After witnessing and tasting the death of another dog, I, Mariana Ursula “Good hecking girl” Gallardo, realized my own mortality. Due to this, I decided to wraith a novel!

My story begins with an explosion, like yours. Or, maybe, an expansion, like those of videogames. Well, the universe began with an explosion or expansion, and you and I live in it. Fast forward several million years—How many dog lifespans is that? more than ten? Waoh—of physical and chemical reactions happening because there was no one to take them on walkies and so they needed to let out their energy in some other way, the first living being was born. Fast forward other three eighty thousand million years, I, technically a clone of that first living being, came out of my mommy, who is purebred.

Then things happened and I died for the first time and it was fun! I’d recommend dying at least once to everybody. I killed Walter accidentally on the process, and so I arrived to another world where I can wraith books.

The first thing I did in this new land of opportunity and grey grass was checking Walter’s pockets for food. He was unconscious, so I cried a bit and then, I saw a squirrel. She was ugly, like all squirrels, and fluffy, like all squirrels, and it hated my guts, like all squirrels, and I hated her guts, like all squirrels, so I chased her, like I chase all squirrels.

There was an adventurers’ guild close to where the chase began, and the squirrel got inside. I head-butted my way through the main door, barreled through an old mage causing a fatal fall, crashed against a bounty board, farted, shook my head, barked at the squirrel twice, , tripped on a level one warrior that tried to stop me, Jumped over the rewards counter, went for the squirrel that hid in the blouse of the innocent lady at the counter, splattered blood after missing a bite aimed at the squirrel and taking one of the lady’s eyes, unlocked a fire spell, tested it hitting an alchemist concoctions, and , then, flew several feet through the air, never losing sight of the nutchasing whore.

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I kept on pursuing my nemesis and tripping on pedestrians, I farted again. My stats grew steadily during the chase, and I guess, so did the squirrel. We were in a party! With a squirrel, that goes against my morals. But I am a dog. My owner would say I have no morals. He’s probably right, otherwise, he would not be my owner. I like my owner. His name is Walter and he smells funny.

Anyhow, after chasing the nutchasing whore through several neighborhoods and accruing a sizable mob of devout followers that brought sticks and torches to play with me, I tripped over a crib and finally reached high enough level to take Armageddon. Out of curiosity, I casted it. The sky went red and a big-ass warm ball appeared on it. One that wasn’t the sun. It was getting closer. It was coming to play with us, it was the happiest day of my life in this new world!

The ball descended upon us, and it was getting bigger. The trees caught fire. The squirrel caught fire. I caught fire. Tried to lick it off, but it was sticky. The dead came out of their graves, holding onto the burning people, and they, too, caught fire. It smelled so delicious I began drooling. The drool caught fire.

Then the ball touched the earth, and it didn’t bounce. Bad girl, ball, bad girl! It expanded a bit and then deflated, swapping the town for a smoking crater. I always liked magic tricks! Thanks, ball.

When I managed to clean my fur from the ashes, I went back to look for Walter, hoping for some food and water, and then (Note from Walter: Mariana considers this a cliffhanger)