He could not feel his face. That did not stop him from knowing it sported a large grin.

"Sir" Minion's overly worried voice trembled next to him. He struggled to hear it over the wind. "Are you sure this is safe?"

"Don't you worry Minion, I'm perfectly safe." He may not have the stupid durability of his rival however evil was nothing if not resilient. And he was 100% made of the stuff.

"That's great sir but I was talking about myself."

He spared a glance to his side, inspecting the repurposed booster seat that now housed Minion's container. At least he hoped it was a booster seat, he kept that part to himself.

"Have some faith in me." He made sure to look Minion in the eyes to convey his seriousness. "I'm an excellent driver." The cart jolted and both passengers were jarred upwards for a moment.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" He replied a bit too quickly, keeping his eyes glued on the road.

The modifications to the Megamobile were a great success! It'd undergone a metamorphosis, now only bearing the smallest resemblance to its past. The hull was where he'd started, reinforcing it with whatever metal he'd found available. Mainly sheet metal and pipes.

The rust on them only added to the sinister aura his trusty steed oozed. All that was missing on the appearance side of things was a nice blue paint job and some lighting. He was partial to red but was open to suggestions. Getting the engine to work required the most fiddling. He kept it mostly standard, only making a few improvements. Those 'tweakers', whatever they were, had really done a number on it. He'd needed to cannibalize his gun and use the power cell to get it running but that was only a temporary solution.

They'd been speeding along the street for a small amount of time now, villainously disregarding stop signs and traffic lights alike.

"Are you sure we're not lost sir?"

"No, and how dare you make that accusation." He chastised sharply before straightening his back. "I know exactly where we're going."

"That's the third time I've seen that same tree." Minion idly pointed out.

He floundered for a second before his beautiful big brain came to his rescue.

"I'm getting the lay of the land! Knowledge of the battlefield is crucial to success!"

"I thought you said we were just going to commit light robbery and get out of here?"

"We are." He nodded sagely as if not caught contradicting himself. "However, a Super Villain must always be prepared for battle! You never know when good will try to intervene."

He'd only asked the vagrant for directions in an uncharacteristic moment of weakness, his arms were going to be so sore tomorrow!

"Too true sir, but even so…" Minion trailed off and Megamind could quietly admit to himself that the building coming up on the right did look a tad familiar.

"Fine, only for you though. It's not like I needed directions."

"Of course!" Minion enthusiastically agreed with his statement of truth.

He drove for a little further before seeing a handful of people seated on some steps. He eased on the break, coming to a smooth stop beside the group.

Now closer, he could tell they were fellow neredowells. Not to the same quality as his magnificent self but then again who was?

They noticed his approach, alerting each other with kicks and jabs. Unlike him, they were well equipped for the cold. Wearing head coverings and scarves. Despite this, they must have still felt the chill because they moved lethargicly. He understood the feeling and graciously allowed the trio a moment to collect themselves before announcing himself.

"You!" He pointed to one of them that seemed to startle. "Tell me where I can find tools and electronics at once!"

It was important to convey authority when instructing the lessor acolytes of evil.

"Yeah!" Minion cheerfully yelled. "What he said!"

His support was not needed but appreciated.

Strangely, their words did not have the effect he'd been going for.

The one he had singled out clutched his head while shaking it.

"Damnit Phil, the fuck did you put in my shit!"

The one he addressed stood up angrily.

"Fuck off Jerry! I didn't step on the shit anymore than you did last week!"

The 'Jerry' rose to match his companion. Shoving the man back and causing him to stumble.

"Lying mother fucker." He approached the fallen man, kicking a can out of the way and reaching into his pocket. "You cheated me! I'll gut you like the fish I'm hallucinating!"

"Brooooo" The third who'd remained seated spoke slowly. "Like, what does it matter what he put in it? Trips fucking good if you seeing shit like this."

Jerry, now holding a knife clutched his head again with his free hand. He turned his back on the man he'd splayed on the floor.

"Wait. Didn't you take some of Jess' supply?"

