-Zoey’s POV-
My conversation with Laura Young the day before had fundamentally warped some part of me. I don’t know whether God truly exists or not. The core principle of Christian belief is unwavering faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, and the eternal salvation your soul is granted for following said faith. While I might not personally adhere to these beliefs, I must admit that I may actually be making the wrong choice.
My life of egregious sin may only end up granting me a one-way ticket to eternal damnation. If heaven and hell truly do exist, then I couldn’t think of a more suitable punishment for someone like me. But still, even if I’m right, and there is no God, then it meant that Laura Young is still right.
The world in which one chooses not to believe in an afterlife is one spent in paranoia over the fact that their experiences might end at any moment. That all their agonizing over every single little thing was for nothing.
Comparatively, the believer’s life is one of bliss. God’s rules are already etched into the pages of the bible. Everything bad that happens is just another one of God’s tests, and every big break is a reward for your undying faith. The gift of life is not only something that deserves appreciation, but is also richer and far more enjoyable. The understanding of a greater purpose makes every second of suffering feel worth it for the prize that will inevitably come somewhere down the road.
Perhaps I had had it wrong. Perhaps my rival wasn’t Andrew Jackson after all. No, to become truly great, I would have to become someone that rivals God Himself. To be loved unquestioningly by such a grand number of people could only be the greatest joy in the entire universe. Billions of people express their gratitude towards you every day. A book of over one thousand pages, filled from cover to cover with your teachings, is the best-selling book of all time. Your every word is touted as something that should be obeyed as strictly as the laws that govern our country.
Yes, I’m not afraid to admit that I’m envious of the love that He receives. To be God must be the most fulfilling existence in the entire universe. Thinking about it from that angle, perhaps I had been too small sighted in my envy for the man on the twenty-dollar bill. In the entire US, there only exists nine statues of the late president to this day. Comparatively, just how many memorials and sculptures have been made in honor of the Abrahamic religions, exactly?
In my sleep-deprived state, my mind navigated such contrived thoughts of Godhood as I entered the photography club room. If I were the God of this school, then this would be my own personal heaven. My throne above the peons, where my loyal servants exist only temporally to worship me and everything I’ve created for them. And the members of my club, in that case, would be the angels in heaven.
“Mmnn…”
And yet, my fantasy was shattered the moment I found a lazing Lance napping with his feet up on the club room’s sofa. Envy filled every nerve, artery, vein, tissue, and organ in my body. It frustrated me for no other reason than that, for the past few days, I had practically been at death’s door. I was far too paranoid about Oliver potentially hacking me to fall asleep. I couldn’t let him know that I wasn’t the other host of the spirit. Who knows how emboldened he would become once he realized my powerlessness? He would use everything in his arsenal to get the name of the true host out of me.
Instead, I spent the past two days looking up any sign of this Oliver person on the internet. I couldn’t find anything, and I didn’t dare ask Carla about him after she chewed me out on Saturday before they went out. To be frank, I still didn’t even know if it was his real name. Anyway, this all circles back to the metaphorical slap in the face that was this heretic sleeping before me while I was in such a rundown state. Though, one must ask. Would God really be envious of one of His angels? Or would He simply use His power to smite them and be done with it?
“Who gave you permission to sleep in here?” I asked.
“Huh…?” His eyes flickered open then shifted in my direction. “Oh, hey Zoey. What’s with the bandage? Fall down some stairs?”
The cut was healing cleanly so it probably wouldn’t scar. I would be able to remove the bandage before bed too. But I decided to ignore his question since I didn’t care for a change of subject. “Where’s Tristan?”
If my cool could so easily dissipate at just the sight of Lance napping, then my mind was most likely at its limits. As much as it pained me to admit it, the only chance of me surviving the rest of the week would be if Tristan himself hacked me while I slept. Perhaps his presence could fend Oliver off if he made any attempts, or perhaps it would at least give him the idea that I do, in fact, possess the spirit. I had no idea how such an interaction would work, but it’s possible that two people couldn’t hack the same person. My brain was too jumbled to narrow down all the possible interactions, but I needed to take the risk anyway. The only thing certain is that if I let him hack me without Tristan there to defend me, then I’m done for.
“Tristan…?” He sat up then rubbed his eyes. “I dunno. That Lawrence guy wanted to talk to him about something. No clue where they went.”
“Lawrence?” I clicked my tongue. I gave him too much information by asking him to keep tabs on Tristan. Coupled with the fact that Gwen was also spending time with him, that womanizer was probably more than curious about what he was up to.
“Should I call him?” Lance asked.
