--==Chapter 21: Afraid Without Knowing Why--==

I stood in the lobby bathroom, fur dripping as I considered the glowing crystal in my paw-hand.

If I could get Jon to sit down and view the contents of a memory crystal, I was pretty sure I could convince him I was me. We'd been friends since we were kids; there were a lot of inside jokes and secrets I could use to reassure him of my identity. Though, there were also a lot of ways I could die before I managed it, and even it was just the first step.

Since I knew Jon wasn't in trouble, and Nia and Maebe were as safe as I could get them, it made more sense to invest in future loops.

My spawn wasn't all that dangerous—although I did spawn inches from the vortex, and it was a bit of a miracle that I hadn't lost an arm to it or something. More importantly, the last time my spawn was changed, my cape and eye mask spawned with me. It would take trial and error to figure out the rules, but I was hopeful I could respawn with anything I wore. With luck, that would include a backpack. The difference between my best guess and blind ignorance was still small, but, bit by bit, I was learning.

When I'd changed Maebe's spawn point, I didn't know if the wheelchair would spawn with her. If I was going to change my spawn, I wanted to learn as much about the rules of the loops as I could. I grabbed one of the heavy wooden chairs and brought it into the bathroom. If my bat didn't respawn with me, maybe a chair I sat on would.

I grabbed a random item from my bag; it was a Sudoku puzzle book, proving just how unprepared I had been for the apocalypse. Not that there had been any way to prep for this particular apocalypse. I set the book on the sink in front of me. Then I opened a bag of chips and scattered them around the chair.

I was going to wear the backpack. If it respawned with me, would the Sudoku book reappear in my bag? If it didn't respawn in my bag, would it respawn on the sink or in the patrol car?

Changing a spawn point seemed to have an area effect, or maybe a chain reaction, considering my mask and cape came with me when I accidentally set my spawn to the lobby. If I spawned with some amount of chip scattered around me, it would suggest there was an area effect. If there weren't any chips, but the chair and backpack respawned with me, then it was more like a chain reaction, affecting things I was interacting with when setting my spawn point.

Worst case scenario, I'd end up sprawled on the bathroom floor without a chair. I was pretty sure I'd at least have the backpack, but if there was some sort of mass consideration, it might return to the patrol car. Even then, I'd still have pants and the eye mask. I also added the roll of toilet paper to my backpack; the idea was to see how the contents of my bag would change when it respawned.

I put on my backpack, sat in the chair, and placed the bat across my lap. Finally ready, I raised the memory crystal and stared at it like it was picture day, and the crystal was the camera. It was a little weird holding the crystal "open" and investing attention into it at the same time. When I let it snap closed, a tingle washed through me. I was curious to find out how things would go next loop. Ideally, I wouldn't end up sprawled on the floor, but I'd call it a win so long as I learned some of the rules governing this new reality.

Now that I'd gone to all that effort, I needed to make sure the memory crystal didn't break. The roll of toilet paper made a decent package from the semi-fragile stone. I stuffed it into the tube and packed the ends with paper towels. That should let it take some mild battery without breaking, hopefully.

I walked out of the bathroom and sagged into a waiting room chair. There was more to be done, but apocalypses are exhausting. After a long day of work or school, all you want is to relax. The apocalypse was no different, except it was never not the apocalypse. I'd been on edge for days, always trying to predict what would happen next, and mostly failing, despite it all being stuck on repeat. I needed to decompress, to enjoy a minute without worrying something was about to eat my face.

"Run! Go!" I heard a voice say from the hall that Slender Hopper came from. "Close the doors, close them!"

I glared in the direction of whoever was bringing trouble my way. I said I was taking a minute. Can this wait?

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Apparently, it couldn't. Denis and Nia came running in, scratched and bleeding from cuts on their arms and face. Their hair was mussed, and their clothes had bloody tears that occasionally revealed ugly rents in flesh. Denis slammed the door as they slipped into the room. Several thuds impacted against the door seconds later.

"Shit. Where's everyone else?" Denis asked, looking around and only then spotting me. "Jesus Christ, What is that!?" He pulled up short and grabbed Nia by the arm, his face paling.

Through panting breaths, Nia noticed where Denis was looking and registered my presence. Instead of backing up, she shook off Denis's hand and took another step forward. "Please, save my Sister."

This again.

"Denis! Get ready to close the door," I heard Anderson shout from the opposite hallway.

Denis swore again and ran to the other hallway, not taking his eyes off me. As Anderson ran through the double doors, pushing Maebe in a wheelchair, he shouted, "Close it!"

