A FLICKER IN THE MIND’S EYE

Her world I do not know if I want to envy it or pity it. It’s so clean so nice her Nerv is swimming in vast incomparable wealth. Food everywhere and no one’s hungry it’s vile. I would have given anything to eat this way. It pisses me off so much since in my own world you’d be lucky to get one good meal a week since the Nerv I remember was starving and hanging on by a fucking thread with rotting areas that went on for miles and miles.

Worse of all is how she pines after that little bitch Rei it’s so weak so disgusting she’s a coward who is always nice. Why be nice when you can be more? Why give when you can take and make the world your own by force? I’ll say one thing though this equal gender bullshit has some advantages though like I never got to read magazines like this when I existed.

“Hey Langley are you going to buy that? Or are you going to stare at it!”

Asuka looked up sharply shaping out of her deep haze instantly looking around her realizing that she was in a newsagent store with a magazine in her hand. She looked down realizing it was a play girl magazine and she had it open on the centre fold. She breathed it instantly slamming it shut and shoving it back on the shelf feeling the confusion take over, why was she in here?

Wait Rei had sent her to get something hadn’t she, scheisse what was it? Her brain snapped back in to gear instantly oh that’s right she wanted a bottle of coconut drink.

She turned grabbing a cola for herself then the coconut bottle for Rei as she moved towards the casher putting it down as shoved her card in the slot only to hear a beeping as the casher’s mouth formed a smirk. “Are you not firing on all cylinders today Langley? That’s your Nerv ID card not your debit card.”

Asuka pulled her card out giving her a cold look as she put the correct card in hearing it click as she brought the goods. The female shop keeper’s smug smile widened further. “Sure you don’t want that play girl magazine to since you were drooling all over it for five minute’s solid?” Asuka grabbed the items as she put her card away speaking through gritted teeth. “Oh verpiss dich.”

She ignored the woman’s surprise as clearly understood her words as she walked out of the store hearing the automatic door close behind he. She looking around her realizing she was down on level fifty. Why was she down here? When there were more stores like this on the higher levels and she never even used this level for buying things.

She felt her phone buzz she pulled it out seeing the text message from Rei saying she was on level twenty eight with Mari and Toji and for her to meet her.

She moved towards one of the lifts pressing it with her thumb in frustration she never normally went to level fifty unless she wanted good Indian food. As the restaurants down here were the best in the Arcade zone but she never went here for anything else unless it was with Rei as she liked some of the gift shops down here as they had cute plush dolls.

She looked down slightly she’d gone to level thirty she remembered that clearly so how was she on verfickte level fifty? Not to mention she had this vile taste in her mouth which was awful like she had she eaten something bad tasting and it was clinging to the back of her throat.

She watched as the lift finally opened which felt like ages as she stepped inside only to hear her phone go off again she pulled it out reading Rei’s message which was a rather sharp where are you we can’t find you? She breathed in putting her phone away as the lift opened and she ran out going towards the white and gold Japanese’s dragon statue water fountain which was in the centre of level sitting next to it looking around her.

She watched as Toji, Mari and Rei appeared coming towards her she felt a stupid toothy grin form as she pulled up the drinks. “I got the stuff you wanted.” Rei looked at her for a long moment, feeling the confusion take over as she took the drinks. “Where were you, I was getting worried?”

Mari sniffed the air. “Asuka you smell like you’ve been near the Rose and Crown Lounge or something.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I went to the wrong level…I went to fifty and got side tracked.” She turned sharply to Mari. “What is in Rose and Crown Lounge?”

Toji breathed in deeply. “It’s some real old world type lounge with a casino for both men and women where you can smoke and play cards and gamble as well as order alcoholic drinks and food. I’ve seen Ritsuko go in there from time to time it’s like the biggest thing on that level and all types of smoking are welcome, cigarettes, vaping and cigars, pipes as well as chewing tobacco and water pipes.”

Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Sounds more like a vile recipe for cancer and lung disease.” Mari put her hand on her shoulder. “Yeah well that’s why we are confused why you’d be down there little sister, doesn’t sound like your kind of place.”

