“Planning is for suckers who like being busy. You see an opportunity, you grab it. Those who hesitate are lost. Ain’t got no time for that.” — The Tao of Idleness, Book 2, Verse 42.

The sound of axes on wood, picks on stone, arrows hitting fleeing wildlife, and the low rumble of murmured orders was basically now my whole world. Scar’s people were like ants with a shared, terrifying purpose and were doing their level best to pile up resources faster than the debuff could squash them. After a few hours of graft, it really felt that the whole thing needed a Broadway musical number about the benefits of joyful teamwork, but the critical reception wasn’t high when I gave it a go. Tell you what, though, they might not be fans of a jaunty ballad, but these guys are fucking efficient, I’ll give them that.

“Okay, let the dog see the bone,” I said, flipping open the Village Interface and checking out our progress. Although the deadline for the reappearance of the Rebels was closing in, the available resource numbers were certainly ticking upwards. “Food, wood, stone. Perfect. We’ve got enough to get the bloody Hunter’s Lodge built.”

Idle Gains: +18 Wood +17 Stone +15 Food.

Support Costs: -14 Wood -12 Stone -10 Food.

Debuff Active: Build Tree Violations Detected. Penalty to All Gains (500%).

The overall stuff-in/stuff-out equation might still not pretty, but – thanks to the efforts of Scar’s crew - the resources in the Storage Shed had been slowly adding up. It was hard to believe these were the same people who’d strolled into the clearing with haunted eyes and patchwork armour, looking like little boys (and girls) lost. They were acting like securing the future of this village was their own personal redemption arc. Which was working out pretty well for me and Lazytown, to be honest.

As I stood gazing on my – technically mine, right? - works, ye mighty, and not at all despairing, Not-Maid-Marion walked past me, a muntjac deer slung over her shoulders. She didn’t say a word as she went to the Storage Shed and chucked it inside, then turned, raising an eyebrow at the half-constructed Hunter's Lodge. The vibe was a teacher silently asking if I'd done my homework.

"Yeah, yeah, we're getting there," I said. "Just give it another minute or so."

She – I really needed to find out her name - rolled her eyes and wandered back into the woods. Scar was stood at the edge of the clearing with a clipboard – no idea where he got that from - directing traffic like a post-apocalyptic foreman. I thought about going over and offering a few words of encouragement, but – you know what? – we all have our own skillset, and I think standing around doing nothing whilst others do the work might be very much my lane. I planned to stay in it. Instead, I tapped into the Village Interface.

Hunter’s Lodge

Requires: 60 Wood, 40 Stone

Progress: 85%

We were getting there. The moment we were able to throw up that building, that fucking crippling debuff would vanish, and Lazytown would finally be able to get underway for real. I still absolutely didn’t regret breaking the build queue by saving Lia, but – considering all the time-sensitive issues that were now closing in – we needed this narrative arc over and done with as soon as possible.

Orders issued, Scar strolled over to me, wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. “Not long now,” he said, casting an approving glance at the rapidly completing Lodge. “Dema’s itching to be assigned to it and get going. If you’re happy, I think it’ll be best just to leave her to it. She’s a fine Hunter, even if she has a . . . peculiar method.” He gave me a grin that some might describe as wolfish, his scar tugging at the edge of his mouth. “You’ll see.”

“Yeah,” I said, not really sure how I was supposed to respond to that. “I guess she’d consider a warning shot optional.”

“Something like that.”

It was barely another hour before the Hunter’s Lodge creaked into completion, pixelated hammers fading away as the last of Scar’s people stepped back to admire their work. Dema – I preferred ‘Not-Maid-Marion’, but no one was finding my whimsy particularly charming this afternoon - didn’t waste a moment. Girlfriend didn’t even look my way for permission before slipping into the Lodge like it was an extension of her soul. Seconds later, the village interface dinged.

Hunter’s Lodge Constructed!

Debuff Removed: Tech Tree Violation Penalty Lifted.

I let out a breath of pure relief. “Finally.”