"Yeahhhhh"

"And you're seeing this shit?"

He gestured to Megamind and Minion. Megamind had fallen silent, not accustomed to being so readily ignored.

"Yeahhh. Rad golf cart." He made a note to ask what this 'golf' was later. Hopefully, it was suitable evil. "Blue man. Talking fish. Shit's wild mannnnn."

He laid back on the steps, laughing to himself.

Jerry didn't seem to find it amusing. Gripping his knife tighter and taking a step forward and then back. Humph, a true evildoer was never indecisive in their actions. He supposed he'd allow it, considering what the man faced.

He was about to reiterate his demands when Jerry's shrill voice cut through the air.

"Freak! Fucking monster cape!" He waved the knife in front of him. "Don't come any closer, I'm warning you."

"Oh, how creative." He drolled. Like he hadn't heard that countless times at school. "And for the record. It was a monster of a cape. It just happened to suffer a slight injury in the line of duty." He could see Minion preen at the acknowledgment of his hard work. "Now, tell me what I wan-"

He didn't get to finish his statement when the sound of broken glass echoed in the street. Jerry crumbled onto the street. Phil stood over his collapsed form, a broken bottle shaking in his hand.

Quickly, he fell to his knees. Megamind thought he might have genuinely fallen when he saw him start to rifle through Jerry's pockets.

He rolled his eyes and pointed his arm toward the opportunist, ready to bring the heat.

"Answer my questions and hand over all the cash." He left out the 'or else', trusting the presence of his latest invention to deliver that message to even the dullest of men. The man jerked up, somehow having forgotten his presence. He collapsed on his rump, legs frantically kicked back.

He scooted across the dirty sidewalk before turning and getting to his feet. He ran, not sparring a glance at those he left behind.

A pity, he was hoping he'd get a chance to bring the heat.

"Ugh" He unhappily hopped out of the car. Crouching beside the stricken man who groaned at his touch. "You better have something of worth."

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

He located what felt like a wallet. He pulled it out and inspected its contents, finding it filled with an assortment of cards. They didn't look like credit cards. He shrugged and threw the ratty thing into the Megamobile, opting to look at it closer later. With any luck, the man was one stamp away from a free smoothie or something.

Grabbing the man's side, he shifted him to the other side. It allowed him to access his other pocket more easily. He didn't find much, only a needle he'd have stuck himself with if not for his gloves.

He removed the man's hat. Inspecting his head, he was pleased to see there was no blood. Great! He'd hate to have blood on his newest acquisition. He forced it over his noggin. It strained and he cringed when he heard some tears. It wasn't his fault the fashion industry didn't cater to super geniuses like him! That was a real crime.

The scarf came next and he wrapped it all around his face for good measure. Covering him in a protective cocoon. Unfortunately, it was a smelly one. He'd have to steal a nicer one later.

His focus shifted to the third man who had not made a move throughout this whole change of events. Staring up at the night sky. Megamind followed his sight, allowing himself to admire the view.

Despite his numerous inventions, be they telescopes, rockets, or satellites, astronomy was never one of his passions. Oh sure, he reached for the stars but he'd never cared so much as to learn those silly constellations people talked about. A bear with wings? Hah, and he thought his imagination was active.

Still, his amazing memory ensured he had some knowledge of the subject and so it struck him as odd when he didn't immediately recognize them. Oh well, it was probably the light pollution from the city messing with him.

He neared the man and waved a hand in front of his face, earning a bout of giggles.

"You." He snapped his fingers. "Yes, you." He said when the main pointed at himself. "Where can I find tools and electronics? Don't make me ask again, I have ways of making you talk."

Most of the ways were tucked away in his main Metrocity lair but his victim didn't need to know that.

The man only continued to giggle so Megamind slapped him. That only earned him a slow blink. Megamind was close to writing this off as a lost cause when the man blurted out something incomprehensible.

"Again, slower" He demanded, still pointing his weapon.

He spoke again and this time Megamind could decipher the simpleton's words.

