Options. There were too many. He scarcely knew where to begin. He was no stranger to weighing the pros and cons of certain alterations when creating his mechanical wonders but this was another type of beast.

"Sir, why don't we-"

"Shush Minion" He raised a finger, silencing his meddlesome Minion. "I'm thinking over here."

He mentally cataloged the potential paths he could take. Each left something to be desired and his mind ran in circles.

"You've been thinking for a while now." Minion grumbled beside him.

"You can't rush genius!" He snapped back, trying to not let his focus drift from the herculean task at hand.

"I'm not sure I would consider ordering food genius sir…"

The pair stood in what was a busy restaurant prior to their arrival. However, calling it a restaurant was a generous interpretation of the word. It was more akin to a shack that happened to serve burgers and beer. Overlooking the beach, it was near the edge of the market they had robbed when they first arrived to this world.

"Everything I do is genius!"

Minion was fortunate he was isolated in that glass container of his, as the feeling of grease stuck to Megamind's skin the moment they entered the establishment. He couldn't fathom why Trainwreck had stipulated this to be a necessary step before any more discussions could be had.

"Maybe you should have waited in the car sir."

This sort of thing was usually delegated to Minion but with it directly impacting the talks to come, he wanted to handle it himself.

"I've made a decision." He announced to the cashier who had been slumped against the counter this entire time while chewing on what he hoped was gum. "I will be having the Hideous Bob."

"Just the burger or a meal?" The young worker lifelessly responded with what looked like an unimpressive stare. Only looked like though, he refused to believe that was her actual thoughts.

"Meal" The follow-up caught him off guard and he answered reflexively.

"What type of sides did you want with that?"

His eyes went back to the menu of Fugly Bob's situated overhead and he reconsidered the need to personally oversee this.

"Minion, why did we not have your minion do this for us instead?"

It would have been a better use of their time if they were able to stay in the trainyards and collect more scrap while someone else did this for them.

"It's after hours." Minion responded simply.

"What do you mean 'after hours'?" He turned to him, giving air quotes. "Evil doesn't sleep."

"It's after five and I'm required to give a twenty-four-hour notice if we need him working later than that."

The menu flew out of his mind as the words his Minion had said registered with him.

"Did you give him an employment contract?" He asked with a skeptical tone. Surely there was no way Minion was that foolish.

"Oh, nothing like that." Maybe he was too harsh on Minion sometimes. "No, it was just a notarized agreement."

He clearly wasn't harsh enough.

"Minion, we are criminals. We're above the law. Why would you sign a legal document."

"Didn't you trademark every word including Mega in it?"

He had in his previous world.

"That was an entirely different scenario and you know it!" Branding was important and he couldn't afford to have others sully his.

"If it makes you feel better, I checked and we're in gross violation of several labor laws."

That did comfort him.

"How did you even get a notary to oversee that?"

A thought occurred to him. A terrible, hurtful thought.

"Be honest with me. D-did you kidnap someone without me?"

Minion had been eager to join in on the fights lately and even taken on a minion. Was he preparing to branch out on his own? Was he no longer satisfied with being Megamind's Minion?

Minion gave a gasp, clutching his chest. "I would never sir! And frankly, I'm hurt by the suggestion. We did it online, no misdeeds involved whatsoever." He finished with his hands on his hips.

Megamind released a breath, shaking his head and trying to dislodge those shameful thoughts.

"I'm sorry Minion, I don't know what came over me." They'd always been at each other's side and always would be, even implying otherwise was disrespectful.

"I forgive you, sir." Minion gave him a gentle nod.

"Alright this is cute and all but some of us need to order. And by some of us, I mean me."

Behind them a young girl spoke up, pointing at herself. Part of her hair had been bleached with a smaller section of that being dyed purple. She was dressed in obnoxiously bright colors, some of which matched her hair.

There had originally been a small line but it had disappeared on his approach. The rest of the patrons had kept to their tables or the sides, knowing their place.

He swung his cape back, ready to put the fear of him into the girl.

"Excuse you, do you have any idea who you're talking to? I-"

"Am taking too long to order. That's what you're going to say right?" She cut him off with a mischievous smile. "Look my brother is in the car finishing a phone call and I really need to spend this entire wad of cash I took before he realizes it's missing." She playfully tossed a set of rubber-banded notes in her hand.

She didn't wait for a rebuttal and walked through the gap between them, rattling off an order to the cashier who took it in stride.

Parents these days have no idea how to raise their children. He'd been brought up by inmates and he would never be this rude.

Once finished, she leaned back on the counter. A foot was kicked back against it and her elbows rested on top.

"So you're supposed to be…"

"It's Megamind" He swung back his cape again and puffed out his chest. "the greatest supervillain this world has ever seen!"

