Chapter 76:
Something was going on. Miserable and withdrawn as Vek had been the past few diurnals, he could still tell that the castle was humming that low hustle-bustle tune of upcoming festivals and senior Rajas Houseparties and new apprentice weeks. He could feel it in the hushed excitement of the mess halls; he could see it in the drawn and tense faces of the soldiers guarding the elevator bays; he could hear it even now in the whispered conversations of the serf barracks.
“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been moping ever since you got back.”
Vek closed his eyes. Rock-god, no, he groaned silently. It was Hurez, again, it was always Hurez, always so falsely concerned about Vek, always so eager to figure out where Vek disappeared to. Sometimes Vek wished he could just tell Hurez that he was an agent for Lady Nari because then at least Hurez would shut up about it!
But Vek couldn’t tell Hurez the truth. Lady Nari had made that clear enough. I know you like to talk, she’d said to him. So if you have to talk, talk to other agents. To everyone else, including the serfs in your squad, you should be nothing more than an ordinary shadow member. You won’t be half as effective an agent otherwise.
Vek gathered himself and opened his eyes. “Dome, queen and flower are well with you, Hurez?”
Hurez was standing in the central aisle that ran between the rows of bunks. He was grinning his head off as he looked down at Vek through the bunk bed’s rails. From Vek’s angle it looked like one of the rails was slicing through Hurez’s neck, which actually made the conversation a little more bearable.
“You were gone for a while this time,” Hurez replied. “I’m curious now. Do all patronless serfs disappear for diurnals at a time?”
You were curious before, too, Vek retorted silently. He tried to smile. It was hard to. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, couldn’t stop thinking about that last night in the Xhota urb, in Petrika’s hut, the night before he lost the Promised Daughter –
Rock-god, the shame Vek felt was overwhelming. Even just thinking about it made him want to bury his face into his mattress and suffocate on the rubber foam. Again he closed his eyes. If only there was something he could do to get rid of this agonizing guilt! If only there was a way to make up for so fantastically failing his mission!
“Hey, I’m talking to you!”
Vek had to stifle a very strong impulse to get up out of his bunk and strangle Hurez. He wished he could turn his back on Hurez, but he knew Hurez would start ranting that shadow members like Vek couldn’t ignore full-pledged squad members like him and didn’t Vek know that he had to answer when spoken to and then Vek would lose it, he really would, and then Anzana would have to get involved, and Vek really didn’t want that. Not only did Anzana deserve better – she was the best squad leader anyone could ask for – she was also the only one in their squad who knew that Vek was an agent. She was therefore the only one in the squad whom Vek could talk to, and he wasn’t going to ruin that. He’d ruined enough already.
“Oh, leave him alone, Hurez.”
Vek turned to glance up at Jethra. She was seated cross-legged on the upper bunk to his right. From his spot on the bottom bunk all Vek could see was her face floating above the tip of her knee, which was just jutting out over the edge of her mattress. He angled his head upward and mouthed her a thank you. Jethra turned away, blushing. Despite his bad mood, Vek had to stop himself from grinning. It had been years since Jethra had joined the squad, and she still couldn’t seem to decide whether she should be afraid of Vek or in love with him.
But Hurez was undeterred by Jethra’s intervention. “I want an answer to my question!”
Before Vek could reply and tell Hurez to mind his own business, Zedid from a bunk across the central aisle spoke up. “Shadow members have extra duties, didn’t you know?”
Thank the rock-god for Zedid. She was another agent, and one of Vek’s friends. A few years older than he, she was both beautiful and intelligent. Extra duties, that would have been the perfect explanation to get Hurez off his back a long time ago. Why hadn’t Vek thought of it? He watched, relieved, as Hurez made a face before stalking off to his own bunk. As soon as Hurez was gone, Vek got out and crossed the aisle to stand next to Zedid’s bed post. “Thanks,” he said to her.
She wasn’t in his squad, but they’d been in the same barracks for long enough and Vek had run into her at least once while on mission. Zedid wasn’t a shadow member, but she didn’t care that he was. In fact, Vek had a sneaking suspicion that she liked that he was patronless – that she liked being friends with a patronless servie. Among the agents, a brand like the one burned into Vek was a badge of honor. It was everyone else, including the Hurez and Jethra-types, who treated him with fear and distaste. Ordinary patronees of Lady Nari’s might call themselves Free Serfs, but they wouldn’t be expected to apply Free Serf doctrine to their lives – not until the Uprising, that was.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Zedid gestured at Vek to sit down on the foot of her bed. Vek ducked down and did so. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure nobody was near, then whispered, “Do you know what’s going on?”
“So you can tell too?” she whispered back.