"The market"

"Yes" He spoke as if talking to a toddler. "I'm looking for a market. One where you can buy, but more importantly, steal electronics and tools."

"The market" he dumbly answered.

"Sir, I don't think he's going to be of any use…"

Minion contributed from his perch. Megamind agreed.

"Lorddddd…."

His head shot back to the man.

"Yes, Yes. I'm surprised you took this long to notice but I am a lord. A lord of evil."

He stood with his hands on his hips, chest puffed out. It was about time someone recognized him.

"Lord Street Market."

"What?" He tilted his head, perplexed at the combination of words.

"I think he said Lord Street Marke-"

"I know what he said Minion!" He waved his friend to silence and pointed back to the dullard. "Tell me. What is this you speak of?"

"There are some storage containers…" The man trailed off and Megamind gave him a few more slaps of encouragement. "They keep a lot of good shit there at night. The boys and I were gonna rip off some."

"Good good." it sounded like he was finally getting somewhere. "Where is this?"

The man pointed up. Megamind doubted it was in the sky. He connected the dots.

"North, you mean north?"

The man bobbed his head up and down.

"How far? How will I know when I reach it."

The man's eyes dropped and he shook him.

"That'd street" He pointed to the one at the next crossing. "All the way uppppppppp."

Megamind stared deep into the man and decided that was all he would be getting. He'd worked with less before. He released the man and stepped over Jerry who was finally coming to.

Sat in his Megamobile, he looked at his friend.

"Minion. Let's go rob a Lord."

—

"What do you think that is sir?"

Minion asked the question that had been plaguing him. He'd noticed it previously, a light on the horizon. With the sea breeze, he'd thought it a lighthouse.

Now? He wasn't certain.

He maintained his attention on the dark road that ran adjacent to the shoreline. The street lights were all but inoperable out here, which made the light behind him only more stark.

His keen mind had already reached a conclusion. He denied the result. Not that a forcefield was impossible. Far from it, he'd designed some before.

He tended to shy away from them as they proved to not be worth the energy required to project. No matter how much he poured in, Metroman always barged through with ease. No, that energy was much better used offensively.

He definitely had not built whatever was on the bay. He'd constructed a lot over the years but he'd remember something so big. Only a fool would forget something like that. So that couldn't be a forcefield. But it was, his mind whispered to him. Which left the question, if not him….who?

Was there another out there like him? Able to rival his genius? He doubted so. He'd have heard and subsequently bested them by now. No, it must be a trick of the light.

The wheel felt comfortable in his grip, reassuring in a way. He let out a breath. Relaxing his shoulders. It had been a long day. He'd need to rest soon.

He spotted a light or two in the distance and he started to slow the Megamobile. What better to prepare for bed than a late-night heist?

Under the scarf, his mouth split into a large grin. He turned the wheel, taking the Megamobile off-road. He'd anticipated such an occasion, reinforcing the wheels with rubber from hoses he'd found.

The car bumped up and down. He shushed the complaints from Minion. Generally, Megamind was not one to use the back door. No, he was a blast the front door off its hinges kind of villain. Allowances had to be made though, he was without his usual kit and Minion would be no help.

They crept up slowly and he put it in park.

"Are you sure this is the place sir?" Minion had the good sense to whisper. "It doesn't look like much."

It truly didn't. The Lord of this place must be a pauper to not even be able to afford proper buildings. It was a wide expanse of asphalt. Stalls jutted out of the ground.

"It must be." He pointed in the distance where he saw some containers illuminated by a lonely light. "Look there."

"I see. Good luck sir. I'm sorry I can't help."

He patted the container and hopped out after grabbing a sack. He silently moved forward. He could have brought the cart further but it might have drawn attention and he needed to confirm the goods before committing to anything.

The stalls were used for cover and he skillfully moved from one to another. Just because it wasn't his style didn't mean he wasn't good at it. What type of villain can't sneak around?

A bad one. And not in the good bad! In the bad bad.

He heard a sound and froze. Voices, more than one conversing. He couldn't make out what they were saying and stayed still until they passed.

