"Nooooo." At the center of the lair, Megamind held his hands wide with open palms facing opposite directions. "No fighting."
He stood as the bastion, the bulwark preventing all-out war.
On one side of the lair, his new Brain Bots hovered. Bolts of lightning crackled in their transparent craniums and four limbs dangled underneath. Their monoeyes leaked a malevolent crimson light toward their self-designated foes. They clanked their jaws, producing a grating metallic sound.
The shattering of glass followed and on the opposing side, a Spider Mite waved a fractured beer bottle threateningly.
The lair was not equipped for a turf war of this magnitude.
"I said no." He straightened his back and wagged a finger at the bottle breaker. "Behave. These are your new cousins."
Angry mandibles clicked and gestured behind him, he turned to see the Brain Bots looking innocent. He made an 'I'm watching you' gesture to the most suspicious-looking one and began clapping loudly.
"Okay, break time is over. Back to work everyone! Remember the secret prize!"
The secret was that he hadn't thought of one yet. They dispersed with boops and clicks and he nodded to himself, teething issues would be worked out in time. Preferably with them not chewing on each other.
Brain Bots were an essential part of his bag of tricks and he hadn't realized how much he missed the little monstrosities. He also hadn't realized how the Spider Mites would react to their creation. They were meant to stay in their respective lanes. Instead, they'd decided to try and outcompete each other.
"I'm sorta going through the same thing." Canary stood next to him, holding one arm with her other. "With the girls fighting..."
Hmm, tensions among the minions? This is why he stuck to one. He was privileged that his minion easily accomplished the work of a dozen inferior ones.
"Are the ones who didn't get to go out jealous?" He didn't keep track of them but he knew their numbers to be greater than those who had participated. Minion had given him a list of things to supply for their armor and basic weaponry but he had stayed away from their management. Still, they showed decent spunk, perhaps too much? "Are they thinking of replacing you?"
Was that why they took his prototypes? Were they preparing to overthrow her? In that case, should he help her or use this as another teaching moment?
"It's nothing like that. Everyone's just stressed out. This isn't…easy."
It certainly seemed that way to him. Megamind decided to let her deal with it, it would build character.
"Let's focus on the important things. Over here." He paced over to the small living space and pointed at the sofa while taking a seat on the recliner. His hand waved and a Brain Bot deposited a clipboard on it. "I've reviewed the footage and have notes."
Canary settled down on the sofa, resting her hands on her lap and sitting awkwardly.
"Relax," He'd hoped her outing would relieve some of the tension but strangely she seemed more tightly wound. "Mistakes and oopsies happen all the time in our line of work. I can't count the amount of times a plan has blown up in my face." He could but the number was alarmingly high. "As villains, we only tear down the city, not ourselves. The point is to improve the next go around. Now that you've had a night, do you want to try giving your thoughts? With less lunch this time." He checked his watch. "Or breakfast."
His quick reaction had saved him but the van needed a wash.
Canary's brow furrowed and her face twisted as she went through a range of emotions. Better than yesterday but not the resounding affirmation he was hoping for.
"The show itself…was fun?" Her voice was hesitant, questioning herself over it. "It was nice to be in the spotlight again. For a second or two, I felt like I was on the top of the world." Yes! The feeling of having the masses cower at your presence, your every move being televised. It was addicting. "But Triumph was there almost immediately. You told me they would take a while." The words left her mouth with some heat and she crossed her arms, leaning back into the couch and angling away from him. "Not that I'm complaining it's just…I wasn't prepared for it."
True, but how could he have known that a local hero was taking classes on campus? He understood the locals had this concept of secret identities but they were silly to him. Maintaining the illusion of a mundane life prevented you from giving your all to the great game of good vs evil.
At least they weren't all like that, from his latest experience he could say Lady Photon was cut from a heroic piece of cloth. The rest of her team was on shakier ground but they were better than Dauntless and Velocity. Not that any of them held a candle to his rival.
"Yes, he was an unexpected but part of being the villain is adapting on the fly. Those with justice in their blood have a sixth sense for evil and usually show up at the most inopportune times." Really she shouldn't be griping about it. It was bad luck more than anything. Megamind was the one who had to plan around someone able to fly the span of a city in seconds. "Besides, the fighting is the best part, isn't it?"
That was actually debatable, he frequently changed his mind about what part of it was the most gratifying.
"It was terrifying."
She said it in a single breath and he tried to keep the disappointment from showing on his face.
"Terrifyingly exciting, right?"
He prodded with a weak smile and a wink, hoping his initial assumption was incorrect.
"No, terrifying as in I didn't know what was happening." Her hands went to her scalp, scrunching it; several feathers floated down. "I didn't even realize there was a fight until he was thrown into me. I don't know how I kept it together while it was happening. It was like an out-of-body experience. Like I wasn't myself."
Wrong, and not in the right way. Troublesome. This was supposed to show her how amazing a life like this was. He'd long since embraced his role in the game, why couldn't she?