Putting action to word, he let go of Maebe's chair, grabbed the second of the two doors, and latched both before sinking to the ground in a bloody heap. "Shit," he said.

"Anderson, get up. We're not done." Denis hissed, looking over at me.

Anderson followed Denis's eyes to me, but he only raised his hand in a confused wave.

"Please! Alice needs help!" Nia said again, looking between the three of us.

Anderson shook his head, his voice solemn. "She didn't make it. She and Jessica tried to get to Mr. Peterson. They were swarmed. I'm sorry."

"What is that?" Denis asked again, "Can somebody explain why we're not freaking out about the giant glowing werewolf? What the heck is that thing, and why were we just attacked by a swarm of crows and that giant spider? What is going on?" Denis stood with his back against the far wall looking between Anderson and Nia.

"Alice can't be gone!" Nia insisted, ignoring Denis. "She's smart! She'd find a way!"

"I'm sorry; she's dead. They both are. They have to be; anything else is too cruel." Anderson said into hands he'd raised up to rub at his face. "Denis. I don't know what's going on. But look at the werewolf. It's clearly just relaxing. Besides, it's wearing pants. Although, if I'm honest, I'm not sure why that's enough, but everything in me says it's not a threat to us."

"No! She could have gotten away; she could have gotten in the elevator!" Nia replied, anger filling her voice.

Denis looked wild around the eyes. "Don't you get it? This is hell. That thing is probably a face-eating demon or something. Alice said so herself; there's a time loop. We've probably done this exact thing 74 times. We're being tortured to death over and over and don't even remember."

"It just looks curious," Anderson said. "Anyway, I think this is new."

Denis shot him a cold and incredulous look, "Are you serious? You're the one having Deja Vu, and you suddenly don't believe the day is looping?"

Anderson opened his mouth to speak, but Denis interrupted him. "-No, I'm sorry," Denis said. "That wasn't fair. This just sucks."

"It's fine, but you missed my point. Alice didn't update the note. So if she's dead, this is new."

"You're assuming this is the first time this has happened. Maybe Alice's died hundreds of times, and we keep losing count? How could we know? And by the way, just because that creature isn't attacking doesn't mean it will let us leave either."

"He will. He's a good boy, I know, somehow." Nia said.

"Yeah, and I know it's a god damned demon that would happily eat you alive."

"Denis," Anderson said harshly. "Your panicking is only going to scare the kid. Besides, I think she's right. Or at least—you know how you felt during that surgery, afraid without knowing why? I backed you because I knew something bad was about to happen. Well, now I'm telling you the opposite. I'm not getting a sense of danger from that creature. I'm not saying we should go pet it—or him—just that we need to calm down and think."

"There's no time, please, my sister!"

"She's dead!" Denis snapped at Nia. I stood up, angry at his outburst. I didn't know if Alice was alive. From the sound of it, the crows in the ER had swarmed deeper into the hospital for some reason. I had to agree with Anderson. It would be better if their friends were dead.

We were the next worst thing to immortal. I at least knew the death wouldn't stick. I also knew I'd remember every excruciating part. Denis might be right about this being hell; whatever it was, our job as people was to create the world we wanted to live in.

How could I resist such a call to adventure? I asked myself dryly.

Grunting, I got to my feet and walked over to the side of the room Nia was on. Denis went pale and scooted away, trying to make sure he didn't get in my way. Anderson watched me warily and slowly got to his, but Nia just watched me.

"Oberon?" she asked. I'd been wondering if she'd use that name. I could see her hands shaking and tears welling in her eyes as I got close, but she faced me and asked for help. She was obviously scared but seemed to trust I'd help her.

Well, at least I'll try.

I didn't know what I could do, but I crouched in front of her and gave a doggy grin, then patted the top of her head.

I didn't know what kind of world we were living in now. Hell or purgatory, alien lab or dimensional collision, mass hysteria or madman's invention; it didn't matter. I could help. I was maybe the only one who could help. Whether I helped her or not, I'd be shaping both our worlds. I knew the world I wanted to live in.

As I stood back up, she watched me with hope and stood aside.

I didn't know if I could help Alice or Jessica, and I didn't know if we lived in a world of consequence anymore, but I knew I wanted people to reach for hope. I walked up to the door and listened. The birds had stopped flying into the door, at least. It was a lacquered wooden door, and I could see scuffs and scratches on it where it hadn't been used gently even before today. I scratched a smiley into the wood with a claw before I opened the door just far enough to slip into the hall and close the door behind me.

I am a person.

--==