My final class for the day ended, and it was time to head home. Outside of the stuff with Jaz, it was relatively difficult to keep my mind occupied on other things. Whenever I was alone, whether when listening to lectures or just walking between classes, my mind kept drifting to that night with Zoey.
I couldn’t help but think about how happy I had been with her, seeing a side of her that no one else had ever seen before, and the fun I had exploring the concepts of Dream Paralysis with her.
The fruitlessness of it all, having realized that she didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about her, had been too painful to bear. It felt like a parasite had found its way inside of my body and was eating away at my stomach lining slowly. But I had to get through it. That’s what I kept telling myself. These feelings should be dealt with quickly. With that in mind, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and left the half-full classroom.
Students were filling the halls as they all made their way outside or to their various club activities. It was the day before the big homecoming game and dance, so everyone was bustling with excitement. The thought of it bothered me to no end, though. If I really wanted it, I could have been dancing with Zoey at that great event. All I’d have to do is forget the things she wanted me to do with my powers, and forget that she doesn’t actually love me.
It was a tall order, but it was definitely possible for just one night. Only, the rest of my year would be even more miserable than that day was. To me, that kind of pointless romance wasn’t what I wanted. At least, I was convinced of that much anyway. The goal was to get myself back to normal.
Before me, the sound of murmuring students was beginning to pick up. I noticed a small crowd had formed a few feet in front of me as the students passed by. They were all asking questions while squeezing through the hall. The sight annoyed me, but I suppose I had no choice but to attempt to squeeze by.
As I approached the crowd, the realization suddenly hit me. The source of everyone’s murmurings was Benjamin Otto, the star player of the basketball team, leaning against the wall as if waiting for someone. Warren Jackson had been hovering nearby, but he didn’t seem to be paying much attention to anything in particular.
“Oh, shit.” I unconsciously let those words out of my mouth when I saw him. And almost as if reacting to them, I saw his gaze shift towards me.
“Oh, Tristan. Over here, man. We need to talk.”
He walked over towards me, shooing the crowd away as they pestered him with questions about the homecoming game. The entire time, all I could think while watching him was that my own impending doom was slowly approaching me.
“Do you mind if we spoke in private? It’s kind of important.”
The words “in private” sounded like bad news. It sounded like if I followed him, it would be the end of me as a student at this school. The cruelty of the student body towards kids who were deemed as misfits was brutal. I’d seen it before. The harassment, random acts of casual violence, it was all there. There was already a target beginning to form on my back. It felt like following him here would just be the final nail in the coffin.
“Uh, well…” I nervously mutter to myself while trying to find the right words.
“What? Hurry up, let’s go.”
He motioned for me to follow him with his hands, but I stood in place. I was scared. I had no idea what to do. There were other students staring at us, as if pressuring me to go with him. If I made a big deal out of this, things would not end kindly for me. And just as I was thinking as much, the sound of jingling bells filled my ears.
“Heyyyy, Tristy!” I felt someone jump me from behind, as their slender arms wrapped around my neck.
“Urk…”
The familiar voice belonged to none other than the girl who had been following me around all day since my computer programming class.
“I was looking all over for you! You didn’t think you could just disappear on me, did you?”
“Hey Jaz. I don’t know what you’re doing here, but him and I need to talk in private. Do you mind?” Benjamin tried to get her to leave so that he could pull me away.
“What? No way. If you can say it to him, then you can say it to me too. Right, Tristy?”
“No, I don’t think that’s how it works,” he responded.
“Huhhh? Whatever, we’re just gonna leave then. Come on, let’s go.” I froze for a few moments, but eventually managed to nod.
“See? You’re not taking him away from me! So, what do you want already? Out with it, coward!”
Her playful banter didn’t seem to bother him at all. I imagined that he was quite familiar with her personality. In fact, what bothered him more so was the fact that he couldn’t get me away from this situation.
“Okay, fine. We’ll just talk here then. Tristan, I don’t know what you thought you were trying to pull by lying about Gwen, but I already figured out that it was bullshit.”
Of course, I figured it had something to do with that. His tenacity truly knew no bounds, did it?
“But you know what, man? I don’t even care anymore. I don’t care what you said to her, or what part you may or may not have played in breaking us up. Because you know what?”