"Okay, I hear you." That was all he could say, her reluctance not making sense at this point in their venture. "On your tackling of the fight itself, you let your minions do too much of the work." He recognized that with their respective abilities, she was to be a different type of villain than he. That being said, how could she expect her minions to respect her if she was not able to hold her own when the white hats came knocking? "You didn't even use the feather launcher built into your suit."
Seeing she'd not used them was frustrating. He'd incorporated them so a fling of her arm and twitch of the finger would launch half a dozen of the foot-long projectiles.
"They cut through steel."
They were rated much higher than that but she already proved his point.
"Exactly! They would have been able to incapacitate Triumph."
All she had to do was aim for his legs and then she'd have plenty of time to monologue as she pleased. The local heroes were more fragile than he would prefer but pho told him Triumph had increased healing, he could afford to be handled with less care.
"I'm not-, fine." She huffed and responded in a clipped tone. "Whatever."
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Snippy. He thought by not recruiting a teenager he would have avoided this attitude. He didn't confront her on it, instead tapping on his blank clipboard and moving to his next mental bullet point.
"The crowd, you used them to defend yourself but you called them off far too frequently. It would have been perfect to restrict the hero."
"That," Her face took a green tint and he scooted back, out of the line of fire. She swallowed and regained her normal hue. "I didn't want them to get hurt. I just needed to buy time for Kat and the rest to get there."
Who? It didn't matter.
"That is what makes it the ideal tool against the hero." He threw the clipboard away and pounded a fist on his open palm for emphasis. "It's their job to protect the public. The choice between thwarting you or saving a hostage is a burden every true hero must learn to overcome. Refusing to toss the mental conundrum is unfair to both of you."
Of course, the answer was simple. True heroes did both. Admittedly, the analogy wasn't perfect when it came to using mind control crowds but the principle stood.
"And if they don't." She responded testily.
"They always do."
What was so hard about this?
"However, this leads us to your next event." He snapped his fingers and a whiteboard was lowered by a pair of Brain Bots, he pointed at the center. "What do you think?"
She stared at his latest bout of genius for some time. He could hardly blame her, it was truly an inspired follow-up.
"I'm supposed to steal a lion?"
Megamind turned and looked at the board, his handwriting was neat so he wasn't sure why there was a disconnect.
"Correction, you're supposed to catnap it." He had dibs on the alligators, the lair was lacking them. "The Broken Bay Zoo will never know what hit them! It's a shame they don't have an aviary. That would have been an excellent setting for your rematch and triumph over Triumph. We'll have to make do with what's available. I'll make sure to set it up so that he receives free tickets in the mail or something. Then we'll track him and be able to choose the best time for you to kick it off."
Hacking into the city's traffic light system should be trivial enough, adding an extra layer of control over Triumph's arrival. That should quell her concerns.
"What am I supposed to do with a lion?"
"Use it to threaten future hostages." Obviously. "It's a shame they only have one. The rest of them were taken away already."
Having a pride of them would be ideal. Lions were commonly associated with heroic imagery and corrupting them was a worthwhile endeavor. That it would be a finger in the eye to her new rival was the icing on the cake.
"Why'd they take them?"
"Something about not being able to properly care for them…" It hadn't been a focal point for his research. "They lost accreditation and some funding. None of that is relevant. They're easy pickings."
Rather than respond, her eyes glanced behind him and not in the direction of the board.
"Is that a giant robot?" Her incredulous voice asked, pointing at the ongoing assembly the Brain Bots were working on. Her finger moved laterally toward the Spider Mites. "And a satellite?"
"Half of one and yes."
He couldn't construct the entirety of it without raising the ceiling so they were currently following his blueprints to build the lower half of it first. Thankfully he did not have similar constraints for the satellite.
"You're talking about robbing a zoo, why do you need any of those?"
"Who doesn't need them?" Despite his vast intellect, he struggled to imagine a scenario that wouldn't be improved without a robot or orbiting death ray. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on using them here. These are more to-go items. I can't go back home empty-handed."
The teleporter was progressing at an acceptable pace and he'd begin testing soon. However, assuming time flowed linearly between both worlds it would be about time for him to conduct his next act of villainy when he returned. There could be some allowances for being fashionably late but he couldn't let it drag out too long.
If he was able to take them with him, then great! If not then at least he'd get the kinks out with these.
"I thought…" Canary's feathers seemed ruffled. "you remember where you're from?"
"Why wouldn't I?" It was a silly question. He could never forget Metrocity. "It's a shining city, the jewel of its world! And it will all be mine when I finally defeat Metro Man."
Canary looked to be preparing a follow-up when the doors burst open and they both jumped from their seats.
"Sir! Sir! " Minion came running waving a bundle of newspapers like a wild animal. "Papers in! Look, Look!"
"Calm down Minion there's no reason-" His words got caught in his throat as he read the title. "To downplay this accomplishment. Excellent work Canary, I expect nothing less from a protege of mine."
