"You know, Jess. Campfiring was never really my thing." (Me)

I look at the already golden brown marshmallow. The drops of white softness drip from the stick with slight tenderness, as I try to talk with Jess, who has her ears closed.

"WHAT?! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!" (Jess)

"I SAID- Alright, nevermind. Way to interrupt my deep monologue before the fight." (Me)

Finally, even though it only took a few seconds, the Arachmot arrives in all its glory. Adrenaline rushes through my veins as I start to look forward to the next big fight I'm about to have. Slowly, the blood-red moon above us is covered by the sheer size of the Arachmot.

*Drip*

The marshmallow melts and falls on the ground in drops. I lead the stick to my mouth and take a bite.

"Yeah, still not really a fan of marshmallows." (Me)

*SHRIIIIIIIEEEEEEKKKK!!!*

The 8 legged fuck shouts me right in my face. Chunks of saliva, dead animals, and acid fly at me with extreme velocity, but I continue to eat without a care in the world.

"Oh my, where have I left my manners?" (Me)

I take the stick away from my mouth and point the marshmallow at the Arachmot.

"Care for a bite?" (Me)

The right front leg of the spider immediately jabs out in my direction.

"Oh right, before I forget. When I fire my flare gun, send the cunt over there to me. It's kinda important for my-" (Me)

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?! MY EARS ARE RINGING!" (Jess)

She looks at me with her eyes completely out of focus. The tremendous screaming is still echoing in the distance so it's no wonder that a relatively normal human-like her still can't hear well.

"...I appear to have gotten myself in a pickle." (Me)

The Arachmot hits me in the chest.

It doesn't manage to pierce through my armor, since its legs seem to be a bit too blunt for that, but it still manages to launch me dozens of meters away from my group through a bunch of trees. I can feel my HP decreasing with every tree it sent me through so graciously.

Warning! Health in critical condition! Only 15% left!

"15%? That's a bit more than I expected... Could've put in a bit more effort." (Me)

In the distance, I hear the Arachmot scream once more as if to answer to my provocation.

Due to being a complete cunt to everything and anything, you unlocked the "Provocation" skill!

"Was about damn time I got this skill..." (Me)

'We're just gonna ignore the direct insult from the screen? Aight...'

The spider sprints towards me in a rage. Its 8 hairy legs move grotesquely like it's always the case with fucking spiders, and the 3 mouths at the head prepare to eat me alive.

The acidic spit drips from one of the aforementioned mouths. It's drooling at the thought of eating me.

"It's thinking that I'm delicious and I take that as a compliment!" (Me)

I activate "Berserker", even if I didn't lose the full potential health yet, and a rush of energy goes through me, once again.

Due to fulfilling the conditions: 20% increase in stats due to "Orcs wall"

A total increase of 146.5%, in my stats, coupled with Orcs strength, makes it even harder to resist just rushing at it and having some good dance lessons.

"But why resist?" (Me)

I put on the acid-resistant coat I brought with me, and run at the ever-closer coming Arachmot.

My hot blood is gushing through the gaps in my armor while the cold night air is cooling it down as soon as it reaches outside. The nostalgic smell of iron makes my heart race as I remember the countless amounts of wars I've been in.

With every meter I cross, the huge spider makes half a step towards me and crosses about 20 meters each time.

I run towards it even faster and soon, we clash. One of the mouths stretches towards me, trying to devour me as soon as possible, but I jump to the side easily. The hunger is seemingly making it irrational. After all, it's been waiting for its food to get ready for at least a week now.

I grab the front leg, which just now launched me away like a fucking catapult.

"DON'T TRIP NOW, CUNT!" (Me)

I yank the rigid limb to the side with all the strength I can muster, causing the carapace to break. Its blood starts to spurt out of the cracks in its exoskeleton.

One of the side mouths immediately answers, spitting acid at me in quick succession, but the coat prevents most of the corrosion.

I continue to pull on the leg, and after a barrage of spit on my coat, it finally comes off.

*SHRRRIIIIIIIEEEEKKKK!!!!*

The Arachmot writhes in pain, stumbling back, while I stand there, lonely, with a huge ass leg in my hands.

You acquired "Arachmots club"!

Hateful Arachmots club

-Rank: Rare

-Attack: 900

-Only equipable with 120+ STR

-Options: 1. May inflict acid damage

ISN'T THAT A SPIDERS LEG?!

It's a club :D

'I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with this leg...'

'I mean... you can bash his head in?'

'What a magnificent idea!'

I present the Arachmot its own limb with all its glory.

"WHAT NOW, YOU 8 LEGGED-" (Me)

I re-evaluate my choice of words.