Asuka raised her hands. “Okay, fine I ended up on the wrong level because I pressed the wrong button!” She paused. “I just brought the stuff since I was down there.” Rei felt a slight smile form as she put her hand on Asuka’s shoulder. “Well we are all just glad you are back as we just got a message from Shinji that we can see him and Kaworu now as the lock down is over and we’ve got some gifts for him.”

She breathed in deeply. “Plus I need to see my brother…I mean we had that argument and I want to make things right.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking seeing that Mari and Toji already had presents ready to cheer Kaworu up and Rei had clearly brought something from them, gods she wished she wasn’t so hazy.

As it felt like she was slowing everyone down because she wasn’t on the ball at all. Maybe she could redeem herself by at least making Kaworu feel better since she knew how it felt to not look like everyone else and hopefully she could also help Shinji and Rei sort it out, though they normally sorted out issues without her helping and always had. “Let’s go and see him and Kaworu as he must be bored up there, I know I was.”

8

Shinji looked up slightly catching sight of the others who were making their way towards the room. He eased himself off the bed, where he’d been for a long while now. Kaworu had let him stay there though the other man looked tired now clearly the medication that was flushing out any remainder the over dose was half way complete and Maya had said it would be a long process.

He smiled as they clearly had gifts as they came up to the glass looking in. He caught sight of Rei knowing they needed to talk, as his actions from the other day were still on his mind.

He moved over to the door watching as they all came in giving him smiles as Toji raised the gifts. “Look we got gifts and stuff and we are here to cheer you up!” Shinji watched as Kaworu groaned as he opened his eyes slowly before speaking. “I was sleeping….”

Shinji turned to him. “Look the others are here and they brought you gifts.” Kaworu breathed in as he sat up in bed hating that they had to see him this way. Though maybe it was better they got this over and done with now rather than having to do it later as he spoke bitterly. “Great…”

Mari blinked eyeing him she wasn’t that surprised by how he looked as she knew one person on the base back in Britain who had his condition and refused to take medication. Their feeling has been why should they?

Though Toji had clearly never seen it before she could see it in his face and nether had Rei that was clear by how they were both looking at him. Asuka on the other hand remained expressionless. “You know you don’t look that bad still look like a handsome stud to me.” She raised her hand pointing at Asuka. “Also I had no idea you had Princess’s mood when you’re in the hospital wing.” Asuka turned sharply. “Shut up four eyes!”

Rei snapped out of her haze meeting Shinji’s concerned gaze. “I’m sorry we were late, we got slightly delayed.” She was about to say more only for Shinji to come forward wrapping his arms around her pulling her close. “I’m sorry Rei, for the other day….what I did was very bad and I should have told you all those years ago.”

Rei breathed in wrapping her arms around him. “No I’m sorry for what I said, I was just in a bad mood and I took it out on you and father punishes us both over everything.” Shinji breathed in painfully. “Yeah I know it just doesn’t make me feel any better though, because what I did was rotten.” Rei squeezed him tighter. “It’s okay I forgive you for it, you were just in a bad place.”

Toji leaned over towards Asuka speaking quietly. “Em…do they always resolve things this quickly?” Asuka turned to him nodding calmly. “Yes.” She breathed in putting her hands in her leather jackets pockets only to feel something metal, she blinked easing it out.

She looked down in surprise as a Zippo lighter came in to view an old brass one with an embossed emblem on it and some language at the top she couldn’t even read. Where the scheisse had she gotten this from? She had no memory of buying this…Kaworu’s voice suddenly cut through her thoughts. “Is that a Ukrainian Zippo?”

She turned to him walking forward slowly seeing Rei and Shinji stare at her along with everyone else as she passed it to him watching as he took it weakly looking at it. His eyes lit up as he pulled himself up in bed fully. “This is an official general’s civil war Zippo where did you get this, there ultra-rare and I’ve been searching for one for ages?” He paused meeting her gaze as she pulled off her patch off putting it in her other pocket. “But I never told you this.”

Asuka blinked she had no idea where she’d even got this. She felt her eyes dart as she thought of something as fast as possible. “Shinji asked me to pick it up for you, it’s his gift to you not mine.” She ignored Shinji’s surprise and Rei’s utter confusion. “That’s why I was in the Crown and Rose they sell all kinds of old lighters in there.”

