Chapter 19:

“What’s this?”

Vek shrugged. “I told Lady Nari what you said. She gave me this.”

It was an envelope. Plain, white, the kind of easy-tear packet you put transcribed telegraphs in. Nothing special about it. Until Sukren took it from Vek’s hand and felt the raised circles inside. “Are these pills?”

“Yeah, shout about it, that’s a good idea.”

“Sorry.” They were standing beside a great arcing fountain. Sukren had been walking through the bathhouse, minding his own business, when out of nowhere a hand had grabbed him and jerked him to a stop. For a moment Sukren had panicked, flashing back to the dozens of times he’d been forced headfirst into this fountain, or one just like it in a different zone. It had been well established that Sukren’s doctor-priest was not the protective type. Fair game, that was what Sukren had been to the other apprentices and remembering that was making it hard to focus on being discreet.

“You’re supposed to give them to her. One a day.”

Sukren opened the envelope. Small white pills, as plain as the envelope they were in. “What are they for?”

“I don’t know.”

Sukren looked askance at Vek. “I’m not going to give these to Mayah without knowing what they are!”

“But Lady Nari told you to.”

Sukren almost crumpled up the envelope in his fist. Did Vek have to sound so shocked? Was it that terrible that Sukren wanted to verify what these pills were before shoving them down Mayah’s throat? He was her handler, for crying out loud! He was supposed to look out for her!

“What did she say about my plan?”

“Nothing, really. She listened until I was done. Then she gave me that.” Vek pointed at the envelope in Sukren’s hand.

There was a sour taste in Sukren’s mouth. So Lady Nari had heard Sukren’s offer, and then what, rejected it? He could picture Lady Nari in his mind’s eye, impassively listening to Vek. Sukren wants to put Princess Mayah in a situation where she’ll be forced to choose between him and the Rajas. He thinks if she sees him receiving ill treatment at their hands, she’ll turn away from them.

“She didn’t say anything else?”

“Yeah. That the princess had already made her choice.”

That didn’t make Sukren feel good at all. He looked into the envelope again. There were at least fifty pills inside. “I’m supposed to give her all of these?”

“One a day until they’re gone.”

Sukren stuffed the envelope into the pocket that lined the inside of his robe. He didn’t like this. There was something else going on. There had to be. Why in the bio-dome would Lady Nari send him an envelope of pills without any explanation?

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Sukren muttered.

Vek shrugged. “She knows best.”

Sukren bowed his head, thinking. Lady Nari did know best. She was always several steps ahead of everyone else; that was why she was so successful. If Lady Nari had given the envelope to Vek just like Vek said, that meant Sukren already knew everything he needed to know. The message was there. He just had to decode it.

“She listened to my plan, said Mayah had already made her choice, then handed the envelope to you,” Sukren said out loud. “She already had the envelope with her?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Sukren said.

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll figure it out.”

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“Figure what out?”

What must it be like, Sukren wondered, to live so simply? Lady Nari good. Lady Nari wise. Do as Lady Nari says. No, stop, don’t be unfair to Vek. He’s a good boy. You’re not mad at him, you’re just annoyed that you’re in this situation at all. Besides, it’s not like you live that differently. At least Vek carries out his missions successfully. A whole lot of nothing, that’s all you’ve managed to accomplish these past thirty diurnals. And Vek did you a favor, delivering your message to Lady Nari. It’s not his fault if she didn’t like your plan.

“Never mind, it’s nothing,” Sukren replied. “How’s your arm doing?”

Vek held it up and made a fist in the air. He grinned. “Next time, I’m skipping the clinic, going straight to you. I’m going to tell my other patronless friends to do so too.”

Sukren couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows. “Next time?”

“Oh, there’s always a next time.”

Sukren laughed a little. “It’s amazing you’re still alive.”

“It’s because of you.”

Sukren cleared his throat and changed the subject before Vek could get too emotional. “Is there a way for me to get in touch with you later, in case I need to send another message to Lady Nari?”

“Oh, I can drop in on you,” Vek said. “Like I did just now. I don’t have anyone tailing me, so it’s easier for me to move around.”

