After school, we had our first photography club meeting with all five of us. Zoey, Jazmine, Lance, Naomi, and myself. Most of the meeting involved Zoey pumping our brains with basic information on cameras and photography. There was so much to remember that it would have felt like taking another class had she not let us use her own camera to try stuff out.
Today, she introduced us to the three pillars of photography: aperture, shutter speed, and ISO. All three pillars pertain to exposure, which is a fancy word for how the shot is lit, but the secondary effects they have on your composition are all unique.
The aperture stop is a part of a camera’s lens that has control over said exposure, but has the secondary effect of changing a photograph’s sense of depth, creating a neat separation between foreground and background.
Shutter speed, as the name implies, manipulates the camera’s shutter to control how much light gets in by adjusting the length of time said shutter stays open. This has the secondary effect of changing how motion is viewed in the final photograph. For example, a camera with a higher shutter speed setting may capture a fast movement with perfect precision and quality, while one with a slow shutter speed may end up being blurry. The former is better for photography while the latter is better for videography.
ISO setting, according to Zoey, is probably the least utilized of the three, as high ISO creates a lot of noise in photographs that would more than likely look better if added in post. Therefore, most photographers usually just keep this setting low. It is worth noting, however, that it’s okay to mess with it if a little extra lighting is necessary to supplement the other two settings.
“Okay, so do we have any questions?” Zoey asked, once we’d had our fill of toying with her camera.
“Yeah,” Naomi said. “Are you sure Lance is a good pick for this club? I don’t think he paid much attention to any of that.”
“What? Yes, I did,” Lance said, picking his nose.
“Okay, tell us one thing you learned then.”
“Well, I think she said something about the shutter speed and videos. That was the only important part for us. Trist’s gonna have to choose a high shutter speed when he’s shooting our movie.”
“Uh, no? It needs to be lower? Hello? You weren’t even paying attention.”
“In order to make a movie, you generally want to set the shutter speed to double your framerate,” Zoey said, messing with her camera settings. “So if you’re making a film at 25fps, you’d want to set the shutter speed to 1/50. But if you would like to photograph something quick like a horse in motion or a bird soaring through the air, you could try something above 1/1000.”
“Yeah, idiot,” Naomi added, which made Lance pull his beanie over his eyes.
“Okay, I feel like you’re being kind of a jerk right now.”
“I’m being a jerk? Think about how much effort Zoey’s putting in here. How hard is it for you to pay attention? Are you high again or something?”
“I am not, dude!”
“God, whatever. I don’t have the time for this.” Naomi picked up her backpack and moved past Jaz, who was eyeing the whole interaction with a mildly curious look on her face.
“Where are you going?” Lance asked.
“Hanging out with Lawrence.”
“Hanging- what? Why?”
She stopped to look at him, and I thought I saw an inquisitive rage burning inside her eyes. “What, is there a problem?”
Whatever shock might have been present on Lance’s face immediately disappeared as she asked.
“Huh? Why would there be? Live your life, dude. Hang out with whoever you want. See if I care.”
“Then I will.”
I could see her still pouting over the whole ordeal as she opened the door and left just as quickly as the argument had started. The room had fallen into an awkward silence with her exit. We’d gone from a normal lesson about photography to a fight between two people who, in my opinion, really shouldn’t have been fighting at all. They clearly loved each other, so why couldn’t Lance just swallow his pride and say what he’d said to Gwen earlier today? Was the timing just that bad? Now Naomi was so done with him that she had decided to take Lawrence’s bait. Was she just accepting his approaches to make Lance jealous? Or had she genuinely moved on? Either way, if Lance didn’t make a move quickly, then who knows how things would go?
“Uh, Zoey are we done for today? Because I kinda wanna go check on her,” Jaz said.
“Sure, you can leave.”
“Thanks. See ya Tristy, nice hanging out with you like always!”
“Yeah, I’ll see you around.”
