'I'm just saying. You could do it right now.'

'But that would ruin the joke, and you know that's not what I'm about, son.'

'I'm sick and tired of waiting already. Either you sniff her thighs immediately, or I'm gonna do it myself.'

'Go on then. Be my guest.'

'...'

With the superior feeling of victory, the argument finally ends. It might be because we've been having this little scuffle for at least an hour, but the wooden planks under my ass are starting to get really uncomfortable.

As soon as one more person tells me that I'm not willing to suffer for my art, I'm gonna lose it.

"..." (Risa)

"..." (Jess)

If it weren't for the voice in my head complaining, the only thing that would break the absolute silence in our "Fort Eternum" would be the rhythmic breathing from Risa and Jess. Their sleep might have been forced by yours truly, but they look so peaceful that I can't just wake them up.

Even if it means that I'll get blisters on me buttocks, matey.

I've spent the last two days without rest just for this one joke, and I definitely won't risk missing my timing.

'But I'm bored...'

'Have patience, young one. They should wake up any-'

Right on clue, I sense my last slivers of despicable energy leave their body. A pit forms in my stomach, thinking about the source I had to draw from. I've sworn that I wouldn't use it anymore.

I didn't want to do it.

But I had no choice.

I wouldn't let someone die relentlessly because of me again.

The dark voices in my head bang against my skull, begging and screaming to be freed. A wave of vertigo rushes over me as I repress the burning vomit and gunk making their way up my stomach like it wants to consume me.

If it weren't for the two in front of me, I would've rather been captured than use this disgusting power.

Jess and Risa's eyelids open with indescribable difficulty. They prop their heads up in synch, taking their sweet time to wake up and notice me. If they knew what I had to go through for this one joke, then they surely wouldn't dare to procrastinate like that.

And finally, their eyes land on me. It's my time to shine.

"Hey... you. You're finally awake." (Me)

I feel a smile forcing its way out, but my professionalism doesn't let it show on my face.

"You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush." (Me)

'I fucking hate you sometimes.'

"How did you even get a carriage in here?" (Jess)

Several scenes pop up in my head.

"Built it." (Me)

Now that my job was done magnificently, I go through the checklist I made in my mind once more. Most recent events have forced me to accelerate my plans by a few steps, which I'm not exactly looking forward to.

Mostly because I have to make some really awkward calls now.

The wooden boards under my feet creak under my weight as I jump off the cart. Thankfully, I didn't lose my newly made pouch in the tower, which dispenses the two mana cores from the Spaticectas like Tik Taks.

The reason why I've had to wait several days to proceed was that it might become a bit dangerous for the two girls, who are still busy processing their own memories. But now that they're awake and able to defend themselves, I can keep them busy with a clear conscience.

"Nith..." (Jess)

But not before we have to have the talk, apparently.

"I already told you, I'll only make you breakfast if you ask nicely." (Me)

I try to avoid looking her in the face, aware of what she's about to ask. Instead, I seek rescue by looking at Risa, whose expression isn't any better. I'm surprised that they didn't have a much harder time accepting what happened, but they seemingly skipped right over the denial phase.

"...listen, I know you have a hard time talking about... stuff, but..." (Jess)

Jess hesitates to say what she wants, but her determined footsteps echo through the sparsely decorated storage hall, before coming to a stop right in front of me.

Her silver eyes reflect the light from the fluorescent lamps above us, trying to get a peek at the slightest hints of my thoughts.

"I guess we won't appreciate what I had to go through to get that carriage here?" (Me)

A pained and yet frantic expression replaces her determination. Unlike her typical self, she probably started this conversation without preparing for it in any way. After all, she didn't have much time to do so.

I can see how she's trying to find the right words to get me into a serious conversation, her eyes darting from side to side.

"I literally searched the town for a carriage for days, gave up on that, and then had to get raw wood to build it here myself. Do you know how hard it is to get wooden planks in an apocalypse?" (Me)

She doesn't reply. The worst thing is that I know exactly what's going through her head right now. I've had more than millions of years of practice in social interaction. I can practically read minds at this point.

'For fucks sake, I was the first one to make a "Knock knock" joke.'

'Really?'