Toji looked at her for a long moment. “Yeah they do their very expensive and kept in rotating glass cabinet’s which you can see if you look in through the front glass window.” Kaworu looked at Shinji. “Thank you this means so much to me that you had her go get this just for me.” Shinji looked at Asuka who looked utterly out of place. He had not told her this. Maybe she had over heard it from one of his conversations with Rei or something. He should just go with it, since it was making Kaworu happy. “Yeah I just wanted to cheer you up.”

Kaworu looked at the lighter as he leaned out taking his hand as he leaned over the bed he leaned forward giving a soft and gentle kiss before pulling away looking at the others. “Well this makes me feel a lot happier, even though I look like a freak right now.”

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Asuka turned sharply raising her hand pointing at her left scared eye. “It might have escaped your notice but you’re not the only one who looks weird to everyone.” Kaworu lay back on his beds pillows. “Yes but yours only looks like it hit your face not your whole body.” He paused. “Plus you wear a patch to cover it, which means you’re not comfortable with it.” Asuka eyed him. “No I wear a patch because I don’t like having to explain to people why it glows.”

Kaworu raised his hand. “Well I don’t like explaining why I look like the un-dead!” Asuka eyed him realizing that he was clearly going through a lot of dark emotions and she knew how that felt and the last thing she wanted to do was argue with him in this state. As she knew he’d just feel worse and he was lashing out at her because he needed to vent, not because it was personal. “Well you don’t look un-dead to me your look cool and unique.” Rei moved forward nodding. “Yeah honestly it doesn’t look that bad, we could all get used to it.” Toji put his hands together. “Yeah man, I always thought zombie movies were cool.”

Mari turned sharply. “He means he likes you how you look not that you look like a zombie.” Rei moved forward putting the bag of gifts on the bed. “We got you some gifts because we heard once that drip is finished and you are more rested you can be discharged and go home with Shinji.” Kaworu breathed in deeply. “Yes, that’s true.” Rei moved her hands through the bags hoping the items from the Ukrainian sellers in the Arcade which they’d all brought were going to be good enough.

She pulled out the first gift. “My self and Asuka got two of these, there called Nested dolls.” Kaworu leaned over taking the boxes from her hand smiling. “That’s really thoughtful of you both, these are called babushka.”

He paused. “My mother used to wear dresses like this they were so colourful and patterned I’ll never forget how beautiful she looked.” Mari moved over as Rei stepped aside pulling out a bottle and huge thick slab of chocolate. “I got you some Horilka and Lviv Chocolate.”

She carefully passed them it to him as he put the nest doll boxes next to his Zippo lighter. “You know for when you’re feeling better, they told me it was authentic.” Kaworu look a long smell of the chocolate. “Oh yes that is clearly authentic, I can tell.”

Toji stepped over pulling out a decorated wooden mace from the bag as he smiled. “I got you this it’s called a Bulawa it’s meant to symbolize strength.” Kaworu took it from his hands looking at it, it had been years since he’d seen one. “Yes that’s right. I have not seen one of these in a very long time.”

He turned to the others. “Thank you for all your gifts there really thoughtful.” Shinji moved forward putting a hand gently on his shoulder. “You see they don’t see you as any different and we all just want you to get out of here.” Kaworu looked slightly. “I guess that’s true.” Shinji sat on the bed opposite. “And once we get home you can rest easy as Misato wants us to take the day off tomorrow.”

8

Rei watched as Asuka laid still on the bed her hand stroking Erika who was lying in between them. Tomorrow would be there psychiatric tests and she was not looking forward to it at all and nether was Asuka. After Kaworu had been discharged with Shinji they had all been told they could all go home because Kaji, Misato and Kaji had so much to sort out with the media and press that there was no use in running training simulations today for anyone.

She turned looking at Asuka who was staring upwards her glowing eyes blue and white patterns rotating in deep thought. She breathed in no longer being able to hold her question back. “I never told you Kaworu wanted that lighter.”

Asuka breathed in deeply realizing there was no point in holding this back as she wanted to say something on the drive back with their motorbikes but just hadn’t found a good moment. “I don’t remember buying it...”