So there were guards. As all his actions inevitably did, his caution proved prudent.

He went on the move again, finally reaching the first of the container. A large padlock was on it.

Hah, as if that would keep him out. He pulled out two thin strips of metal, defeating the paltry defense in no time. It clicked open and he slipped inside.

He grabbed a small device in his hand and flicked a switch. It was nothing grand, just a simple light salvaged from a child's toy. It performed its job admirably and let him probe the goods. Plastic bins were opened and searched.

Curses! This was all knick-knacks. He went to the next, finding clothes this time. Hmm, might as well. He put on some more layers and replaced his smelly scarf. The search continued with similar results. He didn't let that get him down, leaving and breaching the next container.

He withheld his squeal of joy. The first box he'd opened had been full of tools! It wasn't everything he needed but it was close enough. He took choice pieces, conscious of how much he could carry. The container then scored him a laptop which he added to his collection before moving to the next. The process continued. He never found a huge treasure trove, but bits and pieces that moved the needle oh so closer in his favor.

Another item was finding itself with a superior owner when he heard a gruff.

"Hey. You open this one?"

He didn't pay attention to the response, lowering the bag slowly. He squatted low, hand on his arm.

There was a bang.

"We know you're in there, come on out and we won't beat the living daylights out of you."

How cute. As if they stood a chance.

He didn't voice his response, letting the silence talk for him.

There was arguing and he was worried they might try to wait him out when the container door swung open. A beam of light shone in, meant to blind him. He'd kept his eyes on the ground, expecting it. He clicked the release and the spring activated, launching his payload. There was a cry and the flashlight dropped.

"Ha ha!" He exclaimed while standing to his full height. "Did you real-" He threw himself against one of the walls, dodging sparkling prongs. He clicked the button again and earned another scream. Serves him right, it was common decency to let the villain gloat.

"As I was saying." He hefted the bag and walked out confidently. Two men in uniforms were on the ground, scraping at their eyes. "Did you really think you could defeat me? Megamind!"

One of them reached for his dropped taser and he swooped down. Taking it for himself.

"I'd love to stay and chat but you know how it is, things to build, civilians to terrorize."

He skipped away while cackling. He wasn't sure what possessed someone to hoard so many hot sauce packets but he was happy they did! Mixed together with some other things he scrounged up, it made a potent disabler.

The yells behind him got louder and he saw more flashlights in the distance. He quickened his step. There was a loud crack and a stall near him splintered.

Were they shooting at him? How quaint.

"Sir!"

Minion called after spotting him.

"I got what we need Minion! We'll get you walking in no time!"

"I never doubted you!"

"Of course you didn't." He hopped into the driver's seat. "Now let's ditch these coppers."

He slammed on the accelerator and the Megamobile responded. They bumped up and down until making it to the main road.

Oddly enough, the road was easier to see than before.

"Uhh, I think they're following us?"

They were knocked forward and Megamind's hand shot out to steady Minion's container. He glared over his shoulder, a black SUV staring back. Persistent, he'll give them that.

"Hahahahaha" His laughter was joined by Minion. Megamind was pretty sure he didn't know why they were laughing but he'd find out soon enough.

He reached for the dash, instead of a traditional one, in its place was a plastic pink keyboard. His fingers found the keys and pressed the appropriate button. This time they were knocked back as the Megamobile surged forward, reaching a speed that would far outpace their pursues. He didn't stop there, pressing another button.

He heard the motor start up. It wasn't the main one. No, it was a second one attached to the bottom of his rear bumper. The remains of the old lawn mower.

If the flash of electricity didn't tell him it worked, the resounding crash behind him did. The Mk1 Electra mower proved a great success, able to cut grass or tires in any ten-meter area it faced.

They sped down the road. His smile slowly slipped. He kept expecting something to happen next, for Metroman to swoop out of the sky and stop him. Nothing happened and they made it back to the repair shop in one piece.

"Congrats sir!" Minion performed a jump of joy, producing a splash. "We won!"

They did. They'd stolen what they needed and gotten away. So why did he feel so hollow?