Chapter 67:
Why did he take me away from the Free Serfs?
The question stayed with Mayah in the days and nights that followed. Why had Sukren taken her from the Free Serfs? If the Free Serfs were so important to Sukren – if he’d belonged to them his entire life long – if he wrote all about serf liberation in his journal – why had he then dragged her out here where there was no Free Serf presence at all?
“It doesn’t make sense,” Mayah told Lainla once. “The Gather’s Children in the ditch don’t even mention the Free Serfs. They talk more about the Cursed than they do the Golden Castle!”
“People tend to care more about the obstacles right in front of them,” Lainla had replied. Which Mayah supposed was true. But still! Vek had made it sound like freedom was everything to the serfs. Had crossing the shelterbelt really caused them to forget that upending Rajas rule was the point?
Or maybe Mayah’s earlier uncomfortable thoughts were right, and the Cursed really were the Rajas on this side of the shelterbelt. Maybe wherever you went through life, you’d always find someone in the role of the Rajas and someone in the role of the serfs, and it was important to align with the serfs and against the Rajas – even if they weren’t literally serfs or Rajas.
But if the Cursed were like the Rajas, why was Lainla so nice to her? Was it the Gather’s Children who were the Rajas on this side, then, and the Cursed the ones being harried and oppressed by them?
“I don’t think anyone is oppressing anyone,” Lainla replied when Mayah confessed her confusion to her. “I think you’re doing a framing thing, you’re trying to stuff everything you see into one story because that’s the story you’re familiar with. But it just doesn’t apply here.”
It didn’t apply? Mayah frowned. How could that be? Vek had told her – she’d seen with her own eyes the oppression of the serfs – Sukren’s journal had been so clear –
“Listen, Sukren’s still in the ditch. I think I could get the hunters guarding it to let us in to see him. Or you can go by yourself if you don’t want me there. Either way, you could go and ask him why he brought you here.”
Mayah closed her eyes. She didn’t want to see Lainla’s sympathetic look right now. She didn’t want to feel all the shame and hope and fear such a look stirred up. For Lainla’s kindness was too hard to bear. What if it wasn’t real? What if it wouldn’t stay? Nobody’s kindness had stayed yet, not even Sukren’s. And oh, Sarana, there Mayah was, crying again, thinking about Sukren, when it had been so nice, so nice these past few diurnals to get a break from constantly longing for him. Mayah felt so guilty sometimes, but she was glad Sukren was gone. Without him around, she could forget, sometimes for whole hours at a time, that he didn’t see her the way she hungered to be seen.
Did she want to go see Sukren? Did she want to ask him why? Of course not. He wouldn’t tell her anything. He thought of her as a little Rajas and nothing more.
“No, it’s okay,” she heard herself saying. “I don’t need to go to him.”
“If that’s what you want,” Lainla replied, and the sincerity and care in her voice made Mayah close her eyes all over again and turn away. Since when had anyone cared about what she wanted? Oh Sarana, Lainla was dangerous, so dangerous. Mayah couldn’t let herself open up to her anymore. She’d already opened up too much already, she’d already gotten too close. She had to back away. She had to ask for less.
***
Maybe it was habit. Maybe Mayah didn’t know where else to turn. Whatever it was, she found herself going every day to the library. Books had helped her before; maybe they would again.
It was slow work. She still didn’t know the alphabet, so she would start each morning by leafing through the Xhom-Cursed dictionary. She’d find an entry in Xhom – Hunt’s Rain, for example, a yearly meteor shower. Next to the entry was the same term Hunt’s Rain, but in the Cursed alphabet. Mayah would note each dot and line, committing them to memory. Then she would scan through the pages of another book, looking for the Cursed words Hunt’s Rain to show up. Sometimes the entry she chose would show up right away, sometimes it wouldn’t show up at all. With Hunt’s Rain, it took all the way until almost the last page of her selected book for the words to finally emerge. She’d let out a whoop then. There they were! Hunt’s Rain!
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Even though she had no idea what the rest of the book said, she couldn’t help but feel victorious. Or happy, at least. It was a slow way to read but it was better than nothing.
