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Chapter 21: “Once I’m disappeared, where will I go?”

Chapter 21: “Once I’m disappeared, where will I go?”

To whom was the prophecy given? Was it to the Rajas? That is the standard interpretation. This is to no one’s surprise, as it is the Rajas who determine what is standard. But when the Prophetess Darshana began her pilgrimage, she did not go to the castles. Scorning the protection of Rajas soldiers(ix) she went instead to the greenhouse villages. Indeed, the first time the Prophetess ever delivered the oracle of the Promised Daughter, it was to an audience of serfs – and serfs alone.

ix During the Age of Royalty the caste system consisted simply of serfs, who labored, and Rajas, who ruled and enforced their own rules. It was not until the Age of Religion that the serfs were divided. Some were declared Xhota – literally, serfs of trade – while others were declared Chenta – literally, serfs of service – while the remainder were declared Eenta – literally, serfs of violence.

– excerpt from The Lost Princess’ Commentary on the Pilgrimage of the Prophetess Darshana

Written 774 years after the Crash Landing

Chapter 21:

Sukren paced back and forth inside the kitchen cavern. His heart was pounding. It’s been two years, he said to himself. Two flaring years since we’ve come to this castle. Enough is enough. I’m going to tell Lady Nari that it’s time for Mayah to enter the next stage of her programming. I’m going to make her see that Mayah is ready.

The door to the cavern creaked open. “She’s here,” the Chenta servie girl acting as lookout whispered through the opening.

A sudden light made Sukren blink. In Lady Nari’s hand was a capacitor lamp, one of the older models still used in the villages. It lit up the shadowed cave, revealing fully filled bags of grain stacked up against the walls. Several sacks were also piled on top of the smooth tip of an enormous tree root. Lady Nari gestured for Sukren to join her by the root. “You wanted to see me?”

MUST MEET STOP was all Sukren had sent to Lady Nari, having finally been given her telegraph handle. He’d gotten a response via Vek later that day: Tonight, during dinner, go down to the root level serf kitchens, northwest corner. One of the kitchen girls will show you where to wait. Surprised by and grateful for the promptness of the response, Sukren had done exactly as told. For an hour he’d waited in the cavern, repeating to himself what he would say, practicing how he would persuade Lady Nari.

But now she was here, and Sukren couldn’t get the words out. “Yes – I – I did,” he stammered. Lady Nari gazed at him, clearly waiting for him to continue. “I – I wanted to tell you – she’s ready. Mayah’s ready for the next stage.”

“Oh?”

“It’s been two years,” Sukren whispered. Oh, this wasn’t going well, he was supposed to give his opinion with confidence, he was supposed to say, as her handler, I’ve decided now is the time, but here Sukren was, already reduced to begging. “It’s been two years since we’ve come to Lost Technology Castle, it’s been a year since Mayah’s last friend was assigned to her senior castle. Mayah’s thirteen, and she hasn’t spoken to anyone since she was twelve, she’s like a wind-wisp, she goes to classes and meals without talking to anyone, she sits by herself, she escapes to the library every chance she gets. She’s fading, Lady Nari, even with me she’s been quieter and quieter and –”

Sukren stopped. He closed his eyes for a second. “She’s as isolated from the Rajas as she’s going to get,” he whispered. “The anti-menstrual pills have done their job. All her friends have been seeded to their senior castles already, leaving Mayah behind. And she wasn’t even that close to them anyway. She was too afraid of being disappeared to let her guard down enough to truly connect with them. As for the other junior princesses still around, Mayah’s unwilling to reach out to any of them lest they turn on her for not having had her cycle yet. She’s completely cut off.”

“And how are you doing?”

Taken aback by the question – since when had Sukren’s well-being ever mattered? – he found himself answering honestly. “I – I also – I also can’t take it anymore.”

“What can’t you take anymore?”

The constant fear-mongering, the lying! The waiting and waiting for Mayah to be targeted by a purity mob! “Delaying the fulfillment of the prophecy.”

“So it’s the prophecy you’re concerned about?”

Sukren felt miserable. “Yes, of course.”

Lady Nari lifted the capacitor lamp. Sukren flinched a little as the light hit his face. “You’re not being affected by your personal emotions?”

To Sukren’s surprise, resentment surged up through him. Just because you don’t seem to have emotions, doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t! he wanted to snarl. He ducked his head, but he knew it was too late. Lady Nari could read faces the way a research regent read scripts, studying them academically for information. If she hadn’t realized the depth of his shame and rage before, she knew it now.

“So you are being affected.” Lady Nari pursed her lips. “That means I can’t trust your recommendation.”

“No!” Sukren cried out. “No, please, my recommendation is sound! Yes, of course I’m motivated personally to see Mayah get out of the situation she’s in, but that doesn’t mean my recommendation isn’t valid!”

Even as Sukren said the words, he cursed himself. Could he possibly sound more desperate? He forced himself to calm down. “I’ve obeyed you at every turn. I gave her the pills before I even knew what they were. I’m the reason she didn’t bother trying to even shallowly befriend the new junior Rajas in her dorm. I kept telling her to wait, that she’d be seeded soon anyway because her cycle was coming, that the pills were helping it come. She believed me until it was too late for her to change course.”

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“You’ve done well.”

Praise wasn’t what Sukren had been looking for, but he would take it. Maybe if Lady Nari reflected on Sukren’s performance she would heed his counsel. “I’ve done everything for the sake of the Free Serfs.”

“She needs to be primed,” Lady Nari replied. “She may be isolated from the Rajas, but is she ready to turn against them? We need to move her from feeling contempt for herself, from feeling that she isn’t Rajas enough, to feeling contempt for the Rajas.”