Rei turned sharply. “How can you not remember buying it?” Asuka breathed in deeply raising her phone. “Anneberg?” She watched as the demon appeared flaring his teeth. “Yes Asuka.” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “Did I make a purchase to something called the Rose and Crown?” Anneberg’s green eyes started to search. “Yes you did you spent two hundred and thirty euros on a rare Zippo lighter.”

Asuka eyed her phone. “Did I buy anything else other than that and drinks?” Anneberg eyes traced. “No that was it.” Rei looked at Anneberg. “Thank you Anneberg.” She watched as he smiled disappearing as Asuka put down her phone. Rei felt her eyes dart in confusion. “You seriously don’t remember?”

Asuka turned to her. “Yes Rei I don’t remember. It’s like I blacked out just like we did on the ship and I just don’t remember anything. It’s not like I know that level well Mari knows it better than me since she drags me down there to buy something she calls a chicken korma with coconut and almonds from time to time from the British Curry houses down there.”

She paused. “I wouldn’t know what a special lighter is and I have no reason to buy one let alone know what’s valuable.” Rei looked at her for long moment seeing that her girlfriend was being brutality honest.

She lay back watching as Erika got up slowly turning around before sitting in between them curling up in a ball. “I keep thinking there’s something wrong with my memory. I didn’t want to say anything because it didn’t make sense to me and it felt weird, but now I just have to. You asked me if I went to the meeting I did but my memories of it, they just don’t feel right.”

Asuka sat up sharply seeing the uncertainty in Rei’s eyes she leaned over gently taking her hand. “What do you mean by don’t feel right?” Rei breathed in deeply. “It feels fake….like in my memory Ritsuko is too nice to me.” She paused. “It made no sense she hates me as well because I remind her of Yui. It’s just unlike my father she just puts up with it.”

She felt her grip on Asuka’s hand tighten. “It wasn’t even fake nice it was too warm like she was being motherly and overly kind.” She turned hearing something get put through the door which was clearly a large package as it landed hard. “I should go and get that.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “No, don’t bother with it Rei just lie down and relax.” Rei lay back realizing that she was deeply agitated she watched as Asuka lay down so she was looking directly at her.

Asuka looked up slightly. “We need to tell them all this.” Rei turned towards her. “I know.” She looked up meeting Asuka’s good eye as the other pulsed. “I’ve been really off with you and I’m really sorry. As I feel you have been nothing but kind to me despite my moods swings and the fact that I keep eating your food, because I’m always hungry.”

Asuka moved Rei’s hand up kissing it very gently. “You don’t have to explain, I know what having difficulty with your mood is like and you put up with all my scheisse after the Alpha unit incident when I was at my worst.” Rei felt a smile form. “Yeah there is that.” Asuka felt a wide smile form. “And there’s this little detail that really I love you.” Rei felt the other woman kiss her hand again as she laughed. “I love you to.”

8

Mari felt the kitchen table as was pushed firmly up against it as Maya kissed her harder. It was such a turn on and yet she could feel her mind eating at her, before she could stop it. As much as she was enjoying this, she was starting to feel uneasy about it like that maybe that was all she was here for.

She put her hands on Maya’s shoulders pushing her back slightly. “Can we stop for a moment?” Maya looked at her feeling the confusion take over as she stopped kissing the taller woman. “Is something wrong, did you not want to do this?”

Mari breathed in deeply the reality was she could make love to this woman from dawn to dusk if she could and she wanted nothing more, but she knew this question would torment her if it wasn’t asked and it would only get worse over time. As she was used to being dropped by women after the sex and buzz was over and they hadn’t liked her being closeted, which had added to the difficulty but she wasn’t in that closet anymore.

She moved away from Maya sitting on her couch as they were in her hotel apartment room tonight and not at Maya’s apartment. “I just want to know something. Are we just screwing each other for sex, or do you love me?”

She paused pushing her loose long hair back. “Because I really love you, but you have not once said you love me, in all this.” She paused lowering her head sadly. “Maybe I ask too much, maybe I want too much too soon but I just don’t want to feel like I’m just some fuck buddy who you’re going to get rid of, when you finally get bored.”

She breathed in deeply not feeling sure what to say next as she turned to Maya knowing she was pushing hard and taking a risk which she normally wouldn’t take. “I just want more, I just want to date you, go to see movies and stuff….”