I waved at her as she ran off to follow behind Naomi, who had already left the room. This just left Lance, who was rubbing his temple with a distraught expression that I thought didn’t suit him, Zoey, who was shutting the computer down after her lesson was over, and myself.
“Trist, man… did I mess up somewhere?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, dude. Lawrence said it himself. He said the tide would come in and wash her away. It’s only been a day since then and she’s already over there talking to him. I mean fucking… how is he so talented?”
“Well, I don’t know if it’s too late to fix it. You just need to talk to her and be open about what you’re going through.”
“Yeah but, right now? I mean, if she still likes me then this is some spite-driven revenge flirting game she’s playing right now. That’s just bullshit.”
“And if she’s genuinely considering it then you’re slowly losing your window to win her back.”
“Yeah but… ah, fuck. Let’s just go crash it. I’m not gonna let that asshole get his way with Naomi.”
“Sure.” I stood up. I had nothing better to do, so maybe stirring stuff up before I headed home might end up being fun.
“Actually Tristan, do you mind staying for a little while longer?” asked Zoey, who had just walked past us and was about to leave.
“Huh?” Lance spoke up. “Why?”
“Well, because I need to talk to him about something important of course.” She winked at Lance.
“Oh. Ohhhh. Oh, yeah. Okay. You can stay back then Trist, no problemo. I’ll deal with this Lawrence shit myself. Good luck champ, you got this.”
“Uh, right...”
He placed his palm on my shoulder then walked past Zoey through the exit. Truth be told, I had no idea what any of that could have meant. No, I guess I had some ideas. But they were so far-fetched and unrealistic that I had dismissed them entirely. I turned back to Zoey, who looked to be inspecting the room and pondering something.
“So… what is it?”
“Do you mind waiting here for a minute? I forgot something in my car.”
“Uh, sure.”
“Thanks, I’ll be back in a sec.”
She flashed me a smile then slipped out of the room, her long, luscious hair trailing behind as she closed the door behind her. To be able to spend any amount of time with Zoey was like a dream come true for me. To be depended upon by her, however, was the same as being dubbed the king of the universe. My reign will be a kind and just one, so long as my queen remains content.
It was strange, though. When was the last time Zoey had gone without wearing her signature fragrance? Was it because of what happened on Saturday? I hadn’t seen her yesterday, so perhaps she wasn’t wearing it then either? I couldn’t say. It was a bit disappointing, however. The joy I felt whenever that scent caressed my nostrils was a drug.
“What are you doing?”
The question came from Gwen Diaz, who for some reason was now in the photography club. Zoey’s cool personality prevented me from showing my surprise, however. I simply turned around to greet her as always.
“This is my club,” I said.”
“Yeah, but…” She looked like she had something else to say as she closed the door behind her, but ended up holding her tongue.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Huh? That girl just texted me saying she wanted to have a real conversation about everything.”
“Zoey did?”
My stomach turned. I wasn’t sure why, but I was suddenly on edge when I heard those words. It was a premonition. Something that I wouldn’t like was about to happen and I felt it in my bones.
“Tristan?” she asked.
“Huh? What is it?”
“You look pale… are you okay?”
Pale? Did I really look that strange? I stared down at my trembling hands. Come to think of it, they were a little paler than usual. Why is that, I wondered. And why was I shivering despite adopting the cool personality of Zoey Brahm?
“Am I okay? I… I don’t know. I think I need…”
My vision was disoriented. The room was spinning. My heart was beating out of my chest.
“Here, take a seat.”
Gwen led me to the sofa and we sat down together. I needed to calm down. I needed to draw forth Zoey’s influence. Serene like the surface of lake Irma. My mental image of her essence flowed through me. I am calm. I am calm. I took a deep breath, then expelled the anxious feelings inside of me.
“Are you good now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Were you thinking about death again?”
“No, it wasn’t death this time. I was scared of… something else.”
