Laura Young was sitting at the bench where Zoey and I had waited on Saturday. Andrew Jackson stood tall in his equestrial glory over her gloomy visage. She had been gazing absent-mindedly at the moonlit grass, the path colored by the standing lights hanging above the cobblestone.
I wasn’t sure if she had gotten an uber back to her dorm or if the hotel was within walking distance, but the reality was that she was no longer in the room where she shared that moment with Jacob. Who knew if they had spoken since then? Who knew if they were even together anymore? I missed a lot by waking up and reporting to Zoey, for all the good it did me. Hopefully she’d be able to stop Enzo from distributing it.
What surprised me the most about hacking Laura Young wasn’t the location, however, but her feelings towards the incident. While she carried her sadness tucked close to her chest, there wasn’t a hint of anger or resentment towards Jacob. The girl seemed to be processing her own misfortune as if she had been the victim of a natural disaster rather than any mal intent. And worse yet, she was handling it surprisingly well. There was something both relieving and terrifying about that realization.
There was the fact, of course, that she believed it to be over, having deleted the video, so that probably contributed to some of her tranquility. But the truth of it was that Enzo had received a copy before she deleted it. I recognized that Zoey wished to handle it herself, but I thought that I should at least take a look at how things were on his head.
I used the moment to do my best to remember what Enzo looked like, then tried to project myself towards him.
---
He was sleeping. I could tell since I had full control of his body. His dark, unfamiliar dorm room littered with junk and scattered clothing was discomforting to say the least. It was in stark contrast to Zoey’s wonderful bedroom that was kept neat at all hours of the day. The discomforting atmosphere in the room only trampled over any desire I had to stay in this body. I instinctively reached out to his bed side and grabbed his phone.
His screen lock used faceid, so I held it up to my(his) face and allowed it to unlock on its own. The first thing that greeted me on the screen was his call logs. The last logged call was a contact called ‘Z” logged over an hour ago. Sure enough, that could only have been one person. As for whether her call was successful or not, I decided to check through his messages first.
“Huh…?”
There was nothing.
Had she really convinced him to delete it?
If that’s the case, then there was no reason for me to be here, was there?
I hadn’t found anything even from within in the trash folder of his phone.
I’m not sure what kind of dirt Zoey had on this guy, if he really was that scared of Krista finding out about it, but either way he somehow managed to delete it way too quickly.
But that’s not important.
What mattered is that Laura was safe now.
The video was deleted on both of their devices, and Laura could focus on healing from the betrayal she’d faced.
---
I had only returned to Laura’s body for a few seconds before I realized that something was strange.
My vision was going blurry.
Why?
Was something going on with her?
Was she passing out?
I needed to get help.
I needed to…
---
My soul, my spirit, whatever it was, had been vacuumed out of Laura’s body. By what exactly, I couldn’t say. But the terrifying nature of my transposition through the darkness had left me in a state of shock. The adrenaline was like a roller coaster ride with no guarantee of safety. I felt myself being tugged at high speeds I hadn’t known were possible for a human to reach on their own.
Something was wrong with my powers. The hack on Jacob earlier was different than the others too. The slow journey through the tunnel before I finally made my way to him felt like the day I was attacked by the creature in the woods. For a second, I thought that I had gotten lost in the spirit realm. And now, I was being tugged along through that same tunnel at the speed of light.
And suddenly…
I was back in my body.
The huge gasp that escaped my lips as I bolted upright in my bed had surprised even myself. Cold sweat ran down my face as I panted heavily. Was any of that even real? Or was it a night terror? It certainly felt real, but I couldn’t be sure of anything. The ambiguity of it all was terrifying. Not knowing if it was a dream or real, not knowing if any of my actions were my own or the influences of the people I’d hacked, not knowing if I’d come back alive or not…
It was the morning of homecoming, a full day after I told her I’d refuse to use Dream Paralysis again because it was immoral. Back then, she said something that I’d been thinking about for a long time.. She said that she wasn’t sure if I’d even had any morals, and that my refusal to use Dream Paralysis was just cowardice.
Sadly, I’m beginning to think that she was right. I quickly abandoned my morals and used my status as her invisible gun as an excuse to not explore these powers more than I needed to. Because I was scared. There were too many uncertainties. It’s not like someone had written a guide on using it before me. All I had were mine and Zoey’s speculations, and who knows how many steps I could take into the darkness before I eventually fell off a cliff? I’m scared of dying, I’ve acknowledged as much before. So this time, I need to truly stop making use of this power.
Hello.
My body froze.
Whether that hack earlier was a dream or not…
That voice was definitely real.
Be at ease, I have no plans to hurt you.
No plans, it said. Did that mean it might hurt me later? My eyes remained glued to the sheets over my lap.
Look at me.
I refused.
Look at me.
I would not look at it. I refused to with every fighting cell in my body.
