A.D.
December 11th, 2007. 11:04 a.m. Lecture Hall.
Okay, A.D. Finals time. You can do this. You have to do this. You bombed the midterm, forgot to do some homework here and there, and didn’t go to a single office hour, but you got this. If you can do Evo Moment 37 in your sleep, you can do anything. Okay… Ten minutes have passed and I still haven’t written a single thing down. Come on… it’s just physics. You’re good at math. Okay, you’re decent at math… Calm down… Calm down. You studied. You’ll be fine. Just try reading it over again. “You are dealing with a hostage situation on the roof of a very tall building. The villain has the hostage in a tight grip with a firearm pointed at their head. The villain is 5’10. The hostage is 5’7 and has an identical build to the villain. The villain is standing near the edge of the building to try and get you to stand down. Any fall from atop the building will result in death. There is twenty-five feet between you and the villain. What kind of projectile could defuse this situation while keeping the hostage alive? Please calculate and list the projectile type, safe speed, as well as the ideal trajectory. Please show as much work as you can.”
Okay… um… they gave me the villain’s height so that has to be important. There’s three more inches of villain than hostage… so maybe just shoot something up and barely miss the hostage? A gun maybe? No no… Depending on the caliber, that could blow the hostage back as well. Or I could just Spetsnaz it and end up killing the hostage… No guns then. Lightning? No. Lightning’s out of the question. One touch of lightning causes your joints and muscles to tense up harder and faster than what’s usually possible or safe. Even if it was a little jolt, both of them would jump off the building and go splat. Wait. Will warned me that sometimes word questions like this include information that’s not important. How do I know what’s not important? There’s no triangles in this diagram. There’s no numbers to solve for… Fireball? No you fool that would roast both of them… Calm down. Just go to the next question. “Based off your answer of Question #1-”
I am so screwed.
Janelle
December 11th, 2007. 12:27 p.m. Lecture Hall.
Finals are here once again. I did not get any sleep last night, but that is of little concern. This final is multiple choice. This final is my bitch. I am going to show this final who’s boss. I am going to totally pwn and own this final.
Pencil’s nice and sharp. The clean test form is slid over to me. The T.A. plops a thick booklet down in front of me. I open it and get down to business. A, B, A, B, D, C, C, C, C. Wait. That’s a lot of Cs in a row… That’s suspicious, but I won’t be deterred… just remember what your A.P. Psych teacher said, “Unless the Angel Gabriel descends from heaven and tells you to change your answer, don’t change your answer.” D, C, B, A, C, C, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D. Okay… That is way too suspicious. I know everything I chose was right. This is Combat Injury Treatment for God’s sake… then why are there so many Ds in a row? Is this the professor’s idea of a sick joke? No. No. This is a mere mind trick. You’ve been through worse. You won’t let mean test design stop you now. A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A… This is a 200 multiple choice question test… and the last 150 answers are all A.
I know everything here is right… I looked it over twice and everything. Why then does my stomach feel so ill? Maybe I should mix up some of the answers just to be absolutely sure… The moment my eraser touches the test form, my A.P. psych teacher’s voice echoes in my head once more. No. No. I can’t disappoint her. Not again. I collect myself, organize the test materials, stand up, and head over to the professor. She’s this lanky older woman with these comedically thick glasses. They kind of make her look like a quirky scientist or a woman who’s constantly taking an eye exam. I look her in the eye and present her the test materials.
“Aaah done so soon?” She glances at the clock and smiles. “You still have an hour left. Don’t you want to check your work some more?”
“I’ve already checked it over plenty. Please just take it.”
“Are you suuure?” Her withered lips crack into a smile. “There’s no take-backsies once you give me the test.”
“Please just take it already.” I practically force the materials into her arms and begin heading out.
“I hope you don’t regret your decision, dearie.” I hear the woman whisper as I shut the lecture hall doors behind me. My legs give out and I slide down the lecture hall doors and just lie there for a second to collect my breath. Finally… over… Now I just have to do that five more times… but at least for the next three hours… I can rest.