“Something else?”
I couldn’t admit it to her. The source of my discomfort.
The truth is, I was scared of losing her. I was scared of losing Gwen. She’s the only one who gets me. She’s the only one I can talk to without fear of judgment. She’s the only reason I can wade through this swampy, undetermined path that I’m on with Zoey. This path that I’ve forced myself on because my mind won’t let me take any other path.
“I’m kind of jealous of you, Gwen.”
“Well that came out of nowhere.” She smirked. “How come?”
“I don’t know if I could let go of Zoey the way you let go of Ben.”
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“Oh.” She looked down at her shoes. “I don’t know if I’ve completely let go either, to be honest.”
“Didn’t you break up with him?”
“Well, yeah. But, it’s only kind of easy because he’s suspended. I don’t know what I’d do if he came up to me right now and apologized for everything. As much as I hate how he’s treated me, my feelings for him won’t just go away.”
“But you’re taking steps, right? That’s more than I could ever do. I mean, I think I’d die if I ever gave up on Zoey.”
“You won’t.”
“But I feel like I will.”
“You won’t, I won’t let you.”
“Gwen?”
“We need each other, I think. To keep each other honest. You know, so we don’t slide back to those kinds of people. If we feel bad about something, we can just talk to each other and share our feelings. That way, we won’t do anything stupid.”
“I don’t know… I really like Zoey.”
“But think about it, Tristan. Don’t get upset at me, but think about it. Isn’t… isn’t she just stringing you along? You said it yourself. You’d rather have sex with her than be a stranger. But are those really the only two options? Can’t you find someone else? Someone who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them, and much more than Zoey ever will?”
“Yeah but, like who? Zoey’s perfect. Zoey’s…”
The door slammed open, and her familiar auburn hair streamed into the room from behind her. It was a dramatic entrance that didn’t suit the usual cool Zoey who seemed to just be coasting through life. She wanted to become the center of attention. She wanted us to notice her.
“Oh hello, you’re here.” Her words were aimed at Gwen, who was shooting her a menacing glare.
“I guess. I just wanted to hear what you had to say for yourself.”
“That so?”
Zoey reached out into the doorway and pulled what seemed to be a projector cart into the room. The wheeled apparatus was draped in another black curtain, much like the barricade usually is. However, there were two neatly wrapped presents set atop the cart.
“Oh.” And then, I remembered. The thing I saw when I’d hacked her last night. Was this why she called Gwen over? Was this all just a part of her plan?
My heartbeat quickened.
“G-Gwen, I… I think you should leave.”
“What? Why?”
“I just… please. Just go through the door.”
“But why, Tristan?” Zoey asked. “Don’t you think she should see what I got her for her birthday?”
“The cart’s blocking the way,” Gwen added. “I couldn’t leave anyway even if I wanted to.
“Tristan, come over here.” Zoey closed the door behind her once the cart was inside, completely sealing the exit.
“Zoey, please... Just let her leave.”
“Tristan, I’m not going to ask twice.”
I looked over at Gwen, who was wearing a displeased look over how Zoey was conducting herself so far, then made my way over to Zoey’s side.
“Give her the first gift. It’s the one on your left.”
The first gift. If it’s what I saw last night, then giving it to her would be a terrible idea. I couldn’t follow through.
“Zoey, I…”
“Do it. You’re mine, remember?”
You’re mine. The words were like the password to my body. A type of hack that only Zoey Brahm could perform.
I was no longer Tristan the high school senior. I was Tristan, the gun.
I’m hers.
I’m hers.
I’m hers.
I picked out the first gift, wrapped in purple gift paper that matched the top Gwen had been wearing, and slowly walked over to hand it to her.
Judging by the weight and the shape, it felt like a small bottle with a liquid swishing around inside. it couldn’t have been what I’d seen last night at the very least.
