Chapter 92: Conversation

[Edited by Arthur300000, deathbricks, Bunny, and ArchmageNaoki]

“Pristia, we have a situation eleven. I repeat we have a situation eleven; Kuro brought a guy home.” It was a long day of fighting my way back to the surface. However, as I entered my dorm room, Barbara welcomed me while whispering nonsense into her phone. Thanks to my acute hearing, I heard every word.

Cocoa was also inside the living room. She was playing with Ms. Fluffy just before I barged in. Seeing two fluffy people together, I wanted to yell ‘share me some fluff!’ and jump at them, but my newly upgraded socializing sense told me that I should do something about Barbara first.

“Barbara, this is Eli, Clair, and Macy. They were caught by a group of bandits, and they need to stay with us for the night since the dorm manager’s office is already closed.” I didn’t know what the situation stuff she was talking about was, but I wanted to clear up this misunderstanding fast.

“Oh, hello! I'm Barbara, Kuro's elder sister, nice to meet you. Uhm, excuse us for a moment.” My niece put on her best business smile and pushed me away from them.

“What do you think you are doing?! Why did you bring a man inside in the middle of the night!?” She whispered… Didn’t she hear me the first time?

“Yes! Because it was in the middle of the night. The dorm manager’s office had already closed, and there aren’t any hotels in the area” I whispered back and omitted a minor detail about me hurrying to catch the last bus back without checking for a hotel in the dungeon city.

“They wouldn’t survive outside.” I added. It was -15℃ out there, and all of their stuff was inside one of the bandit's storage devices that I looted. The problem was, the device registration counter was also closed at this hour, so there was no way for me to take it out for them.

“But where will they sleep!?” She seemed exasperated for some reason.

“They could take the main room. And we can snuggle up in Cocoa’s room.” I suggested.

“Absolutely not!” Barbara flat out rejected the idea.

“Why!?” Three of us snuggling together in one bed seemed to be a good proposition in my book though.

“Kuro, look. We don’t know them, and they might do something… bad while we’re sleeping. And that Eli’s face didn’t strike me as a good guy.” She explained.

“Ahem.” Eli coughed. “Maybe we could just-”

“Wait! Let me straighten this out with her.” I stopped him in his tracks and turned back to reason with Barbara. I was fed up with this kind of prejudice. In my past life, all I wanted was to… well, not to the point of being beloved by everyone. Just people not ostracizing me because of my face would’ve been enough. But right here and now, Eli was being judged because of his face, by my niece of all people!

“And why did you give them the main bedroom!? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?” Barbara opened the new topic without giving me a chance to reply to the last one. Feeling disturbed, I felt I needed to give her a solid reason.

“Because I cannot sleep in the main bedroom, the room next door was too loud of sex orgies in the middle of the night!.” I yelled back impatiently… Oops.

““...”” Everyone went silent. Then like it was on cue, soft moaning began to leak through the wall like living proof of what I said.

“Maybe I could talk to them.” Eli said, and surprisingly everyone agreed on this.

“It’s bad for children’s education.” Clair added, and Barbara nodded along. Eh? Were they already on the same side?

“Hey! What are you going to say to them?” As we left our room, I asked as I didn’t want to create any bad feelings between me and my neighbors.

“Watch carefully and learn. You probably won’t get to see anything like this in classes.” Eli acted cool and rhythmically tapped the door.

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“Hello!” He yelled and tapped again. He repeated that three times until the door was opened by a sweaty and out of breath woman.

“Uhm, who are you?” The woman asked. Wait, she wasn’t one of yesterday’s girls.

“Oh, hello, my name is Eli.” He reached out his hand but the other party didn’t shake it so he slid his hand up to smoothen his hair instead.

“Actually, these children live next door.” Clair pointed at Cocoa and me. “And they were complaining about weird noises in the middle of the night since yesterday.”

“Since yesterday?” The woman’s eyes turned into slits as she looked at me. “What kind of noise did... we make yesterday?” I know it’s not the ‘we’ but it was her hubby and other five girls, so let’s subtly point it out.

“Uhm, it was a lot moaning and screaming coming from about five girls and a guy. Sometimes a man yelled, ‘I’m cumming with the force of sun!’” I think I got the subtle act down. Well, I didn’t point out that she lied, but for some reason, Barbara elbowed me and whispered some nonsense about ‘too many details’.