I feel my heart flip upside down and inside out. “Did I skip question 2…?”
Vivian
December 12th, 2007. 5:43 p.m. Dorm room. Finished all my finals and Christmas shopping and even managed to bake some cookies and buy some pizza for a little Christmas party for everyone. I finished setting the food and drinks on the living room table and now I just gotta finish setting up the balloons and little poppers and I’ll be ready to go… Hopefully Angela got my text messages… I didn’t spend good money on this Santa outfit just for no one to show up.
I text Angela again just to make sure everything’s going according to plan. Before I can hit send, I get a text from Angela saying, “Heading to the dorm with everyone. You ready?”
I respond, “Ye.”
She responds, “yeye”
I wait for three more minutes and the door finally opens. My team and Familia stand in the doorway as I blow a little party popper and pose with a big sack of gifts on my back. “Merry Early Christmas everyone!”
“SANTA!?” Will’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree for a moment before returning to their normal “too cool for you” look. “Oh. Wait. Hey, Vivian.”
“Hell yeah, free food!” A.D., Angela, and Josh blitz in and begin crowding around the food table. “Thank you, Vivian!” A.D. says with a mouth full of pizza. “You’re the best!”
“Thank you!” I turn to thank them before turning back to the rest of the party. All of them except Yuko look like they had the souls sucked out of them. Someone please say something. This sack is way heavier than I expected. “Uuuuh… is everyone okay?”
“We’re fine…” Janelle rubs her eye. “It’s just finals week.”
“I know.” I nod. “That’s why we’re partying tonight. Stressing out over finals isn’t going to help anyone.”
“Oh, yeah. Suuure.” Janelle sighs. “Let me just stop worrying. That’ll be easy…”
“Hey come on.” I pat her on the head. “In fifty years, it’s not going to matter what you got on those tests. Might as well enjoy the present.”
“She’s right.” A weak smile melts over Will’s weary face as he walks past me. “Come on, Janelle. You need to relax.”
“But I really need to study…” Janelle shakes her head. “I really, really need to ace tomorrow’s final. There’s no way I’ll pass if I don’t study tonight.”
“I bought you a gift.” I lovingly pat my sack.
Surprise, joy, and just a smidge of guilt all splash over Janelle’s face at the same time. Buying her gift was totally worth it just to see that face. “I suppose I can make some time then…” Janelle’s stomach makes a gross rumbling sound.
Yuko pushes Janelle in. “Just get in there and eat some pizza. You’ll feel better.”
“Okay okay… no need to push me…” Janelle rubs her back and heads over to the food table as well.
Sejong’s eyes look more dead than the rest of them, but his hair and skin are flawless… “Hey, Sejong.” I poke his cheek. “You okay, buddy?”
“Atatata…” Sejong flinches backward and holds his cheek. “Don’t touch me… I’m super sore… Everything feels like it’s going to fall off if I move too much…”
“Oh… I’m sorry I had no idea. What happened?”
“I’ve been sparring with A.D…” Sejong blinks and he rubs his shoulder. “You know how it is…”
I can’t help but laugh. “Yeah… Yeah.” I shoot Sejong a thumbs up. “Good on you for taking the A.D. Accelerated Training Course. Do you need a massage? I can fix you right up.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Sejong shakes his hand. “Thank-”
Will interrupts him from across the room. “Sejong. Take the offer. That woman knows what she’s doing.”
“I don’t want to troub-”
“Sejong.” I stare right at him. “You’re not bugging me okay? You’re not a burden.”
Sejong’s face relaxes and I see his chest depress. That’s a good sign. “If it isn’t too much trouble… Could you massage my lower back? I think I used a gym machine incorrectly.”
“Of course, but only if you eat some pizza first.” I lightly tap Sejong on the back as he walks past me to the food table.
