Chapter 22:
After pretending to browse through a few books, Mayah lowered herself onto the floor next to the bookshelf. Soon she was flat on her back. Above her, directly in her line of vision, was a ceiling hatch painted with the image of a woman wreathed in breathflowers.
“Beautiful,” Mayah whispered. She adjusted her glasses, glasses she’d started wearing only a season ago. “She’s so beautiful.”
To Mayah’s side was a book on the history of the library. She opened it, and with both hands, held it above her head. Each castle boasts an architectural marvel. In Lost Technology, the labyrinthine library located at the top of the castle claims that honor. It took years of labor to sculpt out of the living-wood the bookshelves that seamlessly connect to the floor below and the ceiling above.
Mayah flipped through the pages. The library’s chief designer built a tower above the library; legend has it that she lived in it during the time of the library’s construction, dreaming designs at night, and carrying out those visions into life during the day. That tower used to be accessible through a hatch in the library’s uppermost ceiling. It was closed off due to structural concerns during the reign of Queen Tutha.
Footsteps, voices – the sounds traveled around the bookshelves and reached Mayah. She scrambled upright. From what Mayah could tell, a gaggle of young princesses on a library tour was headed her way. Time to hide. Closing her eyes, she made her way left, then right, then right again, then around a circle, then left, then yes, here she was again, at the lounge with the statue of the Cursed. A smile touched her lips. Navigating the library blind was the only game she played these days, but it was fun, nonetheless. It made her feel like she was good at something, at least.
Mayah lowered herself into one of the lounge’s hanging chairs. She examined the statue. The figures at its base were the Cursed, their mouths forced into moans as they cowered before the Eternal Queen Sarana, whose eyes seemed to flash with living anger.
To the side of the statue was a plaque. On it was printed the first part of the letter the Eternal Queen Sarana had written to her friend, the leader of the mutineers, the group that had crash landed the Saranai onto the planet Chudami. …you who were like my brother, how could you have brought this fate upon us? In your madness you have marooned us on a virtually atmosphereless planet! How do you expect us to survive? No, that is the wrong question. Rather, I ask how you expect to survive. Me and my people, we will rise up and endure. But whatever society I build up here, whatever civilization I breathe into being, I swear to you, you will never be a part of it.
“…you who were like my brother…” Mayah mouthed the first words silently. The only surviving copy of the letter started mid-sentence, a broken beginning.
There was a tightness in Mayah’s chest as she stared at the anguished faces of the Cursed. Her heart began beating faster. She reached out to touch the lips of one of the Cursed, a young girl with marks on her face.
She jumped when the lights flickered off. A moment later they were back on again, signaling to everyone still in the library that it was near closing time. Mayah got to her feet. She’d been in the library since the end of class. It was time to go back to her dorm floor, check in with Sukren, then sleep. Tomorrow Mayah would sleep in as late as possible, rush through breakfast, daydream her way through class, then go to the library. Again. And her daydreams would once more be about climbing to the very top of the castle, to the very top of the library, all the way to the hatch door, only this time the door would open for her, and behind it would be someone smiling at her, saying, we’ve been waiting for you, come, come, and Mayah would climb through the door and step out of Chudami into another whole world…
Oh Sarana, how Mayah wished she could run away to somewhere else, to anywhere else, to anywhere other than here!
Just wait, she told herself. Just wait a little longer. You’re going to get seeded soon. You’re thirteen now, it can’t be much longer. Very soon, you’ll be free of this place, and at your senior castle. You’ll start over then. You’ll finally become someone important, someone precious, too precious to disappear.
***
“Sukren?” Mayah whispered.
“Yes?”
She was sitting, as she usually did, on the clinic bed. The privacy curtain was only half-drawn around them, but it didn’t matter, as the other doctor-priests weren’t in the room. Not that that mattered anymore, either. These days she and Sukren didn’t talk, not honestly, not like before.
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Taking in a breath, Mayah wrapped her fingers around the edge of the bed. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Sukren looking at her, his eyes creased with pain. A pang went through her. Oh! How she loved him! Sukren was the only one ever there for her, the only one always by her side. Even if she couldn’t share with him the way she used to, Mayah still treasured him with all her heart.