'No. See? I'm a master at conversation.'

But I can't let this conversation happen for several reasons.

A feeling in the back of my mind scratches against its walls again. It tries to tear its way through, shove itself into the spotlight.

'But no, no, I won't let it.~'

Mind corruption at 16%!

With each percent that this number increases, I get reminded of what it leads to. Not that I ever really forget about it since the nice voices in my head make sure that they don't lose their home.

'Can't help you much with that. Giving it my best, not a miracle worker.'

'To be honest, I wouldn't have imagined that you would be able to keep the voices at bay at all.'

Trick's ability to quiet the demons in my head is more surprising than it sounds like since their source isn't only psychosomatic, but also of a far darker and spookier kind.

But what I should be worrying about right now is the still speechless Jess standing in front of me.

"It is of no use, mine own life Juliette!" (Me)

"What?" (Jess)

I know that this isn't what she wants to hear at the moment, but there is no other way. The consequences might be worse than anyone could think.

"Mine own heart hast long grown stone-cold! Oh, fate! You merciless fiend! How couldst thee beshrew me with such misfortune?!" (Me)

I'm acting my heart out in an attempt to lighten the mood, but even that fails. It only results in Jess biting her lip and clenching her fists painfully.

But I can't fulfill her wish. I know why she wants to have this conversation. I admire her resolve.

Nevertheless, I can't risk it.

"Buddy. Jess. My dear waifu. I appreciate you. I really do. However, why don't you try to help someone who needs it more right now?" (Me)

While Jess has been trying to get me to open up, Risa had her own share of flashbacks. It's not nearly as bad as in the tower, but you can see how much it pains her.

I'm sure that this was one of Jess's goals from the get-go, so I gesture her towards the sad little bean on top of the wooden carriage. She opens her mouth once more, but, once again, nothing comes out. Admitting defeat, she walks towards Risa carefully.

'I can already hear you complain, Trick. Thigh-time will still come, don't you worry.'

'I accept the delay.'

Jess puts her arm gently around the somber Risa, creating a safe space around them. I don't try to listen in on their conversation since that would be rude, but I'm sure that Jess is doing a good job consoling her.

"I know that I'm kinda being a mood killer here, but I would really appreciate it if you could move this heartfelt convo outside." (Me)

Jess shoots a sharp glance at me, reminding me of the time in the succubus' den. But considering what I'm planning to do here, I can't take any chances with the danger it brings.

I'm surely going to be fine, but things might get a little tense if the two of them were behind me.

"What?" (Jess)

"Why?" (Risa)

Risa looks at me with fear, afraid that I might abandon her like she was abandoned before.

"I shat my pants." (Me)

"..." (Jess)

"...you pooped yourself?" (Risa)

Now that I think about it, I could've picked a better excuse. But Risa's tearful eyes terrify me more than any monster could so I panicked. And since only fuckers hindsight, I shall henceforth roll with it.

"I did, indeed, poop myself, as you so eloquently phrased it, Risa. Good job." (Me)

'Didn't think I would ever hear such a sentence.'

With my masterful speed, I pick both of them up like I did when we exited the nightclub after I tricked the succubi.

'You called?'

'HA!'

In the next second, I appear in front of the still gaping hole in the wall I once called a door. The chilly autumn breeze makes me shiver a bit. Autumn has definitely already settled in, visible from the sad sight of the dark and rainy London.

Nevertheless, I let both of them down gently. They look up at me, clueless like a bunch of stray kittens. But I can't let this shake my determination.

'You sound like a discord mod.'

'GirlWithoutBodySaysWhat?'

'What?'

'Score: 1:0.'

My fingers itch in anticipation. I haven't done a satanic ritual in a while.

'Come again?'

'I've done worse and you know it.'

'Right, common sense is for losers.'

"Well, go on now, you guys. Here are your umbrellas. I'm sure that you have a lot to talk about and a lot of bonding to do. (Me)

I take the aforementioned umbrellas out of my pouch and shove them in their hands. I just want them out of the house, not catch a cold.

"But-" (Jess)

"No "buts", young lady! I'll wait for you here with a nice hot chocolate when you come back!" (Me)

Defeated, Jess helps Risa stand up. I have to restrain myself, or else I might just wrap both of them in a blanket and sit them down in front of the fireplace, giving up on my plan.

