After trudging through one boring class after another, it was finally time for our first break of the day. Lance and I usually meet up at the student lounge to hang out and talk about pointless drivel, so I was seated silently while waiting for him to show up. The student lounge was a comfortable indoor atmosphere filled with tables and small mini-sofas, as well as self-serving vending machines filled with drinks and snacks. It’s a great spot to hang out with the people you’re close to.
The issue was, however, that I wasn’t exactly in the right head space to handle a conversation with Lance. I had been staring at my cell phone with a goofy expression ever since I got to the lounge. I probably looked like an idiot to anyone who happened to look my way, but I honestly couldn’t care less.
And the reason for that was simple. Zoey’s phone number was right there in my contacts list. Warm fuzzy feelings were fluttering about on the inside of my chest.
It was easily a dream come true for me. I could have died happy right then and there.
I could have, but there was a huge caveat that came with that privilege. She wanted to know more about my ability to hack people.
She called it ‘hacking’, but for some reason, that phrasing felt way too impersonal to me.
More than simply accessing someone’s mind and body, it feels more accurate to say that I ‘became’ that person. After all, if I were simply hacking Zoey, then I would have felt some form of arousal at the situation. I mean, the body of the girl I loved was right there.
But that’s not what happened. Sure, I had retained my memory of who I was, but my psychological experience of the world was completely different compared to when I’m in my own body. I had begun to see the world as Zoey did. Like our consciousness had merged for a brief moment in time inside of her body, to the point where not even going through her own undergarments did anything for me.
It felt like the two of us had become one.
Zoey and I… had become one...
“Tristan!”
“Woah!” I flinched and quickly looked up from my phone.
There, I found Lance and Naomi seated across from me. I didn’t notice them at all. I was apparently far too deep in Lala-land to be aware of my surroundings. Lance stared at me with a puzzled expression on his face, but Naomi simply wore her usual cheery smile while sipping her soda.
“Uh, you okay man? I was calling out to you for like a full minute there.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Totally. I’m great.”
He grinned. “Yeah? You don’t sound great. I thought the good news would perk you back up to your old self.”
“Good news?”
“Yeah, Zoey and Ben aren’t going out anymore.”
“Oh.” It appeared that the news was already making the rounds. Considering how quickly the rumors of them dating had spread yesterday, it wasn’t all that surprising that today’s news had already made it this far. Still, it felt weird to be in the know for once.
All it took was for me to uncover some crazy kind of superpower.
“Hey man, don’t panic. You got her to talk to you earlier today! Tristan stocks are way up compared to yesterday.”
“Yeah, barely,” I lied.
Unfortunately, there was a wall blocking our ability to communicate. The truth is, I wanted to tell him. About my dreams. About how Zoey found out and called me to the photography room. I needed someone to confide in. It was an isolating experience to not be able to relate what was happening to him. But her voice kept ringing in my head.
“Let’s keep it as our little secret.”
That was the promise she had me make as I left the clubroom.
I don’t quite understand why she wants to keep our connection hidden from everyone, but it might have something to do with my powers. My first thought was that I’d get experimented on by the government or something. That’s always what happens in comic books, right? She also mentioned becoming a CIA asset.
It would certainly be dangerous to tell everyone like it’s no big deal. It’s not like they’d believe me anyway. Well, Lance probably would. But in any case, I decided that if Zoey wanted to keep our connection a secret, then at least for now, that’s what I was going to do.
“Speaking of the dance,” Naomi interrupted. “We need marriage counseling from you, Tristan.”
“Marriage counseling? Are you guys married?”
“No,” Lance said. “We’re not. And I don’t know why you’re asking Tristan for help when he has absolutely zero relationship experience.”
“Oh, come on. Let’s humor him for a bit. Who knows? He might surprise you!”
I was extremely offended by Lance’s casual mention of my lack of relationship credentials, but unfortunately, he was one hundred percent right so I decided not to say anything.