Gwen accepted it hesitantly, then unwrapped it without turning to look at Zoey. Once the tearing and shedding of the paper had concluded, she lifted the bottle up the stared back at Zoey.
“Is this supposed to be a joke? Or…?”
“No joke, it’s your birthday gift. I figured since you needed a scent of your own, I’d pick something that I thought suited you.”
Gwen sprayed her wrist then inhaled.
“Not bad…”
I was in close proximity, so the fruity scent had invaded my nostrils as well. I thought that citrus was an interesting choice for Gwen considering her prickly personality, but if Zoey thought it suited her then it wasn’t my place to judge. I made my way back to her to get her second gift, but Zoey stopped me with a wave of her hand.
“So, what do you want to know Gwen? This is your one chance to get me to come clean about everything. I’ll answer whatever you want answered, and you can get the closure you’re so desperately seeking.”
“Really? Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she said, leaning against the door.
I felt a chill run down my spine. The fact that Zoey would even think of doing something like this to Gwen was inhuman. Only a cold-blooded machine could even consider doing this to someone else.
“Okay. I know I’m going to regret asking this, but why did you hit on Ben and get him to break up with me?”
At the question, Zoey drew a line along the edge of the cart and sighed.
“I just got bored of seeing the two of you together.”
“Bored…?”
“I wish there were a better way to express it, but yes. Being forced to look at those extravagant displays of affection every time I’m at a game is just far too much for me. You two overdid it, and you became an eyesore. I ripped you two apart for fun so that I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.”
“For fun? Are you being fucking serious right now…?”
“One hundred percent. I got tired of looking at you, so I broke you up. What part of that doesn’t logically follow?”
She gritted her teeth. “But then, that doesn’t make any sense. Yeah, you weren’t giving him any attention after we broke up, but then why did you ask him out later then?”
The why would be because of Dream Paralysis. I was the one who accepted his advances. But could Zoey say that to her?
“I just felt like twisting the dagger in some more.”
Gwen looked down at the ground, then fell back to the sofa. Her bangs were hung over her eyes, so I couldn’t make out her expression. But one thing was for sure: she was defeated. Zoey Brahm had conquered her mind, body and soul. Destroyed her life on a mere whim, all because Gwen’s happiness just so happened to slightly irk her.
“Are you the devil?” she asked finally.
“Perhaps, but in that case, wouldn’t the fact that Ben never truly came back to you mean that God has also forsaken you?”
“You fucking bitch…”
“Oh, careful. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
“The only thing I regret is not calling you out when I had the chance.”
“Gwen,” I said. “I really think you should leave…”
“Shut the fuck up, Tristan!”
She yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Why can’t you see that she’s just using you?! That fucking bitch doesn’t have anything remotely resembling a heart inside of her, and you’re still clinging to her like, like a lost fucking child hoping she’ll love you. She fucking won’t! She’s a psychotic bitch who doesn’t see any of us as people! No, maybe she does. Maybe she just thinks she’s above us, like she’s some divine fucking being or something. Either way, nothing good can come from taking her side!”
I felt slender arms wrap themselves around my abdomen. Zoey’s soft embrace had enveloped me.
“Don’t listen to her, Tristan. She will never understand the depth of our relationship. We’ve kept it a secret from everyone else for a reason, right?”
I didn’t respond.
“What relationship? Why does she like you, Tristan? What do you do for her? Hey Zoey, you said you’d answer everything, right? Then tell me, why are you so obsessed with Tristan? What does he have to offer? Is his family rich? Does he have some kind of weird connections? What the fuck does he do for you? Because I KNOW you don’t love him.”
“Tristan, she’s denying our relationship. What’re you going to do about it?”
I didn’t respond.
“Tristan, snap out of it! She doesn’t love you! You said it yourself; she isn’t capable of love! Look, she won’t even say why she’s so attached to you! You can see it, right?!”
I didn’t respond.
“You’re out of line, Gwen.”