'Alright, so I'll add that to my bucket list, directly below bagged Risa.'

"...I like tea more." (Jess)

"British cock." (Me)

"Fuck you." (Jess)

I'm just glad that Jess could leave with the slightest smile on her face at this point. And if she doesn't bring back a smiling Risa, she'll get the spankie spanks.

With a fair deal in mind-

'Pretty one-sided, but I still agree.'

I go on to the center of our base. Now that Risa and Jess left, it feels a bit deserted in here, but there's something that I am finally about to change. Which gets me a little hyped, not gonna lie.

'I will be able to use mana, even if my body doesn't want to.'

'Mh, don't like the sound of that.'

"Trick! Good buddy, ol' pal! Time for another lesson in "Primal Energy 101"." (Me)

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

'Oh golly gee, am I excited!'

"None of the sass!" (Me)

Once more, I tap into the scarce pool of divine energy inside me. The viscous substance drags itself through my soul, unwilling to move even an inch without me forcing it.

As if I wring a barely wet towel out, I try to get the last bit of aether on the tip of my finger.

And just like that, my divine power has run out.

'Wait, what? What do you mean, "run out"?'

"Oh, now you're interested." (Me)

As explained before, every single thing, organism, divine being, and even galaxies are born with innate divine power. When that power was first created, it slowly spread throughout every universe out there, intertwining with the very fabric of reality.

After all, it was just a derivative of mana, the driving force of the universe.

But all that doesn't mean that you can just use it as you please. Everyone is indeed born with it, but only with a certain amount. That shouldn't be a problem usually, since no one can make use of the divine power unless they already became a celestial being.

'But you can.'

'Righto.~'

And exactly that fact raises a few problems, with two being the most prominent.

First of all, I can't recover any divine energy. Unlike mana, it doesn't accumulate over time. That's just not the way it behaves. As long as you haven't stepped into a higher realm, celestial energy won't get attracted to you.

There are several theories as to why it accumulates only to ascended creatures, but also upon birth. It ranges from a common ancestor, from which it's just shared like in a trickle-down system, to it having developed its own conscious.

This phenomenon is relatively young-

'Since it started with me lmao.'

-so a lot isn't known about it. There are ways to reach divinity faster, but that's for another time.

The second problem is the reason why I've had to go a few steps ahead in my plan.

"Trick, you remember who I am, right?" (Me)

'Unloved child from the cunt above. Very old. Bit of a dickhead.'

"Could've done without the comment at the end, but that'll do." (Me)

My fingertip runs across the cold floor, burning a specific pattern inside it. I have to use it carefully, as this is my only chance to pull this off.

My identity is the reason why I can use divine energy from the three main factions to carve a summoning circle into the ground. I should be the only one here who can use this, except for a few meager priests with their cute tricks.

'You called again?'

'Shush, no talking during the lesson.'

A drop of sweat trickles down my nose, which probably stems from my soul being sucked dry like the fucking Sahara Desert.

"So what's the problem now, Trick?" (Me)

'Strong divine energy was used in the tower, although no one should be at that level yet.'

"Wrong!" (Me)

'WHAT?!'

It wasn't wrong. I just didn't want her to become cocky.

'I don't even know why I'm trying.'

The miracle that appeared in the tower wasn't just an illusion. It had several parts to it. Memory manipulation, thought manifestation, reality-warping, and several others. Not only is such a complex miracle-

'Just for my own clarification. Miracles are spells with divine energy?'

'Forgot to mention that. Miracles are spells with divine energy.'

'Stop repeating after me.'

'Stop repeating after me.'

Not only is such a complex miracle extremely difficult to pull off, but the worst thing is also the source the divine energy belonged to.

Heaven.

Just that makes this one big question split into several. Did the cunt above make his move? If so, is the barrier around Earth weakening? Did he find some other way in?

'But since those questions will lead nowhere, I decided to just quicken my pace a little.'

'You gon die lmao.'

'Don't forget. We ride together. We die together.'

'Pls don't.'