She took in another breath. “My stomach hurts,” she whispered.
“Still?”
Mayah nodded. Lately her stomach was always hurting.
“I can give you more reliever.”
He was turning away, reaching for the shelves on the other side of the privacy curtain. Mayah glanced up. There was something different in his half-turned face. Something she’d never seen before. Something hard.
Mayah clenched her fists together. She wanted to put her knuckles in her mouth and bite them, chew them, even gnaw them off, anything to quell the anxiety surging up inside her. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t, what if someone saw, what if someone found out, what if someone decided it meant Mayah needed to go, what if, what if!?
“Here, take this.”
“Sukren,” Mayah whispered again.
“Yes?”
The words came out before she could stop herself. “You’ll come with me, right? If – when – I get seeded?”
“Mayah...”
The anguish in Sukren’s voice was too hard to bear. Mayah couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t stay to listen to it. She couldn’t let herself think about what it might mean. What if Sukren – what if Sukren couldn’t –
She jumped to her feet, off the clinic bed, and onto the floor. “I have to go,” she muttered, her gaze fixed on her bejeweled slippers. “I have to – I have to go to bed. I’ll – I’ll see you later.”
***
The door was opening.
With a start, Mayah woke up. She’d fallen asleep daydreaming, replaying in her mind over and over the hatch door opening, the person smiling, the new world beckoning, the hatch door opening –
The door was opening.
But it was nighttime! Who could be coming? Oh no –
Mayah squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to scream when a hand slapped down over her mouth, but it was too late, there was a bioplastic muffle on her jaw now and whoever-it-was was scooping her out of bed. She tried to kick, to fight back, but her bunk was closest to the door and oh Sarana, no, she’d done nothing wrong, she’d tried her best, why her, why did this have to happen to her!?
It wasn’t until she was placed on her feet outside her dorm that Mayah realized she wasn’t being disappeared. For one, the bioplastic muffle was being peeled off her jaw. She didn’t think they would do that to someone about to be disappeared. Second, Sukren was standing before her. But not like he normally was.
“Sukren!” she gasped.
Even without her glasses on Mayah could see that he was hurt. Livid red and purple bruises lined his face; his left eye was swollen shut. His doctor-priest’s robe was torn and filthy. Two Eenta soldiers flanked him.
“I came to say goodbye,” he said. “I have to leave.”
“What?”
“Don’t ask anyone about me after I leave.”
“What’s going on?” Mayah whispered.
It had been a long time since Mayah had violated the purity laws. A really long time…
“Don’t be afraid, Mayah,” Sukren said. She watched him wince as the guard to his right nudged him. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now.”
For once Mayah’s never ending fear about being disappeared was overwhelmed – by panic. Trembling, she reached for Sukren’s hand. He stepped backwards, away from her.
“No, Mayah.”
“But where are you going?”
“I’m not allowed to tell you.”
At that, Mayah had to blink to keep her tears at bay. “What did I do wrong?” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”
“No!” Sukren stepped forward. The Eenta soldier to his right grabbed his arm. Mayah watched, numb, as Sukren stopped and turned to the soldier. They seemed to be arguing, both of them speaking in tones too low for Mayah to hear. The Eenta soldier shook his head, once, then again. Finally he sighed and shrugged.
“You did nothing wrong.” Sukren spoke with such force that Mayah found herself reeling backwards. “You hear me? Remember that. You did nothing wrong.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
He leaned over so that his mouth was right by Mayah’s ear. The very nearness of him made her freeze. “May the Lost Princess watch over you,” he whispered. “Go inside now.”
Stiff with shock, Mayah stumbled back inside her dorm. She didn’t understand. Earlier today she’d asked Sukren if he could come with her if she ever left, but she’d never even once thought about Sukren leaving her. He was the one who was always there. What, was he gone now?
Silent shuddering gasps were racking her body. No! They can’t take Sukren from me! They can’t! No! No! No!