“So? What happened?”
Lawrence had been sitting there for the past ten minutes since classes were out, pompous and smug, on my clubroom’s couch as if he owned the place. His feet were kicked up on the table with no respect for the fact that people used that table to drink tea and place their belongings, nor for the fact that the underside of his dirty shoes were clearly visible to me.
“Laura and her boyfriend have broken up. I called her this morning,” I said.
“Oh, have they?”
“They have. I guess I must have convinced her that he wasn’t a good match for her.”
“Well, that’s a relief I guess.”
He didn’t sound relieved at all, far from it in fact. His eyes were steadily analyzing my expression, as if looking for some kind of error on my part. Not that he would find one, as I’ve made it a point to be perfectly aware of the type of face I am making at all times.
“I liked your film, by the way. It was sweet.”
“Don’t compliment me, all I did was edit it. The actors and the director did all the heavy lifting.”
“Yeah?”
For some reason, even though he’d just praised me, his eyes carried nothing that hinted at his desire to for me to appreciate his words. He just kept on looking at me. Like a hunter marking its prey.
“Is something the matter, Lawrence?“ He didn’t respond right away. His dagger-like gaze was firm, as if he was trying to unnerve me. I playfully squinted my eyes at him. “Lawrence? Are you in there? Hellooo?”
After staring into my face for a few more moments, he sat up in his seat.
“Alright, why don’t we get down to it then, Zoey?”
“Get down to it? I did everything you asked, what more is there-“
“You bullied Gwen, didn’t you?”
I paused.
“Bullied her? What are you…“
He briskly walked towards me.
His threateningly large figure towered above me.
I was seated, so it was only natural that he was much taller than I was, but it didn’t change the fact that he had more than a few inches on me height-wise even while standing. His build, while not as bulky as Ben’s, was also quite sturdy due to his constant working out.
He placed his hand on my chin, still looking down on me with his hardened gaze. I didn’t respond. I merely matched it as I lowered my eyebrows. I was in the palm of his hands. Whatever he wanted to do to me, he could have done. But I would not let him know that I was on edge.
But he let go after a few moments. He removed his hand from my chin and made his way to the back of the room, on the other side of the curtain. After kneeling, he examined the almost indiscernible openings in the wall for a moment.
“I wonder what these are, Zoey?”
Tristan?
It was Tristan.
It had to be. No one else knew about the holes.
He must have shown them to someone. Gwen, I imagine. The little insect. She’d wormed her way so far into his heart that he’d betray my trust like that? I can’t imagine what else he told her in that case. Dream Paralysis? No, that’s impossible. He knows the consequences for that, and plus I confirmed that he hadn’t told her.
“So, you’ve been spying on me then?” He turned back towards me and grinned.
“Spying on you?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb. If you really wanted to do it with me Zoey, all you needed to do was ask.”
“It’s a good thing I never asked then,” I said.
His grin faded.
“Do you know what your problem is, Zoey?” He stood up. “Even if you’re nearly as smart as you think you are, you’re still human. You can pretend that you’re above everyone else, that you don’t care about fucking, but you do. And these peepholes of yours are proof of it.”
“What are you getting at? That I should have sex with you like all those other girls do?
“No. Because unlike them, you’re not worth it. Nothing about you is worth everything else I’d have to deal with. I wouldn’t date you, I wouldn’t fuck you, I probably won’t even look your way anymore once we’re done in here.”
“Oh?” I folded my legs. “And why is that?”
“Because you ruined Ben’s future.”
“Oh, I did? Did Gwen tell you that too?”
“Yeah, she told me that you convinced her to do it. She said that apparently Warren knows too, but he never told anyone because he was scared that she’d get expelled. Well guess what? She’s already transferred out. Your leverage is gone. What happens if I go to the principal’s office right now and ratted you out? Hmm?”
“I’ll probably get expelled, and Ben may have a chance at salvaging his high school ball career.”
“Right. So tell me, why shouldn’t I walk in there right now and ruin your life the way you ruined Gwen’s life?”
“I ruined it? Just me? You’re the one who told me about her bee allergies, remember? If anything, you’re just as guilty.”
“You think I don’t feel bad about that? How was I supposed to know that you were going to try to fucking kill her?! Are you completely insane?!”
“What is insane, anyway?” I looked up at the ceiling out of curiosity. “If anything, I’m just being logical here. If Gwen goes around telling everyone my secrets, then I’d be in trouble, right?”
