As I'm standing here with the collective consciousness of a whole tribe up my sleeve, the whole forest is slowly starting to catch fire. While this whole scene might sound like the start of a bad joke, the imminent danger pulls me back to reality, my eyes watching out for any funny moves by the dryads.
"Don't any of you dare move a muscle. I have a heart and I swear I'm not afraid to use it." (Me)
'Weird threat but I'll let it pass.'
The flames are starting to close in on us, the dryads visibly the most affected by them. The uncomfortable thought of this being out of Risa's control runs through my mind for a second, before being replaced by my never-ending trust in her.
'Would be kinda bad if she couldn't.'
I sure as hell can't. Fuck am I supposed to do?
Punch the fire?
"By the way, Risa." (Me)
"Ah, yes?" (Risa)
The girl in question awakens from her stupor. Holding the once-friendly people of the forest hostage somehow doesn't seem to sit right with her, resulting in her current inner disagreement.
"You can turn the flames off now. I kinda don't want you to needlessly use your mana AND destroy a whole ecosystem. I'm way too animal-friendly for that." (Me)
'By the way. No, you fucking aren't.'
'Yes, I am! I love animals!'
I kick some kind of puma away in self-defense, catapulting him into space.
'Bad timing, walking source of EXP.'
'Yeah, that's the second animal you incorporated in your space program in 10 minutes.'
After a mere second of concentration from Risa, from one moment to another, the black flames that had covered half the forest disappeared, leaving behind a weird world full of unexplainable holes. They didn't leave behind any smoke, no ash, no scorch marks. They just disappeared.
This time, it's the dryads who get confused at the sudden change.
"Alright, ladies! Time to form a clean line! Hurry, hurry! We ain't got all day!" (Me)
Confused, they follow my orders, their hivemind a powerful tool of submission. There are about 30 dryads in this clearing here, and they all now stand in front of me, much more docile than just a few minutes ago.
"I guess we can finally have our talk now~." (Me)
"What do you want?" (Lana)
I spin the heart around on my finger like a basketball, leaving Lana flinching with each of my precise movements.
"Why in a hurry? How about we get to know each other a bit better first?" (Me)
I sit down on the surprisingly comfortable grass, gesturing Risa to do the same. She, of course, happily obliges, visibly tired after the long day we had. Once again, I seem to have gotten a partner whose physical stats definitely aren't in the upper echelons.
Not sure if it's the right thing to do, the dryads sit down as well, hesitantly. With everything out of their control by now, they have no choice but to try and keep me satisfied for as long as possible.
Possessing the heart of these people really makes us nearly invi-
'No, don't say it. You'll jinx it, narrator.'
Shit, you're right.
Possessing the heart is a good... strategic advantage(?).
'Taking a vote. Everyone in agreement says "Aye". Aye.'
'Yeah, that works. Aye.'
'Good job, narrator.'
Thanks.
'You're the narrator.'
'And I did a good job.'
Seeing as how Lana and her companions most likely won't be the ones to start an idle chat, the task once again falls on me. The desire for the good times, when they were still bowing down in front of me with every intention of having a good convo, returns with a sharp pain in my heart.
I still have faith that we can become good friends.
'Even after they tried to poison and kill me.'
"I guess we'll start with Smalltalk." (Me)
"Smalltalk?" (Lana)
The idea of really getting to know each other might not seem like the best solution here, but how can we kill each other without understanding the person in front of us? Maybe we'll even start to like each other after discovering that we share similar interests?
"Yeah, about the usual stuff. I want to get to know you better, you know?" (Me)
She glances once at the hivemind I have in my hands, but she doesn't dare to make a move. Any kind of movement, magical or non-magical, could prove to irritate me.
And for that, the heart is much too frail.
Of course, I wouldn't just commit casual genocide out of nowhere. You'd need a bit more than a roofie in my drink to provoke that. Also, I kinda have a special place in my heart for dryads, them being one of my precious creations no matter how they changed.
"So... why did you want to kill us?" (Me)
'That's not Smalltalk, cunt.'