“No, it’s fine. I’m just surprised that you showed up at all. You don’t need to be here every day, you know.”
“Oh yeah, about that. Do you have anything for me?”
“I don’t think so,” I said, reaching for my phone.
“What? Tristan said there’d be a surprise for me today…”
“A surprise? I didn’t hear anything about that.”
“Huh, weird,” he said, looking down at his own phone.
Truth be told, I couldn’t care less about this supposed surprise. I just needed to make sure that nothing strange was afoot with Lawrence. There was a conundrum to face here. I couldn’t face Oliver without Tristan. I needed to mold him into someone I could trust not to betray me. And to do that, I needed to get all of these outside influences that could potentially antagonize our relationship to stay away from him. Namely, Warren, Lawrence, and now Gwen. The order of operations was apparent. Force them to keep their distance, pull Tristan into the fold, then confront Oliver. With that reaffirmed in my mind, I stepped outside of the photography club then called Lawrence. The phone rang three times before he finally picked up.
“Hey baby girl.”
“Hey Larry.”
“Oh for…” He really didn’t like being called Larry, it seemed. “What do you want?”
“What are you doing right now?”
“What am I doing?” He paused, probably to think. “I’m just chilling at the gym getting the team ready for spring. What’re you doing?”
“Don’t play dumb. You’re with Tristan.”
He went quiet. I was on the mark, I guess. Lance being in the clubroom might have been a stroke of luck after all.
“Hey, sorry. One of my girls wants to talk to me. I’ve gotta take this. Wait here for a sec.” His voice was almost out of earshot of the phone, so he must’ve been talking to whoever was next to him. After uttering the words, the line went quiet for a moment until he finally spoke again. “Okay, so I’m with Tristan. What about it?”
“One of your girls?”
“Try not to make a liar out of me. Anyway, you’re the one who’s been avoiding my calls. I’m just trying to get your attention here.”
“So, you don’t actually care about Tristan?”
“I do. I feel bad about what happened on Saturday. And plus, I kinda like the guy. He seems like a cool person. That must be why you’ve been into him too, I’m guessing. He your type or what?”
I sighed. “Lawrence, be serious for a sec. Do you think I’d just not tell you everything after you threatened me? You don’t think it’s because I had other stuff going on? Surely you saw the bandage on my forehead."
To be honest, the real reason I had been avoiding him was because I was in no hurry to placate whatever borderline incestuous obsession he had with Laura Young when I had so many other things to worry about. I needed to sleep. My mind was barely functioning at the level necessary to upkeep my daily life, and my heart was working overtime due to the lack of rest. I needed Tristan to be at the club today, not the lazy animal sleeping on my sofa.
“So is he, or is he not?”
“Not what?” I asked.
“Your type.”
I sighed again. “I can’t say that I’m not interested, but unfortunately for him, my mind has been filled with thoughts of an Oliver lately.”
“Oliver, huh? Can’t say I know an Oliver.”
“I would hope not, he doesn’t go to this school. Are you here to ask me about my love life or about the other thing?
“Okay fine,” he said, “What happened?”
“Well, to no one’s surprise, Enzo wasn’t trying to get into contact with her. In fact, she barely even remembered him from her time in high school. I feel like I completely wasted my time because, like I said at homecoming, he was probably just trying to get under your skin.”
I heard a sigh of relief come from his end. Was it really bothering him that much?
“Could you ask her to keep you updated?”
“Sure, but I doubt he’d make a move considering she has a boyfriend.”
The phone line suddenly went quiet. Any movement, any breathing, any hint of a word escaping Lawrence’s lips, all of that dissipated like an illusionist’s trick.
“I’m sorry, she has a what?”
I had a bad feeling about that response.
“A boyfriend.”
“Wh-what? Who? Since when?”
“What? Who cares? It’s none of your business.”
“Find out for me.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Are you serious?”
“Well, I need to know if he’s serious about her or not. I don’t want her to-”
“To what? To be toyed with the way you toy with girls?”
He went quiet. The intense urge to rip into this creepy parasite was like an itch that wouldn’t go away. Lawrence Young is pathetic, but I’m too involved with him to say no to his requests at this point.
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“Never mind,” I said. “I’ll try to arrange to hang out with them this weekend. How does that sound?”
“Thanks Zoey, you’re a lifesaver.”
“Are we done then?”
“No, uh, one more thing. I need you to set me up with a girl.”
“Seriously?”
“Please. This one’s urgent. I need to have her.”
I let out a sigh. “Listen, I don’t know if I have the mental space right now to-”
“It’s Naomi Fraise.”
