Chapter 62:

Lainla was as good as her word. Two days later, Rajani went with her to the hanging library. Bharan, one of Lainla’s better friends, was already there. Rajani was glad to see him. As lead hunter of the Pnem Table, and the second youngest lead hunter after Rajani, Bharan had always shared a bond with Rajani. She respected him and she knew the respect was mutual.

Rajani was even happier to see Kebet and Jiat. Both had brought their younger cousins: Kebet, Yathi, and Jiat, Kaliwa. Mylin, one of the only other female myxte hunters of their generation, arrived just as the water clock above the rubber forge tipped to an hour past noontide. The remaining four young men were hunters Rajani recognized as part of Lainla’s circle of friends. Altogether, they made twelve.

Lainla opened the meeting. “I know we’re all unhappy about the way things have been. We’re here to talk about how to make them better.”

“Wait,” Bharan said. He adjusted his glasses. “I don’t know if we all agree on what the problem is. The way I see it, we myxte Cursed have been dragged into a mess that isn’t ours. We’re Cursed. Why should we align ourselves with overbelters?”

Although Bharan had looked around the circle as he spoke, it was clear he wanted Rajani to answer. She didn’t hesitate. “We shouldn’t align ourselves with overbelters. We should be true to being Cursed. That means embracing the Gather’s Children.”

Mylin leaned forward. Even though it was darkwake, her frustrated expression was easy to see. “Rajani, that sounds nice and everything, but it won’t work. The Gather’s Children today don’t want to be embraced. Our ancestors were different. They converted, adopted Cursed customs, and re-formed into Cursed social units. They assimilated. And they could, because there weren’t so many of them.”

There were murmurs of agreement. Rajani looked around at the other myxte Cursed. “Whatever line we draw now will be used against us later. What if the old-Tabled Cursed decide there are too many myxte Cursed? Do we want to hand them a justification that could be used to send us to the castra-dome without trial?”

“The problem isn’t that there are too many of them,” one of the hunters Rajani didn’t know objected. “The problem is that they rioted. We didn’t. Like Mylin said. We assimilated.”

They were talking in circles. Exasperated, Rajani looked at Bharan, hoping he could inject some reason into the conversation. But Bharan’s face was dark. “The Gather’s Children did riot,” he said. He touched a fresh scar running down his neck. “But I think Rajani is right. We need to assimilate them. Otherwise, we’ll end up killing them, and that’s a precedent that will work against us later.”

“So let’s assimilate them!”

Kebet broke in. “But how? I mean, I agree with you, Ni, I do. Yesternight some bastard told me my parents should’ve stayed on the other side of the shelterbelt, that all this emigration was their fault. We definitely have to be careful not to hand the old-Tabled Cursed something they’ll use against us, because they will use it against us. Having said that, Mylin’s point still stands. Assimilation takes at least a generation. Gather’s Children give birth to urb-born myxte Cursed, who go to school with old-Tabled Cursed, who then choose a profession at age fifteen, just like the old-Tabled. But that’s not fast enough for what we need now.”

“I agree,” Rajani said, thinking quickly. “So we do what our ancestors did when they adopted Gather’s Children into their Tables. We split the overbelters up. Each lodge takes in one or two.”

“More like five or six,” someone muttered.

“Fine, five or six.”

Bharan put his hands up. “The adoption ceremony laid out in the Chronicles requires us to do the run for them. Even if I were willing to do the run for overbelters I don’t know, I would never take them into my lodge with my sisters and mother. Are you telling me, Rajani, that you would let some strange overbelter you’ve never met before come in and sleep in the same lodge as Kishi?”

Rajani’s mind flashed back to the night of the riot. The overbelter’s body on hers; the rock coming down; the fear turned to murder in her heart. “No. I don’t think I could.” She briefly closed her eyes. “I also don’t see another way to be true to who we are.”

“I have a way,” Bharan said. “The vast majority of the rioters were men. Let’s kill them, then integrate the women into our lodges, like you said.”

Rajani stared at him. “Is that the precedent you want to give to the old-Tabled Cursed? All seven of you die, while Kaliwa, Mylin, Lainla, Yathi and I get to live?”

A grin crossed Bharan’s face. “Oh, come on, Rajani. If the old-Tabled Cursed ever turn against us, you know you’re the first one they’re going to kill.”

The others – even Jiat too! – burst into laughter. Rajani threw up her hands. “I’m serious!”

The smile faded from Jiat’s face. “Is this because of that overbelter you had at your meal bench? You don’t want him to die, so that’s why you don’t like Bharan’s plan?”

Rajani shrugged. There was something about the way Jiat asked the question that made her feel uncomfortable. She wondered if Jiat knew about the visit she had made alone to the castra-dome yesternight.

“How about this,” Lainla said. “There’s probably a handful of the men we would prefer didn’t die. I mean, by show of hands, how many of us here got to know some of the Gather’s Children men?” A few hands went up. “See? Let’s pull those men out and count them among the women. Then we put the rest of the men on trial for rioting. If they’re found guilty, we put them in the castra-dome, and kill them.”

Rajani stared at Lainla, aghast. The Cursed didn’t kill those they sent to the castra-dome. They got sent there until someone did the run for them to be released. That was the whole point, to give them a chance to come back!

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

But before Rajani could say anything, Bharan was nodding. “I’m fine with that,” he said. Then he looked at Rajani. “But you have to lead the campaign to kill them.”

“What?” she sputtered.

