Chapter 53: O_____ion
[Edited by: Deathbricks, Arthur300000, Bunny and ArchmageNaoki]
"Commander, one of them has collapsed!" Mr. I-Like-Moderate-Boobs reported through the small open window behind me. Right now, I sat on the front seat of the military truck beside Mr. Driver and Cocoa. Because Cocoa and I are both small, we can sit together comfortably.
"Have the other two drag him in, then we move on." I ordered while brushing Cocoa’s tails.
After they questioned the legitimacy of my boobs, I decided to discipline these bunch of rag tags. Initially, I wanted to make them do push ups until their arms bleed, but I didn't have enough time for that. So instead I ordered them to run with the caravan, eating the dust, and yell "NEVER DOUBT THE BOOBS!".
The other two who talked about boobs were exempt from this because they only stated their preference. There are also some that would disagree and watch them with cold stares when their 'friends' sold them out. However, a ruler has to be wise and just.
To be honest, I felt some sense of camaraderie with them. Their conversation felt like the NEET friends I had my previous life on the internet, and their physical capabilities are also alike. Not even ten minutes after we started, one of them already collapsed... Will they be able to survive as a soldier?
"Cough! Cough! I thought I was going to die!" I heard a horsekin breathe heavily after lifting his friend into the back compartment.
"Shut up! Hyaluronic acid my ass. If you are that knowledgeable, why don't you get a job!?" Mr. Are-Those-Boobs-Real complained.
There is also another worrisome person on the truck. The rebellious looking wolf girl is holding her head and chanting "We are doomed. We are doomed." like some kind of doomsday priestess.
Because my platoon has two military trucks, I have to appoint someone as my vice commander. Surprisingly, when I asked who was the strongest here, everyone looked at the giraffe girl. I don't know whether this was some kind of joke or not, but it was not the time and place to test it out. So, I let her pick ten people and ride in the other car.
Needless to say, I was left with the latent potential people. Right, latent potential, no one is useless. Even this pig guy who likes flat chests can be dangerous in many ways.
...
After an hour, the ride became boring. The view outside is the same as yesterday, a graveled road winding through granite mountain. To use my time appropriately, I practice my new skill; a parlor trick.
I discovered that, right now, I can perform item appearing and disappearing act like what a magician does through the storage device. Albeit slow, it’s quite fun to just clap and Voila! A pair of panties loaded with its peachy scent appears between my hands.
"You do realize that no one here would be impressed by that, right?" Cocoa beside me said... I sense that she tried this before.
"Does that mean you've tried?"
"O-only because my second tail nagged me to do it. I-I don't think it's cool or... anything." She flustered under my gaze. Skynet only mumbled: "Hmm, hmm, is that so." Still Cocoa, you're doing it wrong. I think everyone would be impressed by the sudden appearance of panties no matter the method. Mr. Driver here, for example, he steals a glance at me every now and then.
The ride went very smooth. The view outside changing from Rocky mountains to a vast plain, and a giant lake. We also passed a few settlements with only some quick stops for 'urgent business' which I paid one gem for the entrance fee. Besides that, there is nothing else to tell, no monster attacks, no bandit attacks, and no damsels in distress to rescue. I began to think it was overkill to have a platoon protect a merchant caravan. Anyways, peace is the best.
At noon, we didn’t even stop to have lunch. However, the beastkin people just took out their rations and began chewing it at their leisure. I should have prepared a lunch for myself. Maybe I can buy something in the next town.
*Growl* The sound of a stomach grumbled from the back compartment. I peeked back through the small opening to find the source of the sound. Three people are holding their stomach without anything in their hands while other people are chewing dried meat and dried vegetables slowly.
[Why don't they eat?] I ask Skynet.
[Mistress, most recruits here only receive a bare minimum wage, about 500 gems. Even though it suffices to survive with military rations and lodging, some people prefer to skip their meals and save some money to buy better gear to increase their odds of survival.] Oh, I should consider myself lucky that I wasn't born as beastkin NEET huh? My previous life is more comfortable compared to them.
"Hey, if I give you a monster corpse, would anyone here be able to cook it?" My question startled them. But soon, almost everyone slowly raised their hand.
"Do we have time to cook?" I turn to ask Mr. Driver, a bullkin. He nodded and said: "It's fine, we should reach Alphaden at four. An hour delay wouldn't hurt." So I order him to stop.
I get out of the car and stretch. Ah, it feels nice to stretch after a long ride. Most people in my platoon and caravan look at me like they are going to say, "What is this stupid girl doing?"
"Let's have a proper lunch!" I proclaim and clap. A mutilated body of a giant bear appeared in front of me.
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Cocoa looks at me with a cold stare, but several people seem to be in awe with the giant bear corpse while saying: ""Whoa~"" See? It depends on what you make appear.
This giant bear came from a Dremora Lord spell experiment, so its corpse doesn't look pretty, but the majority of it was left intact. Of course, that Dremora Lord was nuked by a Huge-Floating-Eye-Monster later, but that's another tale to tell.
"You could get at least 100 gems from that." Cocoa mumbled. I know, Cocoa. However, seeing starving people following me rubbed me the wrong way. From my previous life experience, I know full well how painful what they're going through is.
"I won't let anyone starve under my watch." I told Cocoa my reason. I am aware that this method isn't going to sustain anyone in the long run, but to hand any expensive weapons to people I barely know and would be parted with as soon as I go back to my country is still a bit too much.
I nodded to signal everyone that it's ok to proceed to cooking. Another half of my platoon and merchants are also coming to help. As they are disassembling the corpse, I trade the bear's liver for a big bunch of fresh vegetables for the herbivore beastkin from a friendly salesman.
