FEAR AND UNCERTAINTY LONG FORGOTTEN

The food it’s so good I can taste every moth full like bliss it’s a world of flavour. I never tasted anything my medication made me ill in my own life time, I couldn’t even eat sea food but she can. Wait my Asuka’s here and I can sense the dark energy, I have to help to protect them!

Rei looked down taking a mouthful only to stop as a cold feeling took over her body and the pain that hit her head was harsh and she dropped her spoon and empty plastic bowl as she cried out causing everyone to bolt upright in their chairs. She found her body shaking as she completely lost her concentration as she felt herself pass out as everything faded in to darkness.

Shinji moved to his sisters side as she collapsed forward her face falling on to her legs as she went completely limp he watched as Asuka painful rose moving towards her he moved his hand down shaking her slightly. “Rei!” he saw Asuka getting closer along with Mari and the others only for Rei to groan as her hair turned from its dusty brown to light blue as her skin slowly turned to a pale white.

The pale hand suddenly shot up as she came alive as glowing red eyes lit up as a blue flames shot out of her hands as the alarms suddenly went off as the blue flame ball hit Asuka with enough force to cause her feet to leave the floor as she was thrown back in to the sofa which was knocked over with the force of her landing on it and tumbling with it.

Rei’s voice hit the air though it sounded so much meeker and younger. “I’m not afraid of you Asuka!” Shinji didn’t think as he moved in front of her before she could fire again. “Stop it!” She watched as she instantly flinched looking at him in utter confusion her glowing red eyes darting as she looked at them.

This wasn’t Rei his sister but clearly this was the other version of her from the other life time but this was the first time they’d seen her. Mari moved over to the sofa seeing where her sister had landed behind it. She was still conscious but clearly in a lot of pain. “Are you okay?” Asuka groaned in agony. “Do I look verfickte okay to you!?”

She put her hand on her chest feeling her teeth turn to razors as her left eye ignited more from pain than anything else. “That verfickte hurt why does this scheisse always happens to me?!” Mari leaned down as Toji came over helping Asuka get to her feet which clearly hurt. The alarm carried on going as Misato’s hit the speaker. “What the fuck is going on Ritsuko said this wouldn’t happen!”

Shinji looked at the other Rei who looked around her suddenly looking even more confused. “It’s the other Rei she just came through, we don’t know why she attacked Asuka I think she though it was her Asuka.” Misato’s voice came again. “We can suppress her like Asuka Ritsuko has shown us how.” Shinji looked up sharply. “No! She’s just afraid and confused let us talk to her!”

In the voids Locked Zone

Ritsuko breathed out her cigarette as she lay back in her chair looking at the two spears of destiny which were on the wall where they were being watched. She’d come down here to get some peace and quite she closed her eyes about to doze off only to suddenly feel the whole room shake.

She turned sharply as the two huge spears on the wall started to vibrate violently against the clamps holding them as all the alarms went off at once as glowing white veins appeared on both spears only to stop pulsing and vanish. She stared at the scientist men and women who all looked utterly shocked. “I want every piece of data you just fucking recorded and I want it now!”

She turned as the science division sped in to action as she typed in to her holographic screen then pressed the panel getting a com right though to Misato. “Did something just happen up there…because the two spears of destiny just rattled even though there both locked?”

Misato’s voice hit the air. “We just had the other Rei come through and attack Asuka up here, it was so sudden.” Kaji’s spoke though his voice was filled with concern. “We don’t know how she even got through…Dante said when Asuka put that collar on it would be over as the connection between them would be severed!”

Ritsuko breathed in feeling the anger take over. “This has to be Rei expelling the last of her power or something. The same way Asuka did…because there is no way she could have become a second god it’s impossible she is a result of Asuka’s power and her link to her, she has no fucking power of her own!”

Inside the Soul Ark

Shinji looked in to the glowing red eyes realizing something shocking this Rei had walking dead syndrome just like Kaworu. As her skin matched his, the only thing he couldn’t make sense of was the light blue hair though it looked natural it was so strange to see on a person. As it clearly wasn’t dyed and walking dead syndrome made your hair white not this colour.

