Out of the halls full off pleasured moans that came out of nowhere, we arrived toa round chamber, totally empty save for the spiral staircase that climbed up its walls or a small, green object placed in the middle of the floor, at the center of an intricate tile pattern.
The smell of chlorine pervaded the air. And I extended my arm to make the resto of the party sans Mariana stop advancing. Mariana was very good at detecting traps. Mainly, by means of triggering them and getting out unscathed.
“This place has a foreboding familiarity.” I said, inspecting the purple, shiny, glassy walls. The neon lights that illuminated the place looked unusually dim.
“Walter, Mariana’s lips are shining.” Pointed out Florencia, and I realized, that, indeed, Mariana’s drool had become fluorescent. I thought for a second, and then spat on my hand. My own saliva was fluorescent too. “Black light. Ultraviolet. Makes spit, semen, urine, vaginal fluids, and other things to fluoresce under it. Harmless in the short term, otherwise.”
Seeing Mariana walk into an obvious trap or boss fight like it was nobody’s business was reassuring. She even began circling around the room, inspecting and sniffing the walls. “Walter, there are no corners for me to pee!” she finally said, prey of absolute anguish.
“Come back into the halls and do it here, Mar.”
“Mariana stared at me, as if offended. “Nonsense!” She marched haughtily up to the staircase and raised her leg to urinate on the first step.
Florencia pulled from my belt-sleeve. “Hey, Walter, isn’t Mariana a girl?” she whispered.
“She is female if that is what you ask. Why?”
“She is doing it like male dogs do,” she said, raising one of her knees to drive the point across.
“Mariana has a very particular vision on gender. Look.”
I whistled, catching Mar’s attention.
“What?” My dog asked.
“What is your gender, Mariana?”
“I am yellow!” She answered before returning to her leg-wetting business.
I looked at Florencia and shrugged. There was nothing else to be said.
“Do you want me to contact a priest and exorcise the deviation out of her?” she asked, voice full of genuine concern.
“I am convinced Mariana’s inner demons are just smaller Marianas running the thing to the best of their ability…”
Mariana bit her tail, whimpered, and fell down to the floor, convulsing.
“…which isn’t what I would call an abundant resource.”
“Can we cross the fucking room already? It’s clear there are no traps, or Mariana would have triggered them already,” argued Sabrina.
Mariana contorted like a fish out of water as her cryptid of a brain underwent factory reset.
Cornelio stepped ahead of us and towards the center of the room. “What’s this colored donkey?” he asked, pointing at the bad caricature of a My Little Pony figurine that stood in the center of the room.
As soon as we all were inside the room, glass flowed to occupy the space where the entry to the hall used to be. Mariana was still performing the scandisk, making exaggerated sounds that reminded me of those of an old cooler when it happens to casually suck in a rat with arthrosis.
“Well, it turns out the lady with oedipal inclinations bears an unwanted package!” I exclaimed.
“What?” went the three siblings in unison.
“It’s a motherfucking trap.” I clarified to my addlepated companions.
Sabrina shook her head and summoned her sphere o’ pain, preparing for battle. Cornelio tensed his bow and prepared a magic arrow on it. Florencia readied the chair. I made three makeshift hands out of my belts to be able to slap them simultaneously. “I doubt it’s a combat trap. This place is round, perfect to rain arrows or, I guess, the dungeon’s equivalent (sharp dildos) upon us. And upstairs I can see a door with a … peculiarly shaped key hole.” My gaze rested upon the pony. “We need to Indiana Jones this shit somehow.”
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Mariana, as obedient as she was, shifted to a standing position fueled by her need to retrieve, and snatched the colored donkey from its spot on the floor.
The whole place began trembling.
“Mariana, you triggered the trap!” Sabrina scolded her.
She offered me the pony and happily wagged her tail.
Holes in the walls opened and things like mechanical +18 snakes came… cocks, mechanical cocks, people. Articulate robot penises. They stared at us like they would at a good android ass if mechanical penises had eyes and a mind of their own. Anyway, I had work to do.
I manifested my bucket list out of my mind and scrolled through it. using its tactile interface, I crossed out four of the items. “Productive day today.”
Stashed the list back into the submenu where it belonged and, calmly, I gestured my group to move slowly up the stairs.
“Walter, why is the head of those snakes so weird?” Asked Florencia.