"Take as much as you like, miss commander." He said as he keeps piling vegetables on my arms. My haggling related perks seem to be working too well again. Thankfully, my reliable driver came to the rescue.
*Sizzle* I watch as the first slab of meat was skilfully placed on a grill ten minutes later. The work assignment showed that they are really good at teamwork. From what I observed, they somehow divide the work into a butchering team, a wood cutting team, a grill construction team, and a cooking team.
The grill is actually two rows of rocks and several steel grates arranged on it, so the cooks have to squat or sit down to use it. Mr. I-like-flat-chests, a member of the cooking team, explained that each of them received a vest, one cubic meter storage device, cooking utensils, two blankets, and a cheap weapon of their choice, a 500 gem salary each month, and that's it. If they somehow lose their equipment, it's their own responsibility to replace it themselves unless they become elite.
As he explained how risky it is for them to hunt a monster, both sides of the meat finished cooking. Then he wrapped it with a big leaf of unknown plant species and flipped it on the grate a few times until the spicy scent of the leaf mixed well with the meat.
"Here you are, commander." He offered the first one to me, and I gladly received it. To be honest, it's just a leaf wrapped meat, but it smells so nice. Should I just bite it like this?
"No, no, commander!" Mr. I-like-flat-chest stopped me by holding my hand. "Sorry!" He pulled his hand off like having an electric shock. His face suddenly turned red. Didn’t he say he only like flat chests?
"Don't eat the leaf, commander. We put it on because it smells great, and it prevents your hand from getting dirty. Still, it's inedible." Oh, so it's like a Hamburger wrapping paper, huh?
"Thanks." I told him and flipped open the leaf and took a bite. Wow, it's super juicy, and it tastes fantastic. I think it tastes even better than that thunderwolf steak I had.
While chewing happily, I secretly moved two bear corpses inside my hair clip to my reserved folder. For some reason, people stop their works and stare at me eating instead. I heard several gulps from them. It made me feel awkward, so I looked back at them, but they just got red faces and avoided my eyes and resumed their work.
"Ouch! Damn it, it burns." A raccoon guy from the cook team exclaimed.
"I think I changed my mind." Mr. I-Like-Moderate-Chests mumbled. Then entire boobs appreciation club nodded in unison. For some reason, I felt goosebumps.
Anyways, everyone seems to enjoy their lunch, and most of them have second helpings. We laughed and started singing together like it's some kind of party. Cocoa also had second helpings while cutely munching the meat with puffing cheeks. Didn’t she just complain about wasting money a moment ago? Well, she's cute, so it's fine.
From the conversation during lunch, I learned that the only thing that makes them work as a group of soldiers is me, their commander to be precise. It's mainly because the commander holds all the right to execute these recruits for any reason, so they have no choice but to obey. There is a problem in this system though. When their leader dies, the platoon will soon dissolve into a bunch of unemployed civilians and have no combat potential whatsoever.
When everyone is full, I let my soldiers keep the rest of the meat and vegetables for the next meal while I keep four pieces of the wrapped meat for my siblings, Cocoa, and me. It's fine because my hair clip can keep it warm for a day.
The cleaning is also as quick as the setup process, everyone working in harmony. The bear corpse doesn't even have any bones left.
"I can make simple tools from it." My driver said as he takes the bear femurs and skull. Some took the hard rib cage for making bone broth or stock, and some took hip bones for whatever reason.
The afternoon drive continues peacefully. Most people have fallen asleep. However, I'm the only one that suffered. Only about a half hour after we began to ride, I felt pain in my lower left abdomen. At first, I thought it was because of the bear meat, but no one seems to have a problem with it.
Did my body take too much stress yesterday and start breaking apart? Worried, I cast heal on myself, but the pain won't go away... What's wrong with my body!?
The last time something like this happened was around two weeks ago. I also thought it was because of the strange food I ate, but it turned out that I had a period... This time, it can't be a period. It hasn’t even been a month yet. Hmm, when in doubt, let's depend on a higher intelligent being.
[Is something wrong in my body?] I asked my one and only search engine, Skynet.
[One moment mistress, scanning... 10%... 20%... 30%...100%. No problem found.] Why did she jump from 30 to 100 in one go!? And no problem found only give me more worry...
[It's not something like... m-menses, right?] I asked Skynet to make sure.
[No, mistress. Quite the contrary, your basal body temperature indicated that you are currently on an ovulation period.] O-Ovulation!? What is that? In my 30-years of experience, I’ve never heard of something like that. Wait, I think I know what it is.
[Am I laying eggs?] My mind began to imagine a hentai scene that has a heroine laying monster's eggs. No, I don't believe I was violated by a tentacle monster yet. Or did it happen in my sleep? Wait... is something stuck on my sex toys!?
[In a sense, yes. It's the release of a secondary oocyte from one of your ovaries, waiting for fertilization to occur in your womb. Your "egg" will live in your womb for about one day. Also, sperm can normally survive in woman’s womb for about five days. So, this six day period, five days before and one day after, is your highest chance to have babies. But the possibility still exist outside these six days, even when you have menses-] Skynet began to lecture me about how this thing works. She said because it's the information I might need to know.
To sum it up, my lower abdomen pain might be a sign of my ovu-ovulation. Damn it, another girlish thing for me to learn. Still, I'm glad that I didn't have any midnight activity with Cocoa yesterday. Not to mention the last straw of my manhood, if that really happens... my mind slipped into the image of a smaller version of Cocoa and me running around happily and calling me mama. Bad thoughts begone! BEGONE I SAY!
Although Skynet already said that I couldn't have a child with Cocoa, I'm not sure that I'm a normal human or not. Actually, I didn't think I was birthed 'normally'. If for some reason, I became pregnant with her... that might be ni- NOooo!