'Don't talk back!'
"That's not Smalltalk. That's probably the most important topic here." (Lana)
'See?'
"I literally have your fucking heart in my hand. I decide what's Smalltalk here." (Me)
Suddenly, cutting in between the ongoing blind date, I feel Risa tapping my thigh repeatedly and looking at me with sparkling eyes.
"Hm?" (Me)
We stand up. She pulls me a bit to the side and starts whispering. I, of course, let her do as she pleases, as I just can't say no to the excitement of such a cute little thing.
"I've got a cool idea." (Risa)
She's visibly pumped. I like the energy.
'There's an entire village behind you, who want to kill ya... just saying.'
"I'm all ears." (Me)
'Of course you are.'
She looks at the dryads for a second, and a smile appears on her face. She must've found a way to turn this situation in our favor without blackmailing the dryads with sudden death.
"Good cop, bad cop." (Risa)
"I'm good cop." (Me)
"I'm bad cop." (Risa)
'Wh're art thee, Jess? I misseth thy maturity...'
We both turn around at the same time, determination gleaming in our eyes. One nod is all we need to signal the start of our new way to make this as fun as possible.
"Alright, dryads. You know I don't want to hurt you, right?" (Me)
"Wait, what? Of course you do. Why else would you take our heart hostage then?" (Lana)
Her golden eyes look at me as if I was just watching kids play in the park for 6 hours straight with a video camera hidden in my trenchcoat.
'Just say that she's suspicious of him.'
How about you mind your own damn business, you horrible excuse of comic relief?
'NIIIIIIITH! THE NARRATOR IS BEING MEAN AGAIN!'
'Get along, you two.'
'Wait, why the fuck are my complaints going to you if you're the narrator?'
Still not sure where the deep-seated hostility of Lana comes from, I try not to break character at her rude comment. I'm an excellent actor, so it's not that difficult for me.
"Of course I didn't want to do that. I'd rather just have all of us escape here unscathed! But for that, I need your help..." (Me)
Once more, her eyes are fixated on the heart inside of my hands. It shines with a pure, golden brilliance, giving it generally very eye-catching features.
"Who would help you?" (Lana)
At this moment, Risa steps in. She tries to shove me out of the way, just like her character-setting commands her to, but the difference in strength only results in her awkwardly bumping into me.
"Haaah?! Ya wanna pick a fight or something? Ya better help this brother over here, or else you'll regret it!" (Risa)
The threat doesn't sound even half as convincing as it should since her voice is way too girly and childish for that, not to mention her not-so-threatening stature. Now that I think about it, she might not have been the best choice for this role.
But sometimes, as an actor, you have to come out of your shell.
'It just creates a huge amount of gap moe.'
"What can you do that would threaten u-" (Lana)
'Pretty stupid question.'
Despite visibly not up for it, Risa creates a little black flame on top of her finger and directs it at the golden heart. It starts to beat faster, sensing the imminent source of danger.
"Why did I even ask that?" (Lana)
'Yeah...'
I pull the heart into safety, away from the flame. Next, I approach Lana in an attempt of bringing us closer and wrap my arm around her shoulder as nicely as possible.
"Listen, Lana. Can I call you Lana? I know you're a smart girl and wouldn't put your whole village in danger for a petty reason like revenge for your only male. So why don't you just tell lil' ol' me what your problem with us is? I promise I won't get mad." (Me)
"I won't." (Lana)
"You're being incredibly unreasonable right now." (Me)
"So what?" (Lana)
"Not making it better." (Me)
The conversation seems to stagnate, Lana's will to compromise a bit lacking. Her stubbornness is probably why she became the village chief, but that's only a bother to me and to herself right now.
I nod at Risa once. She nods back.
"Why are both of you nodding?" (Lana)
The loli puts on an annoyed expression and puts her right leg on a nearby tree trunk that was burned to a stump. The trunk is a bit too high for the small, little girl, so her skirt gets lifted while she does that.
'Hello again, Mr. Bear.'
