"In the deep woods, wisdom lies in knowing when not to seek. The trees stand silent, yet they speak of patience. It is not the forest that is lost, but those who rush through it." — The Tao of Idleness, Book 13, Verse 5.

I kept replaying Lia’s words in my head as we trudged onwards.

"You’re not special, James."

Well, she had a point, didn’t she? And one mum and dad never stopped taking every opportunity to rub into my face. If it turns out that the whole of my previous life was some sort of simulation, then – well – fucking hell! What had I done to deserve someone to keep choosing the option ‘screw this dude in particular’ over and over again? Surely, by the law of averages, there should have been one or two occasions when the progress options might have been less traumatically sucky?

Mind you, if Earth James had got the fuzzy end of Fate's lollipop, this world’s system seemed to have decided to make it up to me. From almost the moment Lia had finished her little tough love speech, the ding of my notifications had been coming thick and fast, popping up far more regularly than they had before. It was almost like... like the universe itself was reacting to me questioning what was going on.

Idle Gold Collection Activated: +10 Gold

Loot Leech Activated: Found Bent Nail (Junk).

Achievement Unlocked: *Contemplative Fucker* (5/50): Question reality 5 times.

Seriously? It’s not just me, right? That does read as unnecessarily passive-aggressive, right? I could practically hear this world’s mechanics mocking me with that achievement. I’d questioned the nature of reality five times, had I? And what the hell happened when I hit fifty? I’m all for free achievements, but I’d like a little certainty that I’m not going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum when I get there . . .

From a little further ahead, Lia called something back at me, and I realised I’d let myself drag behind a bit – which was probably not all that sensible in a forest which was increasingly becoming the definition of ‘predator-friendly.’ However, it was as if the weight of my thoughts were dragging me a touch, and it was increasingly difficult to push forward against it all. "Sorry, I didn’t catch that? I was just wondering if all of this—" I waved a hand toward the twisted trees, the dark bushes and the generally foreboding atmosphere "—is part of some larger metaphor for my life? Like, somewhere soon I’m going to come across a sign that says ‘Abandon Hope All Ye that Enter” and then the real shit starts.”

Lia didn’t stop to babysit my whinging this time. "You need to let go of all this nonsense, ‘Rogue’. I’m here, and I’m certain I’m not playing a minor role in the celestial tapestry of your glorious existence. Not everything that happens in the world is a fucking teachable moment specifically for you. None of us are passive recipients of someone else’s will. For sure, the Maker sets us all on our path, but we all get to choose the places where our feet land. You’re responsible for every one of your steps, not some cosmic entity that is . . . how is it you put it? Clicking on a button?"

I couldn’t help but think that was pretty easy for her to say. After all, she was the fucking Level 15. She had specifically chosen a life of beating goblins over the head, slaying wolves and generally bringing the mayhem. I absolutely hadn’t. In fact, before the . . . incident yesterday, whole days for me went by when I barely even chose the channel I would be watching. I actually think my record was 72 hours straight of Judge Judy. But, then again, maybe that was the point of all this? Maybe the Great Slacker—or whoever or whatever was pulling the strings—was trying to highlight the pointlessness of such an existence. That a life well lived wasn’t just about letting things play out. That you couldn’t stay passive forever. That you need to pick a side.

Idle Gold Collection Activated: +25 Gold

Loot Leech Activated: Found Tattered Scroll (Quest Item: 1/3)

Achievement Progress: Contemplative Fucker (6/50): Question reality 6 times.

Lia suddenly halted, and I nearly walked into her back. Her hand shot out, grabbing my arm, yanking me back from where I was about to put my feet.

Looking down, I froze. At first, I thought it was the wind disturbing the grass, but then I saw them. The shadows. Low to the ground, half-seen figures moving in the undergrowth. Like ghosts flickering in and out of existence as if they were only half-animated. “What the fuck are they?” I whispered. Well, no. I don’t think the noise that escaped my mouth could be described as a ‘whisper’. A muffled shriek, perhaps?

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“We’re close to the Well of Ascension,” Lia said, and I tried to ignore she’d drawn her sword and had taken up a defensive stance. “Rumour has it that the boundary between realms is far thinner here. I think what we’re seeing is the shadows of what lives just beyond the veil. None of this should be possible, but all of that fucking alchemist’s experimentations have clearly made the barrier here even thinner than it should be.”