As he asked the question, he briskly walked towards Jaz and I, a grin plastered to his face, and he muttered silently so that only we could hear.
“Zoey and I made a bet. If our team wins the homecoming game, then she’s gonna go out with me again.”
His words were like a cold blade to the heart.
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“Yeah. And not just for a day either. She guaranteed me at least a month.”
Twisting, gyrating, carving at my insides.
I thought I did a good job of hiding my shock, but he seemed to lick his lips in joy based on my reaction.
“You know what she did right after we made the deal? She posted this picture to her Instagram.”
He held his phone up, and revealed an overhead shot of Zoey lying over the sofa of the photography club. Her pose was defenseless, with her arms resting at the sides of her head, and her disheveled shirt revealing her flat, smooth stomach. Her tight jeans highlighting the shape of her hips as they clung to her skin, almost drawing your mind to imagine what kind of world existed underneath that denim fabric.
Embarrassing as it is for me to admit, I had taken many looks at Zoey’s Instagram in the past few years. And that’s exactly why I know that this was the first time she had posted something that provocative. And apparently, Benjamin had realized it too.
“We’re gonna do it.” His words were like a second knife to the gut. “She wants to, you know. That’s the only reason she made this bet on such a one-sided game in the first place. I mean, we’re playing a division two team, you know? She wants to, and that’s the only reason she posted this picture. She’s telling me that she wants me to do her. Well, guess what? I’m gonna, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. She’s my girl now.”
He shoved the phone in my face. The picture of Zoey on that couch blurred my vision. My mind had already shut down. I wanted to kill him. I didn’t care about anything else at that point. Not his reasoning or justifications, or anything else. I wanted to kill him so that none of this would happen.
Perhaps, I thought, I could hack him and make it look like a suicide. A gun, maybe? No, the pain would get transferred. Maybe I’d even die. A knife then? No, it’d be the same situation. We’d both just bleed out and die if the effects are transferred back to me. I needed something better. Maybe I could have him drown in the bathtub. Would the water from his lungs enter mine too? I didn’t want to risk something like that. Or what if I just tossed him off a tall building head-first then disconnected before the landing? No, that sounded too difficult to pull off, he would probably survive most suburban buildings. Maybe a rope would work wonders as long as I disconnected. That might do it. It was fool-proof,. So, I pondered. Should I kill him?
“Hey, Ben. You’re being kind of creepy right now. Could you like, stop talking about my friend that way?”
The usually cheery Jaz spoke in such a haunting tone of voice that I almost thought it was a different person. I don’t know what kind of expression she was wearing, but it seemed to cause Ben to have second thoughts about what he was saying.
“Well, whatever.” He backed off with a smile of satisfaction. “Just thought I’d let you know that things weren’t going your way. Sorry you had to find out this way in front of everyone. Anyway, see ya tomorrow.”
He threw up a peace sign then walked over to the other end of the hallway, presumably to basketball practice. Warren, who had been watching the scene unfold from afar, took Ben’s retreat as his cue to follow him.
And as for me…
“Hey Jaz. Is it true?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. But for all of his faults, Ben isn’t the type of person to lie that brazenly. He’s just really emotional and obsessive.” She removed her arms from around my neck and walked around to face me. “So like… are you involved with the whole Zoey thing for real, or is he just being a psycho right now?”
I bit my lip.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. That she would even ask a question like that at all just showed how insensitive she was to my feelings. I couldn’t even change my expression without breaking down. It took everything in my power just to hold all of the emotions in.
“Triiistaaaan. Yo, yo, earth to Tristy!”
She twisted her upper body to the side to try and take a peek under my bangs. I was on the verge of exploding, and here she was trying to poke and prod under the hood for something to look at. She was just as bad as Zoey. No, worse. At least Zoey left me alone after I said I was done with her.
“Hey! I’m talking to-”
Before she could finish her sentence, I ran into the empty classroom across the hall. Once inside, I kicked a desk over with every ounce of strength that I could find in my body.
“H-hey, woah! Calm down!”
Behind me, Jaz shut the door while looking on in a state of worry over my sudden violent action.
“Calm down? I’m supposed to calm down after that?! Do you think I’m fucking superman or something?!”