'What a lovely day.'
"I'm done with this game!" (Risa)
She kicks the trunk and hides the pain shooting up from the tip of her toes.
"I'll give ya 2 minutes to answer, punk! After that, I'll scorch that precious golden thingy of yours to ashes!" (Risa)
'Very consequential. I like it.'
"Tch." (Lana)
And now, it's time again for the good cop to strike!
"See? My partner is batshit crazy-" (Me)
'WATCH OUT! THE LOLI'S GOT A GUN!'
"-and won't hesitate to murder your whole tribe in a manner of seconds with this heart." (Me)
Under her breath, I hear Risa whispering surprised.
"Eh? So that golden thingy really is their hivemind? Wasn't it supposed to be a tree?" (Risa)
"So do yourself and your tribe a favor and just answer this question, alright? Why did you put enough sleep drugs in my drink to make fucking Hercules fall asleep?" (Me)
'You're falling out of your role a bit there, buddy.'
Stressed, Lana bites her nails. She's obviously realized that she should answer my questions to the best of her ability, but something is holding her back. Something as frightening as me who literally has their life in his hands.
"A minute and a half is over!" (Risa)
She still hasn't decided.
Risa is nervous since she doesn't really wanna commit genocide, but if she doesn't, we'll lose our credibility.
"Fine. It doesn't matter either way. We'll die, no matter what." (Lana)
'FINALLY! JESUS CHRIST!'
"That sounds interesting. Go on." (Me)
Risa breathes a sigh of relief, glad that this is not the day she has to cause their race to go extinct. Maybe she'll have to commit genocide someday, but not today.
"You were asking why we tried to drug and kill you, right? Indeed, we didn't want to do this ourselves. We were ordered to." (Lana)
Slowly, the golden heart in my hand starts pounding out of rhythm and picks up in pace, completely out of character. There's nothing that should be able to harm it in the immediate vicinity and Lana's distress alone couldn't influence it this much.
"Good to know that you really wanted to kill me after cradling me to sleep. Have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed you didn't want to have your way with me before that." (Me)
"Way with you?" (Risa)
One of the dryads near her tries to explain it, but I once squeeze the heart to make her shut up.
'Don't corrupt the pure, edgy, shy, socially awkward, goth loli.'
'Yeah, what he said.'
"And who ordered you?" (Me)
Lana sighs, still not completely convinced that this is the right decision to make. Meanwhile, Trick and I are otherwise occupied.
'Wanna bet?'
'I bet on the cunt above.'
'I say the tower.'
"Since we started living in this forest, we have been forced to kill anyone who comes by. He's ordered us around several times in different ways." (Lana)
The heart's pounding becomes quicker, threateningly so.
"It's the tower himself, isn't it?" (Me)
It takes her even longer to respond to this question, making me doubt my own prediction. Lana looks at the heart in my hands one last time, the dryads around her giving her the signal that it's okay.
"I just hope you can do something against him... Yes, it's the tower." (Lana)
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
'HA!'
'BULLSHIT! You have much more experience in life! It's unfair!'
'Stop crying. I'm still 20 at heart.'
'Yeah, like, 20 billion.'
'*Gasp* How dare you, young lady!'
Suddenly, the beating of the heart goes into overdrive, reacting to the dryad's words. The feeling I had was right. Even remotely, the dryads are somehow being held at gunpoint with their heart.
It's just that it doesn't have any kind of mana signature to it that would point to it being linked to any kind of spell.
"Although we haven't seen him at all directly, we know that he can control us easily." (Lana)
She points at the heart, visibly frightened by its unnatural behavior.
"With this." (Lana)
The beating pile of consciousness in my hand is now beating bizarrely fast. If it was the heart of a normal person, they would've long suffered a heart attack, the heart's artificial muscles spasming out of control. As a proxy of the heart, the dryads' own physical condition starts to worsen rapidly, pain spreading through their body.