Dema emerged from the Lodge, rolling her shoulders like a cat stretching after a nap. She glanced at me and gave a mock salute. “Don’t worry, boss. I’ll be sure to bring you back something tasty. Try not to miss me too much while I’m gone.”

Shit. Was she flirting with me? “I’ll do my best,” I lamely called after her as she positively sprinted past the treeline.

I gawped a bit before my attention was returned to less . . . diverting matters. With the debuff gone, the village’s resource numbers suddenly leapt upward. Even considering the support costs for Scar’s merry men, this was a massive leap forward.

Idle Gains: +30 Stone +25 Wood +20 Food.

“Booyah! That’s what I’m talking about!” I pulled open the Village Hall interface, flipping through the new options that popped up. I couldn’t deny that Lazytown felt different now—more alive, like it was finally starting to wake up.

New Build Options Available:

1. Research Tree Unlocked.

2. Upgrade Medical Hut?

3. Construct Defensive Structure (Steam Cannon)?

4. Village Expansion: Housing?

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

5. Unlock Market District?

My head spun. “Fuck. That’s a lot. Where do I start?”

The Medical Hut upgrade was the priority, surely? Lia was still out cold, and as much as I enjoyed pretending I was capable of making grown-up decisions, I needed her back on her feet. And she was a fucking Level 15! I’d like to see either Wanker or that fat-fuck Berker try their supercilious shit with her. But . . . but . . . then again there’s a Steam Cannon option. How cool would that be! It was practically begging me to click on it. No. Time to grow up, James. There will be time to play around with the shiny murderous options when your friend is up and about.

Hmmm. ‘Friend’ was doing a lot of lifting in that sentence, wasn’t it? I mean, the spunky little Warrior basically treated me like shit most of the time, didn’t she? Sure, she’d saved me from those wolves, but I’d paid her back by coming out her with my title and helping her get the quest to find Balethor. My buffs even helped her defeat him. Fair exchange was no robbery, was it? I’d even fucked over the progress of my village to keep her alive. It wasn’t like there was a rule that said I had to prioritise her wellbeing, was there? And, lest we forget, I’m pretty sure she’s the literal Hammer of Evil in this part of the world. I couldn’t forget the look those in that Rebel Village gave her as we sauntered down their high street . . .

Mind you, they gave me much the same look, and I was an absolute sweetheart.

My mental fingers hovered over the upgrade button for the Medical Hut. Maybe. Maybe not. Then it struck me that the key reason for my hesitancy was probably the saucy wink a certain newly promoted Village Huntress had recently given me. Fuck, I’m a horribly shallow dickwad of a person, aren’t I?

Medical Hut Upgrade: Requires 70 Stone, 60 Wood.

Upgrade Time: 2 Hours.

“Medical Hut it is,” I said, selecting the upgrade whilst pretending I’d never thought of anything else. The familiar shimmer of pixelated construction began over the Hut, my Pixel Builder wandered over, along with the other workers and the process kicked into gear.

Scar’s eyes scanned the village with something approaching approval. “Things are coming together.”

“Yeah, thanks for the help. Couldn’t have done it without you and your crew.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “We’ve done this before. Difference is, this time, maybe we’ll actually get to keep what we build.”

“Well, let’s not count our chickens before the rebels decide to roast them.”

Scar snorted. “You’ve got two hours until the Medical Hut’s up and running. Might not be a bad idea to rush it, get the ball running on healing up the psycho bitch.”

Considering the direction my own thoughts had been going, I didn’t think I had any right to pull him up on the casual misogyny. Besides, it sounded like Lia had quite the reputation with these guys: they certainly knew her better than I did. That was a thought. Her suddenly waking up amongst them could be . . . interesting.

But Scar had a good point. I should be able to ‘pay to win’ here, right? I summoned up the Village Interface screen and scanned over it. Weird. There was nothing there that suggested I could make it rain to boost the build queue.

“Mate, this is annoying. I did it before with the Medical Hut. Why’s is not letting me pay to play now?”

“Shit. You’ve already paid to boost the building once? Bugger. No, the gold option is once per building, I’m afraid.”