“They are… they are robot dicks, sis,” explained Cornelio.
“I hope it’s just cum and not bullets or molten iron.” I said out loud, and then I stopped for a second. Blinked twice. “This place is making me gay by the standards of my friend group.”
“I hope so too.” Sabrina said with a scare voice, but biting her lip. I made a mental note to subject her to dehornyfictation therapy as soon as we got out of that place.
The first mechanical contraption began dripping an almost transparent liquid. Twitching. “I suggest you run upstairs.”
“What are you going to do?” Flor asked.
I grabbed Mariana by the tail.
“Face the cumjar like a man.”
I raised Maidriana as she trembled like a scared squirrel. “Are they going to bath me?”
“No, those are not hoses, Mariana.”
She calmed down and began panting happily. “Thank God.”
I ran around to catch the attention of the sensitive sentries as my companions sauntered up the spiral staircase. The first spurt came out from a robot to my right, and I rolled straight through it, abusing the invulnerability frames. The substance was watery and sizzled on the floor. “Neat, it’s caustic. Someone has been neglecting pineapples.”
I leaped and smashed a metallic phallus with the side of Mariana, exposing its wires and making it go limp. “Death by CBT!”
I propelled myself to a side using the belts as a spring to avoid another caustic shot. Threw Mariana as a boomerang and she spun in the air, cutting down another two robots before returning to me.
“The room… spins…” said a dizzy Mariana. She was my sword again, so I could disregard her complains with no consequences.
“Showoff.” I heard Sabrina mutter. Bet she wanted to be in my place.
Something moved in the corner of my eye, and when I turned, I saw a couple of the dicks had relented their attacks and were now trying out a blue and white fur coat with a very… futuristic design, we could say, as it had sky blue lines going through its white, seemingly plastic body. It occurred to me it looked like a cosplay of a videogame character.
I could not pay attention to cosplaying ones, for the others were trying to kill me. I sliced through the air upwards with Mariana, sending a caustic shot back to the robot that had produced it, the sheer force of the impact deactivating it.
I rolled again, two shots missing by mere centimeters. I jumped up the stairs, for the floor was beginning to fill with pools of really basic stuff.
“No man garage-born can Bukkake me!” I claimed as I laughed and deflected another shot, mariana moving in my hands so fast they others must have seen her as a mere blur.
Then I felt as if a Morningstar had hit my right leg, making em fall face first against the wide steps. I looked back, and the cosplaying coks were the only possible culprits. Tears welled from my lachrymal glands as I tried to recover my footing. “Tu quoque, Mei phalli.”
I tried to crawl upstairs despite the pain in my leg and the 20% that had been shaved off of my HP bar. I received another shot, right on my back. It burned like the fires of Mexican hell, I could feel my skin blistering where it had hit me. I closed my eyes and let mariana go. This was my end. A dungeon’s prostitute. I smiled as Zombie Prostitute by Voltaire invaded my numb brain.
Mariana was licking my face in vain as I drifted away, and I would have passed, if not for Florencia's hand reaching for mine and pulling me upstairs.
She was taking the aggro now, and the shots turned to mere water when they touched her. “There’s nothing to fear, Walter: the Lord preserves us.” She said as she heaved me in her arms, Mariana jumping around her to keep licking my face.
“Your absurd purity preserves us. I think these things do damage according to how dirty minded one is.”
One of the shots hit Mariana, and she stopped jumping, looking at her health bar. 105%[1]. Atrocious damage had been done to my girl, but iw as in no shape to react, still prey of a pain that menaced with consuming my whole body
Eventually, we reached the platform atop the room, getting out of the cock’s reach, and Flor let me stand on my feet while Mariana casted a cloud of healing poison on me.
“You saved my life,” I admitted, still not believing what had happened.
“That’s the role of a tank, isn’t it?”She patted me on the shoulder. Her hand burn too, but not like the unholy cum. This was a divine burn. As if she were infused by the god of purity and I were a dirty weeb.
I inserted “ShutterFly” into the keyhole, and the double doors opened in front of us. A Neon sign on the walls of the rosey halls announced our next destination:
“Pimp room 100 meters ahead.”
----------------------------------------
[1] Since a couple patches ago, Retrievers and other waterdogs get a slight stat increase when they get wet by any means.