I entered Sabrina and Florencia’s room without any regard for their privacy. Luckily, they were both dressed, even if Florencia would have wished she wasn’t. Probably. I was not an omniscient being, you know. It had been adapted to both of their likings. Florencia’s half was an ordered endeavor, neatly separated by a line of cleanliness from Sabrina’s little metallic Mordor. On a side of the frontier, a land littered with the decomposing corpses of trinkets, nuts and bolts and oil splattered everywhere, a terrain no barefoot man dared to walk. On the other, neatly stashed weapons on a corner, a cross hanging from the wall, and a neatly tidied up bed with a couple Jesus plushies on it.

Florencia was sitting on her bed, with nothing to do at the moment, watching how Sabrina snored over her saliva-covered desk, like a fat castrated cat suffering each second of life.

I sat beside Florencia, a risky move I was only willing to make for the sake of assholery. Her bed was the comfiest seat my ass ever experienced. I resisted to moan in pleasure as I strategically positioned my caboose to maximize the contact with that heavenly matress. “Hey, Flor, do you think I can ask Sabrina for an art commission? I mean, I know she knows how to draw, I have seen her illustrations of prototypes, even those including animals or people on them.”

“She is in no need of money. But I can draw something for you if you want, I am no artist but I know some basics and…”

I placed a finger on her lips to shut her up. She started blushing and I withdrew my touch. The things I did to be the jerk my stats said I was. “Say no more, I cannot possibly ask you for this work. I need her technical knowledge for the project. I am sorry.”

“Well, I can learn! If you give me some weeks…”

I kissed her on the cheek, screaming internally and cursing myself. “Thanks, Florencia,, but this is a time-sensitive matter.”

The girl went totally communist, Chinese and/or republican, depending on who you hate, where you live, and how many fucks you do give. I wondered, back then, how many fucks I gave about Florencia going dumb and squealing like a pig subject to cock and ball torture. So I checked!

[WALTER’S FUCKS RESERVE]

[100/100]

[Can give 1195 more fucks this year.]

[Fucks refill at the end of the month.]

The usual amount, it seemed.

Flor’s meltdown woke Sabrina up, and groggy and with her hair resembling a family of quillworts on meth, she turned to look at us. “Walter, what the hell are you doing?” she sobered up instantly, frowning.

“Manipulating people into doing my bidding,” I said.

“He considers me people…” Flor whispered in a wishful tone, and then sighed.

“What did you do to her?” She walked up to the border of her territory, wearing her bunny slippers that she had, by the looks of them, bought in the succubus-managed market. In other words, the slippers had nice tits.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“I kissed her cheek. Face.”

She put on smug grin. “I appreciate the clarification, cunt.”

“You’re welcome.”

I made my belts heave the catatonic Florencia and carry her out of the room, like dozens of flat little tentacles crawling under her. “She can have her reveries elsewhere. I need you to draw me something.”

Sabrina crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “No?” It wasn’t an answer, it was a question. A ‘convince me, ass’, if you want.

I looked out the door to check if Florencia had been taken far enough. The belts had orders to get her to the main hall and Not ritually sacrifice her. Ideally, leave her in the care of a capable individual, be it Mariana or Canaver.

Once there were no moors on the coast, I pronounced the most precious of words. “Porn.”

“Come again?”

Engaged my fingerguns, “That’s what she said!”

Sabrina engaged her facepalm. “Repeat what you said before, please.”

“Porn. I need you to draw porn.”

“I won’t sponsor your onanism!” she stepped onto Florencia’s side of the room and readied her hand to slap my face.

I forwarded a finger to stop her from doing so, because I valued my cheek integrity. “Hear me out first. It’s not to masturbate.”

Exasperated, she let out a breath and lowered her arm. “What demented plan do you have now, Walter?”

“I will use Mariana to mentally broadcast the most degenerate furry porn to everyone alive but us, and then, I will quit villainy. Go out with a bang. Gangbang. Of anthros. In diapers.”

Sabrina’s expression was unbecoming of an incestuous cock sucking degenerate like her. “What?”

“I will quit villainy. I like this world a bit and it’s growing on me like a fucking cancer. Too late for chemotherapy.”

“No, no, that sounds like one of your deranged plans to achieve your goals, that is classic Walter behavior. Why the furry porn? Just ‘quit’! It’s that easy.” She used scare quotes for the quit part.

“Because that’s funny and I, petty.” I admitted, rubbing my hands. “I gathered a list of fetishes that should be included to maximize trauma. How good are you at drawing horse penis?”

“I have never drawn one!” She claimed with absolute indignation.

“Well… giant, carnivorous sperm. How does that sound?”

“What?”

I wasn’t getting through to her. I needed to try a different approach.

“You can include your furry OC and any fetish you wish to too, you do have that level of artistic freedom. I just want a brain wrecking experience. I want… I want to make therapists rich all around the globe,” I argued, and then a brilliant idea came to me. “Add a fern with rape-stamens, will you? we gotta traumatize people with scientifically inaccurate plant anatomy too.”

“Walter, I understand almost every word you say, but I fail at grasping the meaning of the sentences.”

“I want a piece of cognitohazardous drawn porn, woman! I want to ruin the lives of millions before going play hero. Mental terrorism, of the worst kind.”

“Play hero?” She let out an ugly guffaw and pointed at me. “You want to bang some sexy escapist, don’t you, you virgin loser?”

“I will want to bang some of them in non-sexual ways, for sure. Get a shotgun and make a glory hole out of their skull style. I’ll grant you that much. I just want to defend this world from the transempanadians: no sense letting villains stronger than me to govern the world, for they won’t let me destroy it either. And a race against enemies whose powers we don’t know for the fate of the world is… foolish.”

“What’s her name?” She insisted, teasing me by poking my nose. Her finger looked delicious.

“Do elves have a regenerative factor?”

“Eh, yes, I once lost my pinky and then regrew it after…” she saw how her finger disappeared in a chomp, and then screamed from the pain and shock.

I chewed a bit and swallowed, bones and all. Strength, constitution and dexterity helped one swallow things one would have never dreamed of.

“You son of a bitch! Forget your drawing! And bring me a first aid kit or something, sociopathic asshole!”

“Don’t poke my nose with such a delicious body part.”

“Bring me bandages, now!” she said, trying to stop the bleeding of her now lonely phalanx.

I inhaled, letting the delightful smell of copper fill my nostrils. “Will you make the drawing if I do?”

She considered it a second. “… Fuck you!”

“You are not my type.”

“Bandages! And then we can negotiate the fucking abomination you want drawn!”

And chuckling and with a protesting stomach, I accepted her proposal.