---=Chapter 46: What Do You Want?---=

Shit fuck. Shit fucking donkey balls, God damn son of fuuuuuck.

It's fine. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.

With a sigh, I slumped into the driver seat, watching my hope walk off into the swirling green haze. In frustration, I pulled off my eye mask, swearing again internally, and let them vanish into the fog.

This fucking sucks, I lamented inwardly. I was the one who told them about my spawn point in the first place. Why would I incriminate myself by stashing Maebe in that spawn point, naked and covered in my own fur? It's just stupid, especially since I was drugged unconscious at the time.

I was pissed and heartbroken and desperate. Jessica was missing and still needed my help. Even if everybody else wanted me gone, Jessica had leaned on me, told me she only felt safe near me. I wasn't sure that was still true after what happened with Podperson and Crowdent, but I still wanted to help. Needed to help. Anderson had defended me, too. I didn't know if that was because he also felt safe around me or if he just saw me as a person and didn't believe I should be banned out of fear.

I couldn't let myself be exiled. Jessica and Alice might be safe for this loop, but the day was almost over. On top of that, Nia was missing.

Jon was just being stubborn and cautious because he felt responsible for a bunch of strangers at the end of the world, but it still pissed me off. He could be remarkably short-sighted when trying to live up to people's expectations.

My options were limited, though.

Jon and Buck both had guns, and I was far from bulletproof.

Alice's group was also the only group who tolerated my presence. Crowseph and Hands had only played nice long enough to confirm I didn't have the shadow. Aquarium Guy had already shown Hands was serious about not wanting me around. And Crowseph would have killed me if I didn't have Sori's shield buttons.

I regretted that I didn't have any now, even if they were still a mystery to me.

Anyone I saw would likely be a threat if I went inside to look for Jessica. I'd already known I'd be a hard sell for Kay's group based on my interaction with both Jon and Buck. Still, it was disappointing that Jon had so quickly changed his worldview to align with theirs.

Then again, it made sense. This wasn't like any end-times I'd ever heard of, but it was an end-times. The number of people who still had certainty about anything after the world ended had to be limited. Certainty, confidence, they're always appealing—even if often overstated or entirely misplaced.

Of course, the problem was I, at least, wasn't a demon. Then again, the ultra-religious would probably blame my transformation on my rejection of my assigned gender, my agnosticism, or something else stupid. I wouldn't have thought Jon would be taken in so quickly. Still, he was trying to protect a group of people at the end of the world, so I might be judging him too harshly. Taking risks probably just didn't make much sense to him.

Was he being overly judgmental?

Yes.

Was he letting himself be guided by fear?

Also yes.

But maybe that was understandable during a societal collapse. When there were inexplicable dangers around every corner, and the unknown so significantly outmatched the known, perhaps it was understandable to fall back on fear to make decisions. It definitely wasn't new, and as an evolutionary trait, it wasn't totally Jon's fault.

It was that same ignorant fear that enabled bigotry even before the world ended. While it might not be an excuse when that ignorance is a willful effort of those who refuse all introspection, it was something I could forgive in this situation.

Still, he'd cut me off at the knees.

I wasn't eager to be shot again, and they'd made it clear they'd be watching, at least for the rest of the loop. All of Alice's group were more-or-less forgetful across loops. The biggest concern would be Alice and her notes. She hadn't said she'd be leaving herself a message about this, but it seemed likely. Jon and Buck also appeared to have at least some knowledge of events, so they might have their own method of retaining memories.

All of which led me to a decision. Their chosen leaders had all made it clear I wasn't welcome. My help wasn't wanted.

I was pretty sure my help was needed.

You can't make people do what they should. You can't make them let you help. Sometimes, you just have to let people get hurt. The thing was, I wasn't sure this was one of those times. They were supernaturally ignorant. Drunk people aren't allowed to drive, children can't vote, and amnesiacs can't oust scary monsters who are just trying to help. That seems fair, right?

