"Oh no," Megamind yelled in an exaggerated voice, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his reach. "I seem to have misplaced the Megamobile, and now I'm all alone. It would be a terrible shame if someone decided to attack me right now."

He walked in the middle of the street, his eyes swinging from side to side. To his disappointment, there was no movement.

"Pssst," Minion's muffled voice came from the side. To the average eye, there would be only a slight shimmer occupying the space. "I don't think it's working."

Megamind kicked a can down the road, watching it skip up and down. As loathe as he was to admit it, Minion was right.

"I don't know what more I can do." He complained, massaging his scalp before pointing up. "Should I flash a giant jump me sign in the sky?"

It should not be this difficult to be assaulted by a demon-mask-wearing hooligan. Did he need to start going through each building?

No, he wasn't worth that much trouble.

If only Megamind had some bait to dangle in front of the man. Unfortunately, he hadn't the foggiest idea of what that could be.

"Does this mean we should call it a day?" Minion asked, pulling back the hood of his new parka. It had been created from the optical camo tarp he'd put together a while back. "Or do you maybe want to keep going?"

Megamind wasn't sure; they'd gone through some trouble to set up this trap. He even had Spider Bot sitting on top of a teleporter pad in the lair.

The second version wasn't particularly inspired, but it was quick to put together and no longer had that nasty side effect of exploding. He was looking to create a smaller version to put on his person in case he needed to vacate the immediate surroundings with haste.

Headlights appeared down the street, and the ends of his mouth turned up, only to soon sag back down.

He didn't bother to move as the sedan approached, even as the horn blared. The car swerved, and he spotted a rude finger pointed in his direction as the driver expressed his discontent.

Not one to stoop to such juvenile gestures, Megamind retrieved his concealed De-Gun and shot out the back window. The car jerked erratically before the sound of a struggling engine occupied the street as the hapless civilian tried to get away.

Megamind watched it disappear around a corner and sighed. There was no respect here. He turned back to Minion, only to see him typing out a message on a regular old phone.

"Minion, that better be work-related," he warned while tapping his foot. "Remember we are on the clock right now."

Villain work was serious business; he wouldn't allow his Minion to give anything less than his all.

Minion's fingers sped up, and a swooshing sound was heard as the message was sent.

"Uhh, it's networking?" He asked with a tilt of his head. "Say, what do you think about stopping by a home decor store? We could use more place setting if we plan to entertain."

He wasn't running a bed and breakfast.

But game night... had been acceptable. If they happened to become a repeated occurrence, he could suffer through them.

However, the teams would need reshuffling.

"On your own time, Minion." Knowing his Minion, Megamind would be stuck sitting on a bench while waiting for him to decide between two slightly different types of cutlery. "What's on the agenda for the rest of the night?"

He was a busy man with many engagements; he couldn't manage his schedule alone.

Minion pulled out a tablet, scrolling through what was no doubt a full itinerary.

"That would be nothing, sir."

That couldn't be right.

"Are you sure you're looking at that right? Check again."

He watched as Minion checked and scrolled through again.

"Nope, still empty. We blocked off the entire night for this. Remember?"

Had they? That was a waste.

"Although it might interest you to know we got a request on pho, they wanted you to make a birthday appearance."

Was he some sort of clown?

"Give me the username later. I'll have the bots flood them with spam."

It was the least he could do.

"Oh! And I had one person send a message asking if Canary could brainwash their husband into cheating so the wife could take everything in the divorce."

That was a ridiculous application of her power. But at least it was a somewhat villainous request.

In the post-mortem he held after the article, a trend was made too obvious in his eyes.

People consistently viewed Canary as one of the most dangerous villains in the bay. Which was preposterous; if it wasn't for his urging, he doubted she would stiff the delivery driver on his tip.

"No to that; she needs to focus on planning the zoo operation." There were so many avenues for that, and yet she was dragging her feet about it. "And for the record, most of her notoriety comes from a prison break that I orchestrated."

As if it were even that difficult. He could do it again with an arm tied behind his back. Especially now that he had experience with the local prison procedures.

It would be an absolute cakewalk.

"Don't worry, sir. I'm sure when you're finally arrested and then break out, you'll be just as popular."