With the last flick of my finger, the circle I was drawing is finished. Even though I have "Pain Resistance", my body still feels a bit tired. The soul's state is linked to the body, after all.

But that doesn't keep me from being a well-mannered host.

I pick a kettle from the kitchen and start to heat the water inside it gently. To use the hellfires of "Ember" on such occasions might be a bit sacrilegious, but that's what I'm all about baby.

The water comes to a gentle boil and I pour it into two cups with teabags inside them. The fragrant aroma spreads through the chilly environment, giving it a homey feel.

With the crackling flame of the fireplace, which I installed while Jess and Risa were sleeping, lit, my preparations are finally done.

'Damn, is this a satanic ritual or did you just want to make this romantic between the two of us?'

'Who says that we can't have both.'

I reach into the spatial pouch, grabbing ahold of an azure pearl. It's brimming with mana of the space attribute, which makes this the only thing that could summon "him".

Although it hurts a bit to use the Spaticecta's mana core so soon, I throw it against the circle I just drew, shattering it in the process. The resulting dust forms a fierce current, fusing with every single stroke on the ground.

The tableware clatters, getting sucked inside the whirlwind of mana. Lightning forms around the cloud of dark fog that slowly forms. The air gets filled with static.

'By the way, none of this is necessary while summoning. Residents of hell just like to present themselves more important than they actually are.'

Heavier than air, the dark cloud flows over the ground ominously. A gaping crimson hole rips through the ground where the circle is.

And after making a bigger deal out of himself than he should, my old friend decides to finally show himself.

His long, red hair is tied into a ponytail-

'Like a fucking nerd.'

-and his handsome face is clad in a mask of anger.

'Even though he would never really be angry at me. He likes me too much.'

'Why wouldn't you like to meet him, then?'

His ebony coat flutters with magic he cast himself, just to seem more intimidating. With a dramatic gesture, he opens his crimson eyes.

"How dare you summon me, you lowly vermin, with such meager sacrifice?!" (???)

In Hell's society, it's common sense to summon a devil with some kind of offering in order to appease him. But who would I be if that was necessary for me? I'm a V.I.P. in hell.

"Wait, lowly vermin?" (Me)

The demon raises his hand, blue lightning flickering inside it with divine force. His overflowing mana warps the space around him in anger, clearly not as happy as I am to see him.

"That hurts, buddy." (Me)

"How dare you address me as such?!" (???)

His voice booms through my home, nearly shattering the windows.

"If my windows get broken, you can explain that to Risa. I won't be held responsible if she gets even sadder." (Me)

"...WHAT?!" (???)

I point at the chair on the other side of my table, which he ignores.

"Who do you think you are to invite me to an idle chat?! I SHOULD PULVERIZE-" (???)

"Just take the fucking tea, you cunt." (Me)

But he doesn't move. It looks like he doesn't recognize me, which would explain his hilarious threats. But smart as I am, I inscribed the circle with a hidden clause, which prevents him from hurting me.

Relaxed, I take a sip.

"I can't believe that you would just forget your best buddy, Mephisto." (Me)

I can see it. Slowly, he realizes what all this could mean. The fact that he can't attack me, even if he wanted to. The fact that I know his name, although he didn't introduce himself. The fact that I address him so familiarly.

His eyes dart toward the hole in the ground and back to me.

"You either let me leave or I'll kill myself." (Mephisto)

"Don't try it. I have tea and pastries and I know how to use them." (Me)

And even though I made him such a nice offer, he jumps towards the hole he just came out of. Even quicker than that, I snap my fingers and the hole shuts close.

"Fuck me." (Mephisto)

"Don't swing that way." (Me)

His fist hits the floor several times before looking at me with a disgusted expression.

'He really doesn't like you, huh?'

'He's just being coy.'

"So..." (Me)

Mephisto, one of the demons I've been with for the better part of my time in hell, flinches. His facial expression is hard to make out, dabbling between disgust and discomfort.

"Why don't you sit down and have some tea with me?~" (Me)

"I hate you with every fiber of my body." (Mephisto)

'Very shy.'

It doesn't take long for him to accept the situation he's in, although he's evidently not satisfied. Grudge seeps out of his every step in my direction while he searches for a way to get out of my summon.