“Yeah, you got Warren to stay quiet because of your stunt. But then she told me because of it, and now your life’s over. Unless you can give me one good reason not to fuck you over right now.”
I had to admit. He had me. I was surprisingly out of moves. So long as he didn’t care about me telling everyone about his extra-curricular activities, then he had the upper hand. I didn’t want to get expelled. I probably wouldn’t have minded it too much a few months ago, but now that I needed to be a part of Tristan’s life, now that I needed Dream Paralysis, I couldn’t afford to be expelled.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to tell Ben everything. Tell him why you led him on, tell him why you cut him off, then tell him why you went as far as to have Gwen drug him. He deserves that much.”
It wasn’t much. I could find an easy enough lie that could convince him to get off my back. I didn’t think that it was much of a punishment at all.
“Sure, I can do that.”
“And,” he continued.
“And…?”
“You’ll go out with him for one month. For real.”
“Why would I do that?”
“It was a part of the bet you made.”
“And he lost.”
“Yes, because you cheated. A deal’s a deal, Zoey. If you didn’t like the results, then you shouldn’t have made the bet in the first place.”
What would a month of dating Ben look like, anyway? Initially, it probably wouldn’t have been too difficult to glide through the month without doing much of anything romantic. He was completely submissive to me back then. But now that he knew I’d ruined his life, I don’t imagine that it would be a painless month for me.
“You’re really condemning us both to that? Never mind that I would rather not spend any time with him, you’re the one who called me a bully and said that I ruined his life.”
“You’re a smart girl, I’m sure you’ll find a way to get through it,” he said, returning to his seat at the sofa.
He was awfully smug. As if he were enjoying rubbing it all in my face. A month with Ben? It wouldn’t be easy, but with Tristan’s help I’m sure I could manage something. That is, assuming I convinced him to warm up to me again.
“Okay, fine. You win. You and Gwen have played your little hand. Arrange the meeting for tomorrow and I’ll do as you say. Are you happy?”
“Nope, just one more thing.”
“What is this, a shopping list?”
He removed the shoe from his right foot, and then his sock. It was so absurd that I almost didn’t believe what I was seeing. Here I was, conceding to every single demand that he’d been making, and he was still disrespecting the club room.
“Lawrence, what are you-“
“Kiss it.
I went quiet.
“Yeah, you don’t like that one, do you? You’re nothing if not prideful. I know this one will sting.”
He was right. I did not like it. I did not like it at all. He said that he wasn’t interested in sex, but he may as well have been asking me to fellate him at that point. It was humiliating to the point where I got sick to my stomach.
“Not a short kiss, either. Make it at least ten seconds long.”
He pulled his phone’s camera out.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because. Gwen needs something to ease her pain. You’re a proud, spiteful bitch who thinks she’s better and smarter than everyone. So I promised her. I promised her that I’d send this video to her so that she could get some closure from all of this.”
“Gwen’s closure is my lips against your dirty feet?”
“Gwen’s closure is watching you grovel in the mud like the disgusting human being you are. Now get on your knees so we can both move on with our lives.”
He lifted his phone up and started recording. I couldn’t not make a painful expression. I hated the thought of it. Not just the thought of humiliating myself by kissing his feet, but that I was being forced to really, physically acknowledge his victory over me by worshipping him.
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“Clock’s ticking, Zoey. You don’t want the principal to find out about this, do you?”
But really, he had played his cards perfectly. I only had the one recourse left. It was unfortunate, but he really got it out of me.
I knelt at the foot of the table anxiously staring down at that disgusting foot with dried skin on the ball. The callused foot of an athlete. I didn’t want to, but if I’m not able to retaliate, then there’s nothing to do but submit.
Slowly, I leaned my body forward towards his foot. The gut-wrenching stench that had filled the room was growing closer and more pervasive. I pinched my nose as I drew closer.
“No,” he said. “Let me see your face while you do it.”
Reluctantly, I removed my hand from my nose and moved my face closer. I was only a couple of inches away now. Would he shove it in my face? No. He wanted it to be a completely voluntary act on my part. He wouldn’t do such a thing. That’s why he was grinning from ear to ear as he recorded. Like a sick beast.
“Pfft…” I snickered.
“What?”