"Says who?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I never heard of you"

"I robbed Brokenbay Central Bank last week!"

"That was you? I heard you got your ass kicked and ran off."

"Nuh ah, I did the ass kicking." He ignored the 'we' added from the side. "And took the loot. Show her Minion!"

Minion did so, unzipping his fanny pack to show their stacks of cash. They were still held together with the bank straps indicating their denomination and value.

After long deliberation, Megamind had concluded Minon had earned the right to wear the thing in public. Not that he was happy with it.

"Shit." She pushed off the counter and peered closely at Minion's pouch. "Can I?"

"Sure." Without waiting for his input Minion responded enthusiastically and handed her a stack.

"Awesome." She took it, flipping through the stack of twenties. "B- I mean not a lot of villains these days straight up rob banks. How much did you get away with?"

He blinked, having trouble processing her words.

"So?" She pressed.

"Almost all of it." He answered ambiguously.

"Yeah, I meant how much exactly."

He looked to Minion, not aware of how much they'd actually gotten away with.

"Around a hundred and twenty thousand." Minion's hand shook. "Roughly."

"Damn" She said with an odd tone "News didn't say anything about that."

Ignorant news stations, not acknowledging his emails. Hmm, taking one over sounded like an appropriately evil plan. He'd need to look into that.

"Say, you said something about minions? You hiring? What's that pay?"

Minion ruffled in his pack and produced a piece of paper.

"Here's an application. We don't require any references but a cover letter will help us in determining if you're the right fit-"

The paper was disintegrated. Death ray may have been overkill there.

"Minion. No more minions. Not until you prove you can take care of the one you have."

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

Minion had a glum look but nodded in understanding.

"Aisha!" A yell from the entrance drew his attention.

The source was a tall and muscular man. His dark-brown skin tone matched with the girl they'd been speaking to. Looking closer there were also similar facial features. This must be the brother she'd mentioned.

Their eyes met and the intensity conveyed was surprising. The man had clenched fists and seemed to be sizing him up for some reason.

A cough broke their stare. Minion's tilted his head while eyeing his gun. Oh, he'd not holstered it yet. He put it away, not anticipating its need.

"Aisha, walk over here slowly." The man oozed tenseness and his fists remained ready at his side.

"Bro. Foods not ready." She jerked her head in the direction of the kitchen, showing the ineffectual staff that had done more gawking than cooking.

"I don't care, we're leaving now."

"Don't wanna." She responded flippantly while crossing her arms.

"This isn't a debate." He took a firm step forward. "We're going."

She alternated her gaze between her brother and them before rolling her eyes.

"Ugh fine" She walked between them. Throwing the stack back to Minion after removing some bills. "Go ahead and take our order then. I got everything on the menu so no need to worry about choosing."

The brother put a protective arm around her and ushered her out while harshly whispering.

"Hey" The cashier called out.

"Foods going to take a minute. So do you want the cash or what?" She said while gesturing to the open register, apparently more than willing to offer its contents.

They hadn't planned on robbing this place.

"Are you not compensated to protect your employer's interest?"

"They pay me." She retrieved a bucket hidden behind the counter and spat into it. "It's not a lot."

He turned to Minion.

"Whatever we're paying Harry, double it."

Something was wrong with this city.

—

"Well, this is…homey." Minion said uncertainly.

He would have said cramped. The commandeered box car left little room to maneuver when accounting for Minion's bulk and the 'workstation'.

It was a thick sign propped up on cinder blocks. Laying on it were two appendages in varying degrees of completion.

"Wasn't expecting visitors." Trainwreck responded while shoveling more burger into his mouth. "This shit is so much better fresh. You ain't going to have any?"

He wasn't sure what had killed his appetite. It was either Trainwreck's eating habits or the amount of grease dripping from their to-go bags. The Megamobile was due for a deep cleaning when they returned to the lair.

"I ate on the way and Minion is on a strict diet." He lied smoothly, Minion thankfully held his tongue.

"Suit yourselves, more for me." A fist full of fries collided with the man's face, only a small portion making it while the rest clattered to the floor. That didn't stop him from retrieving them and trying again.

"I'm not a doctor but are you sure that's safe?" Minion said hesitantly the question Megamind had been asking himself.

"If whatever on the floor kills me I have no business living.

"I meant the amount. You already finished one of those 'challengers' and those came with a health warning."

"Dunno. Not like it goes anywhere. I don't got a shitter."

Amnesia spray shot up his list.

"Anatomical issues aside. This is what you wanted help with correct?" He waved a hand toward the pair of legs on the table.