“So Trist. Since you finally know that we were together, I wanted to ask you about the reason for our breakup. What do you think? Would you like to hear it?”
“Uh, sure…”
“Well, who do you think should be the first to send the good morning text?”
“Huh? Well… I don’t know? Probably whoever wakes up first?”
“Right?! I one hundred percent agree! That’s exactly why I texted Lance good morning every day when I’d wake up! But see, he got mad at me anyway! All because he thinks that guys should send the text first.”
“Uh, hold on. I’m not following. You two broke up over who should send the good morning text first?”
“See Naomi, this is why I didn’t want to talk to him about it in the first place. Dude has no experience.”
“No, no, hold on. Am I the crazy one here? Doesn’t that seem like a pretty small issue? Why are you breaking up over-”
“Virgin.” I reached over to strangle that no-good stoner, but Naomi stood up to hold me back.
“Wait, wait! Lance, stop being a jerk. I just want to hear what he thinks.”
“What I think? I don’t know what to think. Why would you break up with someone because of something that pointless? Who cares which gender initiates the good morning text?”
“Dude, it’s not about gender. That’s just what Naomi thinks it’s about.”
“Well,” Naomi started, “if you won’t tell me, then how am I supposed to know?!”
“I did tell you. I want to be able to say good morning sometimes too.”
“And you broke up with her over… that?”
“Is that a problem?”
I tilted my head in confusion. Nothing that was being said made any sense. I couldn’t help but wonder if his excessive cannabis use had finally fried his brain for good. I turned to Naomi to inspect her reaction, but she only seemed to be probing me for mine.
“Uh, Lance. Couldn’t you just… I don’t know… talk to her about it?”
“No.”
“’No?’ What the fuck does ‘no’ mean?”
“It’s okay, calm down. Let’s just listen to Lance.”
“What? I mean, doesn’t this piss you off? He broke up with you over some petty bullshit like this, and you’re like all smiles just hanging out with him every day anyway. That’s fucking awful!”
“Oh man, Trist. This is embarrassing. Can you just stick to throwing Dota games? I don’t know why you’re trying to go along with this marriage counseling thing. You have the emotional intelligence of a doped-up monkey.”
My annoyance had just reached its boiling point when Naomi spoke up while looking down at her phone. “Oh, sorry guys. Someone’s calling for me. I need to go.”
“Uh, wait. Nao…”
Before I could stop her, she shot out of her chair and briskly cut towards the exit of the student lounge. Whatever it was, it must have been really important for her to leave in the middle of the conversation like that.
Lance, having seen her walk off just as I had, finally let out a sigh of relief. “Can you please take a hint for once?”
“What’s your problem?” I asked.
“Obviously, my problem is that I didn’t want to talk about it. Yet you just kept running your mouth. You’re such a low EQ dipshit sometimes.“
“Oh, I’m the one with low EQ? Even though you’re the one who broke up with someone you like over something that petty?”
“See, this is why you’re low EQ. OBVIOUSLY that isn’t the real reason I broke up with her.”
“Huh? It isn’t? But you told her...”
“Anyway since we’re on the topic of girls, here’s a question for you. Would you rather date a 5/10 with your dream personality, or a 10/10 with a bad personality?”
His sudden change of topic was a bit unnerving, even for him. But if I kept pushing, he would have probably just accused me of having low EQ so I decided to go along with it.
“Hmm.” I pondered for a brief moment. It was a tough one. Anyone’s ideal partner would probably be some mixture of both, but the question seemed to be about which aspect I valued more. “Probably the 10,” I said finally.
“Wow, really? I mean, I appreciate the honesty, but... why?”
“I don’t know, it’s just… if I had to choose between the two, I would probably pick the more attractive person. I can’t really think of a ‘why’. Like, I could try to justify why dating someone with a better personality would be the safer choice, but I don’t think my brain works that way. I think that no matter what, it always comes down to looks.”
“Yeah? I think I’d date the 5 though.”