I couldn’t hold the act together anymore. I fell onto my back and exploded into laughter. I almost couldn’t breathe, rolling around on the carpet as I held onto my gut from the sheer amusement.
“I-I’m sorry. Your… your face, hahahaha!”
“Yeah yeah, very funny. You can stop laughing now. I’m going to tell the principal if you don’t get up and do it, you know.”
I did my best to contain the laughter as I sat up on the ground.
“Huh? Oh, sure. Go tell him. I’m not kissing your feet, Lawrence. Or anyone’s for that matter.”
“Yeah?” He hurriedly put his sock and shoe back on with so much force that I thought he’d rip the laces out. “Think this is a fucking joke, huh? After you ruined Ben and Gwen’s lives?”
“The only joke here is you.” I wiped the tear from my eye.
“Yeah, well, I hope your expulsion was worth the joke then.”
He got up and walked over to the exit. He was probably disappointed, but being rid of me would be a nice consolation prize, I imagine. He no longer had to worry about me threatening to release any information on him, nor about messing with him or his friends any longer. He could take solace in those facts.
“Oh, Lawrence?” I called out to him as he was about to leave through the door. He was about halfway out when he stopped. “What do you want now?”
“Before you leave, could you help me with the computer? There’s something I don’t quite understand.”
He shut the door and stepped back inside.
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Please? I’ll even consider going through with your request if you help me.”
I was still seated on the floor, knelt at the table, when I asked him to check on my computer with a smile on my face. Tristan is like that too. No matter how much he hates me, he still thinks of me as a woman. That’s why they always listen to my requests. They want to feel needed by me. They want to feel necessary. It’s their desire to own me that propels them. Oh, I understand it. I understand my strengths all too clearly, Lawrence. But the question is, do you understand yours?
“You’re asking me this when I’m about to ruin your life?”
“Well, the photography club must go on even if I’m gone, right? Your club needs our press too, after all. You could at least do that much for me. Please?”
That seemed to give him pause. He walked back into the room, right past me, then sat at the computer.
“All right, what do you want?”
“Right there, on the desktop. See the browser I’m using?”
“The browser?”
“Yeah. I wanted to change it to something better. Do you think you could help me?”
“Huh? Uh, sure, let me just find it-“
His words got stuck in his throat. I don’t blame him, really. There was no browser on my desktop, after all. I removed it all for this moment. Knowing that he would have to individually go through every single desktop icon, until the file titled Laura.mp4 made its way into his field of vision. It must have stuck out to him like a sore thumb considering how much he cared for her.
“Zoey, what is this?”
“Oh, that? Please pay it no mind. More importantly, the browser…”
“Zoey? I’m not going to ask again. What. Is this?”
“And I’m telling you, Larry.”
He flinched at the sound of his name.
“Don’t call me…”
“If you open that video file, you won’t have the courage to antagonize me anymore.”
I leaned over to catch a glimpse of his expression with wide, thirsty eyes, and it didn’t disappoint me. The anxiety and fear that colored his face gave me a rush.
“Zoey, if you hurt her then I swear to God-“
“But Larry-“
“Don’t call me Larry.”
“LARRY,” I continued, almost giggling. “If you never open that video, it’s like nothing’s even wrong! You can just go on with your life as if nothing happened. You can report me to the principal, and I’ll be expelled, and everything will be fine. But if you open it, do you really think you’ll have the strength to antagonize me anymore?”
He paused to think. For what it’s worth, I did think Lawrence was intelligent. Surely, he should have seen what I was talking about. If you’re unaware of someone’s leverage over you, then you won’t be impeded in acting against their interest. The problem is, you won’t be making an educated decision if you act without that knowledge. The question here was, did Lawrence care more about destroying me, or protecting Laura?
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. You’re just trying to distract me,” he said.
“It’s true, I am. You shouldn’t forget what you came here for, right?”
I walked off and fell into the sofa, still grinning.
“You may think I’m joking,” Lawrence said. “But I really am going to do it.”
“As you should. It would be the smart thing to do.”
He stood up, clearly disoriented from the stress, then took a deep sigh.
“Are you sure you don’t just want to accept the deal, Zoey?”
“I could stomach dating him for a month, but I’m not going to kiss your feet.”
“I’m not budging on it.”
“How unfortunate.”
He bit his lip, clearly disappointed with how things turned out, then walked over to the exit once again.
“Goodbye, Zoey Brahm.”
“Goodbye, Lawrence Young.”