"Wait, is the heart alright?" (Risa)
Concerned that she somehow has something to do with this, Risa drops her role as the bad cop, even if she knows what's going on from our conversation. Conflicted by the fact that the dryads tried to kill us a minute ago, she wonders if she should help them or stay by my side for safety.
Not much she can do anyway.
"So you guys can't prevent him from destroying this?" (Me)
"...Yes." (Lana)
The whole clan of dryads is now sweating profusely, clutching their own chests in pain. Only Lana stays standing in protest, keeping her own legs up being the best she can do as their leader. She might've lost the village in a single night, but it seems she doesn't want to end on a low note.
"Before you die, tell me one more thing." (Me)
Lana doesn't even respond. She just looks at me, sweating profusely.
"How does he control this?" (Me)
She makes one single gesture. A quick whirl of her finger says that I should turn the heart around.
And I do as she says.
"Oh..." (Me)
At this point, Lana surrenders. The glowing of the heart is now brightening gradually as if it's about to explode with intense heat.
The dryads form one huge group, one last time, and hug each other as a farewell.
"This is goodbye. I'm... sorry." (Lana)
As the leader of the group, Lana endures the pain and stammers out her last words. Quiet sobbing can be heard from the huddle, death breathing down their necks after they gave it their all to survive as best as they can.
The toxic tonic of frustration, fear, and sadness spreads among them like the fire we burned the forest with.
Risa appears on my right side, tugging my armor with a sad expression.
"I should have tried better... I should have-" (Lana)
"Wait, are you serious? Is that all?" (Me)
I can only smile wryly at the shit that's been put in front of me. It might be one of the things that I hate the most, but it's way too fucking ridiculous in this state to hate.
On the side of the heart is one thing inscribed, with which I'm way too familiar.
Heavenly runes.
"Huh?" (Lana)
The white scribble that's been awkwardly splashed on it is a very vague way of using the old heavenly language that I know of. It's as if you'd look at a grade-schooler trying to write Latin.
Amateurish and pretty fucking hilarious to look at.
Of course, my mind still doesn't want to accept the fact that heavenly runes are on this planet at all. These runes prove that someone of the heavenly faction has access to this planet, despite the barrier around Earth that's keeping even the cunt above at bay. Contradicting facts are presented before me with these runes.
"Man, I was pretty fucking sure that that was supposed to be a joke for a second..." (Me)
The pounding is now at about 400 bp/m. A ridiculous number, at which the dryads are still functioning at a surprising capacity.
"Let me show you guys something." (Me)
I concentrate a high amount of mana with high density on the tip of my finger. But oddly, the ethereal energy fights my command, forcing me to concentrate more than should ever be necessary. The energy I should be able to control easily behaves erratically, refusing to form on my fingertip with intense backlash.
'HEY, PITCHER! DON'T MISS! DON'T MISS! WATCH OUT! DON'T MISS! HEY! DON'T FUCK THIS UP!'
'I was about to fuck it up. Glad you have my back.'
But the strange behavior of my mana isn't something I can spare even one thought on at the moment. The heavenly runes might be amateurish at best, but they're still something made by a higher lifeform. Using simple mana, practically the unrefined version of divine energy which is used to make these runes, to change the writings in front of me is still kinda difficult.
My finger radiates with blue light as it eats nearly all of my mana away in a matter of seconds.
The white runes on the heart shine with a bright white light, just like on the monument, but that doesn't matter much to me.
There's only one objective on my mind right now.
Somehow winning these dryads over.
My finger quickly brushes over the heart with one swift stroke, drawing a side-rune on it with less precision than I had hoped for. It might've been quick, but the results were still unsatisfactory to a perfectionist like me.
'Why the fuck won't my mana behave?'
This is the first time had to actively use pure mana outside of skills, which work with mana a bit differently than self-made spells, so some might think I'm just rusty after all these years.
But it's different. I don't know how, but it's definitely different.
"Wh- what did you do?!" (Lana)
The group of dryads once again have their eyes set on me, their expressions much better than just a second ago.
I push the question about my personal magic aside for now since I'm the center of attention.
I have to relish it.