All that’s left is Yuko. She looks tired, but nowhere near as drained as everyone else. “How’re you holding up?” I give her a little hug.
“Eh. Tests are tests. Haven’t worried about them yet and I’m not gonna start now.” Yuko wraps her arms around me for a moment before letting go.
“Did my study tips help?”
“Yeah…” A small smile breaks through her lips. “A lot, actually. I actually managed to focus.”
“Good to hear. Now go get yourself some pizza.”
Yuko does just that and pats my butt while she walks past me. I clench my teeth and constrict my throat just to keep any noises from escaping. I’ll get her for that.
I eat some pizza and some of my cookies as well. They’re fluffier than last time… I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad sign, but more people seem to be eating them this time, so I’ll take that as a win. After I get a full belly, I slap my sack once more. Man… that’s satisfying. Nothing better than giving your sack a good slap after a long day. The jiggle. The sound. The consistency. slap slap slap. Okay. I should stop before I break something. “Alrighty.” I open the sack and lean forward with an elbow on my knee. “Who wants to get their gift first?”
“You can skip over me.” A.D. shakes his head with his hand on his stomach. “I don’t celebrate Christmas.”
“Oooh thank you for volunteering.” I retrieve A.D.’s gift from the bag, walk over to him, and press it into his shoulder. “Merry Christmas.”
“I can’t.” A.D.’s smile sours just a tad. “Thank you very much, but I can’t accept that.”
“It’s not a Christmas gift.”
“What?” A.D. tilts his head like a puppy.
“It’s a Secular Non-Specific Winter Gift Giving Holiday Gift.” I plop the box into his lap. “Happy Secular Non-Specific Winter Gift Giving Holiday.”
A.D.’s lip begins to quiver. “Thank you, Vivian.” He smiles once again and opens the box. A.D. looks like he just looked into the case from Pulp Fiction. He reaches into the box and pulls out an arcade stick. It’s got art featuring chibi versions of Team Lovers all over it. “This… this is outstanding…” He begins practicing his usual combo routes. “The click… the feedback… the stick and button resistance. The box has a nice weight to it too…” A.D. looks up at me like he’s ready to cry. “Where did you get this masterpiece?”
“Me and Angela know a guy that works at a special game shop. He put together the stick and I paid Sejong to do the art. Whatcha think?”
“No hyperbole. Top tier gift. Best gift I’ve ever gotten.” A.D. hugs the stick as if it were his child. “Thank you, Vivian… I promise to repay you.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I shake my head and chuckle. “You can repay me by getting better at Third Strike.”
“Once I get the rust off, I’ll be unstoppable with this…” A.D. continues practicing on the arcade stick. “Just you wait… Thank you again so much.”
“Don’t mention it. Glad you like it.” I look over at the rest of the party. “Who wants to go next?”
Angela raises her hand immediately. “Got anything for me?”
“Indeed.” I glance over and see Sejong shiver. I reach into the bag, pull out a plastic tube with a cap on the end, and toss it to Angela. “I got a commission in for you.”
“No way…” Angela catches the tube, pops it open, slides out a rolled up poster onto her lap, and immediately unrolls the poster. “Oooooh yeah…. mama like…” She licks her lips and smiles like a huge creep.
Will glances over her shoulder and nearly spits out his drink and immediately turns away. “Cack! HOck! HAANGH!” He beats his chest and enters a coughing fit. “Oooh why did I look…? God forgive me…”
“What’s on the poster?” Janelle rubs Will’s back.
Angela wiggles her eyebrows. “If you wanna know, I’-”
Sejong grabs her arm and stares Angela right in the eye. “Don’t you dare show them. That’s a private commission.” It’s the most threatening I’ve ever seen the guy.
“Gotchu.” Angela rolls the poster back up, conceals it in the tube, and gives Sejong a hug. “Thank you for indulging me~ I’ll make it worth your while.”
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
“Why does that make me feel uneasy…?” Sejong does not protest the hug.