When I heard the name, every word of rejection that was about to spill out of my mouth had jumped right back down my throat. Naomi? He was genuinely interested in her? And he wanted to make a move on her now? Was it because he sensed that Lance’s grip on her was loosening?
I don’t know what his reasons are, but I had to admit, it had piqued my curiosity. Lance and Naomi were already split up, but it felt like things were still hanging by a thread. Should I really be the one to sever them forever? It might not be all that difficult, but...
“Maybe I can have something arranged.”
The second I said it, my face fell flat onto my palm. Why did I agree to more work? It’s always when I’m swamped that I’m enticed by the notion of stirring another pot. I really wasn’t thinking straight at all. Well, not that it matters. It really wouldn’t take much work to split the two of them.
“Really? Awesome! Thanks Zoey, you’re the best.”
“But on one condition, there’s something I was kind of curious about…”
“What is it?”
Once our conversation was done, I hung up the phone and sighed. Really and truly, he must be the biggest idiot on earth. To blackmail me so brazenly then ask me for favors a week later like nothing ever happened, does he think I’m just going to keep letting him walk over me like this forever? No, not Lawrence. I decided after the call ended that I’d give him the same week I’d given Oliver. I’d allow him to enjoy his innocuous high school life for about that much longer. But once this week is over, it will be time for karma to come and collect. But for the time being, I needed to figure out how to get some rest.
Still, I was a little concerned about Tristan. Is he truly going to stay loyal forever? I can feel the spell of love being peeled off carefully. Gwen is scratching at the edges, Lance is on guard around me, Naomi is probably taking his side on it too, and now, even Lawrence is getting into his ear. Will I be able to enjoy the privilege of being the girl of his dreams forever? No, of course not. Not if I don’t feed him something to get excited about every now and then. As much as it pains me to admit it, as much as I loathe his guts and every aspect of him as a human being, I needed those powers of his. And for that purpose, I’ll do everything possible to control him.
I returned inside and found Lance still lying on the sofa with his phone in hand. I decided that If I were ever to become God, I would strike him down with a bolt of lightning. However, lucky for him, I am not God. At least for now, I am just another human being. And as another human being, all I could do was sigh in disappointment and head to my desk.
“Who were you talking to?”
“Were you eavesdropping?” I asked as I took my seat.
“Huh? No, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I just heard something that sounded like talking outside. What, was it your boyfriend?”
“Who wants to know?”
“Well, I think it’s pretty obvious why I’d want to know.”
“Oh? Is this a love confession?” I grinned.
“Not mine.”
“Oh, so he told you then.” Of course he did. The boy was his best friend. Why wouldn’t he talk about his love interest with him?
“Yeah,” he said, placing his phone at his side. “And what are you going to do about it?”
What indeed, I wondered? If I’m to remain in Tristan’s good graces, at the very least I would need his best friend’s approval of me. Everyone else aside, if he decided that I was no good then the uphill battle of controlling Tristan would bear no fruit.
“Keep it a secret from him, but I’m actually considering it.”
“Really?”
At his surprised expression, I offered him a smile. “What, is it that hard to believe?”
“Uh, yeah? I don’t know much about you, but I can’t imagine that you’d choose Tristan over Ben.”
“I don’t believe you actually think that.”
“What?” He scratched his head. “Why not?”
“No, why not yourself, Lance? Why are you friends with Tristan over Ben?”
“Well, he’s way easier to get along with than that intense blockhead, for one.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And he’s got a heart of gold. He cares about other people’s well-being. Especially mine, as his friend.”
I shook my head. “But Lance, if that’s true, then why is it so hard to believe that I might also see those things in him?”
“Because high school girls are stupid and choose guys like Ben and Lawrence over guys like Tristan. Face it, girls like toxic guys who manipulate and boss them around more than sweet, shy guys like Tristan.”
“You sound like an incel.”
“Hey, you know what? Yeah, I am an incel. I play way too many video games, I jerk off to anime babes every day, and I say every slur that you can think of behind closed doors. And before you ask, yes, even that one. But here’s the kicker Zoey: none of that makes what I just said any less true. High school girls would rather try to fix the shithead guy who slights them at every turn because of how fun they are over the nice, stable guys like Tristan who value their attention more than anyone else’s. So you saying that you like him just strikes me as weird.”
“It’s the fact that you think high school girls are a monolith that makes you an incel, not what you do for recreation. Though, I won’t deny that it’s a symptom. You don’t think it’s possible that I don’t fit the stereotype you’ve concocted in your head?”
“Possible? Oh sure, but I seriously doubt it. Listen, I really am down to be wrong, okay? I just haven’t seen it yet.”