"Me? I just wrote something on this bad excuse of an attempt of heavenly enchantment, and broke it. Meanwhile I added a bit of a side-effect." (Me)
Risa, Lana, and all the other dryads look at me stupified. They clearly heard what I just said, but they can't understand it even in the slightest.
"Basically, on the heart was written something along the lines of "Explode" in a magic language, and I changed it to "Exploden't"." (Me)
'HAHAHAHA THE FUCK?!'
The dryads still won't let out a single sound, unable to process how the person they tried to kill just solved a problem several generations of them had. Risa, on the other hand, has once again found something that interests her.
"THAT'S SO COOL! Can you teach me that?! Pleeeeeaaasseee?" (Risa)
Her flaming eyes show me how much she wants to learn something from me, but her childish face creates a contrast like no other.
'Satan, way too fucking cute. WAAAAAAAY too fucking cute.'
'I need her bodypillow.'
I rub her head as much as I can, letting her know what a good girl she is until the dryads interfere. I can understand their curiosity so I won't hold it against them that they had to interfere with head patting time.
"So... we're free now?" (Lana)
"Eh, it's a matter of perspective. If the tower just lets you go like that, then basically yes. If not, which will most likely be the case, well... then we've got a bit of a predicament going on." (Me)
"What do you mean by "which will most likely be the case"?" (Lana)
I stop patting Risa so intensely, the doubts I have solidifying with the current flow of conversation. This is really the perfect timing for some other boss monster to appear.
"Well..." (Me)
And, as I predicted, the trees start moving.
"Called it... again." (Me)
Just like on the last floor, the trees start merging with one another, putting me in quite an uncomfortable situation. I'm pretty sure that trees don't have balls to surprise attack them at.
Gathering at one point, the mess of bark and branches turns to a weird liquid in an attempt to initiate any kind of fusion.
I look at the dryads, who quickly began to move, trying to prevent the current party from happening, although I'm pretty sure it won't amount to much.
And, as I thought, the mass of fiber continues to do its weird mating dance, ignoring the group of dryads acting working their, usually effective, plant magic.
The worse thing about all this is that it doesn't just apply to some of the trees. No, no, no, that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Half the forest spontaneously decides to become part of it, leaving the once flourishing ecosystem dryer than the Sahara, the whole animal kingdom just thrown in the mixture for seasoning.
Finally, resulting in one big ass tree.
'Literally hundreds of meters tall.'
I point at the over-dimensional tree, with a blank expression.
"First of all: The tower has some kind of merging fetish. This can't be a coincidence." (Me)
*RRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRR*
A deafening scream escapes the grotesque mouth of the tree, leaving me to wonder what the fuck even produces sound in that thing.
"STOP BARKING AROUND LIKE THAT!" (Me)
'I don't know if I should use the usual "HA!", or really just fucking commit suicide at this point.'
'I'd accept both.'
Champion of the Dryads' Forest (Lvl 75)
"Secondly: You guys can't coincidentally fuck that thing up with your magic, right?" (Me)
They shake their heads profusely. The thought alone was relatively unreasonable, considering they couldn't even stop the initial merging process, but asking doesn't hurt.
"Didn't think so." (Me)
I put my hands on my hips and take on the most self-confident pose I can muster.
"Alright then! I will say one thing!" (Me)
All heads turn to me, eyes full of hope.
"We're kinda fucked!" (Me)
...
Silence.
"Huh?" (Lana)
"Yeah, I've nearly used up all of my mana because of this writing thingy, and now I'm nearly OOMed. Teehee!" (Me)
Under normal circumstances, I would still have at least some MP to spare after such a feat, but the sudden increase in difficulty by my mana refusing to cooperate made this affair more costly than I had anticipated.
As I said, I had predicted the tree, only the mess with the mana can be considered a measurement inaccuracy.
"So we just escaped death, and now we're again going to die?" (Lana)
"I still have a few aces up my sleeve, so no. My-" (Me)
But then, a sinister, and yet high-pitched, laugh interrupts my attempt of an explanation.
