With our bellies full —except for Mariana, for whom satiation was a conspiracy pushed by Big Vet— we stood in front of the door of the boss room. It depicted two golden succubi dancing on a silver pole that passed right down the middle of the gates. I could feel a boss fight awaiting at the other side of the door.
I put my ear against the door. I could hear a sound as if someone was… snorting inside.
“Do you hear that sound girls? That is the sound of total party wipe due to Mar’s antics,” I said as Mariana combed the base of her tail with her incisors.
“I am not a girl.” Cornelio complained. I was tempted to remove his headdress and watch him become a dumb migrained creature once more. But I needed my archer in shape for the fight, so I had to torture myself by invoking self-control.
Sabrina summoned her floating ball of a robot. I touched my unexistant pockets as if looking for some unexistant keys. “Where the fuck did I leave…Oh.” I turned to the rest of my party. “I forgot Canaver at the super.” I imagined Canaver asking for more toddlers through the loudspeakers. Began laughing like a moron. “I may have created succubi post-birth control.”
“Can I chair him, Mariana?” Flor asked.
Mariana raised the gaze from her tail and slowly turned upside down over the red and gold rug. “Pay the price and I shall answer, Florencia.”
Flor paid tribute by energetically rubbing Mariana’s belly. Mariana’s leg kicked in the air, making me anxious about Florencia’s safety. She was too useful in this dungeon for her death due to a Marianism to amuse me.
“Keep rubbing, scratch serf,” Mariana demanded. Florencia happily obliged.
“Who is a good girl?” Florecia prompted Mariana.
“As a Golden retriever model, I cannot assure you who is, or not, a good girl, as that is not part of my programming.”
“Who’s a good girl?” Flor asked again.
An ellipsis whose dots jumped in serial fashion appeared above Mariana’s head.
“I apologize for the miss steak in my previous response. As a large lovable model, my understanding of the concept of ‘Good Girl’ is limited to examples in my database. Indeed, you are a good girl.”
If anything, the gift of prophecy had once again been wasted on a yellow character of dubious intelligence and high likeness to be causally involved with nuclear disasters.
I walked up tyo the door and spoke to it, because if we were going to get our asses kicked for being a bunch of morons, the sooner, the better.
“Hey, door, let us through.”
A room wide sign popped in front of me, and I had to take several steps back to read it in its full glory.
“ARE YOU A HUMAN OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE OR YOUR SPECIES EQUIVALENT?” It asked in white, bold letters. It offered two options: One was simply “Yes” the other was “No, and I‘d like to file a lawsuit against the previous room for damaging my frail developing psyche. What do you mean you only have Pepsi?”
“We are all above the age of consent in body.” I glanced at Florencia. She was with her back against the floor, Mariana scratching the half-elf’s midriff with her snout. “Even if not in mind.” I said, baffled.
“Come inside and face thine dole, coomers.” The heavy gates said and a ray of pink light broke through them as they were dragged apart by forces unseen.
“What an educated door for a brothel.” Sabrina commented.
Cornelio walked in ready to release: his magical arrow was fully drawn on the bow.Florencia an Mariana decided to follow eventully.
The boss room was ample. It seemed to have been carved out of the caboose of a mountain. Make of that what you will, you degenerates. The tiles on the walls depicted Succubi in several suggesting positions, all of them clad just enough to hide the best part of the drawing and keep the place pg13. At the end of the long room, whose columns will remain nondescript to preserve the minds of the youngsters, sat the Boss. He was at his desk, using a computer with a curved black monitor. His hands like sausage links laid above a mouse that must have had a crushing fetish or been built by a friend of James Cameron to stand such pressure. Every step I took towards him his maleficent aura became more obvious. This was a power hungry individual, the physically manifesting stench of Mountain dew and rancid Doritos betrayed that much.
I had a hunch about how to grab his attention.
“I disagree with you about the age of consent!” I shouted across the room, loud and clear for him to hear.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
The floor trembled as he sat up from his ergonomic chair, revealing a scant, unkempt beard. “Who dares disrespect our christened server?” howled the beast as it lumbered, revealing his massive form, BMI higher than his level.
“What is that?” Florencia whistled, scared to the bone.
“I am The Pimp, I administer pain and discord!”
“I won’t dispute the Discord claim,” I gave Caesar’s what was Caesar’s.
A ball of blackness and body odor gathered in the paw of the barbarian, and he held it aloft. I crossed my arms and sat on a chair of belts as my party got to their positions. With Mariana by my side and my hand on her head, I had nothing to fear.
I took a cup of tea out of my inventory and started sipping on it, despite said tea being already cold. I was not going to show weakness in front of that…creature.
“Be banned to the dimension of eternal pleasure!” he released the spell and dark light surrounded me. My belts began discussing how to devise a scale of rudeness for such teatime interruptions.
