The fluffy way winded fluffingly around the fluffy spire that used to be an office building or something similar before the great fluffening. On this spiral ramp a long line of what I could only describe as the uncommon rabble. Even rare rabble and legendary rabble. Some were donning costumes worthy of a pajama superhero, with capes and flying colors, others were clad in armor. A man had a couple revolvers and a bulletproof vest, in addition to camo pants. A little girl was humming happily next to her two bulky golems, probably a Mechdridian child trying to play hero.
I looked back at the misfit group of distinguished (In the same way the puppy with brain damage can be distinguished from the rest of the litter) individuals that conformed my party. Fernando was still performing for the army of dust bunnies we had collected in our way to the city’s heart. I personally would have preferred the lagomorphs to be of the Playboy variety, but whatever.
Florencia and Sabrina were remembering their dead father and consoling each other, because it seems Mateo sometimes sang songs form La Oreja de Van Gogh. Cornelio was leisurely walking to me, looking at the floor, probably pondering upon something. Mariana was doing despot things up the tower, and every now and then, a poor motherfucker fell down from the top and became a blotch on the ground, that sooner than later got covered by the white hairs.
“You know, Walter, these streets are full of death, all because of Mariana. Don’t you fear her?”
“No, she is dangerously stupid, but her intentions are the main provider of pavement for hell.”
I glanced at the still figure of a frightened boy that had been mummified by the fluff.
“Mariana and accidentally killing children, name a more iconic duo,” I commented and shrugged.
“Pit bulls and purposefully killing children!” exclaimed proudly Canaver.
“Not all of your breed is composed of psychos, you know?”
“Only the ninety percent worthy of carrying on the name! For you see…”
I stopped paying attention as he continued his rant. I could have silenced him, being my zombie and all, but if allowing him to talk could annoy the others, that was good enough of a reason to not censor him.
Another disgraced soul rained upon us from atop the tower, and I just sidestepped him to avoid a nasty hit. He bounced on the ground before dying, and made me check if we had a bounciness stat. We did.
We even had a sexual intercourse stat. Mine was well into the negatives. I, somehow, had had antisex unknowingly.
“My dear friends and Florencia… I have bad news: I am sexually bankrupt.”
“You mean morally, right?” pointed out Sabrina.
I checked out my morality stat. It was in the green.
“No, my Morality stat is all fine thanks to the state rescuing it after I filed for moral bankruptcy. I somehow made my way into the sex negatives.”
“It’s probably all the flirting with plants,” Florencia suggested, raising a shy finger.
“Or maybe the fact your attitude towards the opposite sex is, how to put it… I am not a virgin. I.” Fernando said, pointing at himself with a dumb smile. “I. Not a virgin. Yet you are.”
I crossed my arms and regarded him with an almighty stare. “I have a question for you, then, about sex.”
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“Yes, that’s how babies are made,” Florencia said, blushing.
“Shoot.” Fernando had a smug grin on his face, but it was about to disappear.
“Is it affected by stats or is it, like, a quick time event? Button mash? Can you minmax sex in this place?”
Silence was the only answer.
In the meanwhile, Cornelio had been speaking with thepeoplem at the back of the line. It turned out they were, indeed, taking turns to try and defeat mariana, claiming the glory as the city’s saviors.
“How many people are there?” I asked
“Well, we could count how many are per loop of the spiral road around the tower, then count the amount of loops and make a rough estimation.” Cornelio suggested.
“But the higher loops are smaller, Cornelio.”
“What part of rough estimate did you not get, you gigantic retard?” HE broke character heavily.
“Where did that come from?”
“With my eyes covered and the headaches nearly gone I can be myself, and the real Cornelio enjoys insulting you.”
The girls began cheering on their brother.
“I ama going to beat the snout out of you as soon as I recover Mariana.”
“Over my dead body you are touching him!” said Florencia.
“Not my fetish, but if you help me recover Mariana I can oblige.”
That shut her up.
“Listen, Fernando, can you summon Irene and fly me to the top?”
“That would make a lot of people mad, Walter.”
I smirked. “I am even more on board with the plan now.” Fernando sighed and stared up the spire.
He pulled out a Forget-me-not from his pocked and carefully placed it on the floor. “Clear the area, my dear friends, Irene likes to stretch when she is called forth.”
I stood in my place.
“My dear friends and Walter,” he clarified.
I retreated, away from the ramp and the line. To the side of Florencia.
The flower began levitating, slowly raising into the air, rotating gracefully, extending her petals. The Flowers shadow became a flower in turn, and the pair of Forget me not’s danced around each other. Then the process repeated, and their shadows, too, turned to the real thing.
And after several cycles of duplication, the flowers began taking the form of a dragon.
“I will live once again,” said Irene. “And I will aid The Dark Lord.”
“What did I say about calling Walter The Dark Lord in his presence?” Fernando chastised her, shaking a finger energetically.
“ ’Did’ shall not be present on my vocabulary, only ‘will’ will be, Fernando.”
“Yes yes, your precognition is so cute, Irene. You know what you have to do. Fly this…” I began.
“Climb on my back and hold on tight. You shall dig your fingers among my stems and I, then, am going to rise upwards, towards your faithful meeting with that companion of yours.”
“Fernando, does she have a—”
“No such thing as a mute setting on me, no,” she interrupted me as Irene was wont to do.
Fernando patted his dragon on the back of the neck. “I know it may feel weird to ride a dragon made of flowers, Walter, but—“ And he stopped because I had just jumped on Irene’s back to shut him up.
He gestured upwards with his hand and Irene took off. As a random, completely unrelated fact, my pee was on a rush to abandon my bladder.
The line of Wanna-be Mariana Slayers grunted and cursed as we soared into the skies and not precisely water rained upon some of them. And there, atop the towers highest platform, was curled Mariana, in the center of a dog bed made of fluff (as everything else around) lazily watching how a man with a spear tried to stab her.
“These scratchies are weird, but go on, servant.” Her telepathy reached me, even if weakly.
“Die, demon!” Exclaimed the bulky man as he plunged the spear into Mariana’s chest with all of his might.
Mariana began wagging her tail. “Oh yes, that’s the spot.”
The man tumbled and fell on his back.
The flap of Irene’s wing to stay aloft was mildly distracting, but its scent was delightful.
The man began whimpering like a little girl and mariana stood from her throne to walk up to him and lick his face.
“Are you hurt? Are you hurt?”
“Go away, dog-shaped evil!”
“hey!” Mariana turned, offended, and her wagging tail hit the mans head, batting it off his neck and into the void. Mariana, naturally, didn’t notice, and went back to her comfy spot.
“That’s a homerun all right,” I aid, and, after a twitch of the Ears, Mariana turned her head in our direction.
She jumped out of her bed and ran to the edge. “Walter! You are back.”
She didn’t stop at the edge, mind you.
“I thought you would never come back I amsosorryIwillneverletyouleaveagainpleasefeedmelovemepat,me…” She kept on telepathing as she plummeted with, I must say, null style.
Then, the system notification popped up:
XxXxXxYyYyYyZzZzZz_GREATER_GOOD_GIRL_zZzZzZyYyYyYxXxXxX has joined your party!
A Second later, about 200 meters away from our position, mariana impacted on the floor, creating a shockwqave that demolished a whole block of hair-coverd buildings.
I sighed. “Business as usual. Irene…”
“Yes, I am going back down.”