"-7 LEGGED FUCK?!" (Me)

I'm already used to the loud screaming, so I brush it off. Instead, I raise my new weapon over my head and start clobbering down on it repeatedly like in a cartoon.

Some of my swings drop a few trickles of acid on the spider but the Arachmot's natural acid resistance counteracts it completely, causing it to do nothing else but agitate it a bit more if you ignore the impact of the smashing.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Nonetheless, the constant concussion I'm giving it semi-stunlocks it to a certain degree.

"This is like "Whack-a-mole", just with a spider that's the size of a whole mansion!" (Me)

'Except that it's, you know, not.'

"Exactly." (Me)

I continue to bash the spider's head in when the third, unused mouth stretches over its own head and is pointed in my direction.

'This is where the fun begins.'

The Arachmot's anatomy is slightly weird, just like its behaviors. The front mouth and one of the side mouths have acidic spit, which is pretty potent. But the third mouth usually has a second trait, which is only used in dangerous situations. This trait varies from kind to kind.

From the inside of the third mouth, I hear tiny footsteps echo through.

"EEEWWWW!!!! GROSS!!!" (Me)

A swarm of tiny eyes appears inside of the Arachmots mouth, and it doesn't take long for a few dozen of Baby-Arachmots to emerge from the inside.

'This is the worst thing I've seen up to date.'

Their tiny legs carry them extremely swiftly over the ground, their clumsiness making them trip over themselves until they completely surround me.

"Now that I look at you guys..." (Me)

They bare their sharp teeth at me, beady eyes fixate their first prey since birth.

"...you're kinda cute..." (Me)

From one moment to another, they jump at me simultaneously. I'd usually ask if they were born yesterday if they made such a move, but...

'Doesn't really work on them.'

With an easy hop, I jump over their collective leap.

A massive group of headbutts is heard through the forest. Every single one misses me, and I land on top of their messy mountain.

My feet sink in their fluffy fur and reach under my armor to my ankles.

"Stop it! I'm ticklish!" (Me)

One spider that already managed to stand back up, buries its fangs in my leg. The teeth pierce through my armor, since the coat doesn't defend against such a direct attack, and the not entirely ripe acid burns through my flesh.

"I said it tickles!" (Me)

I punch the spider that bit me with my free hand and it literally explodes due to the option of my gauntlets. The spiders are about 2 meters tall, so the impact nearly covers their entire body.

You have killed a Baby-Arachmot (Lvl 1)!

+400 EXP!

+1 SP

As soon as the intestines splatter over the entire swarm, they restart their attempt of attacking me from all sides.

The close combat restricts me from using the humongous spider leg, so I resort to punching.

"THEIR HAIR TICKLES SO MUCH WHEN I PUNCH THEM INTO SMITHEREENS, IT'S RIDICULOUS!" (Me)

I defend on every front while still keeping the club at my side. One spider comes from my right and I punch it into oblivion, while another one is attacking my leg.

The tiny fangs don't pierce through my armor, but the acid still reaches my leg since the acid coat can't defend anything that happens under my armor.

I kick the spider away from my leg, and it flies a whole 20 meters, ending up splattered all over a tree.

'Oh... OH! I JUST GOT AN IDEA!'

I do my best to get just a second of liberty from these fluffy fucks. When I finally get that second, I jump as far as I can away from their swarm and ready my spider bat.

'Here we see the batter "Nith" with the number 69! Let's see how he will do!'

Their swarm turns to me and starts running. Some are more on the front and way more are at the back.

I kick the ground and test the firmness.

'Perfect.'

I take a perfect stance and raise the huge leg in the air.

The first spider arrives and I swing it like the fucking world champion.

'THE FIRST SWING AND IT'S IMMEDIATELY A HOMERUN! THIS WAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE!'

My swing sends it off into space, never to be seen again.

'TRULY, A BEAUTIFUL SWING!'

The next flurry of spiders arrives. This time, I hold the leg like a very long golf club.

'Nith is now at the final hole. If he manages to put it in the hole in one hit, he'll take the win home.'

I send the next pack away. The only thing missing would be a "WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" to make it perfect.

For the next few minutes, I'm busy playing various kinds of ball sports, ignoring imminent death by blood loss.

I notice a mana signature coming closer by air.

"Took you long enough." (Me)

Jess appears out of the woods while I send the next one flying. The jockey cunt is carried on a spear like I was, still complaining profusely.

'Now that I think about it, I never learned his name.'

'He didn't introduce himself.'

'How rude...'

"This muppet gave me a hard time." (Jess)

She jumps off from her... "broom" and throws the cunt off as well.

