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Chapter 13: Idle Hands, Idle Wars

"The wise do not involve themselves in the disputes of the world. For even the mightiest warrior tires from swinging his sword. Instead, watch from a distance, and you’ll see all battles come to their own conclusions." — The Tao of Idleness, Book 5, Verse 3.

The quality of the path beneath my snazzy new boots dropped significantly the further we walked from Eldhaven. What had started off as a pretty serviceable dirt path had become . . . well, basically just mud. We’d be trekking onwards for several hours, the sun now fully in the sky – well, the little of it I could see through the thick canopy of trees overhead. Wherever we were going on our little jaunt was certainly not going to be a major centre of civilisation. The woods around us were getting so dark and deep that I kept expecting to see gangs of precocious girls in red hoodies slaughtering the local wildlife.

However, since Lia still hadn’t said anything else since our little misunderstanding, I was none the wiser as to our final destination. And while I wasn’t thrilled with the whole ‘silent walking buddy’ dynamic, I figured I’d be wisest to keep giving her as much space as I could. After the whole ‘here’s a pile of gold to fix your problems’ moment – still not wholly sure I was in the wrong here. Just saying – I felt letting her be the one to open up any further conversational niceties was the way forward. She was obviously still fuming.

Or, maybe, just maybe, she was realising how damn lucky she was to have the ‘Rogue of Eldhaven’ at her side and was just too blown away with awe to speak?

Yeah. No. I didn’t think so, either.

Idle XP Gains: +25 XP from walking.

So, all things being equal, I wasn’t really enjoying my midday stroll. And that wasn’t just because this was the longest walk I’d had in about a decade. There was also something profoundly creepy about this stretch of land. The trees were classically Fantasy fiction dense and foreboding – even more so than the spot where Lia had first found me cowering beneath a wolf - but what really grabbed my attention was the way it felt like we were walking through shadow itself. And when I tell you that poetic introspection is very much not in my wheelhouse, you should take note.

To give myself something to do other than fret, I pulled out ‘The Tao of Idleness’ and opened on a random page. Book 12, Verse 8.

"The woods are dark because they do not care for your light. They stretch their roots deep into the earth, uninterested in your plans or your purpose. You, traveller, may think yourself brave to walk their path, but bravery is often just a disguise for impatience. Why venture into the unknown when the known path is so comfortable? Ah, but you insist, driven by some misplaced sense of destiny. Foolish. The trees laugh, though you cannot hear them. They have seen many heroes and swallowed most. You cannot outwit the shadows, for they are everywhere, patient and without ambition.

But, if you must go, do so slowly. Not every step need lead to an end. Some steps are just to remind you that you are still moving. The wise move only when the shadows aren't watching, and rest when the way is unclear. After all, the best journey is the one you leave for tomorrow."

Well, that could all fuck right off. I was so disconcerted by what I read that I risked breaking the omerta between me and my fizzing companion. “What the fuck is the deal with this place?”

Lia didn’t even bother to slow down, much less look back. “We’re almost at the village we’re heading for. Better you don’t know too much before we get there. I’ll explain more once we arrive.”

Right. Helpful. Glad I asked.

Idle XP Gains: +15 XP from breathing.

My gaze drifted to the fragmented path again, and I carried on plodding, resentfully, forward. What was up with this Great Slacker? All these hints and comments. If he wanted anything from me, he certainly hadn’t asked as of yet. But he was clearly power levelling me for some purpose of his own. Mind you, in my current landscape where I was sure there must be a Ginger House or two lying about, it felt more like the words I was looking for were ‘fattening up’ . . .

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I was just about to ask Lia for some advice – I know, shock horror! - when the trees thinned out slightly, and all around us, I started to see a few scattered homes. They were... rough. Half of them looked like they’d been built out of whatever rubble and debris the villagers could scrounge up, with sagging roofs and walls that were one strong sneeze away from giving up the ghost.

But that wasn’t the only thing that was very, very wrong about this place.

