Chapter 24:

On the wall next to the lounge doors hung a board with all the names and cameragrams of every doctor-priest stationed in Zone 8. Sukren’s used to be right in the middle. Mayah remembered seeing Sukren’s cameragram glued to a white card with his name printed along the bottom. But now it was gone. All the doctor-priest’s cards had been moved over one, swallowing up the space that had been Sukren’s.

That made Mayah nervous. If Sukren were gone on a trip they wouldn’t remove his card. If he were disappeared though, they would, and they’d do it like this, without a word to anyone, just move everyone’s card over one.

Biting her lip, Mayah turned and ran down the hallway. The ceiling here was lower than in the Rajas areas, but the walls were still covered with mosaics depicting the Eternal Queen Sarana and her victory over the Cursed.

The butterfly balcony was on the floor above her dorm. Mayah didn’t think she had enough time to go there now though. It was getting late. Bedtime was pretty strict for junior Rajas. She didn’t want to be accused of neglecting her health and when she slept was the one thing she couldn’t hide from the other princesses in her dorm.

Tomorrow first thing, Mayah promised herself. I’ll wake up early again and eat breakfast super quick, then go to the butterfly balcony.

But when she stepped into her dorm, she found the other princesses were waiting for her.

“We’re worried about you,” one of them said. Mayah didn’t even know her name. Oh, Sarana, Mayah didn’t even know her name, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t ruin Mayah’s life! And why now, when Mayah was finally feeling better, finally feeling like she was actually moving forward?

Then again, maybe the other princesses were cornering her now because they could tell something was different. They’d been content to let her silently drift along thus far. Since Sukren’s disappearance, however, Mayah had been a mess. Of course, they had to have noticed. She could picture it now: the other princesses whispering together about how the old princess had been acting funny these past four weeks, and you know, she never really seems to eat, or at least not with us, oh, do you think she skips meals, do you think she’s not working hard to keep her purity levels up, maybe that’s why she doesn’t have her cycle yet, oh, hm, do you think she needs to be boxed?

“I eat every meal,” Mayah blurted out. “I do my exercises. I’m doing my best. I even – I even take medication to help trigger my cycle.”

“Medication?” another girl asked. She reminded Mayah of Shanti; both in the way that she looked and the way she took charge of the other four princesses. “What kind of medication?”

Mayah took a step back. Her head almost hit the upper bunk behind her. All five of the princesses in her dorm were facing her, hemming her in. “I don’t know,” Mayah stammered, cursing herself for bringing up the pills in the first place. She’d wanted to offer something up to them as proof that she really was trying. She didn’t want to be boxed. Not now, not when she was looking for Sukren. Besides, boxed Rajas almost always ended up being disappeared and that couldn’t happen to Mayah, it couldn’t!

“A doctor-priest gave them to me,” she said, unable to think up a lie. “I do as I’m told. I don’t ask questions.”

Mayah was shaking. This was the reason she’d stopped talking, because once she started she couldn’t stop. “I have to go to bed,” she said quickly. “We all do.” Hoping against hope that the other princesses wouldn’t push any further, Mayah grabbed her nightgown off of her bed, where it lay pressed and prepared against the covers. She undressed and re-dressed with her back to the others, then dove into her bunk.

“Okay,” she heard the Shanti-lookalike say. “Just remember, we are watching you.”

***

After that, all Mayah could think about was moving faster. She had to find Sukren, had to get seeded, had to have something change. But the other princesses were watching her, which meant Mayah couldn’t do anything that even looked like breaking the rules. Maybe eating dinner in the Zone 8 cafeteria would help?

Even the thought of it made Mayah wince. It was much better to eat alone in a place where no one knew you. In the Zone 8 cafeteria, everyone had heard of her, everyone noticed how she ate alone. She could feel their stares. But what choice did she have? She had to get the other princesses off her back. If they saw her eating maybe they would leave her alone for a little bit longer?

At any rate, the butterfly balcony was in Zone 8, so if Mayah ate really fast like she usually did she would have a ton of time to check it out!

It was a good compromise. It would work. The other princesses would accept it. They would, they would.

But afterwards, when Mayah slipped away to the butterfly balcony, she didn’t feel so sure. We are watching you.

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Sarana, how Mayah hated this place! How she hated it, with all her heart!

Mayah tucked her feet against the cross-bar of the bench inside the balcony and hid her face in her hands. Had it always been like this? Mayah felt like she remembered being happy once, a long time ago. In the village, perhaps? No, no, Mayah wasn’t supposed to think about the village, she wasn’t supposed to come from a village, that was against the rules, it was against the rules!

Mayah stood. She had to start looking around the balcony. She’d eaten quickly in order to make time, after all. And who knew when she’d next get the chance? If the other princesses were still suspicious of her, Mayah might have to slow down her search. It was better to act now while she could.