“Oh, I doubt that.”
“I would.”
“No you wouldn’t. Naomi’s nowhere close to a 5. She’s extremely pretty. Like, I was genuinely surprised yesterday when I found out that the two of you used to date.”
“That’s true, but the question was about what I value more. And breaking up with someone like Naomi because something rubbed me the wrong way just shows how true that is.”
“Yeah but, someone with a bad personality can change with enough encouragement, right? I think you could get the best of both worlds that way.”
At my comment, Lance sighed. “I don’t think people can change that easily. I heard that human brains are at their peak development at like, age 25. So with that in mind, I think once you’re past that then there’s really no hope for you to change all that much. You’re too stuck in your ways at that point. I think that like, even changing much after you’re 18 is probably gonna be hard.”
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“You think we’re never gonna change?”
“Oh, not nearly as much as you think. You’re probably gonna be Tristan for the rest of your life.”
“You’re such a downer man, I’m totally gonna change.”
Lance shrugged it off with a grin. The thought that I’d be this person for the entirety of my life was not an exciting prospect to say the least, but I believed that he was wrong. There were great things coming to me in my future. I just had to believe in my ability to change.
“What are these two turbo losers talking about?”
“I dunno, but it sounds pretty interesting. Hey, mind if the two of us join you?”
Benjamin Otto and Lawrence Young.
The image of Lawrence making out with Suzie from the debate club was still fresh in my mind. I’d always known about his womanizing ways, but to witness it first hand was something else entirely. Was it envy? Envy that he got to have his way with all of those attractive women so effortlessly?
My eyes shifted between the two of them, and I decided to hold the thought. It wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. Lawrence aside, I absolutely did not want to run into Benjamin today. I was hoping that Zoey’s warning was nothing more than paranoia on her part, but…
“Huh? You wanna sit with us?” Lance asked. “What’s the occasion?”
“Never mind that,” Benjamin said, taking a seat right next to me. “So what were you guys talking about?”
He placed his arm around my side of the lounge chair in complete disregard for my personal space. Lawrence sat on the other side of me, meaning that the two of them had sandwiched me in, preventing my escape.
“Oh that? Well, I may as well ask you two as well.” Lance said. “What kind of girl would you prefer to date? A 5 with your dream personality, or a 10 with a bad personality?”
“What a stupid question. Why would I-”
“The 10,” Lawrence interrupted him.
“What seriously? The 10?” Lawrence’s answer had apparently caught Ben by surprise.
“Yeah. The 10. Why should I waste my time with a girl who isn’t hot?”
“Law, man...” Benjamin sighed. “Haven’t you ever been in love before? You can’t just judge everything off looks alone.”
“Have I ever been in love?” He laughed, almost as if the question were asked in jest.
“What, are you gonna say you’re too cool for love now?”
“No, I just don’t believe in it.”
“Oh, you don’t huh?”
“Besides,” he continued. “I also don’t believe in a 5 with my dream personality. If you’re a 5, that means you’re not putting any effort into how you look. Even an extremely unattractive woman could look good with makeup. If you’re not willing to put in that much effort, then you’re not my type.”
“No wait,” I interjected. “What’s this about love not existing? It totally exists.”
“No, that’s all bullshit made to sell Netflix subscriptions and concert tickets. It’s like Santa Claus. There’s billions of dollars to be made on selling the myth of love to us, so of course we’re all culturally brainwashed by their marketing campaign. But the truth is, that’s all bullshit. Just like there is no Santa Claus, there is no love. I see right through it.”
“What about that feeling you get when you really like someone?”
“You can call it love if you want, but it’s just a high that goes away after a while. Calling something like that love is just being delusional.”
“That’s…” Inhuman. The word inhuman nearly jumped out of my mouth, but I held it down.
“You’re a moron.” Ben laughed. “Of course you choose the 5. Personality is what matters. I don’t know who broke your heart, but it’s what’s on the inside that makes you feel good when you’re with a woman. There’s no point in having sex with someone if you’re not in love with them.”