“No, I’m not. You’re a control freak. What are those holes in the wall back there? Tristan showed them to me, you know. Have you been peeking on Lawrence when he fucks the girls he brings back there? You’re disgusting! What’ll happen if I tell him about that, huh? And then the bet you made on the game. You manipulated Tristan into sabotaging the game because you knew he loved you, right? Oh, and by the way, that wound on your forehead? We know you did it to yourself. Cutting your forehead that cleanly, it must have been a razor blade. You just did it so that Tristan would come over and feel sorry for you. You’re a bully that can’t interact with human beings normally, so you just fuck with their heads until they give you what they want. That’s who you are, Zoey Brahm. I see right through you, and I’m going to expose the fuck out of you the second I get out of there.”
“Tristan?” Zoey said as she let go of me.
“U-uhm, yes?”
“Can you give Gwen her second gift?”
“I…”
“Now.”
She could have pushed me lightly and I would have fallen over at that point. It wasn’t just that I was familiar with the nature of anxiety. That’s not what made me hesitant to hand Gwen the jar-shaped gift on the projector cart. No, it was the fact that I cherished her so dearly that made it hurt.
“Zoey…”
“Just do it Tristan,” Gwen said.
“Whatever ugly joke she’s playing I’ll just throw it right back in her face.”
This isn’t a joke you can throw, I wanted to tell her.
Just leave.
Please.
“Tristan.”
I turned back to Zoey, and I was met with those eyes.
And once again, I was reminded of my place.
I couldn’t go against her orders.
I am a gun.
A gun does not ask why.
A gun does not hesitate.
A gun only fires when his trigger is pulled.
But am I really just a gun?
Did I really have to go through with this?
“Do it.”
When she uttered the words, something primal within me had taken over.
It was an urge that was both foreign yet instinctual.
An urge that I would later recognize as Zoey’s own will, which had been left over in my body from the hack last night.
But at the time, I only recognized it as my own decision.
That’s why I found myself nodding at the time.
That’s why I ended up picking the gift up, the one whose weight made it obvious that this was what I’d seen in my dream last night.
It was, for all intents and purposes, a bomb. At least, it would seem like that much once Gwen opened it. But once I had walked over to her, I couldn’t hand it over. I just clutched it tightly to my chest, praying that it wasn’t true.
“What the fuck is with all the theatrics? Just give it to me,” she said.
Gwen was putting on a strong front, but she was clearly on edge. Her feeble expression was shaking my desire to hand her the gift.
“Gwen, I’m only going to ask one more time. Please leave.”
“What? You keep telling me to leave, but you won’t tell me what’s in the present? Why would I leave when I don’t know?”
“It’s not that he won’t tell you,” Zoey said with a grin. “It’s that he can’t. Because if you knew, you wouldn’t be able to do anything anymore.”
“What... does that mean?”
“Well, I think we’ve kept you in suspense for long enough. You know Gwen, since it’s your birthday, I thought about what might make your birthday extra memorable. I thought that telling you about myself and Ben would be enough, but then I thought, no. You deserve way more than that.”
She’s a monster, no. Gwen had it right the first time. She’s the antichrist. That’s the only conclusion I could come to. I’ve fallen in love with a devil.
“W-well, hurry up and give it me already…”
“Sure. Tristan? Would you like to do the honors?”
“I…”
“Just give it, Tristan. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I trust you.”
Her words were a dagger to my heart. If she trusts me, then she should just leave right now, I thought. I couldn’t do anything to stop Zoey. Not in this situation, and not with her will weighing me down by this much.
“Okay.”
Nodding my head, I held my hand out and she snatched the gift from me. Just like before, she tore at the wrapping without stopping to wonder what might have been inside.
The blood-curdling scream that left Gwen’s lips almost stopped me from catching the jar as she dropped it even though I had anticipated it. I hope to God that I never hear anyone scream like that ever again, especially not someone I care for like Gwen.