“Why was the belly so big…?” Will wipes tears from his eyes.
“Do you really wanna know?” Angela smiles.
“Forget I ever asked…” Will rests his head in Janelle’s lap.
“Ey, mind if I go next?” Josh raises his hand with a piece of pizza crust hanging out his mouth like a cigarette.
“Not at all.” I reach into the bag and pull out a small square box that’s barely bigger than my hand. “Catch.” I toss it to Josh and he catches it.
He opens it and yells just about every obscenity in the book as well as a few that haven’t been invented yet. I can’t list any of them because I don’t want this book to get banned. Despite his language, Josh is jumping up and down and smiling like the N64 Kid. “Woooo!” He pulls a baseball out of the box, waves it around, and even starts kissing it a little.
“When you gonna kiss me like that?” Angela laughs.
“Dude! Babe!” He shows her the baseball. “This thing’s signed by Eric Karros! Vivian! How’d you get this?”
“Money.” I can’t help but smile. His energy’s too contagious. “You like it?”
“Hell yeah I do! Just you wait, I’m gonna return this favor! WOOOO!” He eventually calms himself and sits back down. Now he’s just tossing that ball up and down the whole time.
“Mind if I just finish off Familia right now?” I turn to my team. “Might as well.”
“Fine by me.” Will nods.
“Mmmfpt.” Yuko nods with copious amounts of gooey cheese dripping from her mouth.
“Alrighty.” I clap my hands and pull out two more boxes from the bag. They’re both somewhat flat compared to the other gifts so far. “This one’s for Sejong and this one’s for Janelle.” I toss the boxes to their respective recipients.
Sejong starts to unwrap his.
“I didn’t know exactly what to get you, so I hope you don’t mind something a little more general.”
“As long as it isn’t weird, I’ll appreciate it.” Sejong nods and opens the box. “Wow…” he smiles and pulls his gift from the box. “Twenty Copics… niiiiice.” he looks over the box and sniffs it a little. “This is more than okay. I can always use more.” Sejong reads over the back. “Oooh even had that blue I was looking for.” he hugs the box to him. “Thank you, Vivian. This is super generous.”
“Don’t worry about it. You deserve it after Rickville.”
“Don’t remind me…” Sejong shivers.
“Sorry.”
Janelle starts opening her box and her jaw opens. She tries to scream, but no words come out. Just quiet exhaling. “Oooooh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. You got me the whole Death Note anime!? Where did you even get this legit!?”
“I’m not entirely sure if I did.” I chuckle. “Had to talk to some dudes in Little Tokyo, but the subtitles are good and the video and audio’s all in sync. Trust me. The quality’s good.”
“Niiiice… this is what I’ve been looking for… It’s so hard to watch anime since the school blocked the anime sites.”
“You can get around those you know.” Angela takes another bite of pizza. “It’s not hard.”
“Well, now I don’t need to.” Janelle hugs the dvd boxes to her chest. “I can watch my beautiful L whenever I want.”
“Who’s this L boy?” Will points to the box. “Is it this homeless looking man?”
“Don’t insult my husbando like that… He’s really smart…” Janelle whines.
“All that’s left is Will and Yuyu.” I reach into my now emptied sack and chuck two boxes to my teammates. Always feels good to empty your sack.
Will catches it without issue.
The box bonks Yuko on the head and lands in her lap. She swears a little, but her voice is muffled behind pizza.
Will opens the box and pulls out a pitch black fedora. Complete with a feather and everything. “Goodness…” He runs his fingers over the brim and admires its inside and outside. “This is a high-quality hat… I can feel it.” Will puts the fedora on, adjusts it a little, and tips it forward. “This is outstanding… I feel so stylish…” He leans back in his chair with his arms crossed and just takes it in. “Thank you, Vivian. I shall remember this.”
I look at Yuko.