Vek nodded. Even the fact that the barracks lights hadn’t been cut yet was strange. Normally serfs only got a few minutes of downtime in their bunks before the lights were turned off for the night. So far, it had been at least half an hour!
“I hope it’s not something terrible,” Zedid replied. She gave Vek a side-long glance. “Hurez wasn’t wrong you know. You were gone a long time, this time. And you haven’t been the same since.”
I hope it’s not something terrible… even at those words, Vek felt guilt wash over him. What if it was? What if something bad was happening because the Promised Daughter was missing? Oh, rock-god, Vek had combed through every second of every diurnal that he had spent with Mayah, trying to figure out what could have happened, what could have possibly happened, where could she be, where, oh, where could she –
“Hey, hey, are you okay?” Zedid’s hand was on his, five fingers on four. “If you can’t tell me, I understand, but if you can, I’m here for you.”
Normally Vek would have been ecstatic to have Zedid touch him but he was too overwhelmed with remorse to even notice. Well, he noticed a little bit. Zedid’s chest was practically in his face, after all. It was hard not to notice that. Maybe she’d be okay with comforting him a little more? But no, Vek wasn’t supposed to think like that, that was in at least half of Lady Nari’s exams. He had to think about the possibility of children first, and then decide whether or not he wanted a lay. Which actually, if Vek thought about it, he really didn’t. Zedid was very pretty and very nice but what Vek wanted right now was to go back in time and unlose Mayah!
Thankfully, Vek was pulled away from once again berating himself by the sound of Anzana’s voice. “Vek? Where are you?”
Vek pulled Zedid’s hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. He then climbed out of her bunk and strode into the central aisle. “I’m here.”
Anzana’s face, lined and framed by her short gray hair, was full of worry. She pulled Vek back to the side of his bunk, so they were out of the central aisle, and shielded at least partially from sight. “I got a telegraph. You’re wanted at her chamber.”
Vek swallowed. He didn’t have to ask what Anzana meant by her chamber. There was only one person they’d both refer to that way in a public place like the barracks.
The wonder and fear that gripped Vek whenever he had to meet personally with Lady Nari was already descending upon him. He reached out to steady himself against his bunk. Rock-god, he didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to have to face her again. The last time had been bad enough. He’d even wept to Anzana about it, which was probably why Anzana was looking at him now so concerned. She really was a good squad leader, and Vek didn’t deserve her. Even now, she was reaching out to him, squeezing his shoulder. Vek accepted her touch, grateful to Anzana for giving him a moment to pull himself together. Five years he’d been in Squad #210, ever since he’d been made patronless, and she’d been like a mother to him the whole time. She’d been the one to reassure him that he always had a place in her squad. I don’t care if you’re patronless, I’ll never care. She’d been the one to let him out of his duties again and again so that he could accomplish his missions. It’s your work that’s important. And she’d been the one to teach him how to handle his hate for the Eenta. Attack them when they’re alone, when you won’t get caught.
“Listen,” Anzana said quietly. “She wouldn’t call you up to her chamber just to scream at you. That’s not like her. Maybe she was angry last time, but she won’t be this time.”
Vek tried to nod.
“Don’t be afraid.” Anzana leaned in closer to Vek, until her forehead was almost touching his. “Don’t tell her I said this, by the rock-god don’t bring me up at all, but Lady Nari won’t hurt you. She knows you don’t need it.”
Vek wasn’t sure what that meant. It sounded like it was supposed to be reassuring though, so he decided to appreciate it. Taking in a deep breath, Vek wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then gave Anzana a half-smile. “I should probably go.”
“Yes, you should,” she replied. She pointed him down the central aisle towards the serf staircase door. “Get going.”
Vek did as he was told. Anzana was right that at this hour he’d have to use the serf staircase. No Eenta soldier would allow a patronless servie onto an elevator past curfew. Thankfully Vek’s barracks were only two levels down from a lift guarded by a Free Serf regent. Vek could use the lift to go all the way down to the bottom of Zone 14, then get off and take the serf staircase again to get to Zone 13, where Lady Nari’s chamber was.
Although, come to think of it, that was a little weird. Why was she having him come to her personal room? He knew where it was, but he’d never been there before; she never met agents there. It was too easy for them to be tailed and discovered as agents if they kept up a pattern of visiting Lady Nari’s quarters.
Vek repressed a shiver. Outside the air was bright and the daysleep’s sun was warm, but he could feel in the wind the chill of the coming rainsoon season. They had fifteen diurnals until it started. Fifteen diurnals, fifteen diurnals, that was almost four times as long as it had been since he’d stupidly, wretchedly lost the Promised Daughter…