***
Over the next few diurnals, Mayah got faster. She learned more words, until she didn’t have to use the Xhom-Cursed dictionary as much anymore. Each book she scanned, in fact, had more and more familiar words pop out at her. One of them didn’t have Hunt’s Rain in it at all, but it did have the number five and bioplastic and even ring. Another had mammoles and furs and seemed to be a story about a hunt.
“What are you doing lately?” Lainla asked her. “I feel like you eat then run off all day.”
“I’m reading,” Mayah replied.
“At the library?”
Mayah nodded.
“Hm.” Lainla closed her eyes. Lately she’d seemed very stressed to Mayah, which was another reason Mayah had been spending so much time at the library. She knew the Cursed were putting a lot of pressure on the Jinkari for taking her in. She’d thought maybe if she made herself scarce, it could help. Or maybe it wouldn’t, but it was the least Mayah could do.
“Does anyone bother you at the library?”
“No,” Mayah replied. “I mean sometimes lexikosts will come and get a book, but I just get out of the way until they’re gone.”
“Maybe the library is still a good place for us to meet then,” Lainla murmured. Her eyes were open now, but she was no longer looking at Mayah, and seemed more to be talking to herself. “I’ll tell Rajani now. Thank you, Mayah.”
***
The last book in the swathe Mayah was working through was soft-bound like all the others. When she opened it, however, she saw that it was hand-written. Odd. She turned the first page. Some numbers, most of which she recognized now, and some words, most of which she still didn’t know. Nothing special.
Yawning, Mayah turned another page. Rajani had had to cut their rations lately, making it harder to focus. Not that she’d ever complain, not that she even wanted to complain, but Mayah could tell her hunger was cutting her attention short. Maybe I should go back to the lodge, she thought. It’s getting kind of late, and it’s hard to read during darkwake anyway. She flipped the next page over, then the next. Yeah, I think I’ll go back.
Then she froze.
On the page, the open page, the one she was holding open in front of her, was a life-size sketch of a ring.
A ring with claws.
Mayah’s hand flew to the pouch that still hung from her belt loop. She caught her breath. Holy Sarana, oh yes, it was, it had to be, the sketch – the emerald gem – the Dome Ring.
Heart pounding, Mayah ran to grab the trader’s dictionary. As soon as she had it she plopped down onto the ground right where she was and spread out in front of her both the book and the dictionary. Next to the sketch of the Dome Ring were some Cursed words. Mayah was going to figure out what they said even if it took her all diurnal.
Back and forth she went under the fiery glow of the breathflowers. She found the word key easily enough. Then a symbol for an indefinite article, and one for a definite article, and also the verb open, and if Mayah put them all together: a key to open the –
But what was that last phrase?
By that point it was late, past bedtime, and Mayah knew she should head back to the lodge. What was that last phrase though? A key to open the – what? Mayah couldn’t find it! It wasn’t in the Xhom-Cursed trader’s dictionary!
Mayah stood. She made herself put both books back. I’ll be back tomorrow, she told herself. She put the palm of her hand, slick with sweat, against her chest. Her heart was still pounding. That night she barely slept from fear that someone would take the books while she was gone; as soon as the sun was up she raced back. Yes! Both books were still there! Mayah sat down and opened them up.
“Mayah!”
She jumped. It was Lainla. She was walking towards the library, a bemused look on her face, which was nice to see after weeks of nothing but stressed frowns. “You ran out like someone was chasing you,” she said. “I thought maybe something was wrong.”
“No, no,” Mayah said. She held both books up as if in explanation. “I found something. Or, I can’t find something. I –”
Before Mayah could get into a debate with herself about whether or not to ask Lainla for help, Lainla had taken from her hand the book with the Dome Ring sketch in it. “A key to open the…” She paused. Mayah held her breath. “A key to open the…”
Mayah couldn’t help herself. “What does it say?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, I can read it, but it doesn’t sound like a word. It sounds like, well, just some sounds.”
“What do you mean?”
Lainla responded by sounding the string of consonants and vowels out. For a moment Mayah thought she understood her. Then, when Lainla read it out loud again, Mayah’s heart almost stopped. Those sounds… that wasn’t a Cursed phrase. That was Rajim. Whoever had written this book had used the Cursed alphabet to approximate the sound of two Rajim words.
A key to open the Lake Tower.