Maya looked down slightly realizing the truth of Mari’s statement and the reality of it which was right in this moment. As she had not said that she loved her only that she liked her and it was deeply unfair. She’d been so caught up in her own whirlwind that she had not really given these long nights of sex any real thought. She’d just enjoyed the moment, as it had been ages since she’d felt this loved by anyone.

She had come here because Ritsuko and the Commander had given her a gold card which meant Mari had to attend a meeting with them regarding her family and she needed to be there. She’d come here to talk it through with her but had ended up kissing her and forgetting herself.

She had to be honest with Mari going forward and stop with her own self-indulgences, in this way. As she was doing this since it felt so long since she’d been physical with anyone. She slowly walked towards Mari who looked uncertain and nervous now, clearly feeling she’d over stepped the line. She breathed in gently taking her hand as she sat on the sofa next to her. “I’m sorry if I made you feel this way, that was not my intention.”

She paused watching as Mari pushed her glasses up she slowly moved her hands up to the other woman’s face as she kissed her very gently on the lips as she rested her head against hers. “I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.” She paused for a long moment. “I was afraid to say it.”

Mari looked up slightly. “I understand that.” Maya breathed in deeply. “It’s just been so long since I was with anyone and I was just enjoying it all so much and I got caught up in it.” Mari breathed in feeling the tension start to melt away in her body. “So you really enjoy fucking me then?” Maya laughed slightly as she looked at the taller woman. “Of cause I do we have such a great time, but you are right we do need to do more with our time together.”

Mari eased up her hand running it through the other woman’s hair which was loose and on her shoulders. “Well I have to watch Hikari tomorrow as its Toji’s date but we can do something the day after.” Maya nodded calmly. “Yes we can.” She paused pulling out the gold card. “I meant to give you this, I just got caught up in the moment.”

Mari eased the gold card from her hands. “What is this?” Maya looked down slightly. “You have to attend a meeting with Ritsuko and the Commander tomorrow morning. They want to ask you about your family, they tried with Asuka but as you know, it didn’t go well.”

Mari stared at the card feeling the tension instantly hit home. “I don’t think I can do this, they might see me as a traitor. Since my step brother knocked out Asuka and my step sister is a crazy bitch who looks like me.” Maya took hold of both her hands. “You have nothing to fear Mari I am going be in there with you.”

She leaned up kissing her lips very gently. “You just have to tell them what you told me that day in the Taito Station just be honest with them, no lies. Because Ritsuko and the Commander will know and Asuka’s not good at lying so they’ll pick it up from you instantly.”

Mari looked down slightly as she put the card on her coffee table. “What if they don’t believe me?” Maya breathed in deeply. “What they believe is not important Mari. What is important is your feelings and your own conviction if they cannot see past that then there both fools as despite the Alpha unit accident you have proved nothing but loyalty to Nerv.”

Mari leaned forward wrapping her arms around the smaller woman pulling her close. “Thank you, you know for just saying you’re going to be there that’s means a lot.” Maya wrapped her arms around her enjoying her warm hug. “Even If they said I couldn’t be there, I would have demanded to be there.”

Mari breathed in feeling a smile form. “I forgot to say thank you for the junk food you put in my Eva some time back, I really enjoyed that meat feast pizza. I didn’t know or new store box in the entry plug worked that well and it would be so nice.” Maya held her tighter. “I was told it was your favourite.” Mari kissed the other woman before sitting back. “Hey how’s about I cook you something from my home country?”

Maya looked up slightly. “What did you have in mind?” Mari moved over to the fridge opening it. “Fish and chips…London style.” Maya stood up slightly. “You know I’ve had that before.” Mari pulled out the ingredients. “Not my special you haven’t and Sakura loves it when I cook this, so does Toji, I’m sure you will love it to.”

Maya slowly seated herself watching as Mari started to cook it was very clear to her that despite sharing a lot of traits with Asuka her cooking style was very different. She was methodical where as Asuka just went with what she felt. She began to watch from the chair as she felt herself relax fully feeling instantly better now that her true feelings of love were now finally out.

End of part 44

Silvermoonlight