He moved a step closer to her seeing a fair and uncertainty that matched his sisters on face they might be different people but they wore there expressions the same as she seemed far more afraid than his young sister had even been.

He lowered his hands speaking more gently. “We are not going to hurt you?” He paused seeing her look around her again as if taking in every detail. “Do you call yourself Rei, like my sister?” The red eyes darted as she spoke again. “This was my room I was born here…but it’s so different…it’s not dark and cold it’s so warm now.”

She paused. “I took over your sister some time ago. Because I wanted to get in here but the doors were locked and my key code didn’t work ether, it was so confusing. Your sister was meant to go visit Ritsuko I gave her a false memory because I don’t like her ether.” Shinji eased his hand towards her watching as she looked at him with uncertainty. “How old are you?”

The red eyes flashed. “I’m fifteen at least that’s the age I remember dying…but it wasn’t just me it was everyone.” She raised her hand pointing at Asuka. “Because of her...” Mari felt a sneer form. “She’s not your Asuka, she’s ours and you shouldn’t have attacked her!”

Shinji turned sharply seeing the younger version of his sister back up clearly in fear. He eyed Mari. “Don’t raise your voice…she’s scared, she doesn’t understand.” Mari turned about to speak only for Asuka’s voice to hit the air as she spoke calmly. “Yes she is very scared…you’ve seen my other self, can you really blame her?”

She watched as the younger Rei looked at her clearly deeply surprised by those words. “I mean she threatens people with eating them alive for kicks…I only eat Bardiel alive because I hated his verfickte guts and him getting in to our sex life which was different.”

She eased up a now thick strand of pure golden hair which had come through after she’d been hit by the blue fire. “Plus that vile bitch is trying hard to get through the collar. I can feel her fighting it even now but her hair colours clearly getting through, just nothing else.” Mari raised her hand pointing at the collar. “Our Seele is repressing her…it’s why she’s wearing this collar.” The other Rei looked down as she spoke coldly. “Seele are evil…you cannot trust in them if Keel is in change.”

Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “Keel isn’t in change, there are only six members of Seele and Dante is their leader, he gave our Asuka this collar.” He paused seeing her uncertainty. “We won’t hurt you. You have nothing to fear from us…we know this isn’t your time, things must be very confusing for you.”

He watched as her glowing red eyes darted in deep confusion before she lowered her gaze sadly to the floor. “I’m not meant to be here…my time is over I’ve been reborn a new and yet I was awakened when your Asuka was awakened.” Shinji moved closer to her watching as the video cameras in the room moved clearly all beaming in to record. “How were you awakened?”

Rei looked at her hands. “Your Asuka and Rei share some sort of connection…it’s like their souls have linked becoming inseparable.” Toji looked up slightly. “Are you talking about soul mates like Zeus’s myth?” Rei looked up slightly. “These links can exist between anyone it’s not like that they can bind unbind with every new soul creation and bind to someone new…it’s not that you are together forever though some try to be over and over, but they have bonded more tightly than normal in this life.”

She paused. “I did not want to be here, but I feel like the other Asuka I’m lost in a place I don’t know, with people who are so different to how I remember.” She looked around the room. “Everything here is so clean so well looked after so bright nothing is rotting, I envy you all so much.”

Shinji moved closer to her about to speak only for her eyes to roll back showing the whites as she fell forward. He ran forward catching her watching as Asuka bolted out of her chair coming to stand behind him as his sisters skin and hair returned to normal and her eyes opened returning to their normal green colour though the look on his sisters face was anything but happy she looked unwell as he and Asuka helped put her gently back on to the sofa. She breathed in speaking painfully. “What drugs is she on? My head feels like it’s about to explode?”

Asuka leaned forward running a hand gently through her hair. “She said she was born here….” Rei breathed in painfully wanting the painfully headache to slowly subside. “My mouth tastes like medical alcohol. It’s just like being in quarantine all over again.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Whenever my other takes over me my mouth tastes like ash. I think when she was alive she used to smoke cigarettes.”

Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Do you get visions of a rotting Nerv?” Asuka nodded. “I didn’t see a rotting Nerv but I saw Nerv on fire being raided by an army as well as the two bullets that led to her death.” She put her hand on her waist running it along where the long scar that was under her t-shirt. “It hurts here…it just won’t stop hurting.”