She swallows her pizza and peeks inside the box. It’s roughly the size of Josh’s box. Her lip trembles, she closes the box, rests it on her lap, and keeps it safe under her hands. “Thank you, Viv…” Yuko’s struggling to keep a straight face. I can tell. She’s not looking at anyone and the corner of her lip is twitching. I can also see her breathing irregularly.
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah… a lot…” She runs her thumb over the box. “We’ll talk about it later... Promise.” She smiles at me with wet eyes.
I’m so getting some tonight.
Yuko
December 12th, 2007. 10:33 p.m. Dorm Kitchen.
Okay… Okay… Chill. Just be chill like you normally are. Everyone’s retreated into their rooms except for me and Viv. I’m helping her tidy up the living room. I got a gut full of good booze and better pizza. Might need another drink just to stomach this… I head into the kitchen and open the fridge. Hell yeah. There’s still a decent amount of whiskey left. I wrap my hand around the bottle only to feel Viv’s arms wrap around my waist. “Hey, Viv… Do you want some?”
“No.” I feel her rest the scarred half of her face on my back. “Could you not drink any more tonight?”
“Why?”
“I like you better when you’re sober.”
That’s not fair… She can’t just say things that disgusting. Blegh… I feel like my teeth are gonna dissolve from how sweet that is. My hand slides off the bottle and I close the door and rest my arm and forehead on the fridge. “If you say so…”
“Why do you drink so much? Do you not like being around us?” Viv tightens her grip around me.
“No. No. I have fun around you guys… I guess drinking just feels natural to me? It’s like drinking water.”
“I see…” I feel Vivian rest her forehead on my shoulder. “Can you put on your gift now?”
“Sure…” I turn around, pull the box out of my jacket pocket, and open it up. Inside is a simple purple and yellow bracelet with a little shiny steel charm dangling off the end. There’s a little message etched into it… “To A Diamond In The Rough” I chuck the box onto the kitchen counter and put the bracelet on my right wrist. Never was a big fan of bracelets. Always felt like they were chafing my wrists. This one feels alright though… Feels smooth. Feels like it’s not there, but I always know it is. A little loose, but fits fine enough.
“How do you like it?” Vivian holds my hand and looks up at me with those puppy eyes.
“I like it… but…” I feel gross just looking at it. “How much did you spend on this?”
“Enough.” Vivian smirks. “Relax. I didn’t break the bank or anything.”
“Viv.” I put my hand under her chin and tilt her head to look up at me. “How much did you spend?”
“Why’s that so important to you?”
“Because you’re not being fair… It’s not okay for you to get me something this nice without me getting you something in return.”
“You really want to get me something that badly?”
“Yes.” I narrow my eyes.
“Whyyyyy?” Vivian’s face contorts into a disgusting, smug grin.
“Because I care about you, you dingus. Just name something I can get you. Anything that’s around the bracelet price.”
“I wanted to hear you say that so bad.” Vivian’s smug grin only widens. “Anything you say?”
“Anything.”
“Okay.” Vivian hums. “Let. Me. Think… I got it!” She points up at me. “You have to go sober until March.”
I feel my heart vacate through my ass. “Like… completely sober?”
“100%. No alcohol. No smoking. Completely clean for two and a half months.” She puts her hands behind her head. “That would be the beeeeeeeeest gift you could get me.”
I grit my teeth, clench my fist, raise my hand, and gently lay it on Vivian’s head. “Deal…” This is gonna suck.
Vivian smiles wide and hugs me tight. “Thank you, Yuko… You’re the best.”
It’s already worth it… I embrace Vivian and rest my chin on her head.
Jimmy
December 24th, 2007. 8:07 p.m. Safe House for only the biggest, coolest, cruelest villains on the West Coast.