I said nothing. I just smiled and stared his way. That’s the simplest tip I’d give to anyone who wanted to befriend the people around them. Just smile. You’d be surprised at how easily they warm up to you. Watching his face contort with confusion was kind of adorable.
“You look like shit. Are you good?”
It appeared as if my lack of sleep had rendered my smile less effective than I’d hoped.
“Sorry, I haven’t been sleeping much,” I said, rubbing my head. “Did you remember to bring in that coffee you mentioned last week?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Give me a minute, I’m kinda craving some too.”
“Thanks.”
As Lance got up to head over to the table, carrying the container of instant coffee he’d pulled from his backpack, the door flipped open with such force that only one other person could have been responsible for it.
“Yoooo! Wassup Zoey!”
Jazmine, as hyper and preppy as always, burst into the room with an entire tsunami of energy pouring in alongside her. Today was not the best day for her to be this energetic.
“Afternoon,” I replied.
“Woah girl! What happened to your forehead? Are you okay?”
“It’s a small cut. Don’t worry about it.”
“Dude,” Lance interrupted. “You’re like, way too loud. Some of us just woke up from a nap, you know.”
“Just go home if you want to nap then,” Jaz said. “No one wants you here.”
“Uh, wrong! Zoey and I have been sharing some QUALITY bonding time without you here, thank you.”
“Oh, have you, now?”
A new voice popped in from out of nowhere. I turned around and found the familiar face of Naomi standing in front of the door. Dressed in black, skin-tight pants that went all the way down to her knees, and a lime-green hoodie.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, seeming both surprised and annoyed.
“Tristan asked me to join the club because he thought it’d be fun. But you know, if I’m getting in the way of your quality bonding time with Zoey then I can just leave.”
From the venomous smirk she wore to the light-hearted tone of her voice, those words that oozed out anger and envy felt almost playful. Was she genuinely upset or was it all just irony?
“Why is Tristan getting you involved in this? This is just weird, man. You’re already on the Volleyball team.”
“Oh, I quit. I’d rather be here.”
“You what?”
“I said I quit. I’d rather-”
“No, I HEARD you. I’m asking why the hell you quit. You were on the team since 9th grade.”
“Like I said, I’d rather-”
“Don’t mess with me, dude! Don’t just quit like that!”
“What? What’s wrong with you? It was my decision.”
“No, it’s not just ‘your decision’. You did it because you wanted to hang out with me. See? This is why I never joined any clubs to begin with.”
“Who cares about why I did it? What’s important is that it’s what I want deep down.”
“Nao…” he said, resigning.
Oh dear. There was some trouble in paradise. It seemed like two of God’s little angels were having a bit of a disagreement. That’s no good at all. Heaven is supposed to be a sanctuary for all my little disciples. We’ve got to resolve this as soon as possible.
“Lance,” I said. “I think I understand where you’re coming from.”
“Huh? Like hell you do.”
“I don’t? To me it sounds like you’re worried that she’s going to give up on everything she’s got going on in her own life for you, right? And that feeling is stifling you, because you don’t want to have to live with that much pressure.”
“Well, yeah…”
“But, that’s not-“ Naomi started, but I held my hand out to stop her.
“It might not be, but that’s just how he feels. He’s just a little too stupid to express himself in a way that isn’t inflammatory.”
“Dude, come on man.”
“Don’t worry Lance, I’ll try talking to her. You can go play with Tristan in the meantime.”
“Oh,” Naomi scoffed. “So he’s just gonna run away and have you handle it for him?”
Lance sighed. “Who cares? It’s not like you ever listen to me anyway.” He turned the kettle on after placing the coffee on the table, then walked past Jaz and Naomi to the exit. “Yeah, some surprise this was. Merry freaking Christmas, Trist. Great idea.”
For some reason, he decided to slam my door behind him as he left. It took everything in my power to not run after him and give him a piece of my mind. Naomi seemed to be unhappy with how he’d left too. She walked over to the sofa then slouched as if the energy in her body had been completely drained. This worked perfectly for me, however. I had a mission from Lawrence to carry out after all.
“Hey Jaz, can you take over with the leftover Homecoming emails?” I asked.
“Hmm? Oh yeah. You got it boss.”
She did a half-serious salute then took over at the computer desk. Approaching someone who’s clearly as distraught as Naomi is, especially as someone with no personal connection, is a tedious task. Just one wrong move could make a huge mess for everyone involved. But still, there was no need to be scared. I had a lot of leverage in this conversation. I am the president of the club that she so wants to join. This naturally means that she’ll be more forgiving of me pushing her boundaries than if a normal person were to try it.