Rei watched as Shinji went over to the kitchen pouring a mug off green tea which he handed to her. She took it sipping slowly hoping it would get rid of the awful taste in her mouth. “I can’t wait till this is over, I hate it.”

Asuka slowly sat next to her watching as Mari moved up and Kaworu sat down opposite. “Believe me I want this over as much as you.” Rei looked at her mug. “You know she likes you, I felt it in her thoughts. She fears your other self but she kind of has a crush on you.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “You know I really wasn’t feeling that when she smashed me in to the sofa.”

Rei looked at her mug. “She sensed your other half though the collar, it was a mistake.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “I get that but she’s confused and a teenager, maybe she just sees in me what she wants in her Asuka.”

Rei breathed in deeply. “No her feelings are not adolescent longing or childish there is real love there and I’m not jealous of them. She is me after all and she wanted the other you to love her but you never did…well not until the end of everything when your other self’s revenge of humanity amounted to nothing and left her truly empty at the breaking at the end of the world and time itself.”

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

Toji looked up slightly. “Can I just say I find this chicken shit all very confusing?” Mari raised her hand. “Yeah it’s weird like two people stuck in one body trying to share air time and their nothing alike.” She eyed Asuka. “Your other self-demonic form is shit scary and kind of ugly…and she smells like a mix of low tide and rotting flesh. I prefer yours the big were-tiger who behaves like a pussy cat.”

Kaworu put his hands together. “What concerns me is what they could tell us about ourselves. I mean we are not meant to know this we are not meant to see beyond the vail, yet here we are.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Trust me we are both finding this as messed up as you all do.” She paused. “It’s why we want it to end as having some other person’s life and flashes of their memory in your mind is so verfickte confusing…”

Shinji looked up slightly at Toji. “Don’t you have another date tonight with Sumire? It’s just if you do, you need to go now.” Toji stood up sharply. “Your right I do.” He turned to Mari who also stood up. “You need to go to you’ve got to watch Asuka’s house and take her cat at her home.”

Mari breathed in deeply. “Yeah I do and I need to pick up Sakura from school since she’ll be with my-self and Maya tonight.” She turned giving Asuka as warm hug before she could protest. “I’ll be back bright and early to see you princess.” She pulled away ruffling the other woman’s red hair. “Hopefully they’ll start this operation you’re meant to have tomorrow.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “The sooner the better four eyes, I want this vile bitch out of my life and mind.”

Rei looked up slightly. “The sooner our lives return to normal the better.” Shinji looked at her. “Yeah we all want that I mean once this over Kaworu will also be healed. Kaworu looked at his hand that was true he would be healed and yet he was now perplexed as it was clear Rei in her forma life had also had his condition which opened up so many questions.

Had his condition always been so had it existed in other times and places? Did it have a true source of some kind? If he saw that young teenage Rei again he needed to ask her, he needed to know if it was normal and if she knew the answer to what walking dead syndrome was and where it came from and if it was in fact normal.

Deep within one of Nerv’s ventilation tunnels

The broken scuttle bot lay still. It had not moved in six months as it had got separated off from the others and the others were programed to find it but had, had no luck. Its beacon had long stopped working. Something moved through the tunnel hitting it hard, causing its robotics cogs to slowly start twirled as it sprang to life as its eyes lit up red which was their night vision mode for the first time in months.

It slowly started to move of its own accord knowing its destination and that this would its last act of life and yet it was okay with it. As it had been so long since it had moved and there was one truth to its world. That everything had a moment when it was useful even if it was that things last gift to the world. This was for a greater purpose than any of its counterparts who were now calling out for it though it was ignoring them by choice and turned off its signal boost blocking them off completely.

8

No matter how many times I read this book called the Ziggurat the less I understand anything. Twenty cycles, does that mean I’ve lived twenty times, was I born a woman in some of these cycles or was I always born a man but changed to my true gender? Have myself and Toji met before and if we did it end badly? Or was it good. I hate this it goes against everything I know about my gods!