Aaww… yeah… just finished pigging out on some Christmas dinner… I could fall asleep for a thousand years and still be content. No wonder bears hibernate. Eating this much then knocking out feels fantastic. The turkey was salty and tender as all hell. The mashed potatoes were warm and moist with just the right amount of butter and salt. Steamed broccoli and carrots and corn too… All thanks to me. Doc and Oliver tried to do some cooking, but I had to intervene before they made some freak homunculus in the oven. Again. I’m probably going to get gout eventually, but I don’t care. Eating like a king is worth it. Plus Doc can just patch me right up. The four of us are still sitting at the table just leaning back in our chairs. Oliver’s still snacking on some veggies and hummus. Sejong has her head resting in her arms. Doc is leaning back in her chair with her hands on her stomach and a content smile. And I’m debating if I should just drink the leftover gravy… Don’t look at me like that. This gravy’s no good once it has to be reheated. Wasting food’s a sin ya know. The only food left on the table is a little plate of various cheeses. I’d steal some if I had any room.
“Jimmy…” Doc hums. “Thank you so much for helping me cook… I cannot thank you enough.”
“Don’t mention it.” I can’t draw my eyes away from the gravy cup. It’s beckoning me… seducing me even… “I’m always up for a good round of cooking.”
A block of cheese begins floating in the air. Oliver and I lock eyes for a sec before grinning. “Hey, Sejong. Look.”
“Wha?” Sejong looks up at us with sleepy eyes and a blank smile.
The cheese flies right in front of Sejong’s face and Junko’s body becomes visible on the table. She’s doing that thing again with her face. It; like, opens up in four different ways and there’s a bunch of teeth everywhere. Her eyes get all crazy and her hair flips out too. If she did that to me, I’m sure I would just crap myself here and now.
“JESUS CHRIST!!” Sejong falls backward out of the chair and onto the floor. Several hands morph out of her back to catch her fall. I don’t like how that looks.
“Snrk…” Oliver spills some hummus on his shirt from laughing. “Are you okay, young lady?”
“Laugh all you want…” Sejong gets up and rests her elbows on the table. “I’m going to get you guys back for that.”
“You can’t get me.” Junko laughs. She takes a bite of cheese and floats upside down on top of the table.
“When I die,” Sejong points to Junko. “I’m going to haunt the hell out of you.”
“Can ghosts haunt other ghosts?” Oliver asks.
“Not… quite.” Junko rubs the cheese block against her cheek. “Humans can’t haunt other humans. Ghosts can actually punch each other.”
“Fascinating.” Oliver licks the hummus off his shirt.
“What took you so long anyway, babe?” My eyes divert from the gravy to focus on Junko.
“The checkpoint from hell tripped me up again.” She sighs. “Apparently some new procedures got put into place and some budgets got cut. They’re really going all in on some new security measures.”
“Uhh…” I feel a turkey leg in my stomach RKO another turkey leg. “Is that a joke?”
“Nope.” Junko shakes her head. “I’m dead serious. Hell’s real.”
“Heh.” Oliver chuckles. “Dead.”
“Is there anyone in there for jerking off?”
“Nope.”
I shake my fist in sweet, sweet validation.
“Moving back on topic.” Doc clears her throat. “Junko, dear. Why does hell need new security measures? Did some archdemon escape?”
“I dunno. Probably. I tried asking some guards and locals but couldn’t find any information or evidence confirming it. The place looked pretty much the same from the last time I was there.”
“Did you see any of them?” Doc’s face gets… scary for a second. Like, really scary. Like, elementary school teacher when she catches you cheating on a test kinda scary.
“Nope.” Junko shakes her head again and just lets the cheese pass through her. “Looked through the hell archives and asked the Reaper himself. They’re not down there.”
Doc lets out this groan that sounds like it came from a constipated, asthmatic pug and rubs her temples. “God… damnit…”
“What’s up, boss?” I ask.
“Okay… I’m going to be blunt. Something bad is going to happen. Something big. I’m going to go to Iraq to try and stop it before it gets out of hand.”
“Iraq?” Oliver swallows his remaining bread and stands up. “The cradle of civilization? I’ve always wanted to go. Doc, you can count me in.”