“I-I really need to talk to my husband. And sweety, I promise you that there will be no more… weird noises.” She quickly shut the door. “Honey!!” A word that sounded very different from its meaning leaked out.

We looked at each other. I wondered whether we were doing the right thing or not but Eli just shrugged and said. “They definitely don’t teach that in class.” … the education system would be doomed if that was taught in the school.

Anyways, we went back into our room while arguing about who’s going to sleep where for a short while. Then it was settled that we lend the small bedroom to the two girls and the living room for Eli. Cocoa, Barbara, and Ms. Fluffy were already asleep when I finished my before bed business, so I squeezed myself in between them and hogged Cocoa’s tails for myself.

Ah, today was a very long day. I had a deathmatch with bandits, killed more monsters than I could count, and got lost in an underground maze. To be able to snuggle with my family again was a blessing.

I heard the adventurer trio still taking care of their before bed business. Someone was showering, and someone was already crashing on the sofa. I think I knew who did what, but I was too tired to care. The room next door was also having a heated discussion. But they did it quietly, so I pushed them to the back of my mind with the other one hundred million background noises.

Before my conscious melted away. I checked how Skynet was doing. I did promise her a new body, but it seemed that I couldn’t buy her a sexbot-body because of the god damn 18+ lock thing. I had to let her choose her own body, and she went quiet ever since. Well, she did mumble a bit about not enough space or something from time to time, but that was considered very quiet of her.

Anyways, I hugged Cocoa’s tails tight and inhaled her … fluffy scent while letting Barbara’s rhythmic heartbeat guide me to sleep-

“No way! There is no chance in hell that I would join an orgy with them!!” A woman's scream from the other side of the wall woke all of us up.

“Wait! Let me explain! I’m the victim here!” A man yelled.

“Explain to this!” A woman yelled back followed by a loud crashing noise. Then I heard their door open and shut again with a bang. The noise of loud footsteps and sobbing followed.

Well, that wasn’t a weird noise, but that woke us up in the middle of the night nevertheless. Even Ms. Fluffy yawned from her perch and looked at us.

“Kuro, I can’t sleep.” After a while, Barbara was the first one who spoke.

“I’ll prepare some hot milk.” Cocoa offered. I wanted to ask for a hot cocoa, but she might interpret it the wrong way.

In the end, we went to the kitchen and had a pajama party with the three adventurers joining us.

“Say, is there a puzzle or quiz door in the dungeon?” Barbara was strangely interested in tales of dungeon adventure.

“Well, there was a door which required virgin blood to open. And you see we aren't exactly virgins.” Marcy animatedly told the tale.

“Then how do you get it to open?” Barbara inched closer. And Marcy just winked at me.

“Oh, Kuro was there! So, you cut your hand and dropped your blood on the altar, right!?” For some reason, I felt embarrassed to be branded as a virgin. Well, they weren’t wrong. Even in my past life, I was a virgin...

“Ahem, no, she didn’t cut her hand.” Clair interrupted.

“Eh? How!? Tell me! Tell me!” Barbara was too enthusiastic.

“She dropped her sanitary pad on the altar! And the fucking door swung open so fast!” Everyone laughed at Marcy's comment.

“Sadly, that wasn’t the exit. But there was a huge load of treasure in there.” I tried to downplay the joke.

“Yeah, and she jumped right at it, oblivious to the door that was closing behind her.” Eli added.

“Eh? How did she get out?” Barbara seemed to be worried and hugged me tightly.

“She dug herself out!” Marcy laughed again… It was less funny when I experienced that myself. But well since everyone was happy, all is good.

Because Barbara was excited listening to everything, they even told her that I destroyed that altar afterward. I wished that they would have spared some of the embarrassing details, but the girls were ruthless.

The night went on just like that. We told Cocoa and Barbara a lot of stories. And when I showed Cocoa the anti-material rifle, she spun her tails happily like a fan and ranted on and on about its specifications for a half of the night. It was troublesome to wrestle the rifle back from her though.

“Anyways, about the situation eleven. Isn’t that kind of false alarm? Maybe you should call back and tell them that.” I reminded Barbara. Everyone else seemed to be confused about what I was talking about. But Barbara seemed to realized something.

“Pristia, it’s a false alarm. I repeat: It’s a false alarm.” Barbara made a call. However, she looked at me apologetically.

“Uhm, Kuro, Pristia is already on a flying ship heading here.” …