Chapter 104:

You were not worth it.

Did Sukren mean it? He couldn’t tell. When Mayah had started screaming her hatred out at him, all he’d been able to feel was his own vulnerability. Even now Sukren could still hear her rage, could still feel her fist in his face, could still feel the helplessness that had washed over him as he stood there, unable to see, unable to stop her attack, unable to do anything.

You were not worth it, he’d hissed.

Sukren leaned the side of his head against the grandmother hut next to him. He’d asked Rajani to bring Mayah to him and so she’d led him to Mayah’s hut and left him around the corner. Or at least that was what he assumed. How could he know for sure, now that he couldn’t see? No, he trusted Rajani, he knew her, he knew how she would act, while it was Mayah he was unsure of, even after all these years.

What do I even want to say to her? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it? You were worth it?

Sukren took in a deep breath. Yes, he continued silently. Yes, you were worth it, because without you I am just another abused apprentice. You are the difference between me and a thousand other serf boys. That’s why I put up with everything. That’s why I still will.

Even as he articulated the words to himself, Sukren knew it wasn’t fair to put all that on Mayah. He knew that she, like everyone, wanted to be her own person, and not a prop in someone else’s narrative. But Sukren’s love for the new life her existence had given him had fused with his love for her; and so his adulthood had been forged. Whether that made him a Rajas tail or a self-centered bastard or both, he didn’t care. He would be the guardian of the Promised Daughter until the day he died.

Out of nowhere, a hand touched him, interrupting his thoughts. Startled, Sukren pulled back. “I’m sorry,” a voice said, and the hand was gone. “It’s Rajani. I brought Mayah.”

Sukren didn’t know if he was facing Mayah or not. Without being able to see her, he couldn’t even tell if she was there. Nor could he tell if Rajani had left or not. He had his hand against the grandmother hut wall, and he could hear the chatter of the Cursed in the yard. Wall, chatter: his reality.

“Mayah?” he tried.

“I’m here.”

Her voice was cold. Sukren wished he could see the expression she was wearing. So much of his relationship with Mayah had been him reading her face. Stripped of that, was there anything left?

“I’m sorry,” he said.

When she didn’t respond, it was as if she wasn’t there. “Mayah?”

“What?”

This wasn’t working. Sukren let his hand fall away from the wall. It didn’t matter what he said to her. She was already gone. There was nothing left, nothing left between them. All those years, and nothing was left.

“Mayah, please,” he tried again.

This time, she did respond. But as Sukren listened to her low, fierce words, his alarm grew. “No. You listen to me. This is how it’s going to be from now on. You will do everything in your power to help me make the best of my captivity with the Free Serfs. After that, I want nothing to do with you. You are a serf, and I am a princess. Do you understand me?”

If he could have stared at her, he would have. To hear Mayah echo a story that the Free Serfs had risen to overturn, a story that Sukren himself had spent years shaping her to deny… was there something in Mayah’s blood, some unkillable Rajas gene or spirit returning her to this story now?

No, Sukren knew human nature better than that. The Rajas had fabricated a lie – a tale of their inherent superiority – to justify their oppression of the serfs. Mayah was using their tale to mask her pain. Like a child, she didn’t care that it was a lie.

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“I’ll help you,” he replied gently.

He didn’t bother to correct her. It was too late for that.

“Good,” he heard her whisper.

And that was it.

After a little while, Sukren lifted his head. “Can – can you get me Rajani?”

***

Rajani led him out through the greenhouse gate. The packed dirt beneath Sukren’s feet turned into grass, while the humidity of the greenhouse was replaced with a breeze. “How far do we have to go?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Rajani said. “I don’t know where we’re going. The Eenta guards are leading us up ahead. Hey – you!”

It was clear that the last part of Rajani’s statement was not directed at Sukren. “Who is it?” he asked.

“The Chenta who took my sister, he’s coming this way. Hey! Where’s my sister?”

Vek’s voice materialized somewhere to Sukren’s left. “She’s still in the castle. We need to cross into Lost Technology Quinter before they find her.”

“What?” Rajani halted, bringing Sukren to a stop as well. “What do you mean? I thought she was joining us once we left the greenhouse!”

“There’s no way she can leave the castle without getting caught,” said Vek. “And if they catch her, and find out that she and Mayah traded places, they’re going to come after us and prevent us all from leaving LakeCentral Quinter. She’s hiding for now. We have to hurry so that we’re out of the hands of the Eenta by the time she’s found, or your people will be in a much worse situation.”

Sukren could feel people flowing forward past him and Rajani. He wondered if he should say something. He didn’t know what though. After his encounter with Mayah, he didn’t have any emotional reserves left. Besides, was it even his place to speak? It was not his sister who was waiting to be caught and tortured for information in a language she didn’t understand.

“She told me to tell you that she’s doing this because she’s a hunter,” Vek continued. “You’re her sister, right? She said you’d understand what that meant.”

Rajani still didn’t move. Sukren could feel her body trembling. From the tension in her arm, he imagined her head was bowed. She muttered something to herself in Cursed. Then without warning, she began moving again, jerking Sukren forward and causing him to stumble.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I should’ve told you I was moving.”

“I’m fine,” Sukren responded gently.

“Sukren, I need to talk to you.” This time Vek’s voice was coming from Sukren’s right and was much closer. He’d also switched from the castle serf pidgin to Chenmay. “I need – wait, watch out, you’re about to – never mind, you stepped over it. Here, you should go –”

Sukren cut him off. “It’s more confusing when you try to direct me. Just tell me what you came here to say.”

“I need your help.”

That surprised Sukren. “With what?”

“When we get to the Chenta, when you see Lady Nari, I want you to ask her if I can join the Cursed.”

Sukren shifted uncomfortably. To see Lady Nari again… or to not see her, in his case, but to be seen by her… “Why?”

“I never told you. I never told anyone. I’m… the Chenta ethnonationalists found out about my parents.”

Sukren waited for Vek to continue, but he didn’t. Sukren had to prompt him. “What about your parents?”

Vek’s voice dropped so low, Sukren could barely hear him. “My father was an Eenta.”

Now that was news. “What?”

Vek didn’t reply. Sukren didn’t need to see him to know the boy was probably burning with shame. Come to think of it, Sukren probably could have responded a little more thoughtfully. Still though! Half Eenta? Vek?

“I…” Sukren cleared his throat. Vek still hadn’t said anything. “I guess the other Chenta don’t like this.”

After a pause, Vek said, “That’s right.”

The waver in Vek’s voice made Sukren nervous. He would have thought Lady Nari strong enough to keep the Chenta ethnonationalists from turning on so faithful an agent as Vek, no matter what his background. Had the Uprising loosened her grip? For the first time Sukren wondered if they were walking into a worse situation than the one they were leaving.

I should probably ask Vek for an update on the political situation. And I also need to know if I have any standing left as the guardian of the Promised Daughter. The more capital I have, the more I can help Mayah.

“So tell me,” Sukren said out loud. “What’s happened in the bio-dome since I’ve been gone?”