And then, I felt it lift my chin.
Inches from my face, it leaned forward to face me.
Horned, Skull-faced and all, a dim light peering through the darkness living in those pitch-black eye sockets.
Hello, Tristan.
My heart was relentlessly banging against my ribcage.
My eyes were wide with terror.
I thought I was going to die.
Perhaps I’d thought that I was already dead.
Well, if that were the case then I wouldn’t have resisted the urge to scream as much as I did.
Are you not going to say hello?
“D… d-don’t kill… me…”
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Kill you? Tristan, do not be foolish.
“But…”
There are no buts or ifs. A spirit cannot survive without its host. If I kill you, I will also die.
“Host…?”
The creature leaned back off the bed where its body of tentacles rippled across the room like a sea of darkness drowning the floor. It stared down at me with far more purpose than it was ever capable of the first time it had shown up last week.
What we have is what you humans call a symbiotic relationship. I need you, and you need me. Therefore, if you have any questions, I will answer them for you.
Answer them? He was going to explain everything to me? About himself? About Dream Paralysis? I was so terrified that I didn’t know where to begin. The ocean-like wobbling of the tentacles were disorienting. I felt as if I was going to be attacked at any moment. The fact that Zoey had forced me to use this power without understanding the consequences of it was just another reason for me to hate her.
“What… are you?”
What am I? That is not a difficult question to answer on its own, but it also depends on what you might mean by that. I am one of the twin spirits of lake Irma. I have not been granted a formal name by humans. I have only been discovered quite recently by your kind.
The spirit’s main body swam across the dark sea and made its way to the right side of my bed. My body tensed up, and I moved away from that edge almost subconsciously.
I have been roaming through the forest of the lake for decades, latching onto whatever life force I could. They used me, just as you have, by utilizing my spirit linking, or hacking as you call it. Spiders luring moths to their webs. Coyotes in search of rats and birds to feast upon. When you found me, my host was a particularly aggressive black bear that had acquired a taste for mammal meat thanks to the ease with which my powers allowed it to gather prey. And you were its first human victim.
“And then you saved me. Why…?”
Because human lives are far more valuable than those of animals.
It was an almost biblical statement. But who was I to doubt the supernatural creature before me, that clearly had a better understanding of spirits and life and death than I did?
“So then… why did you only show yourself before me now?”
Do you remember your first years in this world?
“What? Like, as a baby?”
The creature nodded.
“No, I don’t really. My first memories are probably of pre-K. I was maybe three or four.
The truth is, that is only the first memory that your brain can recall. Your spirit, however, remembers far earlier than that.
“Far… earlier?”
The prerequisite for forming memories is language learning. Your ability to categorize things neatly by grouping and labelling them assists in your ability to retain information reliably. Otherwise, all you have are the instincts of your soul. You felt it, didn’t you? The difference between knowing something intuitively with your own brain and acting it out in the bodies of the humans you linked your spirit to.
He was right. I thought it was just muscle memory. Their body remembered the way they did things.
That is the memory of the spirit. You humans call it instinct, but it is the knowledge of your ancestors and past that has been passed down to you, both through your spirit and through their own teachings. I am not different. I was just a spirit before I learned your language. The many links you created. From Zoey, Carla, Horace, Gwen, Benjamin, Laura, Jacob, and finally, Enzo. All of these assisted in bringing me to life. In particular, in order for me to fully materialize, I require two secondary hosts.
He mentioned a name that I hadn’t recognized. Was that the name of the thief who stole Zoey’s phone?
“What’s a secondary host?”
A database of sorts. As you humans have teachers and role models as you develop, so too do I require them. While I might gain the ability to communicate and tether myself to the real world by copying from their database, my understanding of humanity is influenced by their personalities as well. I believe that four separate instances of linking with a single target should suffice. Think back. Are there any people that you have linked to that many times?
Four times? If you count the first week, then Zoey had already met that quota. Perhaps that’s why the spirit showed up in the first place back then? As for a second…
“You learned from Zoey and Laura?”
And at least three others. Those are the requirements. But the majority of my influence comes from those two, yes. It is fascinating, Tristan, that the essence of their souls are almost completely opposite. You have chosen excellent specimens for me to learn from.
A spirit forged by multiple hacks on the girl called Zoey Brahm. The fact that I had actually brought the devil to life was not at all lost on me. But at least it was also half Laura. Perhaps her good could temper out the evil. I could only hope as much, as this thing was living inside of me now.
“So, when my personality was being influenced after the hacks…”
You are the bridge to myself and these new experiences. Some lingering influence should be expected as I absorb more knowledge of the human race through each spirit link.
I didn’t understand. Was he just going to be inside of me forever, absorbing these new experiences? What if I suddenly decided that I never wanted to hack anyone anymore? Or, worse yet, what would happen if he decided that I was no longer able to feed him useful information?