“It’s not good for a myxte Cursed citizen to be officially ostracized. We have to look out for each other. Before the lodge mother moot meets next sunwake to vote on Urbiya’s demand for ostracism, I’ll spread the word that I’m going to submit a proposal that all of the overbelter women, and a few of the overbelter men, be pulled aside to be adopted into our Tables. The rest of the men, like Lainla said, can go up on trial, then the guilty ones can go into the castra-dome to be killed. If I tell the moot that you’re volunteering to lead that campaign into the castra-dome, it’ll win the approval of the old-Tabled Cursed.”

“That’s not – I don’t care if the old-Tabled Cursed approve of me or not!”

Appreciative grins went around the circle. But Rajani found herself still feeling frustrated. “All we’re doing is drawing the line for who is Cursed in a slightly different place. Instead of all Gather’s Children being non-Cursed, we’re saying all Gather’s Children men who rioted are non-Cursed.”

“So?” one of them asked. “How is that a bad line? They rioted. That makes them outcasts.”

Rajani threw up her hands once more. “So are we all! How many of us have been in the castra-dome?” She pointed. “You, you, you, you, you – and you all know I’ve been in there. If we say breaking laws makes you not Cursed, then none of us who have been in the castra-dome can be Cursed either.”

To Rajani’s surprise, Kaliwa chose that moment to speak up. “Maybe we aren’t Cursed,” she said softly, her eyes downcast. “Maybe there is a line, and it’s the one the old-Tabled Cursed are drawing. Maybe, Rajani, you’re just Xhota, and Kebet, you’re just Chenta, and you, Mylin, you’re just Eenta. Maybe none of us are Cursed.”

Everyone fell silent. Then Lainla shook her head. “That can’t be right. My cousins Tanush and Kishi are half old-Tabled Cursed from their father’s side, and a quarter Eenta and a quarter Xhota from their mother’s side. Who are they, if they aren’t Cursed? Even you, Kaliwa. You and Jiat are both half Eenta, half Xhota. What are you, if you aren’t Cursed?”

“But then Rajani is right,” Jiat said. “Whichever way we draw the line, some of us are left out, unless we draw the line around everyone.”

Bharan’s face was thoughtful. “Maybe so. But I can’t pay that price. I can’t ask my Table to pay that price.” He looked at Rajani. “Your theology is solid. I think you may be right. But doing the run for strangers is the kind of thing gods do, and we’re only human. All I can do is persuade the lodge mothers to vote against your Table’s ostracism, and that only if I tell them you’re going to lead the campaign against the Gather’s Children to make up for prioritizing them.”

Rajani looked down. “If we say people who riot and are put in the castra-dome aren’t Cursed, we’re denying our own Cursedhood.”

Rajani’s words stripped away the veneer of lightheartedness that had been dusting the meeting up until then. She could tell the other hunters were pulling away from her, that their anger had been kindled. Bharan’s offer was a generous one. She knew that. They knew it too.

“I’ll do it.”

Rajani looked at her sister. “No –”

“Just tell them the Jinkari Table hunters are leading the campaign. You don’t have to be specific about which one of us is doing it.”

“I can’t let you,” Rajani said.

“Then you do it,” Lainla said.

“La –”

“Choose. Either you do it, or I will.”

Rajani swallowed. She hesitated. Finally she bowed her head. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Bharan nodded. “We’re settled then.”

He stopped as if to say something further to Rajani, but instead turned away. The others began leaving. Jiat glanced at Rajani as he and Kaliwa turned the corner of the rubber forge, but Rajani couldn’t meet his eyes. She instead watched Lainla go to Bharan. Bharan whispered something to Lainla, something that caused her to smile. Their hands touched. Then he too was gone, leaving Lainla with Rajani and Kebet.

It shouldn’t have made a difference. Lainla wasn’t obliged to tell Rajani about potential partners until after accepting a betrothal dance vine. But obliged or not, Lainla and Rajani had always shared everything with each other. That was what it meant to be sisters. To hide not only the truth about Mayah and Pratap, but also her budding relationship with Bharan… well, that was more than Rajani could bear.

She lifted her face. “How could you do this to me?”

Rajani could tell she had made her sister angry.

Her eyes flashing, Lainla responded, “You’re supposed to consider your Table like your own flesh. You’re not supposed to put your desire to feel virtuous above that. Yet that’s what you were about to do. How long do you think the Jinkari would survive under official ostracism? No physicians attending us, nobody talking to us – we wouldn’t even be able to be hunters anymore. Is your Table worth so little that you value us less than overbelters you don’t even know?”

“Lainla –” Kebet started to say.

“Shut up, Bet.” Lainla’s chest was heaving. “I did what I had to do, Rajani. And so will you.”

Numb, Rajani watched Lainla disappear around the corner of the rubber forge. Her hearing, her sight, her touch – everything felt shot through with anguish. She was vaguely aware that Kebet was pulling her towards him, but in her disorientation it took her a moment to realize that he had drawn her into his arms.

“Sometimes there are no good choices,” he whispered. “Sometimes we have to pick the best of the worst. Until the gods bring us back. That’s what the Loylan Table Chronicles say, right?”

Rajani nodded. She clutched at Kebet’s sleeve as he wiped her tears away with his thumb. “I’ll still think you’re virtuous,” he told her.

More tears filled her eyes. “Bet, I’m not. You think I don’t hear everything Bharan and Lainla are saying? You think I don’t agree with them? I would rather kill Gather’s Children than do the run for them and invite them into my lodge. But according to everything the gods say, I am that Gather’s Child. How can I give them death when I received mercy?”

“Shh. It’s okay.”

He held her against his chest. Only after she stopped crying did he speak again. “Killing the Gather’s Children may be more merciful to them in the end. Otherwise, after they’re put on trial, they’re just going to be put back into the castra-dome to starve to death. You heard Bharan. You know it’s true. No one is going to do the run for rioting overbelters.”

“Our fathers did for us,” Rajani whispered.

Kebet had no reply.