I sighed. Whatever they wanted, I wouldn't just walk away, even if my frustration made it awfully tempting.

Stupidly, I found myself back at square one, alone in the car, outside the hospital, unsure what was happening or what to do next.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

I'd been unconscious for hours. That was plenty of time for someone to put Maebe in the patrol car and sprinkle some of my fur on her. God knew I was shedding enough of it. My list of suspects was pretty obvious. Hands, Crowseph, and Denis had all wanted me gone. Now, here I was, gone. Or at least, exiled.

I would love for it to be Crowseph. He was already taking control of people through his convoluted crow conversion carousel. He was unquestionably the most openly aggressive threat.

Hands was a mystery. He knew a lot more about what was going on than anyone except potentially Crowseph. He'd also already killed me for convenience once. This could easily be just another move of convenience.

I didn't understand why he wanted me out of the way, though, unless he was the one creating drones. He could make illusions, and his visualization crystals messed with the mind. So, drones would fit right in.

Aquarium Guy also lacked an Aura, and I hadn't heard any of his goons speak. There was every chance they were all drones. The only sticking point was that Hands already had them while claiming to search for my shadow.

A sudden sharp pain in my arm pulled me back to the moment. I slapped at my arm, feeling as though I'd been stung. Rather than a bee, a tranq dart clattered to the blacktop outside the car. I swore, dizziness already disorienting me.

God Dammit, now what? I asked myself as I pulled myself up from my seat to confront whoever was coming for me. However, I'd removed my eyemask and couldn't pierce the haze far enough to see my attacker.

Hurriedly, I pulled the mask back in place, but my fingers were going numb, and my urgency made me clumsy. On top of that, my breathing was becoming labored, and my world was spinning. I couldn't imagine it was good for a body to be tranq'd so soon after waking up from being sedated.

Before I got my mask in place, my disorientation cost me my balance, and I fell on my tail. I felt nauseated and had to swallow overly warm spit as I tried to focus through my resituated eye mask. Someone was walking toward me through the gloom. They were wearing all khaki and were holstering a tranq gun.

Dude, you work with fish; why do you even have a tranq gun? I mentally asked Aquarium Guy.

I couldn't stand up or really do more than glare at Guy as he got closer. I didn't know why he was here—unless Hands had sent him to gloat. Then again, Sori had said he was a 'puppet,' a drone. It was harder to see people glowing outside in the haze, but I was pretty sure that nothing had changed. His face was still blank, and he still didn't seem to have an aura. So, what was the point of this?

When he got close, he crouched down to look me in the eyes. I swiped a paw-hand at him, but there was no strength in it, and he easily pulled back out of the way. I sat there, breathing raggedly, hardly able to raise my head. fucking bastard, what do you want?

Of course, he couldn't hear my thoughts. Even if he could, it didn't seem like drones could speak. Or at least none had yet. Still, I didn't have to wait long to find out.

Aquarium Guy pulled out a pair of scissors, and a chill went down my spine as he reached out and cut free a large handful of fur.

I could only think of one reason he'd have for stealing a clump of fur.

I'd been right. I was being intentionally set up. If Guy was here collecting more fur, they would try to pin something else on me. All I could think at that moment was that Jessica and Nia were still missing. If Alice and Kay distrusted me now, I could only imagine how much worse it would get if the evidence against me doubled, especially if Nia was that evidence.

More importantly, it might not be too late to save them.

Guy backhanded me across the muzzle, but it was more disorienting than painful. When my vision cleared, he was already walking away.

My chest ached as my heart labored against the drugs coursing through my system. Still, they must have underestimated my resilience or something because I wasn't blacking out.

I kept breathing. I willed my heart to keep beating. I refused to let the day just end this way—refused to be used as a weapon against people who needed me.

With a rumbling growl, I forced myself to my feet.

Fucking Hands. Not this time.

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