Yes, but at this rate, that was going to take forever to happen. The heroes here were woefully underequipped to deal with a genius of his level. Why, he'd have to hand himself over on a silver platter for them to have a sliver of hope in bringing him…

"Minion, we're going back to the lair. We have a prison break to plan."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"Huh, who are we breaking out this time?"

The only villain worthy of the name.

Himself.

----------------------------------------

"I'm still not sure if this is your best idea."

Minion's complaints fell on deaf ears; his decision had already solidified. Not to mention they were already parked and just waiting to go.

"Minion, Minion, Minion." Megamind shook his head back and forth, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "Since when did you have so little faith in me?"

Megamind didn't know where he went wrong with him.

"That would be around your twentieth arrest, sir."

"That was as much your fault as it was mine!" Megamind exclaimed, the chain of events still fresh in his memory. "You made the cape too long; how was I supposed to not trip over it?"

It was just unfortunate luck that he'd hit the self-destruct button on his rust ray. For the life of him, he could not recall what had gone through his head to add that, but he'd resolved never to make the same mistake. Now they had glass covers, the perfect solution.

"I distinctly remember you asking for it to be longer." Minion spewed baseless lies. "But okay. Do you want another snack? We don't know how good the food will be on the inside."

Megamind patted his stomach; it was filled with a delicious supper and something a little extra.

"Everything is taken care of." He poked Minion's shoulder. "And don't jump the gun. You have the timetable; stick to it."

Preparations, including failsafes, ready, Megamind moved the mirror to check himself over again. It wasn't his finest villain attire, but it was suitable for the job he had of it.

It was time to move.

"Don't burn down the lair without me," he cautioned. Excluding him from that would be mean-spirited. "And remember, if anybody ask-"

"You have a fever," Minion cut in, reciting their agreement. "Got it."

He had a feeling neither Trainwreck nor Canary would look kindly upon this development. So he kept them in the dark. Minion's job was to make sure they stayed that way and didn't try anything as foolish as breaking him out. That would defeat the entire purpose.

With nothing left to say, he gave Minion a solid nod before sliding out of the Megamobile's passenger seat.

Getting out on the sidewalk proved to be a wise choice as the street was busy with the constant coming and going of cars. Megamind waved goodbye to the invisible car and then continued on to his destination.

He ignored the random passersby, and it wasn't long before he stood in front of the drab structure.

Entering the squat building, he was met with a rather hectic scene. The waiting room was packed with people of all types, every open chair taken. A couple looked to be arguing with each other in another language, spit flying between them. Their noise was joined by that of a wailing toddler, whose mother tried in vain to quiet down. Others stewed on their lonesome.

If there was one uniting factor, none of them looked happy to be here. That made Megamind the exception. It was nothing new.

Past the odd collection of people was a raised counter with a beleaguered-looking woman. She was passing out clipboard after clipboard in a mechanical fashion to those in line. Behind her was the rest of Broken Bay's finest.

They did not look very fine, scrambling around like rats from one area to another.

There did look to be some attempt at organization, with desks paired up in rows. Next to each pair was a chair, with most of their occupants being handcuffed to them. Phones rang incessantly.

Maybe he should have picked a better venue. But he was already here; he would have to make do.

"Excuse you," Megamind pushed his way through the line. "Important villain coming through."

Curses died on many people's lips as they beheld the greatness that walked among them.

Now at the front, he addressed the portly woman.

"I'm here to-"

Without looking up, the woman passed the same clipboard to him.

"Fill out this form and then line back up."

He gave it a glance before flinging it to the side. It hit the wall, but the sound was overpowered by the rest of the goings-on. Megamind rang the bell, but it too was drowned out.

Maybe he should have brought his gun? That tended to garner attention.

Just as he was considering how to proceed, one of the officers walking by noticed him. The man tripped before shouting from the floor and reaching for his weapon. There was a cascade effect, as copper after copper noticed his presence.

Firearms were leveled his way, but it was a haphazard approach with many officers looking more lost than anything.

Civilians behind him scrambled, those near the door leaving and others huddling by the sides.

Megamind rolled his eyes at the display, raising his arms in surrender.