A feeling of being cornered arose inside me. A spotlight of darkness manifested at my feet. Mariana scurried away, not because of fear but because something else had caught her attention and she was Mariana. The hands of several women of all possible and impossible skin colors and sizes began dragging me from behind as I felt atheism surging on my soul once more. I checked my stats. The “religion” one was dropping, fast. All the progress I had done between the end of April and the beginning of June[1], gone!
“Walter!” I heard flor scream, and her steps and she rushed towards me. And then, the kind of darkness I don’t like swallowed me. That’s a thing darkness sometimes do, swallow people, stab them, spit them out so they bleed out in an alley. This time, however, I didn’t get stabbed.
I fell on a golden throne amidst a purple, cushiony landscape with a black sky. I was surrounded by scantily clad demonesses of all kinds and sizes. The land bent under their feet, as if we were standing on a giant mattress.
“Is this Ohio?”
A blue skinned bitch with horns like a fucking antelope approached me. “Are you palette-swapped, rule 63’d Captain Ginyu?”
“My name is Pertina, and I shall give our new prey a warm welcome to our dimension. Around us are my …co-workers, so to speak, Walter Gallardo. You will fall to one of them, I am sure, and we will consume your soul. For example…” She crouched beside me and passed her arm over my shoulder. I stared at her long fingers. They looked edible. She pointed at a short succubus with teal skin. “She is Pains, and she has nothing to do with the physiological manifestation of potential or actual tissue damage. She is always a few days underage, no matter what age we are talking about. She can satisfy …several sorts of deviants. Do you want to give her a try? She is the Pimp’s favorite,” she said with a seductive voice.
I smirked. They thought they were dealing with a garden variety degenerate.
“Will she become younger than any age I state?”
“Yes!” Pains said as she happily hopped in place, her fluffy pigtails bouncing up and down. She looked teenaged back then.
“Come here, girl!” Pertina called for her, and gave me a smug, predatory look. I responded in kind, and she couldn’t hold the stare. These supernatural sluts needed to be taught a lesson. Humbled down by my hand: not the one of a pimp, but the one of an unrighteous, hate-fueled plant erotica writer.
Pains came up to me and I pretended to appraise her while making sounds of disapproval with my tongue. “Too old. Can you become younger?”
“I can always become younger!” she said , excited. She thought she would steal my soul.
“Well, in that case… the consent age in my utopic world would be the zygote stage, can you go under that?”
She nodded energetically, and then horror flooder her expression as realization struck. “Wait did you say Zy…”
Pains melted into a puddle of sticky bodily fluids immediately. Rip pedo enabler 2021-2021. Cause of death: abuse of the fact she was unconceivable.
Gasps were heard all around. Pertina laughed nervously. “Well look at that, the dog has a bite after all.” She pressed the back of my neck with the inner side of her elbow. She began pointing at a “We have Ludica, the resident top-stacked tomboy, and also Quilota, the resident flat tomboy. We have Tila.” She pointed at a woman made entirely out of floor tiles. “She was born out of the fetish of a single man and never asked for again. She’s depressed.” Pertina wept a single tear from her demonic face. “Then we have Lina. She can change size. As small or as big of a woman as you’d like.”
“So, suppose Antman…” I began.
She headbutted my forehead, shaking my brain. “No Antman questions!” When my world stopped spinning, she continued. “We also have a sister capable of becoming almost any videogame character you fancy, and another able to become almost any anime character you fancy. And a third one that covers those ‘almosts’ by pleasing the Sonic fans.”
I commiserated her. I felt empathy for this interdimensional, preternatural strumpet. So I decided to change subject, to avoid bonding over our shared disdain for the blue hedgehog’s fandom.
“And what do you do?”
“Oh, I can get men pregnant.”
For a second, I considered how that would be an unique experience. Nobody would know,and it would only take me dying to experience what no man had before. Interesting. Afterwards, I though about birth and… well, let’s say my face became a rictus of horror.
I looked away and made my belts slowly remove her arm from my neck and back. With a grave stare I descended from the throne and its platform, into the cushioned purple, and walked in silence up to Lina. “Scatter, I want to be with her in private.”
All the succubi except the sizeshifter applauded and cheered on. Lina snapped her fingers and, after a puff of pink smoke, we appeared in a cathedral-sized room with a lone, heart shaped bed in the center, and scant décor besides a bedtable and some drink vending machines. She sat on the bed and invited me to do so with the seductive gesture of a single finger. I shook my head knowingly as I snickered. “Listen, I have a request before we do anything.”
“I am all ears. Go ahead.”
“First of all, I won’t lie to you: I don’t like any of you.”
“Not even me?” she asked popping her lower lip out and inflating its size to comical extremes.
“I like others less than you.”
“Yay! People generally don’t pick me.” The Size shifting succubus said, giving a little jump on the bed. “What will you want?”
“So, suppose we are roleplaying as superheroes, saving the day and shit…”
She nodded enthusiastically. Ready to fulfill my darkest desires as a good demon she was. “Aha, yes yes, continue…”
“…and your sisters are this very bad guy called Thanos…”
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[1] And to think by then I was halfway out of the red!