No. That would be all the banners. Dark, tattered banners that hung from wooden posts outside each of the homes. They were each marked with a symbol I didn’t recognise—a red wolf’s head surrounded by sharp-edged runes. It wasn’t the most settling thing I’d seen since moving to this world. Not exactly a ‘Welcome to the District’ vibe, if you get me? The banners felt deliberately aggressive to a viewer, the eyes of all the wolves watching me as we approached.

“This doesn’t look like the friendliest place,” Growing up in the part of Birmingham I had, I certainly had some context to play with here.

Lia’s continued silence didn’t help calm my nerves much, but the look in her eyes made one thing clear: she wasn’t any happier about being here than I was. What the fuck was I even doing here? I’d done some pretty stupid things to get my cock wet in my time, but this was rapidly rising to the top of Dangerous Vage Mountain.

We’d reached the outskirts of the village, and I begun to notice the stares. The villagers – human, I was relieved to see. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good fantasy setting, but I feel like I need to keep my racial palette to the one note for the time being. Just until I find my feet a bit more, you know? - kept their heads low, but their eyes flicked up at us from beneath their brows. What I saw surprised me a little, though. I was expecting to witness the beginning of a group mugging brewing. But no. What I saw was something very different.

It was fear. But there was something else to it—a hard edge of hatred. Of anger. Of rage. These dudes weren’t just scared of me – and they were clearly bricking it - they utterly despised me.

Which is hard not to take personally. I mean, I’m used to people not liking me on spec. Plus ca change. Join the queue. A succession of my teenage beaus' parents clearly thought their little Pandora - or Chardonnay or Melissa - could do an awful lot better than a lanky streak of piss with no family, no prospects, and suspiciously wandering hands. So, I’m pretty at home being the recipient of the old stink-eye.

But this? This was something else. This was a whole other level of disgust. It was like they were expecting me to burn down their homes, salt their fields, rape their daughters and force them to pay loads of tax on their tea without representation.

“What’s their problem?” I whispered to Lia.

Lia’s frowned. “They can read.”

“I don’t understand?”

She pointed upwards to where my title was on full display. “They know who you are.”

That still wasn’t making sense to me. “Why would that matter?”

“Because they’re on the opposite side of the war.”

That stopped me in my tracks. “Wait... war?”

“How can you be alive and continue to be this addled?”

“It’s a lot of work. Come on, explain it to me like I’m an idiot –“ Lia snorted at that – “What war? Lia, what the fuck is going on here?”

Lia rolled her eyes and then bared her teeth at a villager who didn’t get out of our way fast enough. “Look, it’s really not that complicated. When all is said and done, the bottom line is that Eldhaven and the villages in the surrounding area are . . . well, we’re not friends.”

“Not friends? Like in a ‘Ah, those ragamuffins from over the border! What are they like? I do so enjoy our friendly rivalry, especially confined as it is to sporting events between two teams, one of whom wears red and the other blue.’ That sort of not being friends?”

“No,” Lia said, her eyes increasingly devoid of expression. She was oddly not near as hot when she looked all flat and sad like that. “Nothing like that.”

“Right.” I looked around at all the scurrying examples of terrified humanity trying to get as far away as possible. “And they’re not attacking us on sight because . . . ”

“Because I’m a fucking Level 15, and you’re the ‘Rogue of Eldhaven. This is a remote, out-of-the-way village, ‘Rogue’. I’d be amazed if they’ve even seen anyone over Level 5 before in their whole lives.”

Well, that helped to answer a few more of my questions about how typical my progression curve was. Level 5 was above the achievements of most ‘normal’ people throughout their lifetime? Fuck a duck! I might well hit that this time tomorrow. . .

So, these guys weren’t being leery just because I was some sharply dressed Rogue from the big smoke. It was that I was from Eldhaven. And for all these dudes, that made me a bad guy. And I was stood next to someone who probably qualified as being a Big Bad Guy.

Idle XP Gains: +15 XP from Dread

Terrific.