"Fu fu fu fu fu..." (Risa)
My head turns to Risa, who's continuously keeping up her sinister laugh while approaching the monster menacingly, and yet calmly. The scene that will unfold in a few minutes is already apparent to me by these few gestures, but I won't just steal her place in the spotlight.
"I guess I have no other choice but to show you my new special move." (Risa)
Facing immediate danger, Risa has fully immersed herself in her persona again.
"IM- IMPOSSIBLE! A NEW SPECIAL MOVE?!" (Me)
'Well, it was about time. She should've gotten her first class by now, but she was still just a loli flamethrower...'
'A cute loli flamethrower.'
'An incredibly cute loli flamethrower with horns.'
That's the moment when a lone black feather floats in front of my eyes.
"Oh wow..." (Lana)
For the first time since I've known her-
'Which is a day.'
-I see Risa above the ground over 4 meters, completely on her own.
"BEHOLD! THE GREAT RISA WILL DEFEAT THIS SMALL FRY IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!" (Risa)
A pair of raven wings sprout from Risa's back, ripping a tiny part of the turtleneck I liked so much. As the mana around her is forced into a fierce current, fueling her transformation, the ebony appendages get bigger with each second.
The air around us evolves into a storm with each beat of her wings, her explosive growth in mana capacity and power causing her to practically teleport from one spot to another. From her mana signature alone, Risa is completely unrecognizable.
The once stumps for horns on her head grew bigger in length, making them at least 20 centimeters now. Her current form reminds me of the time I spent in purgatory, fighting side by side with the fallen angels cursed by the cunt above himself.
But here's the most important part: She gets a little demonic tail.
'AND SHE'S STILL FLAT!'
'The loli flamethrower finally grew wings *Sob*.'
'HA!'
Risa ascends to a fitting height in the blink of an eye, now able to look the tree in its cold, dead eyes. They stare at each other, measuring each other's strength to the best of their abilities, which, in Risa's case, isn't much.
Sparks of tension fly around us, the magic currents alone enough to send some of the dryads flying through the poor landscape once called a utopia.
But the standoff doesn't last for long.
"SMITE OF THE DARK GODDESS!" (Risa)
'I'll let "Goddess" slide. She earned it.'
It only takes a single gesture from Risa for a completely disproportional black sphere to appear above the tree. Tiny lashes of flames escape the tiny sun's radius, but that's clearly not its purpose. The flames that could easily eradicate half the forest before it decided to become conscious are merely side-products of the intimidating ball of death.
"Eh?" (Champion of the dryad's forest)
The sphere bursts down in a huge cylinder, drowning the world pitch black. The stars in the sky disappear, so does the moon.
Even I feel the impact as it makes me stagger back. The dryads, meanwhile, still try to hold on to each other and not fly off.
With tremors in the ground, the black pillar of flames devours everything inside it. Only one sound can be made out, coming from the core.
The tree lets out one last roar, before dying in an instant.
Yes, you heard right. Instant. The boss monster supposedly thrice her level was done in a single hit.
"WATCH OUT, THE LOLI'S GOT A NUCLEAR WARHEAD!'
'I will accept death.'
"Oops, look at her." (Me)
The transformation ended just as quickly as it happened. Now, Risa is crashing down from the sky, unable to move even a little bit. Her ragdoll of a body is just swaying in the wind caused by hers truly.
I snatch her from the air, thankful that my physical stats are enough to jump that high even without mana.
"That was..." (Lana)
A member of your party has decided to share their EXP with you!
You have killed Champion of the dryads' forest (Lvl 75)!
+200403 EXP!
+9999 SP!
You became Level 40!
All stats +6!
Due to only having leeched the EXP, you can't learn any new skills!
STATUS
Name: Nith
Level: 40 (Hellfighter)
Race: Human...ish?