He took a final long look at me, as if trying to gauge what I was actually thinking.
But he should have learned by now that trying to understand my true feelings was impossible for him. His look of joy when he thought that I was going to submit to him was proof of that. Only Tristan was capable of a feat like that thanks to Dream Paralysis.
After letting out another sigh, Lawrence left through the door.
He was gone, and it was all done. With nothing left to do, I lifted a magazine up from underneath the table and opened it up. It was a magazine I’d gotten for free along with the purchase of my new camera. It was a shame that I’d broken the old one, but it turned out to be for the best since the new one was better suited for film. I suppose I should thank Warren for angering me after homecoming.
In any case, I couldn’t understand why people read magazines in the first place? They’re kind of inferior to the internet in every way, and all they exist for is to sell ads to people. Though I suppose, as a hobbyist, there’s nothing you’d want more than people selling themselves to you through ads by showing off the best product in your field of interest. Tech showcases, for example, are just glorified ads. And yet people make such a big deal out of them year in and year out.
Come to think of it, is advertising even as inherently as annoying as people make it out to be? Take this Canon EOS R6, for example. A camera far outside my budget, and yet I can’t help but salivate at the thing. The videos I’ve seen of the autofocus on this camera are borderline AI. I can’t believe that I was born at the same time as this camera.
Sometimes, I fantasize about these amazing products and how many cool things I’d do with them. They motivate me to climb up in the world and make myself more money, all for the chance of owning and using them to my heart’s desire. Perhaps I’m just a product of modern America; a slave to consumerism. Laura might say that my pleasure-seeking through products like these is just me trying to find temporary refuge from the truth of my own mortality. But to her I say, maybe I just want to try using a fancy two-thousand-dollar camera for once?
The door opened once again. I looked over from the magazine and found Lawrence standing in the doorway.
“Done talking to the principal already?” I smiled.
He didn’t respond to my snide comment. In fact, he wasn’t even looking at me. He was staring at the desktop. With a brisk stride, he moved over and sat at the computer in no time, took a deep breath, then opened the mp4 file before him.
My only regret in that moment was that I hadn’t thought to record his reaction to it all. As I sat there, lounging in the chair, watching him skip through the timelapse of his sister having her insides rearranged by Jacob, I couldn’t help but wonder if God truly existed after all. There was no other explanation for how something so joyous could ever happen to me. Watching the twisted horror etch itself on his face as he realized that he no longer had any say over my life probably felt even better than whatever Laura had felt on the other side of that screen.
“So anyway, you were going to tell the principal-“
As I spoke up, he stood up and grabbed the monitor in front of him, then threw it to the side, cords and all, slamming it into the ground and causing a large thud to echo throughout the room. He stood over the ruins of his anger, heavily panting while still in a daze over what he’d just seen. He had finally come to the realization that Laura Young, despite her Christ-like demeanor, was just like any other girl.
“You’re going to have to pay for that, you know.”
He didn’t respond. Not that he needed to. That outburst was like a ringing bell, signaling my victory.
“What was it that you said earlier? My problem was that even if I’m nearly as smart as I think I am, I’m still human? What does that make you then, Larry? An animal enslaved by his base desires? Even though I told you not to open that video, you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? Incestuous little beast that you are. Did you want to watch your sister get fucked that badly?”
“Shut the fuck up…”
He took a peek at my wide-eyed smile in his anger. It was a threatening expression, but he didn’t frighten me. He no longer held any power over me. It was quite the opposite, in fact. I was no longer just a human to him. I had just become his God.
“I should have hurt you,” he said.
“You should have, but you didn’t. And you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
He bit his lip. “Are you going to spread this? Who else has it?”
“Only I do. And I won’t if you do as I say.”
“How do I know that?”
“Because if it spreads anyway, then I won’t have any more leverage over you, and you’ll ruin my life. Laura found the other copy on Jacob’s phone and deleted it.”
“So, she doesn’t know that you have this?”
“And she will keep not knowing unless you want it spread all over the internet.”
He flinched in anger, almost as if he wanted to fling himself at me. It was a look Tristan had been giving me all week. What is it with these men and resorting to violence when I’ve bested them? It’s always so thrilling to see that animalistic rage flare up in their eyes.
“So what do you want then?” he asked.
I moved the magazine off to the side then thought for a second.