Before her very eyes and in her very grasp, had been a container of three winged beasts of radiant yellow buzzing about angrily.
“W-w-why did you bring bees… who told you? Tristan?”
“It wasn’t me!”
“I-if it wasn’t you, then… Get it out of here… Please, get it out…”
“Oh, but Gwen, if you’d only listened to Tristan and left when you had the chance, you wouldn’t have had to deal with any of this.”
Zoey wrapped her arms around me once more, resting her chin on my shoulder. I could feel her hair caressing my cheek.
“Tristan, won’t you do Gwen a favor and open her gift for her? She seems a bit too shy to do it herself.”
“Tristan, please don’t…”
Gwen had already retreated to the corner of the room where the computer desk was. She had put so much distance between us that it was a wonder that she could hear Zoey at all.
“Do you want to know why she didn’t heed your advice, Tristan? Do you want to know the truth? It’s because she doesn’t actually care about you.”
“What?” I turned to Zoey, and found her crimson eyes staring right through me, as if everything about me was being absorbed into her.
“She seemed so desperate to explain to you how little value you have as a man to me, but doesn’t that just seem like projection? It’s almost as if she were the one using you.”
“T-that’s not true, Tristan…”
“Oh, but it is. Think about it. What did Gwen try to do the second I told her about what I did to Ben? How did she try to harm me and ease the pain in her heart? Wasn’t it by trying to pull you away from me?”
“Tristan, don’t listen to her…”
“Everything she did with you on Saturday was her attempt at getting revenge on me. She even admitted herself a second ago that she would tell Lawrence about your hand in sabotaging Ben at the homecoming game.”
“She’s lying…”
“I’m not. You can’t worm your way out of this one. We both heard you with our own ears. Face it, Tristan. The truth is, your little friend over there doesn’t actually give a damn about you.”
My ears were ringing.
Gwen was saying something.
No, she was screaming.
Tears were rolling down her eyes.
She was desperate to have me listen to her.
Begging me to put a stop to the madness.
Her fear of bees was great.
I’d seen it myself.
And without an epi-pen nearby, with the sweet scent of perfume clinging to her wrist, this entire situation could well lead to her own death.
So, to put her through this would be inhumane of me.
But, if Zoey were right…
If Gwen were only using me to get revenge on her…
Then that would mean that all of the warm feelings I’d felt when I was with her were a lie.
“Tristan…”
Sound returned to my world, and I found myself staring into Gwen’s eyes.
I had no idea what kind of expression I was making.
But it couldn't have been good.
Because all of the hope for a peaceful resolution to this situation had left Gwen’s face.
She was completely terrified of what was about to come next.
“Do it,” Zoey whispered.
Her cool breath tickled my ear.
The sensation of her weak arms around my body felt comforting.
The primal urge of Tristan Collins and the residual influence of Zoey Brahm swirled together inside me like a warm whirlpool of yearning.
I wanted to make her happy.
I wanted to be useful to her.
It made me wonder why I had been hesitating so much all this time.
I should’ve just done it from the beginning.
There was no point in thinking about it.
A gun does not ask questions.
A gun does not hesitate.
A gun only fires when his trigger is pulled.
And yet…
For Gwen…
Despite that yearning…
I found myself hesitating.
“You called me a lot of things just now, Gwen. Devil. Psychotic. Control freak. You’re very quick to label me, you know. If I were anyone else, I’d probably be a little hurt. But, from your point of view, I can understand why you’d say those things.” She guided my free hand to the jar’s cover, her soft palm caressing mine gently. “But, a bully? Oh Gwen. You sweet thing. I haven’t even begun to show you what bullying looks like.”
And as she uttered those words, she lifted her hand and allowed me to make the final move.
But there was no me.
There was only Zoey’s gun.
And as Zoey’s gun, I could only do as she told me and twisted the cover of the jar until it was opened.
With that one single action, a choir of buzzing filled the room.