I give the next bunch of spiders wings. The huge amount of messages I get, get dismissed subconsciously.

"So? What's the plan?" (Jess)

"Aren't you gonna ask about the flying spiders and why I have a spider leg as a bat?" (Me)

"I'm trying not to be surprised about the little things anymore and save it for the big ones instead." (Jess)

"You sure you should've phrased it like that?" (Me)

I smile innocently at Jess. It takes a second for her to get it.

"...No wait." (Jess)

I send the next pack away and jump behind Jess and the Jockey in the short interval between the next pack.

"I believe in you." (Me)

There's still a shitload of spiders left, with their only objective to get something to snack on. And now that there are two other people, I can outsource the problem with grace.

"YOU FUCKING TWIT!" (Jess)

She immediately starts to work while the Jockey refuses to do anything and once more attempts to flee. He hasn't made a good impression in the first few minutes we met him and this isn't helping him.

While Jess is occupied and distracted, I intercept the dickbag and whisper into his ear.

"I guess that'll teach ya little cunt to try to sacrifice a mother and her child." (Me)

I kick him against both of his shins in quick succession, breaking his legs as a result.

He wants to scream, but I hold his mouth shut.

"I have a bit of a sensitive spot for family affairs. That's why you better give it your best with helping Jess." (Me)

Tears and snot are running down his face, falling on my armor.

"And now you even ruined my sleeves. Good job." (Me)

I let him drop to the floor in pain and leave him to his fate, while Jess is still fighting off the tiny spiders.

'She shouldn't have a problem with them. Her fighting style is way better for a weak swarm of enemies than mine.'

I clap once, joyfully.

"Now! I guess it's time for the last part of my plan!" (Me)

*

----------------------------------------

*

Jess P.O.V.

I send out all of my spears simultaneously, trying to kill the damn spiders as efficiently as possible. I can't let them swarm me since I don't have nearly as much resistance as Nith, so I have to concentrate more than I ever have before.

The still unfamiliar feeling of mana being drained from my body overwhelms me, as I control more projectiles than ever before. I can feel it depleting more by the second as a nauseous feeling spreads in my stomach.

"CUNT! WANKER! I WILL KILL NITH! WHERE IS HE?!" (Me)

I look around, frantically, trying to spot the dickhead who put me in this position.

Over the ocean of fur, I see him strolling towards the Arachmot that apparently kidnapped my parents. I just really hope they weren't eaten yet but I need to trust Nith on this one. He seems to be far more experienced than I am.

"I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY THAT SPIDER!" (Me)

Doesn't excuse him being a total twat, though.

He glances over at me. His sharp and narrow eyes look at me with a playful innocence.

"DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT STARE, YOU ABSOLUTE SHITBAG! YOU COULD HELP ME INSTEAD!" (Jess)

He throws his hands in the air and shows me a vulgar gesture I would rather not describe in detail.

I reply with a gesture of cutting his throat.

He starts his fake-sobbing again.

"GOD, I HATE YOU!" (Me)

He seems to be shouting something in the distance, but I only hear him partially.

"DON'T- ...SAY THAT NAME-... MY-... PRESENCE!" (Nith)

If he wasn't such a pain the ass, I'm sure we could've been great friends. I'm not saying that we aren't friends now but that my life could be much easier if he had the slightest bit of common sense.

"FUCK YOU! I'LL SAY WHATEVER I-" (Me)

At that moment, I notice how the big Arachmot starts standing back up. Producing an army of its babies must've taken quite a toll on it as it practically had to stand still until now.

'Now... do I warn him or not?'

I shake my head at these thoughts which definitely were influenced by him.

'It hasn't even been 2 weeks and he already managed to be a bad influence.'

"THE ARACHMOT IS BEHIND YOU!" (Me)

He turns around and looks at it directly. I expect him to reach out with his arm, but he doesn't even make the gesture of moving.

"YOU WANKER! MOVE AWAY FROM IT AT LEAST!" (Me)

My mind battles the image of Nith with common sense. I know that he probably has a plan and wouldn't just walk up to a monster with the intention to die, but on the other hand, there's a colossal spider with 3 maws in front of him.

He turns around one last time. He smiles at me, provocatively.

'It's just a smile but he still pisses me off.'

He finally moves his right arm, but only to his forehead and salutes.

He says something I can't hear since he doesn't seem to shout it, but I try my best to read his lips.

"I'll be back." (Nith)

And then the Arachmot swallows him in one piece.

'...'

"He died with a T*rminator reference." (Me)

I close my eyes for a split second.

"My parents are so dead..." (Me)