I kicked a chair, and it slid across the room before falling over on its back. The anger inside of me wasn’t subsiding. I needed to do more. My eyes scanned the room, and I decided to pick up another chair and hurl it across the classroom. It slammed against the board with a hard THUD, and crashed into the ground after leaving a huge gash on the wooden board.
After that sudden throw, Jaz simply shrugged her shoulders and hopped onto the desk closest to the door and took a seat.
“That fucking piece of SHIT! How the fuck does he get away with being such an unlikable fuck head all the time?!”
I flipped another desk, then kicked it over along with the chair it landed on, causing a loud crash.
“Why do people like that get to be popular? What the fuck is high school? I thought we came here to learn! The popular kids should be the smart and likable kids, not brain-dead assholes like Benjamin. Like, are you fucking kidding me?!”
I grabbed another chair, then hurled it at the metal locker at the corner of the classroom, which caused a metallic crash.
“Zoey doesn’t deserve that! Zoey… She’s trying her best in her own way! Trying to overcome that dark side of herself that doesn’t let her trust people. She’s trying her fucking hardest! And then an obsessive fuck like you comes along and just takes advantage of her…”
Drool leaked down my chin as I screamed. I had never been angrier in my life than at that moment. And that anger was causing me to use so much energy that my body had quickly become exhausted after it was suddenly expelled through those violent actions. The release caused me to slump to my knees.
“I’ll kill you, motherfucker… I’LL KILL YOU!”
“Hey Tristan…” Jaz’s voice called out to me suddenly. “Do you like Zoey?”
“Do I like… Do I like Zoey…? Why does everyone keep… no! No I fucking don’t! I don’t like her! I don’t even know her! How are you supposed to like someone if you don’t even know who they are?!”
“No, you do know her. You know her better than anyone else at this school. I can tell just by listening to you.” She walked over to me and knelt right next to me, placing her arms around my neck once more. “You love her with all your heart, don’t you? Even though you know it’s hard to break past her barriers, you still can’t help but love her.”
“Stop talking...”
“You like her because, in your eyes, she’s an angel. She’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen.”
“No.”
“Tristan… It’s okay. It’s okay to like her. No one’s going to blame you for it.”
“Shut up…”
The tears I kept back all day finally came pouring down my face. And though they came down, it was an involuntary action independent of any grief. It was as if my body couldn’t choose between steeling my heart or allowing me to experience the pain of what had happened.
But one thing was for sure, there was no longer any room for doubt about the truth of my feelings. I did know her. Dream Paralysis had made sure of that. I thought that I might know her better than she even knew herself. After all, she had no experiences to compare it to. All she has is herself. I had been myself, and Mrs. Brahm, and the phone thief. Therefore, I understand Zoey. I know her better than anyone else does. And despite deeply understanding the contradiction of attaching myself to someone like that, it was simply too painful to lie to myself anymore.
“I like… no. I love her.” My voice squeaked out as the tears continued to pour out of my ducts.
“Yep, you do.” She moved one of her hands to my head, removing my silly hat, then gently stroked my hair. “It’s okay to fall in love, Tristan.”
“Why… are you being so nice to me?”
I couldn’t help but wonder why. She stayed with me all day and helped keep me company while those terrible feelings of missing Zoey tormented me, she stood up for me when Benjamin tried taking me away, and of course, she was doing this. Just what possessed her to do this today of all days?
“To be honest, I was curious about your relationship with Zoey at first. I might have even been jealous of you. That girl’s never confided in me on anything, much less taken advice. And most of the people in her circles say the same thing. And yet, there’s rumors going around today that you convinced her to break up with Benjamin. Of course I wanted to see the kind of guy Zoey chose. But you know what? I think you’re actually kinda cool, and really funny too.”
“Again, just how am I funny, exactly?” I ended up laughing as the tears continued pouring out.
“Yeah, that’s it. Let it out.”
The rhythm of her hands caressing my hair soothed my troubled emotions. I just wanted to let the moment last forever. Sitting with newfound acceptance of my feelings for Zoey. I felt at peace with the world. If only that moment could have lasted forever.
However, the door to the room was suddenly thrust open, and in came the Principal, Mr. Harry.