“Yeah, for sure. You’re a big personality guy. All the girls you date happen to be 10s, but it’s just a coincidence.”
“You’re an ass, you know that?” The two of them chuckled at their mutual understanding. And just when I was thinking that the tension had died down, Ben’s gaze focused on me.
“Speaking of which,” he continued. “How’s your World History paper coming along? I heard Zoey was helping you out again today.”
It’s always a surprise to me how insanely fast any news about popular kids can travel. But what was more surprising was that he was this aggressive about it.
“O-oh, yeah. She knows a lot about the French revolution, so she was a huge help.”
“Hmmm. So what, are you two like best buds now?”
“With Zoey? Benjamin, I know what it looks like, but…”
“Don’t call me Benjamin. It’s Ben.”
“Uh, Ben. Sorry. Heh, uh… my mistake. But like I said, I really just needed help with the paper. Everyone knows how good her grades are, right?”
“Yeah. She has good grades, and she likes helping people out. I understand how popular girls like Zoey work. But you know Tristan, I understand how guys like you work too.”
“Guys like me?”
“You like Zoey, don’t you?”
I froze up for a split second.
“No, I, I don’t. I really just needed help with my…”
“Bullshit. Of course you like her. Everyone likes her.” He paused, as if suddenly pleased with himself. “You know what I think Tristan? I think you’re what we like to refer to in the game as a nice guy. You couldn’t get with her normally, so you resorted to sneaking around behind other people’s backs. Weaseling your way through the cracks in the walls in the hopes that you’d find a way in. Being nice, acting like a big people pleaser because you’re too boring to have any personality of your own.”
“I…” My voice trembled, and I didn’t say anything else.
“Tristan, listen. I get it! Really. Zoey’s hot. She’s a 10. She’s so hot that most guys that go to this school have thought about it at least once. I’m not mad at you. But this world history story’s getting old, you know? Instead of biding your time and hiding out like the nice guy that you are, you should just accept that she’s way out of your league.”
“What… what do you mean?”
“Really? Do I need to spell it out for you? I can’t tell if you’re stupid or just looking down on me. You know what? Listen. Here’s some advice. Because I don’t want you to think that I’m the bad guy here. Find yourself another girl, okay? One that’s actually in your league. And, when you do, don’t just go along with everything she says this time. Girls hate that shit. Make fun of her a little, call her a bitch. Do anything. Just don’t be a nice guy, ‘kay? Now, since I was kind enough to offer you some friendly advice, how about it? Feel like telling me what you said to Zoey yesterday?”
His words had given me a lot to consider. I had to pause. After all, my next response would take a lot of courage to get out. Courage.
Some people just have it in droves. They’re able to stand tall and be their true selves against whatever life throws their way, regardless of the circumstances. But me, I’m different. I’m just a coward who lets his guilt and self-hatred guide him through his life. But today, something changed.
For the first time, Zoey had looked at me.
For the first time, my worthless existence had been acknowledged by her.
That’s why I decided to make a stand.
“To tell you the truth…” I started, then paused to take a deep breath.
I felt both Ben and Lawrence eyeing me intently. Their focus was so heavy that I almost backed out instinctively. However, I had already started, meaning it was far too late to stop.
“Naomi wanted to know more about your relationship with Zoey.”
“Oh? Naomi wanted to?”
“Yeah, and she didn’t want your girlfriend to get in the way of her asking about it, so…”
“So you distracted her with that bullshit about your paper?” I nodded. Naturally, it was all nonsense. But it wouldn’t be easy to ignore the bait dangling in front of his face. He stared intently at me, then looked away.
“I guess that makes sense. But why did she want to ask about it? I know Naomi. She isn’t the type of person to play games like that.”
“No, but Gwen is.”
My eyes, which had been staring down at the table, quickly darted between the two of them in order to gauge their reactions. When I mentioned Gwen’s name, Lawrence perked up nervously for some reason. Benjamin himself, however, only sighed, as if everything had finally fallen into place.