“Hmm, if you can promise you and Gwen won’t spread anymore unfortunate information about me, then I suppose this little video will never see the light of day.”
“That’s… that’s all? You promise?”
“That’s all. I won’t release this or anything else I happen to have on you so long as you two never try to interfere with my life again.”
He didn’t respond. He merely shifted his gaze back to the floor in disgust.
“I’m not that cruel. I wouldn’t use something as terrible as this to force you to do something bad,” I said.
“And yet you’re using it all the same.”
“Yes, I am cruel. I believe we established that when I had Benjamin drugged.”
He clenched his fist. I had to admit, a part of me was thrilled by it. Rousing his anger, then slowly plucking his feathers while he held it together. Whatever love was, I’m certain that my feelings in that moment were far better than any mutual romance ever could be.
“If that will be all, Zoey…”
“Oh, no it’s not. Not even close.”
“But, you said…”
I slipped my shoes off using my feet, my eyes still examining his face. The confusion he had been expressing, the confusion that warped into anger as my now half-undressed legs went up onto the table, was like a shot of ecstasy running through my body. I reached both hands under my skirt and dragged my translucent tights down my legs slowly until they were off completely, unveiling my bare feet.
“You motherfucker…”
I tilted my head with a smile. “Kiss it.”
“You said all I had to do… you said all I had to do was leave you alone. That’s all. I even double-checked!”
“You did.”
“So, what the fuck, Zoey?!”
“You owe me a favor, remember? Back when we first arranged our exchange. I said, that at some point I would call upon you for a favor. A favor that you have to listen to, no matter what.”
“This… is a favor?”
“It is, Lawrence. What was it you said? That Gwen needs closure? Helping me to give her this gift for trying to ruin my life would indeed be a huge favor, don’t you think?”
“You ruined Laura’s…”
“No, you ruined Laura’s. Her life was fine until you threatened me into being her babysitter.” I sat up. “You got comfortable with me, Lawrence. I don’t know why you did, but you decided that you could threaten me into being your gopher. And for that I apologize. Because hell hath no fury on whoever considers themselves my equal.”
“Even… Tristan?”
I didn’t respond. The rumors that the two of us were dating had already circulated throughout the school. I made sure of that. If I were to rein Tristan back into my orbit, then everyone knowing as much would be integral to pressuring him back my way. Regardless, it didn’t matter what Lawrence thought of it. He no longer held any power over me. I offered him a smile, then leaned back in my seat and pulled my phone out.
“For no less than ten seconds, Larry. And let me see your face while you do it.”
Unlike me, he had no more cards to play.
He reluctantly leaned forward, gently grabbing hold of my foot, before sharing a gentle kiss with its underside. The thought that I would be able to watch this video for the rest of my life was filling me with such joy that it truly did feel like Christmas had come early. The tears rolling down his face as he submitted himself to me in order to save his sister were the icing on the cake. Just how much do you love her, Lawrence?
It’s funny. All love is to me is another method through which I can get people to do as I please. It’s the path of least resistance. So to see people like him who would bend over backwards for someone else for the sake of their love is almost comically confusing to me. There are other methods of manipulation besides love, of course. Mutually beneficial co-existence. If both parties benefit from staying on good terms with one another, then they’ll be less incentivized to betray each other. My photography club ensures that every student who is a member of a club will wish to stay on my good side, and so they’re more willing to grant me favors or forgive transgressions.
And then, finally, there’s fear. Fear, as in, I have just threatened that if Lawrence Young dares to cross me again, I will burn his entire life and everything he cares about down to the ground. Fear is a performance. The tension before the unveiling, building it up in his head before I finally revealed what was hiding behind the curtain with his own hands was instrumental to securing the elevated state of shock. While fear unfortunately comes with animosity, it’s an effective short-term motivator that has granted me a piece of cinema on par with even Hitchcock’s greatest.
Keeping the house of lies afloat is how I’ve lived my entire life. It’s how I was raised. It reminds me of a time before the divorce, where I studied nuclear doctrine and deterrence theory to the point where I became obsessed with its application to human relationships. But still, there’s no denying that pushing against someone’s boundaries to have a little fun like this isn’t worth it every now and then.
Once the kiss was done, I flipped the recording over to the front camera, then flashed a peace sign into the picture. She had lost, and she would know it now. With the sight of a crying Lawrence at my feet, and my riveting smile, Gwen Diaz was now out of cards to play.