--=-Chapter 68: Without You Again--=-

The Vision of Kay's transformation blurred back into the inverted moment, a humanoid beacon of light stepping toward me as my frozen hand reached for the gun in my left pocket.

Time resumed, and I gripped the handle of the gun as Kay lunged for me. I didn't know if she'd relived that experience with me; unlike Hands, she'd never spoken to me or appeared before me. We also hadn't relived my experience, which I was grateful for but didn't really understand.

I also didn't have time at the moment to figure it out.

Kay's leap blinked her right in front of me, her shadowed hand mid-swipe toward my face. My eyes widened with surprise as I reared back my head.

Her hand was the size of some umbrellas, each digit wickedly pointed and sharp; I felt the strength of it in the breeze that whiffed past my face. The massive hand tapered down to an average-sized wrist with gradually less Shadow extending up her arm.

I barely managed to pull my head out of the path of her swing and take a surprised step backward. I'd gotten the gun out of my pocket, but I was off balance, and Kay stepped in even as I stepped back. Her face was inches away. Even though her expression was still shadowed, I could see enough to know it was the same manic grin I'd felt on her face in the Vision.

I tried to bring the gun up between us, but she shoved my arm down and away with one hand while the other took me by the throat and lifted me into the air. Her fingers dug into my neck and my weight settled on the back of my jawbone and neck.

"Ack!" I gagged as my feet dangled, Kay's shadow hand raising me higher than her human arm could. With a twist of her other wrist, she pried the pistol from my fingers and took it for herself.

I kicked out at her, but—without leverage—it only made me swing as I failed to land a solid strike. I gripped her wrist with both hands to take the weight off my neck and give myself some breathing room.

"I am the chosen servant of God," Kay hissed at me with her too-wide smile and shadowed face. "When I've cleaned the world of your demonic perversions, my Lord will heap rewards of favor on me and toss you in a pit to burn for all time. He is ever steadfast and as inevitable as the dawn."

I wanted to shine holes in her facade, but I only managed to squeak out "Murder" through her death grip.

Her eyes sparkled through the darkness of her face as she leaned in, pressing the pistol to my temple. "Demon, there's no such thing as murder in war, no more than there is innocence. As the Lord spoke, none are innocent. The wicked must be purged and the unclean burned. Before I toss you to the flames, where is my daughter? The corruption will need to be torn from her soul. I'm eager to begin again," She said, her smile widening impossibly.

She was strong; her arm didn't even shake as she held me up, waiting for my response.

Rather than answer, I stopped holding up my weight and grabbed at the gun she'd brought back into range.

Kay laughed as she pulled the gun away. "uh-uh-uh," she scolded like she thought herself Newman in Jurassic Park.

My Vision was fading quick without my arms to take wait of my neck, but rather than resume holding myself up, I began to hammer at her arm with meaty fists.

"Ouch! stop it, that hurts!" Kay complained. Then she shot me in the leg. "Where is my daughter?" she asked again, resuming her unhinged smile.

Agony flashed through my leg and up my torso, the last of my air huffing out in a pained grunt.

Kay sighed. "Fine. No doubt she'll reappear tomorrow without you again, and I can handle her then. You all make my life so much harder than it needs to be."

Raising the gun again, she made sure to keep it far enough away that I wouldn't be able to easily reach it.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

If I died in here, she'd take the crystal from my brain, and I'd once again wake up with no memories.

Grasping her wrist again, I tried to swing my legs up and around her arm, but I wasn't an action movie star or a WWE wrestler; I was just a regular person, whatever Kay wanted to pretend.

I'm Sorry, I thought to Nia and Alice, to everyone who was depending on me, to everyone Kay would victimize with her trauma at the wheel. I tried.

I closed my eyes and waited for the shot. More than any of the deaths before, this one felt real. I might respawn, but the things that I'd learned in the last week, the person I'd become, he'd be gone, maybe never to be rediscovered.

The gun clicked.

Empty.

"You're kidding," Kay said with a shake of her head. "You brought a single bullet with you? If I'd known you'd be so unprepared, I'd have brought my own. You truly deserve this ending."

Spared by fate or not, Kay was still too strong. I couldn't break her grip. Maybe if she couldn't reshape her body with the Shadow, I'd have a chance, but her body was out of reach. If I were still the werewolf, I might have the range to reach her, but—

The thought brought me up short. Kay was changing shape and size using the Shadow. I'd changed shape just by entering this place. Could I control it here? I looked how I felt, and there was something vindicating about that, especially since I was actually there in the flesh. It was a change I had hopes of bringing out with me.

I hadn't even considered trying to intentionally change forms. Just the idea put my back up—like I'd be accepting the monster as a part of me.

And maybe it would mean that. Not in a limiting way, not in a way I needed to take ownership of, or as a truth I needed to bow before. But as a truth that had consequences, some good and some bad.

I was a person, not a monster, but that was true no matter my appearance. This place confirmed that I wasn't deluding myself about being a man, not that I really needed the confirmation. That didn't negate the things that I'd learned as a trans man. Would my perspective be as liberal if I'd never needed to defend who I was? There was value gained in the struggle that I wouldn't give up easily.

In this place, I was in the body that felt most like me, but the body I was born with had influenced my view of the world, and I didn't hate it; it just wasn't me. It was a hat that was too tight and didn't fit my style. That didn't mean I couldn't use it to keep the rain off my face in bad weather.

Maybe I was just rationalizing, but I had no doubt that if I died here, I'd have lost. Kay's victory might not last for long. Between Crowseph and Hands, either could follow the gunshots and corpses to the Shadow, and they had enough help that I doubted Kay would be able to hold up to either. Unfortunately, those weren't victories either.

"Oh well," Kay said. "I'm in no hurry. I've never strangled a demon to death; it'll be cathartic watching the light leave your eyes."

In defiance, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on what it felt like to be the seven-foot-tall wolf man.

Being a voiceless monster had given me a unique perspective on the apocalypse. Unique opportunities. The form itself was a result of disrupting the end of the world. Likely, it was the only reason I'd met the Gremlins, and they were basically the only thing that had kept me sane.

I didn't accept it as my 'true self,' but I didn't have to; I'd long figured out that appearance didn't dictate reality. I could wear the facade of a monster without being a monster, just like so many hid their vileness behind self-righteousness.

My eyes popped open, and I saw inky blackness begin to spread up my arms, followed by blue fur sprouting from its depths. I felt my jaw elongate and my legs grow till my feet reached the ground.

"Crap," Kay yelped, her eyes widening as she tried to lift me higher. Her arm extended, and more Shadow drained away from her face, making it look like she was blanching. However, once my feet hit the ground, they didn't leave again. By the time she hit her limit, I was closing on ten feet tall and towering over her.

Grabbing her wrist again, I pivoted so my back was to her; her shadow-arm was extending over my shoulder. Then I crouched and pulled, flipping her up and over my shoulder, in a move I hadn't used since reenacting WWE fights as a kid.

Kay hit the ground hard, but I was too busy coughing and gasping for breath to capitalize on it. She whimpered and cried as she climbed to her feet and fled further into the ship. The Shadow had washed back over her, and her movement regained the flickering nature.

Groaning, I stood up. I'd hoped changing forms and even growing would bring me back to full health, but my throat still felt half-crushed, and my leg still bled freely from the fresh bullet wound. I wasn't backing down, though; it was time to end this.

--=-

--==