"Yeah, I got them roughly put together but seeing you made that fancy suit figured it won't hurt none to get a second pair of eyes on them."

This wasn't exactly what they had agreed on but his interest allowed some leeway.

Megamind scratched his chin. They were large creations, far larger than the limbs Trainwreck was currently using.

"I've dabbled in the past with varying sizes of body parts, something like this usually throws off the balance."

"He's right, I fell many times trying to pilot them." Minion agreed, adding his first-hand experience.

"If you haven't noticed, my body is fucked up. No hands, legs, or anything normal folk have. Hands were the real bitch so I made my own. The set I have now is for building, that's why I made the fingers so tiny. The real set is gonna be bigger, like those legs there."

He'd noted the peculiar state of his body but hadn't commented on it.

"You're like me then. I was a fish in a bowl before boss fixed me with my first suit."

"I ain't fucking helpless." Trainwreck spat angrily while pounding against the wall. "I could do this myself if I wanted to."

Megamind didn't pay the outburst any mind, focusing intently on the pieces.

"Are they functional" They didn't look like it but neither did the arm fishing for another greased consumable.

"Lefty aint. Righty, sorta. Don't work too well yet and I need to keep fixing her up."

He traced a finger over one of them.

"How do they work?"

"Steam, like the rest of my shit. My body may be fucked but at least it can supply a ton of it."

His body emitted steam? Some design decisions made far more sense now.

"I need more specifics."

"Hah? I never agreed to explain this shit to you. Figure it out or deals off."

Megamind made to argue. He stopped his efforts when he realized this must be a test. He'd never considered working with someone else on a project but he could see his bare minimum requirement being the other person's ability to understand his work.

He cracked his knuckles and neck. There were times to talk and there were times to act. His hand fell to his belt, removing a hard case. Inside were labeled blocks. A portable toolset for you not so everyday supervillain.

He rehydrated a select few and set to giving these objects a deeper inspection. He poked, he prodded, he examined. Despite his attempts, he wasn't able to verify Trainwreck's claims of one of these being functional. His eyes squinted, looking for something he might have missed.

Mentally, he deconstructed and reconstructed it. When he looked at them independently, some of the pieces worked. Put together? He couldn't picture it.

Was he so simple-minded as to be unable to grasp this? That couldn't be it. Another revelation came to him. A test within a test. The arm must have some trick to it but these legs, neither of them worked. It was a ploy, meant to make him overthink things.

If that was the case, he compared both legs. More accurately, he compared their components. Yes, there was a way forward here.

He began rapidly disassembling the right leg. It had more glaring issues than the less complete left. Distantly, he was aware of something occurring in the background but he didn't let it distract him.

It was an intriguing challenge, building something without any electrical components. The change in perspective felt refreshing. He could feel his brain feeding him ideas of how he could use these lessons in the future. He kept them at bay, focused on this moment.

Some of these pieces required reforging. He scanned the room and spotted something squat in the corner. It looked like the remains of a toilet, beside it was an anvil. He neared it and fiddled with the levers, steam erupted at an extreme temperature in the basin. Using prongs, he held a piece of iron to it and watched it glow red. Satisfied, he took it to the anvil and hammered it to the desired specifications. After cooling, he slotted it back into the leg and moved to the next problem.

He wasn't sure how long it was when he stepped back, admiring his creation. His smile slackened slightly, he was limited to what was available here. However, the end product was usable.

"You done?" He turned, seeing Minion and Trainwreck huddled in a corner. On the floor were the remains of food wrappers, the bags empty.

"Yes! Behold a fully functional steam-powered left leg unit." He stepped to the side so they could get a better look.

"Never told you to scrap the other one." Trainwreck grumbled while wheeling towards the workstation. He hoisted himself from the chair to the table. He grabbed some of the tools Megamind had left and started making some adjustments.

Megamind leaned in, watching what he was doing closely. Whatever needed to be done was small as he set the tools aside quickly and pushed his body against the leg.

A few moments passed and Megamind was close to second-guessing himself when he heard a hiss, followed by the sounds of cylinders firing. There was a thump as Trainwreck hopped to the floor. He waved his arms around and Minion rushed forward, steadying him.

"I got it I got it." Trainwreck pushed Minion off. The limb bent and then sprung forward. There was another frantic set of movements to keep from falling but he managed to stay upright. He repeated the action, each rendition coming out smoother.

"Fucking hell! You're a crazy son of a bitch you know that? Things working like a dream."

A familiar sense of pride swelled from within him. However, its source struck him as strange; usually, it was Minion or himself that caused it.

"Sir, I know you were having fun but wasn't there another reason we were here?" Minion inquired from his seated position.

"I was getting there Minion. I fulfilled my part of the bargain, it is time for you to do the same."