“Oliver, dear…” Doc’s face softens. “You’re very sweet, but this job is far too dangerous. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
“Then you’ll need some muscle to back you up then.” I stand proud and beat my chest. “I dunno what you’re planning, but count me in.”
“Me too!” Junko chimes in and flexes her pale little ghost biceps. “Anything for my partners in crime.”
“Jimmy… I can’t… You’re too kind.”
“I’m not.” Sejong rests her feet on the table and picks some food out of her tooth. “I don’t care what you say, I’m coming with you.”
“Sejong… you are all too generous… I am not sure what I did to deserve you all.” Doc looks ready to cry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this… It feels wrong.
“Why the hell are you all standing?” Sejong asks. “Sit down. You all look like a bunch of idiots.”
“If you all insist…” Doc rubs her eye. “Then I would be honored to have you accompany me.”
“Hell yeah!” I flex my muscles. “When do we get to leave and kick ass?”
“Well that’s the problem… Four tickets to Iraq cost roughly $3,000.” Doc reaches under the table and pulls out a large sack. “And I spent the last of it on these gifts.”
“WHAT!?” Sejong falls off her chair again. She should really stop doing that. I know Doc can fix almost anything, but come on. Take better care of yourself. “How did we run out already!? What happened to all the donations we got!?”
“Well, why don’t we take a look-see, shall we?” Doc pulls out a small folder out from under the table as well and opens it. Inside is a huge collection of receipts… like… not even my granny had that many receipts, and she even collected receipts that weren’t hers for Christ’s sake. “Just this month, we’ve spent $300 on hummus, $1,200 on markers, easels, paint brushes, oil paint, and other art supplies, and $800 on pay per view wrestling.”
“You spent $800 on wrestling!?” Sejong barks at me. “We’re criminals! Why don’t you just pirate it!?”
“I gotta support my boys. How the hell do you spend $1,200 on art supplies!?”
“It’s the one thing that keeps me sane around here!” Sejong’s left eye starts to rotate. Don’t like that.
“Sejong.” Doc says in a voice too cold and too calm to come out of anyone else’s mouth.
“Yes, ma’am… Sorry, Doc.” Sejong shuts up and sits back down nice and quiet.
“Most of our donations do go towards food, bills, and other living expenses.” Doc points to the ceiling. “Do you think keeping a safe house safe is cheap?”
“No, ma’am.” Sejong shakes her head.
“In my many years of living, I’ve had to make cuts. I’ve had to make sacrifices. I’ve had to endure recessions, depressions, and unemployment… but I managed to get through all those by being frugal. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask you to do the same. Do you?”
“No, ma’am.” Sejong shakes her head.
“Very good.” Doc looks to the rest of us. “We need to make $7,000 within two weeks. As long as no one dies or no lives get ruined, get as creative as you want.”
“Pardon me.” Oliver raises his hand. “I thought you said it was $3,000.”
“For the tickets. We still need food, guides, lodging, and bribe money.”
“Of course.” Oliver nods. “Hm… I am not sure how I will earn the funds. Jimmy, how will you earn your keep?”
“I’m robbing a bank.” I lean back in my seat and rest my hands on my head. “No way in hell am I going back to McDonalds.”
“Let’s just rob a bank.” Sejong insists.
“I suppose we should just rob a bank…” Doc sighs. “but no killing. Understood?”
Everyone nods in agreement.
“Very good.” Doc opens her gift bag and hands everyone gifts. She got me a Wii and Twilight Princess. Okay. Yep. Definitely following this woman to the ends of the Earth. She got Oliver some really old books written in a language that I don’t recognize. These books are seriously old. It looks like the pages are made of leather and I feel my allergies going nuts just by looking at them. They look like something that’d curse your balls off if you tried to read anything from them. Sejong got some really ornate looking gems and a scroll that looks like she stole it from a museum. Looks just as old as Oliver’s gifts but in way better condition and way more expensive.
I feel so bad for them… they got boring gifts. Later losers. Imma go save Hyrule.