One of the positive aspects of living as long as he has is that you can quickly accept things the way they are, especially if there is someone in front of you who put severe trauma inside you.

"Why in hell-" (Mephisto)

"I hope that pun was intended." (Me)

He manifests his own chair with mana, disregarding the nice place I prepared for him. His chair is adorned flamboyantly, underlining the fact that he is, indeed, a show-off.

"-would you summon me?! Haven't you tormented me enough?!" (Mephisto)

Admittedly, over the course of our friendship, I might have committed to some shenanigans, which might have been of bad taste.

'Wait, isn't he that one demon from that one book? Where he followed that one guy around for a shitload amount of time?'

I have to repress a snort at Trick's remark.

'That joke was fucking golden.'

'How did you even-'

"Because you are the love of my life and we are besties?" (Me)

His fist clenches.

"Remember the time you put my face on the back of a milk carton and convinced nearly all of hell that I died and/or went missing?" (Mephisto)

This time, I can't hold the snort back and it escapes my nose. Meanwhile, Trick dies of laughter inside my head, which makes it even harder for me to control myself.

"No?" (Me)

"And after I re-convinced everyone that I was actually alive, you really kidnapped me and no one searched for me cause they thought it was another joke?" (Mephisto)

His fist meets the table in a brutish fashion, while I do my best not to give off a bad first impression at our heartfelt reunion. Trick laughing hysterically does not make it better in any way.

"How about we let bygones be bygones? A stalemate? For your old buddy, Nith?" (Me)

He raises his eyebrow. Now that I think of it, I haven't told him my name yet.

"You go by Nith now?" (Mephisto)

I can understand his confusion since he's one of the only ones who should be able to understand its meaning, although it's not a very common language.

'I always wondered.'

'Yes, buddy?'

'You only gave your first name. What's your last name?'

'Danger.'

'I try to start a decent conversation once.'

Mephisto's specific knowledge of strange topics is the exact reason why I've summoned him. Especially his expertise, which is unusual in hell and would usually be found with the faction of purgatory.

Space magic.

"My name isn't really important right now." (Me)

I take another sip. Mephisto's anger would spoil its taste in any other situation, but he's someone I've known for way too long. I know what he would and wouldn't do.

"I need you to break into Odin's treasury and steal something for me." (Me)

'Even Odin is real?'

'Whole of Asgard is real. But Thor and Loki aren't as cool as you'd think.'

'How so?'

'Well...'

I start to remember the uncomfortable few times that I've met them.

'If I were Odin, I would rename "Asgard" to "Alabama".'

'Incest is wincest.'

'Not if your whole family tree looks like a circle.'

Mephisto's demeanor does a 180 at my request. His anger switches over to curiosity, as he probably remembers what any kind of plan I have leads to.

"What's your plan this time?" (Mephisto)

His lack of enthusiasm hurts me deeply.

"Didn't you lose often enough already?" (Mephisto)

War wages in my head, the memories flashing inside like thunder.

"You're such a killjoy, Mephi!" (Me)

Suddenly, Mephisto's body starts flickering, as if something was interfering with his very being. This is one of the first signs that the resource tethering him to this plane, the Spaticecta's mana core, is already running dry. This just goes to show how much mana is necessary to hold a divine being to a place he shouldn't be.

But these feeble few minutes of chatter I enjoyed with him at least brought out a bit of nostalgia within me.

The time I spent in Hell wasn't all bad.

"As much as I would've enjoyed to catch up, you've got a job to do." (Me)

"Since I don't want to be here anyways, I will leave gladly." (Mephisto)

"Rude." (Me)

I slip Mephisto a piece of paper. Written on it is the target I have in mind, which could change a lot about this magic-less body of mine.

'Or may or may not kill me,'

'Pardon me, good sir?'

"Oh right, before I forget." (Me)

Since I don't want the troops of Asgard to search for the thief and the contractor, I get out another piece of paper and write a short message on it. To make it more credible, I draw a few signatures on it as well.

"I hope you don't regret another attempt." (Mephisto)

His magic starts working its course. An extremely complicated pattern of runes and symbols forms below him, making the whole hall shake and tremor. Mana in the environment is sucked empty, showing how much mana is needed for this one incantation.