Gods live in heaven not on earth, maybe Dante’s eyes glowing eyes are all an illusion. Maybe Asuka is a false god, yet that were-tiger form looks so real. Plus she can’t be Quetzalcoatl she a tiger goddess she has to be Tezcatlipoca though she was more of a were-leopard goddess.

Sumire flipped he pages of the book again which were very special as they were all some sort of clear plastic similar to digital paper. Every time she flipped a page it translated from some old weird language to Nahuatl, so she could read it.

It was like a strange self-aware book that clearly changed based on who was reading it. It was odd in that its cover was not leather bound. It looked metal and mechanical and it had what looked like bolting locks which had opened for her purely by her touch.

Maybe she was over thinking this maybe it didn’t matter who was god maybe all that mattered was that the gods were real and that meant they could bring about change for the better or for the worse. She eyed the book but it still went against her beliefs, which made her deeply unhappy.

Clearly this why you weren’t meant to know what you’d done in previous lives as it unhinged your belief’s so deeply. She refused to buy in to this bullshit that Asuka was a god born of human form or that Dante was a half god they were both false gods and it had to be some kind of fucking illusion! She slammed the book closed watching as it bolted shut as she grabbed her anti-depressant bottle taking a pill with water.

She didn’t need this shit right now she was still trying to recover her mental health. The only upside was this version didn’t mess with her other medication like the other medication had. She leaned her head forward rubbing her face with her hands.

Frankly she wished she could close this book but it was to fucking late and now she was stuck knowing things she didn’t want to know and that she couldn’t share with anyone. She had heard people say they the top of Nerv must be lonely because the heads probably had vile and dirty secrets. It had been a running joke but now it felt like that twisted sick joke felt had landed on her in the most unamusing way and she utterly hated it.

She turned as a knock on her screen sounded hard causing her to turn sharply. She didn’t think as she shoved a load of her own books and magazines on her work desk over the Ziggurat hoping it would hide it as she stood up slowly going to the door as the knocking came harder. “I’m coming, calm down!”

She watched as the screen shot up as she opened the door only to see Toji standing there with a batch of red roses and chocolates in his hands. He smiled at her. “Sorry I’m late.” Sumire blinked suddenly remembering they had a date and she had totality forgotten, she looked down realizing she was still in her work clothes. “Wait we had a date tonight…I’m not ready…I forgot.”

Toji stepped inside. “You look great from where I’m standing all unbuttoned you look hot.” He eased up the red roses as she closed the door and putting the protection blind down. “Beautiful flowers for the beautiful lady.” Sumire felt the blush creep in as she took them. “Thank you.”

Toji eased up the chocolates. “I hope you have a sweet tooth to.” Sumire took them feeling a wide smile form. “I do.” Toji watched as she put the flower in one of her decorate Mexican pots and then started to make some coffee. He moved around the room looking at the godly statues with interest. “You sounded stressed before opening the door, is everything alight?”

Sumire poured the coffee bringing him a mug along with own watching as he took it. “It’s just work bullshit nothing you need to concern yourself with.” Toji watched as she sat down on her sofa leaning back slightly, he walked up to the statue of a huge serpent with feathered wings and a feathered crest. “Who is this?”

Sumire took a slip off her coffee. “That’s Quetzalcoatl the feathered serpent a god of wind, air and they say he will one day ascend to earth in human form and fight his greatest rival Tezcatlipoca the were-leopard goddess and both will battle for the sous of all humanity.”

Toji eyed the statue. “Is that why you’re unhappy? Because this Asuka being god, breaks that ideal since she was born on earth.”

Sumire sat up sharply this man was really perceptive. “Yeah I guess that’s why I am angry. I don’t believe in such things, I think its bullshit. I mean no offence I know Asuka is a friend.” Toji eyed the statue. “No I’m not offended I don’t believe it ether its chicken shit gods are from heaven they are not born on earth. I don’t doubt her power I just doubt her godhood.”

He paused. “Gods and goddess’s are born in the heavens they come from heaven…I feel the same as you but the others don’t understand and it’s hard to get them to understand.” He paused. “I mean even Nerv’s logo reads the gods are in their heavens and all is right with the world, so why contradict it with this?”

