well in the middle of a haunted wood. I’m not sure Sir Isaac had quite prepared himself for this sort of shit. Falling apples? Sure. This? Not so much.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

"Fools!" Balethor spat, his eyes glowing with an unholy light. I'm really struggling to see this dude as the 'good guy' here. "You cannot defeat me. I’ve shredded the barrier between worlds. Nothing can repair it. This fight is nothing but a formality!" With that, he slammed his truncated staff into the ground, and the world of the clearing . . . rippled. The air—or whatever was left of it—distorted, like the edges of everything that existed frayed under the weight of his power.

Idle XP Gains: +100 XP from witnessing some really freaky shit.

Fucking hell! If this was supposed to be a game, I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep playing.

“Lia, do you see what he is doing?! You need to stop him!” I shouted, but she didn’t respond. She was fully in the endgame now, her sword moving slower and slower as she did her best to keep up a flurry of attacks as her HP reached zero hour. Each strike she made sent sparks flying, but Balethor barely seemed fazed anymore. If her attacks had been keeping him occupied before, that didn’t seem to be the case anymore. His twisted, majestically moustachioed mouth widened in a grin as he blocked her latest attack with nothing but a flick of his palm.

Ding.

Passive Assistance Activated: 10% Evasion Buff applied to [Lia.]

I didn’t actually think that was something that Ability offered, was it? Fuck it, if my Abilities were benefiting a bit from the veil between the worlds becoming a touch porous, I’d take what I could get right. Boosted by my coincidentally fortunate evasion buff, Lia ducked under a wild return swing from Balethor's staff, and her sword bit deep into his armpit. Nice! A hit. A veritable hit. However, instead of blood, more of that glowing black sludge came out, but this time it was more of a gushing flow, sizzling as it hit the ground. Nice. I mean, sure, the smell was unbearable - like burning plastic mixed with rotten eggs - but I presume it bothered him an awful lot more than it did us.

“Great. Now he’s leaking! Keep it up!"

Despite this new damage, though, Balethor clearly wasn’t planning on going anywhere. No matter how many injuries he took, it was like wounds didn’t seem to weaken him; if anything, each one of Lia's attacks just made him more chaotic. His laugh echoed through the clearing as he hurled more of the vials from around his waist into the air to explode into a rain of toxic liquid that splattered across the battlefield, incinerating wherever it touched. "Die! Die! Die!" he screamed, lips pulled back into a terrible rictus grin." Yeah, the whole good guy, bad guy dynamic in this world might be a touch more fluid than I'm used to experiencing.

Lia cried out as some of what he was flinging hit her arm, eating through her armour like it had places to go. But she didn’t stop. To be honest, I guessed she knew she couldn’t. With a grunt of agony, she pressed the attack, her blade flashing again and again, each hit landing with brutal force. I continued to stay well out of the way, watching in growing resignation.

Ding.

Passive Assistance Activated: Critical Hit Buff applied. Triple-multiple applied to [Lia] as Freeloader has done literally nothing despite the clear imminence of his own death. That sort of slacking deserves maximum respect.

I barely had a moment to register the unusual snarkiness of the message before Lia’s sword pierced Balethor’s chest – just as the buff fired – and, for a second, everything seemed to freeze. The alchemist’s eyes went wide, his grin faltering for the first time. I even think the ends of his moustache drooped. Despite everything, that was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.

“You… think this… is over?” he rasped, blood—no, black sludge—bubbling up from his mouth. Then, with a final, heaving gasp, Balethor collapsed, the toxic glow around him dimming as his body crumpled to the ground. Lia stood over him, her chest heaving, blood running down her in rivers.

Had we . . . had we won?

Ding.

Quest Complete: Defeat Balethor the Alchemist.

Reward: 500 XP, Potion of Regeneration, 100 Gold Coins.

Bonus Loot: N/A due to unusual activity with Passive Buffs

Hang on? No loot? No fair. I turned to share my irritation with Lia, but what I saw made my heart sink. She was swaying on her feet, her skin pale and slick with all sorts of gore. Without thinking, I threw the Potion of Regeneration at her. The impact of the bright red liquid seemed to help for a moment, but then she stumbled towards me, her sword slipping from her fingers as her legs gave out beneath her.

“No, no, no!” I rushed forward, catching her before she hit the ground.

Her eyes fluttered open to look up at me, but her gaze was distant, unfocused. “James…” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

I cradled her in my arms, feeling the warmth of her blood soaking through my clothes as she started to bleed out. “Stay with me, Lia. Don’t you dare die on me now. What the fuck would I do without you!”

Her mouth mouthed, and I rested my ear to her lips. I couldn't quite hear what she said. "What is it? What do you want me to do?"

I just made out her final words before she lost consciousness.“Get your fucking hands off my fucking tits.”

Ding.

Idle XP Gains: +200 XP from emotional turmoil.

The forest was still. We might have won the battle, but it was feeling rather like a loss.