Sukren took in a tiny breath. It sounded like Lady Nari was actually considering Sukren’s proposal. Jroya and Pal, could this finally be the end of Mayah’s torment at Sukren’s hands? Maybe Lady Nari would even – could she possibly – release them to a village? “I’ll do anything. Tell me what to do to prime her, and I’ll do it.”

“Anything?”

Lady Nari’s voice was mild, but there was a warning in it nonetheless. Sukren forced himself to nod. “Anything,” he repeated.

“She needs to believe there’s something wrong not with her, but with the Rajas.” Lady Nari lowered the capacitor lamp. “What’s your recommendation? How do we get her to that point?”

Sukren thought fast. “She’d have to see the Rajas do something she couldn’t accept.”

“Such as?”

Think, Sukren told himself. Think! “Something bad. Something bad – to me.” His plan, half-remembered from years ago, sprang into his mind. “If she sees me receive ill-treatment at their hands, she won’t stand for it. She’ll be looking for an explanation, she’ll want to know how the Rajas could do such a thing. She’ll be primed, ready to receive a story that blames the Rajas. She’ll be relieved, even, to be able to stop blaming herself for her own isolation.”

“What kind of ill-treatment?”

The question stumped Sukren. There wasn’t much Rajas could do to doctor-priests other than be rude to them. If Sukren violated a purity law they might point Eenta soldiers at him the way they’d done to him that one time, but then Mayah would think, oh, it’s because Sukren violated the purity laws, that’s why he’s getting punished. Whatever ill-treatment Sukren received had to be undeserved.

“Maybe…” Sukren closed his eyes. “Maybe… if I was disappeared?”

“That’s a Rajas punishment.”

Sukren understood Lady Nari’s confusion. If a patron felt that one of her followers had crossed too many lines, she would simply kick him out of her patronage. Without protection, a patronless serf wouldn’t survive long – and that was the punishment. A Rajas, on the other hand, couldn’t be tossed away like that. What if she was the next queen’s mother? Princesses had to be kept in line with control mechanisms that wouldn’t stop their reproductive activities. Lots and lots of fear, that was the only way, and there was nothing quite like disappearances to engender such fear.

“Mayah doesn’t know that,” he replied.

“So we disappear you,” Lady Nari said slowly. “She has two choices. One, blame you for being disappeared, come up with some reason why you deserved it. Two, blame the Rajas for disappearing you.”

“Exactly.”

“Why won’t she blame you?”

“Because then she’ll have to accept she’s never seeing me again.”

“Hm.”

Lady Nari sounded thoughtful. Encouraged, Sukren forged ahead. “We can even leave clues for her, hints that I’m not completely gone. That way she won’t even be able to accept that she’s never seeing me again.”

“I like it. Let’s do it.”

Just like that? “Oh, okay. When?”

“Now.”

“I – uh – now?”

“You said she’s ready, right?”

“I – yes – but –”

“You’ve persuaded me. And now is a good time. We’ve converted enough serfs to our cause to come out victorious in the case of an armed struggle.”

Sukren stared at Lady Nari. The Uprising was almost at hand? Well, that was good news. One less obstacle in the way of the prophecy’s fulfillment. Sukren was thrilled. He was.

“Once I’m disappeared,” he began carefully, “where will I go?”

“I’ll send you to another castle to hide.”

Sukren touched the back of his head. Not a village then, not yet. “I’ll make sure to prepare a place for Mayah to join me.”

Lady Nari didn’t reply. Sukren kept his gaze fixed on his feet, but the silence soon became unbearable. He glanced up. Lady Nari was looking at him, silent, just looking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Are you?”

No. No, he wasn’t, and he knew it, and she knew it too.

“You know,” Lady Nari began casually, “by some counts, the Free Serfs have been waiting for almost a century for the Uprising, ever since the Age of Regents began. I’ve been waiting my whole life long. You’ve been waiting half your life.”

Sukren closed his eyes.

“Half your life, that’s what you’ve given to the Free Serfs.”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“I thought castle life would discipline you. But you still cling to her.”

Sukren knew what Lady Nari was saying. She was accusing him of obeying her halfheartedly. Of giving up his body but refusing to surrender his will. And she was right. That was exactly the compromise Sukren had reached with himself ever since he’d given Mayah that first envelope of pills. I’ll never go against a Free Serf directive, he’d told himself. I’m happy to carry out Free Serf policy. But if I’m told to implement something that will hurt Mayah, well, I’ll do it, but I’ll never want to, never ever.

I’ll always want what’s good for her, over anything else.

Sukren took a deep breath. It was clear to him now that Lady Nari had been testing him – again – and that he’d failed her test. He’d shown her his hand, his heart. But what did it matter? Sukren couldn’t change what he desired. All he knew was that he had to get Mayah out of the terrible situation she was in. He had to get her out. It had been too long. He could not bear it a minute longer.

Yet even as Sukren writhed in frustration at the past two years, he could sense his own doubt. Was the next stage in Mayah’s programming really the answer? Everything and anything for the serfs, that was Lady Nari’s mantra. Everything and anything, including Mayah’s health and well-being, her sense of safety and acceptance by others. He had spent the last thirteen years lying to Mayah and he loved her like his own child. Once the Free Serfs got unmediated access to her, who knew how they would treat her?

Oh, but what choice do I have? I can’t take the status quo anymore! Any change has to be for the better, right?

“After the Uprising,” Sukren heard himself ask, “after we’ve won, will I see her again?”

“If it’s necessary.”

Sukren bowed his head. “Tell me what you want me to do,” he whispered.