Sumire breathed in deeply. “Finally someone fucking gets it!” Toji slowly walked towards her. “I’m sorry that the others around you don’t see it the way you and I do.” Sumire looked down sadly. “They just see god’s not false gods or demi gods who have somehow seen this world reborn and buy it without question without thought.” She took a slip of her mug. “It pisses me off that they believe without question.”

She looked up slightly. “I just think you should question everything never just take it on face value.” Toji finished his coffee placing the mug down. “If I believed my countries government as a boy on the streets, myself and Sakura would be dead.”

He met her surprised gaze. “They always said they’d help the homeless that they had programs…we never saw those programs never heard of anyone being rescued by them. We just saw the homeless shanty town grow year on year. We saw the crime rising and we both saw things other children shouldn’t see. Sex, drugs and death all while our government said they were fixing the problem and lying to us.”

Sumire breathed in sadly. “I read your file…Maya gave them to us its protocol we all have to read them, all files of your child hoods are harrowing but yours made me so sad. That’s no way to grow up as a child or teen. I always knew when my next meal was coming I never ever had to steal it.”

She paused. “I knew that I’d wake up in a warm bed and that my mother or father would cook a nice meal for me.” She looked up slightly. “You had to steal yours and it must have affected both you and your sister deeply though she clearly does not show it.”

Toji smiled sadly. “It’s funny you say that because it has affected her very deeply. Her friends talk about boyfriend and girlfriends in school yet they’ve never seen sexual acts play out she has she knows how adult have sex. How they do drugs and she feels a drift from her friends because she has seen things they just can’t imagine.”

Sumire put her empty coffee mug down. “I remember my grandmother’s death…to this day. Movies always show death as painless even liberating, but she died horribly the bomb blew out her insides and your just never the same after you see that. I know in the report you said you saw a man get shot in front of you and you both had to hide in the dark…its why you hate the dark.”

Toji eased up his hand taking hers. “Yeah that is true and I understand that you had to read my file, I’m not mad or angry. I realise being at the top you have to know things that others don’t.” Sumire looked down sadly knowing that she knew more now than ever and couldn’t tell him. “That is true and it’s not something I enjoy.”

Toji eased out his other hand taking hers feeling the need to change the subject as long silence hung in the air. “Hey how’s about we order in a take away?” Sumire snapped out of her haze realising she did feel hungry right now. Though not really for food, it was the thirst to be needed to be wanted, since she was now with someone she found so easy to talk to and who understood her.

She eased up her fingers running it over his larger hands in gently motions as she met his gaze staring intently. Toji felt her gaze it was burning in to him he learned forward meeting her lips only for this kiss to become deeply intense with the same energy as their previous kisses.

He could feel her pushing against him which made him feel all the more turned on as pulled off her Nerv jacket he’d always found these trouser uniforms hot but this was the first time feeling one properly. As the sleeve material was stiff but the inside had some sort of cotton to make it soft and breathable. He let go off the jacket seeing it hit the floor only to pull away from this kiss as he spoke in a whisper near her ear. “Do you want this?”

Her hands suddenly came up grabbing his belt as they started to undo it as she spoke back in a hushed whisper. “Yes.” She pulled his belt open as he felt his body get hotter as her lips met his again and he felt the pressure in his jeans, gods it had been so long since he’d felt this way.

This was the one thing he had denied himself in all the time he had looked after Sakura. Yes he’d had some casual sex when he’d arrived in Nerv Japan not that long ago but relationships and real sex that had never been on his mind. He felt her pull his t-shirt of as her hands ran down his chest moving across the plains of muscle in gentle motions clearly admiring all the contours.

Her hands moved as she ran them slowly down his shoulders plaining all the muscles in a manner that felt like pure body worship. He was now utterly perplexed like how did men turn her away when she gave them this kind of worship were they just all fucking stupid or something?

He leaned forward kissing her again this time with the full force of his passion. Oh he wanted to feel her he wanted to be inside her, he wanted to give her the time of her life. They clearly shared very similar views on things and Sakura liked her, so it was time to make this real and take it to the next level!

End of part 52

Silvermoonlight