Really? That didn’t sound right. I tried to think back to that original message for the construction of the Medical Hut. I didn’t get the impression that little tidbit of information had been available to me back then . . . Call me cynical, but it did cross my mind that the system was suspiciously doing its best not to let me splash the cash for rapid progress. ‘Oh no, sorry. You can’t spend money when under a build-tree debuff.’ Debuff gone. ‘Nope. Not on a building you’ve already boosted once. Sorry.’ I couldn’t help but think some other bullshit reason would probably come my way once the Medical Hut was built. You know what? It feels like the Great Slacker is giving with one hand and. . . something is taking with the other.

Were two Celestial Beings fucking with me? Nope. Now was still not the time for that level of metaphysical introspection. Besides, Scar was talking again.

“So, it sounds like we’re stuck with a two-hour wait. What are your plans for the time? If you don’t mind, I think I’ll keep the boys and girls gathering for now. See if we can build up a bit of a stockpile for some upgrades.”

“I was liking the look of the Steam Cannon,” I said, bringing up that option.

Defensive Structure: Steampunk Cannon.

Requires: 100 Stone, 80 Wood, 10 Iron // Or 275 gold

Construction Time: 3 Hours.

Damage: Insanely Overpowered.

Scar let out a low whistle as the schematic for the cannon appeared on the ground, glowing with plenty of gears and cogs. “That’ll certainly turn some heads.”

“Yep. That or melt them.”

“We don’t have any iron, though,” Scar said. Annoying reasonably, I thought. “That’s going to be further down the line, I’m afraid.”

“I don’t know about that. I can probably put my hand on the necessary cash,” I said, avoiding making eye contact with him. I had a pretty decent memory of how the innkeeper reacted to me flicking him one gold coin. I suspected 275 was a considerable wodge to have sloshing about.

“Fuck. Seriously?” There was a significant pause. “We really lucked out stumbling on you, didn’t we?”

I was spared answering by yet another ding.

Research Tree Unlocked: Begin Research?

I clicked on it, curious to see what options were available.

Research Tree:

- Basic Defences: Improve your village’s defence capabilities (10% boost to damage).

- Resource Optimisation: Increase idle resource gains by 15%.

- Advanced Housing: Unlock multi-occupancy buildings to house more villagers.

- Steam Tech Integration: Infuse Steam technology into village production. (Speed boost to construction and resource collection.)

- Scouting Tech: Reduce Fog of War around the village.

Scar was staring above my head, reading the options that were displayed there. “I’d go for the Resource Optimisation first,” he said. “Long-term gains.”

“Even with the Rebels and the Empire on the doorstep?”

“A healed-up Level 15 Warrior and a fully operation Steam Cannon will more than do the job for now. There’s no need to go all in on defence at the outset. You beat the rebels off by being good at a fucking board game last time. Things are going escalate for sure, but neither they nor the Empire is going to be saddling up the fucking Legion of Doom to pacify a Level 1 Village. My advice would be not to let the urgent get in the way of the important.”

“Fucking hell, mate. Who died and turned you into Yoda?”

Scar made that weird head tilt Lia did whenever I referenced something from my own realm. There was definitely some sort of filtering going on here and I wonder what he thought I’d said to him? But I decided not to push it. Not for now. No need to freak out the guy pretty much running my village construction. “I hear you, dude, but Steam Tech Integration sounds cool as hell!”

He gave me a look. “You know this isn’t a game, right?”

It took everything I had not to answer that question, and after a bit more back-and-forth, I bowed to Scar’s greater experience in such things.

Research: Resource Optimisation started.

Time until completion: 15 Hours. Can halve research time for 100 gold. Y/N

Hell to the yes. I very much enjoyed the kerching sound. 7.5 hours to go.

For the first time in a while, we were making decent progress. The various countdowns were still ticking down, but right now, they didn’t feel like a noose tightening around my neck.

A further nice little ding reinforced that for me.

Idle Gains: +40 Stone +35 Wood +25 Food.

Support Costs: -16 Wood -13 Stone -12 Food.

Scar caught my eye and gave me a small nod. “You know what, we might just pull this off . . .”