Still on her feet, Mayah glanced up and down the pathway. Funny. There was a butterfly lying on the path, still as stone. Was it dead? A servie should have cleared it out if so. Maybe it was just lying there, depressed and lonely and –

That was no butterfly.

Mayah was on her hands and knees at once. Her glasses slipped down her nose; she shoved them back up again. The humidity in the balcony always made her sweat. Once her glasses were firmly back on, Mayah touched the bioplastic figurine. Picking it up, Mayah knew at once that it was no living thing. A slip of paper had been stuffed inside its translucent wings. Mayah turned the figurine upside down and tried to shake the slip loose. It didn’t come loose. Instead, the bioplastic butterfly broke apart. Oops. Well, Mayah could pull the paper out easily now, at least.

She stuffed the broken pieces of the butterfly into her pocket-purse and smoothed out the slip of paper. Then she realized – the letters on the slip – they were serf letters –

Mayah blinked. The symbols swam before her eyes. Rajas weren’t supposed to know how to read serf letters. The last time she’d let herself read serf letters had been a long, long time ago.

She closed her eyes. It’s okay, it’s okay, she told herself, just read it super quick. Nobody has to know. You can go back to not reading serf letters right after. You can forget them all, to make up for reading them just this one time.

That was a trade Mayah could accept. She opened her eyes. The personal belongings of doctor-priests and regents are often stored in their lounges.

That was all the paper said. Mayah crumpled it up. She rubbed the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. She felt a little sick, reading serf letters like that, but the message distracted her from her nausea. For it had been written for her. It had to have been. And not only that, it had been written for her for this search, this search for Sukren. Why else would the note say what it said? It was like Sukren himself had written it to tell her to go back and check his locker in the doctor-priest’s lounge.

Slowly Mayah sat back down, struggling to understand. Sukren had come to see her before he disappeared. And while his card was missing from the board outside the lounge, when Mayah had asked Ul if Sukren was there, he’d said, no, I haven’t seen him. He hadn’t said, no, I don’t know who you’re talking about, who is Sukren? That was what a Rajas would have said. So Mayah’s guess was right. Sukren was gone, but he hadn’t been completely disappeared. Not the way Ca had been.

Mayah jumped to her feet. The doctor-priest’s lounge was two levels up. She could be there right away. She still had time before she had to go to bed. Jroya and Pal, it was like she was meant to find this note today! It was like something was guiding her! And if it was – oh Sarana – maybe things were finally going to change –

Her face felt flushed. She put a hand to her heaving chest. There was something fierce and hot burning inside her. Mayah hadn’t felt anything like it in such a long time, she almost didn’t recognize it at first. Then it hit her. Joy. It was joy she was feeling. A smile touched her lips. She was grinning! She was actually full-out grinning! Clutching the note with her fingers, Mayah made her way out of the butterfly balcony and ran down the hallway to the lift. Outside it was cool and soft compared to the balcony’s hot heaviness. She felt like she could float. Oh, Sukren, I’m going to see you again! This isn’t the end, you aren’t gone, you aren’t!

***

Along the back wall of the doctor-priest’s lounge was a set of gray lockers. A dark green headscarf was poking out of one of them. Only the edge of it was visible, but Mayah would have recognized it anywhere. Hadn’t she worn the thing nearly every day when she was younger?

“Is that Sukren’s locker?” she asked the doctor-priest behind her. He was the only other person in the room. Mayah’d thought nobody would be there, since it was technically still dinnertime, but only one person being there wasn’t too bad.

When he didn’t respond, Mayah turned to look at him. He was the oldest person she had ever seen, with white hair and a lined face. He smiled, a very sad, slow smile.

“Who?” he asked.

Mayah stared at him, her lips slightly parted. Quickly she shook her head. Don’t worry about it, she told herself. He’s probably just never met Sukren before, that’s why he’s asking who he is. “Nothing, never mind. Just – do you know how I can get that locker open, the one with the green headscarf sticking out of it?”

She didn’t know if he would help her or not. Doctor-priests and regents still had the right to deny access to their personal belongings. They weren’t serfs, exactly.

“I think it’s unlocked,” the doctor-priest said.

“Thank you,” Mayah said. Walking between the two large hanging benches that framed the room, she reached for the locker. It opened easily. The only thing inside it other than her headscarf was a large piece of parchment, folded over. Mayah reached for it. With the doctor-priest in the doorway looking on, she didn’t want to read it right then and there, but she did want to make sure it was Sukren’s.

She recognized Sukren’s handwriting as soon as she opened the parchment. Immediately she folded it over again. Both fear and excitement rushed through her. Taking both the scarf and the parchment into her hands, Mayah shut the empty locker with her elbow. “Thank you,” she said to the doctor-priest again, hoping he wouldn’t report her.

He gave her a deep bow. “My pleasure, Princess.”