“Gwen… that fucking…” He rubbed his temple then looked back over at me. “What the fuck did Gwen do this time..? Is she the reason Zoey broke up with me?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t get any details. I just know that she was curious about it.”
He took a moment to ponder, then looked over at Lawrence. “Do you know anything about this?”
“Uh, not really…” Lawrence was acting shifty. It felt almost like he was completely taken off guard by Gwen’s name being brought up.
“You know Ben,” Lance finally spoke up. “You mentioned that most guys in this school at least somewhat like Zoey. But Trist and I don’t really get what you guys see in her.”
“The hell are you on about, Lance?”
“I mean, look. Here’s a girl who’s got it all. Looks, grades, social circle, the whole nine yards. And yet despite being that perfect, despite being the center of attention for THAT long, there’s not a single bad rumor about her floating around. No beefs, no disagreements, nothing. I mean, while she was helping us with our paper, I even tried to get into a fight with her and she brushed me off like it was nothing. Isn’t that suspicious? She’s almost superficially perfect. I mean, there has to be something going on with her.”
“There’s something going on with her?” Benjamin laughed. “She’s too perfect so there’s something going on? Yeah, okay man.”
“Surely you see it too. She goes out with you for a day then breaks it off? And you’re just prowling around looking for someone else to blame? Just be honest with yourself. The problem isn’t Tristan or that Gwen chick. It’s Zoey. Zoey’s the problem. That girl is not worth the trouble. Whatever’s going on in that head of hers can’t be good news.”
“The fuck are you on about? You don’t just break up with someone a day later without someone else poisoning the well for you. Tristan aside, I seriously am starting to get the feeling that Gwen was involved somehow.”
“Whatever man.” Lance shrugged.
“Lawrence, do you know anything about what Gwen’s been up to?”
“Gwen? Uh, practicing her cheers for the homecoming game, I guess.”
“God, this is such a waste of time…” He sighed.
“Come on, let’s just go ask her directly.”
“Uh, well… mm, yeah.” The two of them stood up almost in sync and left the sofa. I watched their figures disappear as they went through the door to the student lounge
And as they did, I heaved a sigh of relief as the tension left my body. Sure, Gwen’s name seemed to have put a wrench in things, but Lance did a good job of preventing him from thinking too hard about it.
“Thanks man, you saved my ass.” I smiled at him, but his face was still as serious as it was before.
“Trist, are you sure you want to keep going in that direction?”
“What? What direction?”
“Hmmm… how do I say this.” He looked down and pondered for a moment. Whatever he was thinking, it wasn’t just a joke. “Well, I want to be supportive of your feelings for Zoey but… it seems like Benjamin’s on a manhunt for the reason the two of them broke up, right?”
“Right.”
“And that manhunt led him here.”
“Right.”
“And you dragged Naomi into the line of fire to save yourself.”
“Right…”
“High school’s fun enough as it is, Trist. We get to talk about stupid shit like Dota and hot chicks and we get to nap during classes. Like, I want to be supportive of your feelings, but… is she really worth all of this?”
Unsurprisingly, Lance was worried about me. Of course he was. Between what happened yesterday and just now, it’s easy to guess that things would only keep escalating if we kept dealing with the charging bull that was Ben.
But thankfully for him, this would probably be the end of it.
“No, I was actually thinking of giving up on Zoey.” Lance did a double take at my response.
“Uh, what? Seriously? Just like that?”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why? Weren’t you just about to tell me that I’m getting myself involved in something bad?”
“Yeah, but…”
“So what’s the problem? It’s not like we were close or anything. I just liked the thought of the two of us being together. It’ll be more than easy to move on from that.”
I smiled as I said it, but it took all of my willpower to not bite down on my lip. That’s because it hurt to lie to my best friend. I couldn’t tell him the truth, though. I wasn’t permitted to let him know about my newfound relationship with Zoey. The relationship that was founded on some strange power that I’d uncovered.