Trainwreck leaned against a wall facing him.

"Uh, right. Yeah, I didn't forget. So I already told you rule one. Whenever you visit another villain you need to bring them food. That's basic sense though."

"Yes, of course it is." Megamind didn't quite follow the logic. Nonetheless, it wouldn't do for someone to think him inexperienced.

"Right right, well how about you tell me your rules first? Then I can just tell you what's different. Easier that way."

That was a sensible approach. He thought back, they'd never codified their ruleset. It had evolved as their fights did.

He started pacing as much as the small area would allow while organizing his head. There was much to be said but he honed in on the major points dictating Hero vs Villain fights.

"For starters. There is no double-teaming on the part of the heroes! Monologues are respected and banter is required; you're expected to exchange a minimum of three lines." He put his fingers up for emphasis. "The villain starts the fight. After committing a crime, the hero always chases the villain." He paused, providing a clarification that he thought went without saying. "The exception is prison breaks, those get a pass. No below-the-belt hits. Punches to the face are fine but only villains are allowed dirty fighting like poking eyeballs. Production equipment is off-limits…unless they're armed." He added the last as an afterthought. Brainbots fulfilled many roles so attacking them could be considered fair play. "You're allotted one time out per fight, to be used in emergencies. Costume changes may be used as needed, no more than five minutes per change." He shifted his eyes to Minion. "Am I missing any of the big ones?"

"Water breaks sir." Oh yes, delivering speeches was thirsty work.

"Good catch Minion. That as well."

"Erm." Trainwreck fiddled with one of his arms. It must have been acting up as he paid closer attention to it. "Most of that, is true? Yeah, it sounds bout right."

Megamind looked at him with confusion.

"At the bank they broke several of them?"

"When the heroes showed up. How'd that go?"

"It began normally." Megamind recalled the tragedy. "They collected outside, giving us the appropriate amount of time to prepare the scene. But then they shot out some of our exterior cameras-"

"That's it." Trainwreck raised a gauntlet, pointing at him. "That right there. See heroes like to pretend they follow the rules when cameras are rolling. Once they're gone, all bets are off."

Everything?

Megamind looked to Minion who shrugged. This didn't sound right. If heroes acted that way for the cameras then what type of heroes were they?

His mind whispered an answer and he shoved it away.

"What? You doubting me?" Trainwreck barked after seeing his reaction.

"No, not you." He said while clutching his forehead.

"Sir, are you okay?"

Minion had at one point gotten near enough to put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine Minion, just thinking."

"We might want to try asking someone else." Minion spoke softly to him. The thought had occurred to him but it wasn't like they were running into 'villains' left and right. "I think he might be full of hot air."

"Steam isn't-" He cracked a smile. Minion did know how to cheer him up. He clasped his arm. "You're right. We shouldn't take these things at face value."

"You know this box car is small right?" Trainwreck yelled from the other side. "I can hear everything you're saying. If you didn't spring for all that dessert we'd be having more than words."

"Ha, I'd like to see you try." Megamind challenged. He wasn't afraid of the wannabe.

"Why you!" Trainwreck pushed off the wall.

Megamind's hand fell to his belt.

"Now now. Let's all take a breath." Minion stood between them.

Trainwreck's gaze swept both of them before giving a grunt and backing up.

"Fine, but you two have outstayed your welcome. I held up my end so get out."

Megamind wasn't sure he had done that and he didn't want to leave empty-handed. His eyes went back to the leg he worked on.

"That suit of yours, it's being made out of pig and wrought iron?"

"Maybe, what of it?" Trainwreck asked, the heat from his tone dissipating. "I don't need anything fancy, iron works fine."

Wrought iron was malleable and easy to work with. He'd never rely on it for a personal suit but not many could reach his standards. The pig iron is what caught his eye. It was an intermediary step in creating something more.

"That forge" He gestured to the toilet-like contraption in the corner. "Can it do more than iron? Steel? Alloys?"

"No…ugh." Trainwreck paused, eyes glazing over for a moment. "Nah, it can't but I can build something that could. What's the point though? Told you I don't use the stuff."

He saw a chance to chip away at a problem that had been plaguing him.

"We'll strike another deal. I'll provide you with the raw materials and you process them into ingots that match my needs. We'll pay for them in cash."

With the spider mites gathering for him, all he'd need to do is send what he didn't want to keep off and he'd receive a steady supply of basic metal to work with. It was nothing he couldn't do himself with time but that was his most precious commodity.

"How much are we talking about here?"

He shut his eyes, going through his list of projects. Opening them, he faced Trainwreck.

"I do believe." A smile sure to strike terror in his enemies formed. "That's my line."