She snatched the paper and held it close, muttering while her eyes frantically read through the front page piece: 'Canary Strikes! Leaves campus scarred.'
It was a charitable description of events but it was sure to put a spring in her step. That was not the only paper Minion had procured and he took them all in.
'Master targets school, Triumph's swift response saves the day'
'Path to recovery, PRT's proposal to secure the future'
'Canary in the Bay! How to protect your family'
If not the headline, they were all on the front page. A strange feeling welled in him, he wasn't sure how to place it. One in particular caught his eye and he frowned, this called for a tough conversation.
"Canary," He waved in front of her face when she didn't respond. "Question, there's nothing between you and Triumph, right?"
'Unlikely attraction, Canary tames Lion'
He knew better than to trust the newspapers here of all places but this was the type of thing he needed to nip in the bud. A love between hero and villain would never be allowed to flourish. They existed in two separate worlds, only crossing when they came to blows.
"No?" She responded with a blink, before looking at what was in his hands.
He swung his arm behind his back, concealing the paper. Better to not put ideas in her head.
"You didn't say anything strange did you?"
He pressed, leaning in and searching for any sign of deceit.
"What are you talking about?" She backed up with her hands up, her tone conveying confusion.
Megamind inspected her for a few more seconds before concluding she was being truthful.
"Don't mind it, they're making stuff up." He tossed the paper up and fired a destroy at it. "Happens all the time here."
What happened to journalistic integrity?
"Ahem," Minion lightly coughed into his fist. "I think there's something you'll want to see."
Minion folded a paper over and handed it over.
'Local Villain takes advantage of confusion, New Wave feeling blue'
Laughter rang out in the lair and it took a moment for him to realize it was him. He held the paper gently, lifting it and twirling it around. It was second-page news and the details were slightly off but he couldn't help but glow at how it highlighted him.
"Minion, do you see how they-"
His minion cut in and no part of him could be upset at it.
"Yep, it was my favorite part. I made sure to get extra copies."
How nice it was to have a reliable minion in times like these.
"Oh! Do you-" Minion waved a camera and Megamind smiled at his thoughtfulness.
"Say felony"
Megamind widened his smile and the flash went off.
"Felony!" Belatedly, he remembered Canary was here as well. She was reading through another story when he roped an arm around her. "You too, felony!"
The flash went off again and Minion was checking the picture when another voice piped up.
"Oi." Harry walked over with a sour look. "If you're done patting yourselves on the back. Can we get my part done? I have shit to do today."
Megamind had forgotten he'd requested the man's presence and briefly wondered how long he'd been waiting.
"Minion, have your minion mind his manners." Interrupting a photo op was rude. Was he upset he hadn't been included? "But fine, let's see what you brought us. Who's on projector duty?"
A Spider Mite skittered forward, hopping on the coffee table and producing the image of Broken Bay above it.
The group crowded around and Harry stifled a cough before proceeding.
"Right, well ABB went to ground. I don't mean they're gone but they're no longer walking around like they own the place. This includes Oni Lee, he's made some appearances but for the most part, has been passive."
That was a downer, he was hoping they could end it quickly.
"What happened to the brothels?" Canary jumped in before he could comment, a focused look on her face.
"I was getting to that. What you got to know, is that they don't have alot of actual members. Most of their 'gang' are independent groups that pay not to have a ninja or dragon ruin their day. These small groups are now bucking and looking to run their own show. That's what the whore houses fall under."
"Wh-"
"Ease up." Harry cut her off, beginning to point at locations on the projected map. "Here, here, here, and here are the four I was able to find out about. I wouldn't go jumping in there willy-nilly." Harry moved and began to circle a section. "Empire fucks are rolling up from the south and knocking on the doors of all these splinter groups. We'd all be reading Mein Kampf if it wasn't for the threat of Coil poking them downtown. Up north that buddy of yours is expanding, which I guess isn't a problem?" Harry gave him a look and he shrugged in response. Trainwreck was free to do as he pleased. "Merchants, a new group, were expanding but recently got the shit kicked out of them by some vigilante. The same guy butted heads with Empire and Undersiders, heard the latter chewed him out good though. Undersiders themselves are being coy. Sometimes it looks like they're patrolling turf and other times they don't give a fuck. Either way, they're about here."
The man finished with a finger on an area startling close. Well, they'd not played loud music or done anything to be a nuisance so he supposed he could allow them to be neighbors.
"Is that all?"
What about the heroes? Why hadn't they swooped in to capitalize on what he handed them on a silver platter?
"Most of the city's independents have steered clear of the mess, pretty much just sightings of Glory Girl. Protectorate has been making some moves but they always manage to miss the party. Same old same old really."
Incompetence. Metro Man would have long since cleaned the area.
His eyes traced up to Canary who held her arms tight by her side and was absorbed by the map.
They had made a deal, it was time to hold up his end.