HP: 1100
MP: 1100
STATS
STR: 110
AGL: 60
END:60
MAG: 60
LCK: 60
CHR: 70
SHOP
ACTIVE SKILLS
Berserker (Lvl 8)
Orc's Strength (Lvl 12)
Regeneration (Lvl 5)
Enchanting (Lvl 2)
Provocation (Lvl 6)
PASSIVE SKILLS
Pain resistance (MAX)
Unarmed mastery (Lvl 8)
Leap (Lvl 12)
Leather processing (Lvl 6)
TITLES
King of the shopping mall
Tough lil’ cunt
"Awwww, she even shared her EXP with me!" (Me)
"This great demon king is known throughout the realms to be very generous!" (Risa)
She looks at me with a smug smile and emerald green eyes. I kinda regret not having seen her transformed state up close, but her normal state is just as cute.
Just that her horns have grown a bit bigger, stirring emotions in me I didn't know I had.
Her body is still limp, though, mana exhaustion being one of the possible reasons.
"You can't move right now, huh?" (Me)
"Ah, yes. I can't move at all for the next 30 minutes. It's a side-effect of my transformation." (Risa)
"Huh..." (Me)
*
*
Unsavory thoughts are processing, please wait.
*
*
'Don't lewd the loli while she can't move.'
'Right, my bad.'
"Did you get the transformation with your new class?" (Me)
"Yes. Isn't it cool?" (Risa)
"Fuck yeah, it is." (Me)
It's just that the resemblance to a real fallen angel is too uncanny for my tastes. I had hopes for her powers to be of some other, coincidental source, but this pretty much confirmed it for me.
The questions keep piling on, causing me to push them in the back of my mind. I'm way too lazy to contemplate the big questions in life after such a long day, especially since I haven't had breakfast yet.
'Fuck me, I even skipped lunch and supper.'
But, nonetheless, finally, we are done with this floor it seems. The village has been raided, the boss monster defeated, new powers revealed. This was more of a ride than I had anticipated 20 hours ago.
Luckily, everything is dandy now.
Except for the depressed dryads in the corner.
"Oooooiiii, you guys alright?" (Me)
I poke their leader, Lana, in the cheek. She doesn't respond, much too busy having lost all her will to live.
"What's up? Y'all guys are pretty much free now and can escape from here. I'd be pissing myself in happiness." (Me)
Lana looks at me with murky, dead eyes, clearly not as happy as I am to finally get some food down my gullet.
"To be honest, we don't really know what we should do now. We will most likely be thrown into an alien world, which we know nothing of. We won't have our old forest anymore AND we don't know where to find a new one." (Lana)
If there's one thing that I learned over my years, then it's to detect bad acting.
And my bells are fucking ringing.
'They're trying to get me to protect them.'
'You've got anything against it?'
'Nope. They should just be a bit more honest.'
I look down into my armor and at the pounding golden heart that I've stored in my armpit. The calm, relaxed rhythm gives a slight feeling of relief, ignoring the stuffy place it's in. After all, it's in a much better place than before... which was in constant danger of death.
"Well, I've still got your heart, so why don't you work for m-" (Me)
Lana, already having predicted this outcome, whips out something like a contract from Beelzebub knows where, showing once again how much of a good leader she really is.
This is the point where we ignore that their whole clan was almost folded like an omelet.
"We've got conditions. We don't want to end up like with the tower, after all." (Lana)
"Of course you don't." (Me)
She puts the contract down on the floor and takes a pen out from, again, Satan knows where. She doesn't even have fucking pockets, so the only plausible explanation is that she coincidentally stored parchment and a ballpoint pen somewhere between her asscheeks.
Which is a talent in and of itself.
I start to think of their tasks and everything that could be connected to them in the future when Lana interrupts my train of thought, her innate thoroughness making her even more attractive as a subordinate.
"By the way..." (Lana)
"Hm?" (Me)
"Where would we be employed at?" (Lana)
This is the exact question I wanted her to ask first. A bright smile appears on my face as I imagine the beautiful future that awaits me.
"Well..." (Me)
In the corner of my eye, I see a door rising up from the dirt ground, presumably leading outside.
"Have you ever wanted to become a maid?" (Me)