“So, you know how Lance feels,” she said. “Are you going to say to know how I feel too?”
“Honestly Nao? I don’t really know or care how you feel. We don’t know each other outside of club stuff.”
“I see.”
She accepted it rather easily, didn’t she?
“So what’s wrong with you and Lance? Why are the two of you on bad terms?”
“I thought you didn’t care about how I felt.”
“Personally, I don’t. But I care about Tristan, and he cares about the two of you. The least I could do is hear you out, right?”
She let out a giggle. “I guess that’s true.”
The relationship between myself and Naomi was simple enough to understand. She only cared about me by virtue of Lance, and I only cared about her by virtue of Tristan. By allowing her to view it through that lens, it would make it easier for her to let her guard down.
“So, tell me about it. Why aren’t you two dating anymore?”
“I don’t know. He said he wanted a break.”
“A break?”
“Yeah, I don’t know either. To be honest, I thought he was just tired of me. But after we broke up, he kept talking to me like normal, so I honestly didn’t care all that much that we were broken up. It’s not like he was looking at other girls or anything, so who cares? He still made me feel like the only girl in his life. It was nice.”
“Okay, and how long has this break been going on for?”
“It was in 10th grade so, almost two years.”
“Jeez girl,” Jaz turned around suddenly. “Two years? It’s time to get yourself a new guy I think.”
“I’m never going to meet someone like Lance.”
I did my best to resist the urge to gag on the spot. Why are all these love-addled idiots so brainwashed? There’s at least a billion other men in the world in your dating range. There’s no reason to limit yourself to one guy you happened to share a math class with.
“You still haven’t told us why he wanted a break though. Did you do something wrong?”
“I don’t know. He said I didn’t do anything, but I really can’t tell if he’s being truthful or not. Actually, I’ve been trying not to think about it for the longest time. I was fine with our situationship, really. We don’t kiss or cuddle anymore, but I’m okay with just spending time with him. Or at least I was, but ever since that whole drama with all of you during homecoming week, I’ve been thinking about love like, way more. I just think it’s beautiful to want someone so badly that you’d do anything just to be held in their arms.”
I bit my lower lip. It suddenly dawned on me that she was just like Gwen. Lance might not be like Ben, but she’s probably exactly like Gwen when it comes to love. And to be honest, it was beginning to get on my nerves.
“And that’s why you quit the volleyball team to join this club with him?”
“Well, I didn’t join it FOR him.” I raised an eyebrow and she let out a guilty smile. “Okay, maybe I did. Is that so bad?”
“It might be. Maybe he wants you to live your own life outside of him.”
“But, I am.”
“And maybe you are, but to him, it probably feels like you’re cutting away slowly at the parts of your life that don’t involve him. You’ve been broken up for years and you haven’t moved on romantically, and now you’re quitting your club to join the club that he’s in.”
“Well, that’s wrong!” She stood up. “He needs to stop feeling that way, Zoey. What should I say to him?”
She’s taken the bait. A grin tugged at my lips. “Oh, I don’t know. You should probably try to make him feel like you’re your own person. Hang out with other people, do other things, and make a show of it. Just for a little bit. Maybe he’ll get jealous and come crawling back.”
“I don’t want him to get jealous.”
“And you don’t want to stay at this awkward distance from him either, right? But you’re going to have to make a choice somewhere along the road. Besides, it’s just for a little bit. If he feels confident that you’ll be there for him forever, then he’s not going to be in any rush to fix this. He needs to understand that you’re valuable and that you have other options.”
“Well, I guess…”
Naomi was hesitant, but she did seem to be pondering it. That suited me just fine. All she needed was just a little push.
“Don’t worry, you’re not talking to anyone romantically. You’d just be two classmates chatting about the weather. It’s Lance’s fault if he gets the wrong idea.”
“Yeah… yeah, that’s right. It is his fault. Besides, he’s the one who broke up with me in the first place.”
“Now you’re getting it.” I turned to Jaz, who seemed to be wearing a worried expression, and she quickly turned away to face the computer when she caught my gaze. I turned back to look at Naomi. “You’ll be together again in no time. I’m sure of it.”
“Well, thanks. It’s been so long that being together again kind of just feels like a dream. Like it’s something that’ll never happen again. But if you say that it will, then maybe it will.”
“It will, but not if you sit there forever waiting for a miracle. You need to make it happen with your own two hands.”
“Yeah.” She opened and closed her hands in front of her face.
I folded my legs then leaned slightly into her, doing my best not to fall asleep in the cushy embrace of the sofa.
“By the way, since we’re already talking about it… you spoke to Lawrence on Saturday, right? What do you think about him?”