You are scared of dying, are you not?
“H-huh?”
Slowly, his main body slithered onto my bed. The darkness dripped off like melted wax onto my sheets as he slowly crawled up the bed frame and onto the wall above me. I could only lean back onto the bed, arm in front of my face as if shielding myself, for whatever good that would do.
I realized it quickly. It is the one thing that separates you the most from everyone else you have linked with. Your soul is traumatized by the joining of your body and me. Having two souls co-exist in one body is a difficult experience to manage, and you very nearly died during the process.
So that tunnel really was the tunnel to the afterlife, I thought.
You held on. You managed to stay tethered thanks to your strong connection to that girl, Zoey.
I didn’t respond.
Do not look so upset. If I am the reason you almost died, then she is the reason for that ‘almost’.
He tried to warm me up to Zoey, but it didn’t matter. Even if she’d saved my life, it didn’t mean that she could do as she pleased with me. I was still disgusted by her. And in any case, it didn’t change anything. I was still scared of dying.
You remain frightened despite my explanation.
“Well, diagnosing someone with cancer doesn’t make them better on their own.”
The spirit paused for a moment. Its empty eyes staring down at me, if you could them call it that. The uncanniness was sending chills down my spine. I wanted nothing more than for this to end right that second.
How about this? I can guarantee that your death is far off into the future.
“Far off? How far off? How do you know-“
It was like a movie in reverse.
The creepy manner in which he slithered away, almost as if he were being played at two times speed.
His tentacles retreating to the corner with him.
They clung to the wall as he stared at me.
Us spirits, we can see it.
“S-see it..?”
When a living thing’s death is near. A useful skill for a parasitic spirit like myself. If I die inside of a living thing while it hosts me, then my spirit passes on to the other side. Being able to avoid such a catastrophe is not just helpful, it is necessary.
“Passes on… to the other side? What is the other side? To heaven? With Jesus?”
The spirit paused for a second time, seeming unsure on how to answer my question.
Your spiritual journey, I cannot help you with the answers. That is something you will have to find out on your own. I only speak to you about your death because your anxiety is hindering your willingness to link with other humans.
So, he was being self-serving. In that case, there was no reason to bother anyway. He could just be lying so that I’d keep hacking people for knowledge.
You are still scared. You still do not trust me?
I didn’t respond.
Fair enough, I will give you some advice then. While your flame is far from close to being burned out, someone close to you, someone you love, their own flame will be extinguished very soon.
“What?”
Perhaps before the year is over. And it will not happen because of anything I have said or done. No, this is all predetermined. Perhaps by telling you this, you might be able to change it. Perhaps not. It all depends on whether you figure out who it is or is not.
Then tell me.
If you figure it out, then how will I prove that the predetermination is real? I have done you enough of a favor as is by telling you this much, have I not?
You’re just like Zoey.
No, I am nothing like Zoey. While I am trained on her personality, my spirit serves a greater purpose that no animal or human taint can ever influence me into forgetting. My actions will remain in line with pursuing that purpose in accordance with the code that this purpose demands.
“It doesn’t change the fact that you won’t help me save the life of someone I love.”
Indeed, it does not. However, it is only because your human perspective views death as something terrible that you mean to resent me for it. It is only a natural part of living that all things die eventually.
“What is death if not terrible, then? I won’t see them again.”
You would not understand it.
I gritted my teeth. “What… makes you say that?”
Think of a complicated math equation, and how you struggled with it even with all the knowledge your teacher had imparted you with. Now, imagine giving that very same problem to a five-year-old and expecting them to be able to apply it. Learning about who you are and what your place is in this vast world is not quite as simple as you believe it to be. You cannot be given the answer and expected to understand it. It is only by working through it on your own that you will truly grasp the meaning behind everything. Even if I told you about death, you would still view it through your own childish eyes.
“How do I make my childish eyes into adult ones, then?”
Asking questions is a good beginning. Never stop thinking, and never stop asking questions. Only you can find the answers that you seek. Find them, Tristan Collins. Just as I hope to find the secret to the human condition, you must find your own spirituality.
Find my spirituality. If that’s the goal, then perhaps separating myself from Zoey and looking towards Laura would be the answer after all. But could my guilt stomach that? After what I did to her using these powers?
That is all I am willing to say for the time being. However, keep in mind that now that I have fully manifested, I will always be with you.
With those parting words, the spirit faded into the shadows of the room, and a whirlwind of darkness poured into my right shoulder. The vacuum effect that had tugged me out of Laura’s body was now tugging that strange creature into my arm. As the room settled down and the creature disappeared, I felt a burning sensation in my shoulder. Pulling my sleeve down, I noticed a boldened line like a dash stretching out across my shoulder. It was a sign that my body no longer belonged to just myself. I was the host to a powerful spirit now, and any sense of normalcy from now on truly was only but an illusion.