"I, Megamind, have seen the error of my ways and am here to turn myself in." He spoke slowly, carefully enunciating every word so as not to be misheard. There was a startling lack of movement, and he continued. "Will someone arrest me already? And you," he pointed at a woman who jumped in her seat. "Pick up the phone already!"

She didn't, and he was left wondering if he should just cut his losses.

Thankfully, a man wearing a button-down and slacks approached from the back office. His skin was saggy, with dark circles framing his eyes.

"Everybody back to work." He waved his hand in a downward gesture. "Mclean, I swear if you don't holster your weapon right now, we're going to have to add another murder to the stats as your career will be dead and buried."

The berated officer gulped and holstered the weapon.

"As for the rest of you fine folks," he addressed the crowd behind Megamind. "Please remain calm; the situation is well in hand."

The commanding voice had an effect, and many of the civilians returned to their original places, albeit while keeping a wary eye on the proceedings.

"Sandra." The man reached the counter, leaning against it with a coffee mug in hand. "Phone the liaison and get a wagon down here asap." He looked to Megamind with annoyance. "You…just find a seat or wait outside."

What?

Where were the cuffs? The interrogation room?

Didn't the police yearn to put people like him in prison? Why did the look the man gave him resemble that of a man attempting to avoid a particularly bothersome chore?

"Aren't you going to arrest me? Read me my rights? How am I supposed to know I'm entitled to an attorney?"

Not that he would ever employ one.

"Like hell we are." The man scoffed before projecting his voice so that all in the precinct could hear. "You are NOT under arrest."

He left no room for confusion, which left Megamind understandably confused.

"Look," the man leaned closer, lowering his tone. "Do you have any idea the amount of paper work we have to do if we book a cape? We already have more than enough work, and the city stopped paying overtime."

Megamind searched the room, seeing how all the sworn officers of the law were now ignoring his existence.

"Isn't this your job?"

He was fairly certain, that 'catch the bad guys' was a central part of being a cop.

"No. They lobbied hard to get their special unit set up to deal with parahumans, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a great idea. Unless you're actively committing a crime, I'm not sticking my or the department's nose in it."

Megamind's eyes searched the counter; he found a pen holder and knocked it over.

"There, I've littered. You may now take my fingerprints."

There wasn't much of a point about that, since he was reluctant to hide any crime committed, but it was nice to be in the system.

"Not only is that not how littering works," the man commented drly. "But it has been half a decade since anyone in this unit fined anyone for that."

That explained why the city was filled with trash.

Megamind reached over, grabbed a stapler, and dropped it to the ground before stomping on it.

"Destruction of police property." He held a hand out. "I will take my jumpsuit now. I'm a size medium."

The man took a sip of his mug, releasing a breath.

"That thing hasn't worked since the 90s. Half the stuff in this building is purely ornamental. I had to learn to use a damn abacus after the last calculator gave out."

The woman known as Sandra weakly nodded along.

Was he going to need to assault someone? He had good odds against that baby.

"Yo," A voice from behind called. It was a scruffy-looking teen. "Do you think I could get, like a selfie?"

He wanted a what now?

Despite not receiving a response, the teen slid up to Megamind and held the phone out, a click sounding.

"Sweet."

It was?

The teen reached for the floor, grabbing a pen.

"Can I get an autograph?"

This was eerily similar behavior to the girl from the fast food restaurant. People really needed to do a better job keeping their kids from influences like him.

With hesitation, he took the offered writing instrument and a scrap of paper. It looked to have been one of the forms from earlier. His hand went through the motions; it was more awkward than he'd liked.

Megamind chalked it up to the strangeness of the situation.

"Wicked." The kid took the paper from his hand. "That's my first villain autograph."

First? Was he planning to do this again?

With the people who called themselves villains in this city?

"You will not," Megamind instructed, squaring his shoulders and putting on his imposing demeanor. "I'm the one true villain in this city. You'll all see after my-" He choked on his words, almost giving the game away. "After my successful rehabilitation as a productive member of society."

The declaration gained many a look, and even the baby stopped crying.

Was it that unbelievable? Well, that was understandable.

He was, after all, Megamind.

"See Sandra," the man spoke to his colleague, waving the mug in Megamind's direction. "This, right here, is why we don't get involved."