---=Chapter 43: We Have Concerns---=

If Crowdent was anything else, I would be sure that that was it, that it wasn't coming back after going through the destructive green barrier. Even Nia's trauma monster, Tickles, didn't keep attacking after I chucked it into the vortex wall. Still, I was on edge as I sat there panting and holding my bleeding wounds. Maybe it was just the adrenaline coursing through my body by my racing heart, but I wasn't going to take it on faith that the battle was over.

I held my wounded shoulder with my left hand and used my elbow to protect my throat in case the monster crow came leaping back through the vortex at me. I used my free arm to get back on my feet before carefully backing away from the glowing barrier. As I backed up, I searched behind me with my free hand. Only when I found the operating table and put it between myself and that threatening glow, did I relax enough to look around again.

I still wasn't convinced Crowdent was dead. The aura of the trauma monsters was too similar to that of the vortex wall for them not to be related. On the other hand, they weren't alone in sharing the green glow of the vortex. Everyone except for myself and Sori had that same aura; it was just brightest on the monsters like Crowdent. Still, I wouldn't take it for granted that the vortex was as dangerous to them as it was to people.

That said, there was no reason to believe the trauma crow was the only threat nearby. After all, it had come from somewhere. It was entirely possible, likely even, that Crowdent wasn't the only monster to breach the perimeter we'd made. As strong as Crowdent was, it hadn't been able to break through the locked waiting room door on its own. Which meant there could easily be other monsters stalking the area.

Either that or someone let it in. Or both.

Alice hadn't seemed haunted when I saw her, at least no more than usual. She looked more tired than anything, not like she was the last survivor of a violent assault. Hopefully, that meant the monsters hadn't broken through in a surprise attack. It was time to regroup and find out what happened since Denis drugged me, but—first things first—I needed to finish looking for Jessica.

I wish I could say my only motivations for looking for her were care and concern.

I definitely did care and was concerned. Of everyone, Jessica had always treated me with the least amount of fear. I hadn't realized how essential that lack of fear was for feeling human. Denis showed me first by attacking me for no other reason than ignorant fear. It was dehumanizing, and that fear immediately spread to the others as they worked to save me from fear of my reaction.

When I'd woken up, I'd felt exceptionally isolated. Then Jessica came in and cried on my shoulder, driving the point home harder. I'd been seen as a dangerous 'other,' only Jessica defaulted to treating me as a person first and foremost. That kind of trust mattered; it was more than enough to make me search for her.

Crowdent or no, Jessica could still be in danger. She'd said the monsters had already needed to be fought back a couple of times. Well—she called them Demons, but if she could forgive my monstrous appearance, I could forgive her a little ignorant superstition.

Besides, it wasn't like I could be sure they weren't demons. My money was on some kind of interdimensional alien—not that money likely had much value in a post-apocalyptic time loop economy. They were pretty stupid, though, so I doubted it was an alien invasion, so much as the result of two universes touching or something. Then again, the monsters could be some alien weapon that manifested fears of those trapped in the vortex.

The point was, even if Crowdent was dead for this loop, there was every reason to worry it hadn't been alone. If nothing else, Alice's trauma monster had probably come with it. If Tickles and Slender Hopper were any indication, they weren't exactly picky about their prey—however they came to be.

Yet, as real as the risk to Jessica might be, and as worried as I was for her, it wasn't the only reason I needed to find her.

Mr. Peterson was probably dead, and Alice had seen me fleeing the scene. I'd left her behind to clean up a mess and piece together the truth of what happened. Proving my innocence would be a pain in the ass without Jessica to explain what had happened.

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I was already storyboarding the events in my head in case I needed to come up with something. Without Sori's help, I couldn't write any words, and there was a chance I'd mess up facial expressions or other body language. There had been more than one occasion Sori had to point out incongruous elements to me. For example, when I'd drawn myself becoming a werewolf, something I didn't actually remember, I'd accidentally drawn myself wearing an excited smile.

Now, I'm not saying the idea of this new reality wasn't exciting to a degree. If I ever got a second to stop and appreciate living in a time loop, I might enjoy the crap out of it. Time loops were a staple of genre fiction and were supposed to be a chance to explore and grow without lasting consequences.

That hadn't been my experience. Or at least it never felt that way. Dying hurt and was terrifying even when I believed I wouldn't stay dead. The loops were unpredictably predictable, with memories persisting completely for some and only vaguely, if at all, for others. Plus, I hadn't even lived through the whole loop yet, and I'd still gained enough nightmare fuel to last years.

As tired as I had become of the close-minded certainty so common in my part of the world, I doubted I'd gleefully watched myself turn inexplicably into a glowing blue werewolf. Instead, the grin I'd drawn was just another example of whatever was going on in my head to fuck with my communication skills.

Just one more hurdle to overcome.

The surgical bay didn't have many hiding places, especially since the operating table had been disqualified. After checking the few remaining nooks and crannies, I looked around the room. Someone would definitely need to scrub this room before using it again, or would if the day didn't loop.

Apart from fur and feathers Crowdent and I had torn free from each other in our fight, there was also blood smeared and splattered all over. It certainly hadn't helped that I was still bleeding everywhere as I'd searched.

Not wanting to linger too much, I grabbed a packet of gauze I found in a drawer. Pressing it to my wound and wincing, I walked out into the hall I'd come from and saw Alice sprinkling something white on the floor.

With all the inexplicable craziness going on, my first thought was that she was using salt to draw a magic circle. It was only on a second look—when I noticed Mr. Peterson's body had been covered with a sheet and moved off to the side—that I realized she was cleaning up the blood, not performing witchcraft. Probably.

Using a glamour on Jessica hadn't been necessary, and Sori said they wouldn't work on the monsters or drones. I wasn't sure I shouldn't use one here, though. Alice wouldn't need me to tell her I was injured; my bloody and tattered clothes should do that well enough. That said, if I wanted her to feel sympathy rather than suspicion, a glamour could go a long way. After what she'd seen, I imagined she might be conflicted on what to believe. I wasn't the biggest fan of the glamours—since they felt emotionally manipulative—but we each use the tools we have. Besides, I didn't kill Podperson, even if it was a little my fault for using him as a shield.

I focused on the uncertainty she likely felt toward me and then on my wounded condition and puppy dog eyes.

I'm just another patient in need of help.

I didn't try to make her trust me. Instead, I just leaned on her sympathy. She'd stayed behind in an apocalypse, risking almost certain death, to finish surgery on a patient who might never know about her sacrifice. I had to believe the desire to help was there, even for me.

Alice didn't look especially happy when she looked up from what she was doing; she just gave me a brief flat-eyed look with no expression.

I limped a little, even though my legs were fine, and gave her the saddest puppy-dog look I could manage. A tendril of blue light briefly connected us, and I saw her shoulders slump in a soft sigh. "Damnit, Sam. This isn't good. We're going to need an explanation about what happened here."

With my free hand, I patted my lab coat pockets. I didn't have my notebook and never found something I could use instead. It was a futile search; if I'd had a script pad or something, I would have noticed before now.

Setting down her bag of powder, she gave me a lengthier look. "You're a mess. I'm assuming Mr. Peterson didn't do that to you. Bend down over here and show me that wound you're holding."

I winced as I pulled away the gauze pad I held against my shoulder wound. It wasn't the only place I was injured, but it was the worst one.

She didn't wince or anything when she saw my wound; she just nodded and inspected a few other injuries suggested by the torn and bloody lab coat. "Alright. Come on. Some of these need stitches. I'll fill you in on what you've missed, and you can get to working on an explanation. I'm going to be honest; we have concerns."

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