"Nah, I won't." (Me)

He raises his hand and even though he always acts like he hates me, his eyes look at me with pity.

"Oh, but if you would, could you get a message over to Lucia?" (Me)

Lucia, the current governor of hell. Her name was lost in translation over time, branding her as a guy.

"Give him a pinky, he takes the whole hand." (Mephisto)

'Sassy cunt.'

'Sassy cunt.'

"Sassy cunt." (Me)

He smiles.

"Tell her that this will be the last attempt. No matter the outcome." (Me)

His eyes widen in surprise. We both know what that means.

As if he was never here, Mephisto disappears. The mana in the environment forms a void right where he stood, which explains where all the mana he sucked in went.

He's the only one in Hell who could pull this heist off. With his expertise in northern runes and space magic, he'll probably just teleport inside Odin's treasure chamber and get right out again. I could've done it as well, but since I don't have any divine energy left, nor can I use mana as I want to, I had to leave it to him.

He's been a softie since I helped at his birth. There was no way he would refuse my request.

And with a *Plop*, the thing I needed appears right where he left. The portal he opened closes, and the leftover mana dissipates into the air.

"Well then..." (Me)

On the ground, a golden seed smiles at me with a dim, radiant light. Although it does seem special, no one would bat an eye at it if he didn't look at it closely.

Seed of Yggdrasil

Effect: ???

'Oooohh shiny.'

I pick up the delicate artifact. As soon as it touches my bare hand, it starts to suck in my mana like a dried sponge. But it doesn't seem to stop any time soon.

"Hot potato! Trick!" (Me)

'Don't have hands. Can't catch it.'

"What do you think I'm gonna do with this piece of art?" (Me)

She takes a few seconds to contemplate it, while my mana gets closer to 0 by the second.

'Plant it?' Do some nice gardening?'

"Wrong!" (Me)

Before the seed sucks me dry-

'Lmao.'

I flick it into the air, where it draws a beautiful arc and lands right in my mouth.

'Why.'

"Oh no..." (Me)

'WHAT?'

I can feel her fearing for her life.

"I forgot to ask... Are we allergic to nuts?" (Me)

*

----------------------------------------

*

Jess P.O.V

Air burns inside my lungs as they remind me how little I have trained my body recently. Risa and I have only been running for a few minutes, but it feels like hours of uncertainty.

Just now, the Mana in the air has been sucked completely dry, and I know it's right where our base is.

"We just woke up, damn it." (Me)

The rage right now barely masks the guilt I feel for leaving him alone again. I swore to myself that I would dig deeper, try better. But as soon as I see his face, I can't muster any words.

And now, after he sent us away, clearly avoiding us, he made a mess again!

The distant lights of our base come into sight.

"There it is!" (Risa)

Now that I think of it, we must be severely stupid. We could both just have flown here, but in our panic, we didn't realize it.

Closer and closer, the light draws a stark contrast to the raven night of London.

Until we finally arrive.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" (Me)

I made sure to cover Risa's ears before saying that.

"Oh... heyyyyy." (Nith)

In the middle of the hall, Nith stands, more bones of his showing than not showing. The smell of iron and tea leaves permeates the messy room. His body was torn open, blood surrounding him. I didn't even know it would be possible, but he's in even worse condition than when he fought the Spaticecta.

"Yeah... so... I'm dying." (Nith)

He coughs up another handful of blood.

"WE'VE BEEN GONE FOR BARELY 10 MINUTES!?" (Me)

"DON'T DIE, NITH!" (Risa)

We run up to him, but we can't do anything. Afraid that he might lose the last sliver of health he has left, we don't dare to touch him. In moments like these, I wish that I had some kind of metal with healing properties.

"Would really appreciate it if you didn't let me die." (Nith)

He staggers. Once again, I feel powerless. I don't know what to do other than put his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to support him. I'm sure that, if he fell over, he would die at this point.

Risa, despite her small stature, tries the same as me. She puts the bloody arm around her bleak neck, drenching it red. Involuntarily, I wonder if my neck is the same shade of scarlet.

"Bitch should've told me we're allergic to nuts." (Nith)

And just like that, he blacks out.