“Okay,” he finally said. “If that’s really how you feel.” Lance sighed and leaned back in his chair, finally releasing the tension from his body and returning to his old self. “But man, what was that about? Law looked like he was completely sick of Ben’s shit. Why was he just going along with all of it? Ahhh, no way. I can’t relate to nice people like that. I’d tell him off the first chance I got if it were me.”
“Ah, yeah…” His comment reminded me of how strangely Law was acting when Gwen’s name came up. It seemed like he was genuinely worried about Gwen getting into trouble.. “Do you think Law likes Gwen?” I asked.
“Gwen? What makes you say that?”
“Well, he looked nervous when I mentioned her name, so…”
“Oh, that. No, it might have to do with the fact that Ben has that history with her.”
“Really? You think he’d hit her again?”
“Who knows? I don’t even really know why he hit her in the first place. Or why the two of them are still friends despite breaking up on terms like that.”
“You say it like there’s forgivable reasons to hit someone.”
“Not forgivable.” He took a sip of his drink before continuing. “Understandable.”
“No, I don’t think it’s understandable either…”
“Really? Even if she was about to murder his family?”
“Okay, that’s a bit extreme. I don’t think Gwen was trying to kill Benjamin’s family.”
“What if she kept kicking his dog and refused to stop?”
“Dude, what are these insane examples?”
“My point is, you don’t know what was going on between the two of them. It’s not a forgivable action to hit your girlfriend, it never is. But there are situations where it’s understandable.”
“Yeah, she just has to have a gun to his grandma’s head.”
For some reason, my comment seemed to have gotten a laugh out of him. “Maybe so. But you know, everyone’s been talking about it a lot lately since his fling with Zoey. Ben the abuser. Everyone condemns him for it, but no one bothered asking why. Not you, not Naomi, not anyone else I’ve spoken to about it. I think that’s sad. Benjamin Otto is 18, not 25. He’s not perfect, and he still has plenty of opportunities to grow. But no one wants to give them to him. No one wants to understand him, and try to help him with whatever anger issues he’s dealing with. It’s all about condemning him.”
Lance is always like this. He thinks so deeply about the most pointless things. Trying his hardest to understand every possible interpretation. Just like when he questioned the legitimacy of Zoey and Ben’s relationship, there he was again, trying to be charitable to someone who raised their hand against their partner.
It was an unsettling habit of his, and I honestly wanted nothing more than to wash my hands of that conversation right there. I mean, there’s no defending what he did, is there? And yet, his words of boundless compassion for Benjamin reverberated through my mind.
“So, what about Gwen?” I finally asked. “Do you think we should just forget what he did to her because he can grow in the future?”
“No, but at the very least she seems to have forgiven him. They’re still friends even after what happened, so why should we condemn him without actually knowing the situation?”
“Okay, then what about her parents? How would they feel if they found out about it? Don’t you think it would tear them apart to know that their daughter was treated like that?”
I was scrambling. Trying my best to condemn him. Using any avenue I could to keep the attack up. It’s pathetic, I know. But I just… I really fucking hate Benjamin Otto.
“I think they would feel rightfully upset. But do you really believe that he shouldn’t be allowed to change? It’s not like he killed her or anything.”
“I don’t know, I just...”
“Hey Trist, enough already. All I’m saying is that if you want to condemn him that much, then maybe you should ask the two of them about it yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess…” My head felt heavy.
It was frustrating to listen to Lance stand up for someone who treats me like that. He was standing up for a guy who even hit his own girlfriend. As if there’s anything redeemable about someone like that. He could be such a contrarian about the most pointless things.
But it was hard for me to hate him for it. After all, he did have my back earlier, so it wasn’t like he was being malicious. No, in fact it might have been the opposite.
He might claim to hate kind people like Lawrence, but he might be more compassionate than anyone else at this school.