Beyond the veil? Was that some kind of cryptic, metaphorical bullshit, or was this literally a place where reality itself was fraying at the edges? I actually wasn’t sure. Which isn’t ideal, sanity-wise speaking. However, I did notice that Lia appeared to know quite a lot about a random place in the woods that, apparently, she only had found out existed from her contact in the village. Call me cynical, but that seemed a touch . . . suspicious. Or bad writing. Maybe both.

Quest Update: Find the Alchemist’s Well

Progress: 90%

Reward: 250 XP

“Right. Totally normal. Boundary beyond the veil. Rewards flowing in for no good reason. No worries at all. Bring it on!”

Lia looked at me strangely. “Are you okay?”

Loot Leech Activated: Found Broken Helmet (Junk).

Idle XP Gains: +35 XP from navigating haunted terrain.

Achievement Unlocked: Imminent Slaughter: Survive the upcoming battle.

That last line. What the fuck? “Perfectly fine. Just feeling a little . . . overwhelmed by all the winning.” My stomach churned as more and more notifications in the same tone of ‘Imminent Slaughter’ continued to pour in. Some of them didn’t even make sense – as if they were appropriate for another version of me playing a slightly different game. It was like the activity of the system had massively intensified, rewarding every possible version of me for every step forward, for every doubt I entertained. It was like it – he – they - whatever wanted me to push through, to reach whatever conclusion lay ahead, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being forced into a particular decision regardless of what I wanted. After all, this new life wasn’t one I’d have ever signed up for voluntarily, but the system—the Slacker, maybe—kept nudging me forward and kept the rewards flowing. It was like being bribed by the most generous, least-focused millionaire in the world. "Honestly, I'm fine."

”You sure? I only mention it as the last time someone went as green around the gills as you are looking, they suddenly transformed into an actual trout. I’m pretty sure I can handle a fucking alchemist without the assistance of the fabled Rogue of Eldhaven. There will, however, be questions if I return home accompanied by a giant fish in leathers . . .”

“I’m okay. Just... thinking,” I replied a bit too quickly. Then for something to distract myself from the noise of all dings, I tried to engage her in conversation on the ineffable nature of existence again. You know, just to pass the time. Because that’s what people do, right? “You ever wonder if all of this is just... preordained? That no matter what we do, we’re just pieces being moved around a board by someone else?”

"No. Not at all. Normal people just get on with their lives." Then Lia’s expression softened—just a touch. “You’re still caught up in that, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” I admitted, pushing aside notification after notification that pinged in my vision. I wasn’t even reading them now. Regardless of how big the scale-up between levels, I couldn’t help but think I was going to get another ‘Level Up’ ding any second.

“Hey, listen,” Lia continued, “it’s been a long time since I took any advice from my dad, but there’s something he told me once that has stopped with me. There’s always a path laid before us. But that doesn’t mean we can’t step off it if we want. Sounds to me you could do worse than reflect on that.”

I might even have given that some thought if I'd not received yet another notification—this one, though, was a touch more urgent. And flashing on and off:

Loot Leech Activated: Found Oddly Warm Skull (Junk).

New Quest: Approach the Well

Objective: Reach the Well’s edge and prepare for the next stage of the mission.

Reward: ???

Yeah. Totally fine. Bear with me whilst I just step off this fucking path. As if this particular route wasn’t already spiralling into the abyss. And then we were nearing a small stone well in the centre of a wide clearing. The trees started to thin, and the crushing weight of the darkness of the woods lifted slightly. Even from this distance, I felt the pull of that well. The Great Slacker . . . the system . . . my own raging paranoia, WHATEVER! wasn’t letting up. What was waiting for us at that nexus was connected to this. I didn’t think for a moment Lia and I were destined to be meeting a random alchemist for a chat about herbology.

Idle XP Gains: +50 XP from impending dread.

Achievement Progress: Contemplative Fucker (7/50): Question reality 7 times.

Lia stopped just at the edge of the clearing, her eyes locked onto the tiny structure in the middle of the open space. The Well. It was real. And it was waiting.

“We’re going to regret this, aren’t we?” I said, stepping beside her. "Or at least, I am." But there was no answer, just the sound of the wind howling through the trees—and the quiet pinging of yet more notifications in the back of my mind.