Sukren had told Vek about Ul and Ganithe. That was probably why Vek had picked the fountain to waylay Sukren. It was in a corner, surrounded by mist and steam from the bubbling baths that filled the rest of the bathhouse. Splashes from rows of shower heads and the never-ending sound of trickling water dampened and even muted the majority of bathhouse conversations. It was a good location, although Sukren wasn’t sure how Vek had managed to gain access to what was supposed to be a doctor-priests and regents-only bathhouse.

“I’ll keep an eye out for you,” Sukren said. “Thank you.”

Vek saluted him, then slipped away into the mist. Sukren touched the envelope through his robe’s lining, wondering whether he should skip his wash and go back to his dorm room to put the pills away. He decided against it. If he went back now, Ul and Ganithe would know something had happened. It was better for Sukren to act normally, and that meant going through with his bath.

He made his way to a pool in another corner of the bathhouse. He hung his robe up on a cloak-tree nearby and moved as quickly as he could to get under the cover of water. Thankfully, nobody else was in the pool. Sukren doubted anyone would join him, either, given the bath’s small size and slightly cooler water temperature. He could sit by himself and think. What was Lady Nari saying to him?

Well, she was saying no to his plan, that was obvious. Don’t force her to choose between you and the Rajas. She’s already made her choice. Instead… do what? Sukren closed his eyes. What was it Lady Nari had said to him when he first came to Lost Technology Castle? Your mission doesn’t change. You are still to raise her so that she feels disconnected from the Rajas.

But how do I do that, here, in a castle?

It’ll be harder, but it has to happen. Keep her from making meaningful friendships. Make sure to discourage her from trusting them.

But that was exactly what Sukren was trying to do! That was the whole point of his plan! Have Mayah choose him, have her turn away from the Rajas… did Lady Nari have a better idea or something? Maybe. After all, she’d brought the pills with her.

She’d brought the pills with her.

It hit him like a blow to the gut. Fear, the same fear he’d felt watching Mayah walk away from the butterfly balcony. Lady Nari had already had the pills with her. She’d brought them before knowing Sukren’s message. It wasn’t his plan she rejected. It was him. His approach, the way he was handling Mayah, the tactics he’d chosen to keep her disconnected from the Rajas. That was what Lady Nari was rejecting. And the worst part was, Sukren couldn’t help but agree with her. Hadn’t he said so himself earlier? All Sukren had managed to do was fail. What he couldn’t understand was how it had happened. Hadn’t he tried? Hadn’t he done his best? How had Mayah become so close to the Rajas?

The princess has already made her choice.

Sukren could hear the words in Lady Nari’s flat tones. Mayah’d already made her choice. But had he?

No. He hadn’t.

Sukren slipped deeper into the water, not stopping until his mouth and nose were covered. It was painful, admitting the truth to himself, but he could no longer put off doing so. He’d spent the last thirty diurnals riding the fence, only wanting to isolate Mayah from the Rajas if he could do so without hurting her. Yes, yes, he’d said to himself, I want to accomplish the mission, but not if it means exposing Mayah to a mob of purity-hounding Rajas! Come on, there has to be another way! There has to be!

Right?

The sick feeling was back. Oh Sarana, it was to avoid having to make this very choice that Sukren had agonized over how to get Mayah to stop caring about the Rajas. Don’t cross them, don’t defy them, please, I can’t bear to see you face a mob, but don’t love them either, because if you befriend the Rajas I’ll have to act, I’ll have to spread rumors about how you’re from a serf village so they won’t want to be friends with you, I’ll have to lie to you and make you doubt your own feelings, I’ll have to rob you of your curiosity and wonder and turn you instead into someone fearful and controllable, and I don’t want to do these things, please don’t make me, please stop caring about the Rajas before I have to do these things, please please please!

Lady Nari was right. It was Sukren who had to make the choice. Whose was he first? Lady Nari’s, or Mayah’s?

No, no, Sukren begged silently. Don’t make me choose. Don’t make me not pick Mayah.